Import: "Waiting" for missionaries

[MADB]

What are your opinions on "waiting" for missionaries while they're away? I've been going back and forth on whether or not I should wait for my ex-boyfriend (he leaves in about 3 months). Any help or opinions would be appreciated...

View the full article

[bunnzy]

I can only tell you my own experience

Boy meets girl. Boy is 20 already but has not even considered a mission. Girl reads patriachal blessing, which tells her she will marry an RM. She tells boy to read the Book of Mormon, because he has never read it. Half way through, he gets a testimony and begins to get his paperwork in order. They date during all this and fall in love. She tells him she will wait. He leaves on his mission. She send him church music, lots of letters, and hangs out with his family, playing with his younger bros and sisters. After about 6 months, his letters start to peter out. They dont tell her what she wants to hear, she