A Twin Flame Issue and more

[Lost Boy]

My relationship with my grew cold over the years.  There are many reasons for it, but a large portion of it is due to her work schedule.  Her days off do not fall on Saturday and Sunday.  As a result she has fallen away from the church and has replaced it with new age spiritualism, Channeling, tarot cards, angel numbers, etc.

About a month ago I figured something had to change so we talked about why we had grown apart and what to do about it.  During the discussion it came out that she had learned about this thing called a Twin Flame.  If you haven't heard of it, google it.  There is plenty about it.  And it came out that she had "found" her Twin Flame.  And guess what, it wasn't me.

Over the years I have learned that reacting to stuff like this is not beneficial, so I kept my cool and asked her about it.  They had met on line through one of these spiritual groups that she had been participating in.  They have chatted on facebook over the past several month and have had voice chats and in December they met up.  He lives in another country, the country where my wife is from and on a visit to her hometown, they got together just to meet.  Nothing physical happened.   However, she won't tell me his name either.

Anyway, I asked if she was contemplating a divorce and she said no, that she still loved me.  But if you read online about Twin Flames, the great consensus is that Twin Flames are meant to be together.  She told me the feelings she has for this person are not romantic and she views him more as a younger brother.

Since that discussing with my wife, things have been getting considerably better between her and me, however, she still communicates once every week or so with a brief message to this other guy. 

I don't want to lose her, but I can't bare having another guy in the picture.  The other guy by the way is married and has two young kids.

I am in a difficult situation here.  What to do.

[Sunday21]

@Lost Boy. I am so sorry! Praying for you!

[Guest]

On 2/19/2018 at 7:03 PM, Lost Boy said:

My relationship with my grew cold over the years.  There are many reasons for it, but a large portion of it is due to her work schedule.  Her days off do not fall on Saturday and Sunday.  As a result she has fallen away from the church and has replaced it with new age spiritualism, Channeling, tarot cards, angel numbers, etc.

About a month ago I figured something had to change so we talked about why we had grown apart and what to do about it.  During the discussion it came out that she had learned about this thing called a Twin Flame.  If you haven't heard of it, google it.  There is plenty about it.  And it came out that she had "found" her Twin Flame.  And guess what, it wasn't me.

Over the years I have learned that reacting to stuff like this is not beneficial, so I kept my cool and asked her about it.  They had met on line through one of these spiritual groups that she had been participating in.  They have chatted on facebook over the past several month and have had voice chats and in December they met up.  He lives in another country, the country where my wife is from and on a visit to her hometown, they got together just to meet.  Nothing physical happened.   However, she won't tell me his name either.

Anyway, I asked if she was contemplating a divorce and she said no, that she still loved me.  But if you read online about Twin Flames, the great consensus is that Twin Flames are meant to be together.  She told me the feelings she has for this person are not romantic and she views him more as a younger brother.

Since that discussing with my wife, things have been getting considerably better between her and me, however, she still communicates once every week or so with a brief message to this other guy. 

I don't want to lose her, but I can't bare having another guy in the picture.  The other guy by the way is married and has two young kids.

I am in a difficult situation here.  What to do.

This situation is indeed difficult, partially because an appropriate response seems so elusive.

On one hand, your wife is probably more emotionally involved with this other guy than she should be.  If we take your wife at her word, she is heading for an emotional affair.  If we take the evidence for what it is, she probably is already in an emotional affair.  This kind of friendship is not only a chastity risk, but it is also extremely disrespectful to you, the wife of this other guy, and Heavenly Father.  While my wife has male friends, many of whom she has known since childhood who I feel good about (and with whom we usually associate now as a couple, as opposed to her going off and hanging out), when we got engaged in 2006 I did earnestly convince her to break one friendship with a guy who had made romantic overtures to her in the past and who was not thrilled about us getting engaged.  I demand others respect my role as a husband in my marriage, and I wasn't going to put up with any competition for my wife.

On the other hand, the Church strongly discourages divorce except for cases of adultery, abuse, and addiction.  Assuming your wife is being truthful, this isn't really adultery.

I think you need to get your wife away from the occult.  In contrast to real religions, occultism (tarot cards, ouija boards, dianetics, etc.) is 100% NOT of Heavenly Father and nothing good can come from it.  You need to get your wife back to Church and away from the occult, even if that means she needs to quit her job.  I would discuss with your bishop how to balance being loving and assertive to reach this end, and how to approach getting this other guy away from your wife before something really bad does happen.  

Edited February 21, 2018 by DoctorLemon

[Lost Boy]

1 hour ago, DoctorLemon said:

This situation is indeed difficult, partially because an appropriate response seems so elusive.

On one hand, your wife is probably more emotionally involved with this other guy than she should be.  If we take your wife at her word, she is heading for an emotional affair.  If we take the evidence for what it is, she probably is already in an emotional affair.  This kind of friendship is not only a chastity risk, but it is also extremely disrespectful to you, the wife of this other guy, and Heavenly Father.  While my wife has male friends, many of whom she has known since childhood who I feel good about (and with whom we usually associate now as a couple, as opposed to her going off and hanging out), when we got engaged in 2006 I did earnestly convince her to break one friendship with a guy who had made romantic overtures to her in the past and who was not thrilled about us getting engaged.  I demand others respect my role as a husband in my marriage, and I wasn't going to put up with any competition for my wife.

On the other hand, the Church strongly discourages divorce except for cases of adultery, abuse, and addiction.  Assuming your wife is being truthful, this isn't really adultery.

I think you need to get your wife away from the occult.  In contrast to real religions, occultism (tarot cards, ouija boards, dianetics, etc.) is 100% NOT of Heavenly Father and nothing good can come from it.  You need to get your wife back to Church and away from the occult, even if that means she needs to quit her job.  I would discuss with your bishop how to balance being loving and assertive to reach this end, and how to approach getting this other guy away from your wife before something really bad does happen.  

That pretty much sums up the situation.  The problem is she loves the occult.  She is all into energy healing and what not. And she truly believes in it.  That is why this twin flame thing is so hurtful. 

As for the other guy... He being married and having an emotional affair with another man's wife is 99% likely hoping for something more and will do his best to convince her to go further. 

And I don't know if our relationship is in a place I can tell her me or him, and have a good outcome. 

I think the only thing that I can do is to continue to improve me and try to romance her back to me and eventually back to the church, but I see this as a very long process. 

[Lost Boy]

On 2/19/2018 at 8:03 PM, Lost Boy said:

My relationship with my grew cold over the years.  There are many reasons for it, but a large portion of it is due to her work schedule.  Her days off do not fall on Saturday and Sunday.  As a result she has fallen away from the church and has replaced it with new age spiritualism, Channeling, tarot cards, angel numbers, etc.

About a month ago I figured something had to change so we talked about why we had grown apart and what to do about it.  During the discussion it came out that she had learned about this thing called a Twin Flame.  If you haven't heard of it, google it.  There is plenty about it.  And it came out that she had "found" her Twin Flame.  And guess what, it wasn't me.

Over the years I have learned that reacting to stuff like this is not beneficial, so I kept my cool and asked her about it.  They had met on line through one of these spiritual groups that she had been participating in.  They have chatted on facebook over the past several month and have had voice chats and in December they met up.  He lives in another country, the country where my wife is from and on a visit to her hometown, they got together just to meet.  Nothing physical happened.   However, she won't tell me his name either.

Anyway, I asked if she was contemplating a divorce and she said no, that she still loved me.  But if you read online about Twin Flames, the great consensus is that Twin Flames are meant to be together.  She told me the feelings she has for this person are not romantic and she views him more as a younger brother.

Since that discussing with my wife, things have been getting considerably better between her and me, however, she still communicates once every week or so with a brief message to this other guy. 

I don't want to lose her, but I can't bare having another guy in the picture.  The other guy by the way is married and has two young kids.

I am in a difficult situation here.  What to do.

Good news on the home front. We have been talking a lot more than we have in years and it is good conversation. Not always stuff that I want to hear, but stuff that leads to a better understanding of us. 

She let me know that this twin flame person has been trying to contact her for the past week, but she said that she has no intention of contacting him and if she does she will let me know.  She isn't even going to tell the guy that she is not going to respond to his requests.  Yes, that is mean, but it makes me feel better. 

I feel our relationship is completely salvageable. As for her coming back to church, there is hope. Right now she thinks it is the most correct church on earth, but doesn't have all the truth...  Well I'll take that for now. 

A long way to go... Hopefully eternity. Hopefully just a bump along the way to wake me up a bit. 

[Lost Boy]

Update,

I was wrong on a lot of things.

The other guy is a work colleague that lives in a different state, but comes to her place of work once or twice a month.  The two of them started messaging about 3 years ago.  She thought he was gay at first and had not romantic feelings for him.  the first year they exchanged around 7,000 messages.  The following year they stepped it up and exchanged 11,000 message in the course of 6 months.

Unfortunately, my wife was not very forthcoming with this information and I had to go through her phone to discover this.  I felt like a dirt bag for doing it, but would do it again.  I was desperate for information.    By the way when my wife asked if I had gone through her phone, I told her the truth.  I want honesty in our relationship and I wasn't going to lie about it.  And I have her passwords and she has mine.

So about a year and a half ago, he decides things had gotten too close between him and her.  It turns out that he isn't gay and has a wife.  So he decides to break off their relationship.  It was at this time that my wife had a vision of sort of him and her with twins in between and she thinks to herself twins.  and then she said she heard in her ear the word soul.   Twin Soul...  she googled it and that is what led to her believing this guy is her twin flame.  

I read through all of the messages.  There was never anything of a sexual nature discussed other than whether he would ever cheat on his wife.  Which is ironic because both of them were engaged in an emotional affair.  So he shut down the relationship and he has no idea that she thinks he is her twin flame.  He probably doesn't even know what one is.  And he has broken off all contact with her.  When he is in town he does his best to avoid her and won't talk with her.

After telling her I have read all the messages, she was not very happy about that, but at the same time expected me to do so.  She wanted to know if I would confess that I did so or not.  like I said, I confessed that I did and things have been much more open between us since.   We are significantly more intimate in many ways than we have been in years.  I take this as a sign of going in the right direction.

She does question whether this person is her twin flame or whether he was just put in her path to start her on her twin flame journey.   Unfortunately she still is firmly attached to this new age spirituality stuff.  She likes the church, but doesn't feel it holds all the truth.  Maybe some day she will return.

She says she finds this Twin repulsive.  Absolutely not her type and can't see herself being with him in any type of romantic union.  Does she see me as an eternal companion...  She doesn't have the answer to that yet.

For the first 6 weeks after finding out about this, I had this heavy weight in my heart.  It just hurt everyday.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate at work.  I was a mess.  I did the only thing I knew to do and that was to pray.  And that I did...  and the answer I got was to love her and treat her with kindness and to know that God is watching over us.    At this point the primary song, "I'm trying to be like Jesus" popped into my head and that has been my theme song ever since.  It has really helped me remember to think about her and what I can do to be kind and loving to her.

Are things all rosy.  No.  The twin flame thing will bear on my mind for some time.  and sure we still have some disagreements, but I strongly feel that she is committed and I am committed to being a strong couple again.  The terrible feeling I had in my heart is gone.  I think we have a long way to go, but feel that we both want to take that journey together.  I have a strong feeling that Lord has strange ways of motivating us.  And maybe this was his way of motivating me to be a better person.  Wake me up from both physical, emotional and spiritual laziness.  I don't know what the future holds, but I am trying to improve myself for whatever the future holds.

 

[Sunday21]

@Lost Boy. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles! You are very strong!

[Lost Boy]

Just now, Sunday21 said:

@Lost Boy. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles! You are very strong!

Nah, I was stupid and lazy for letting my marriage get flabby.  I think had I been on my game, this wouldn't have happened, but hopefully I would be lackadaisical (yeah, I didn't even come close to spelling that word) in the future.

[Sunday21]

1 minute ago, Lost Boy said:

Nah, I was stupid and lazy for letting my marriage get flabby.  I think had I been on my game, this wouldn't have happened, but hopefully I would be lackadaisical (yeah, I didn't even come close to spelling that word) in the future.

We are proud of you! Good for you for repairing your marriage!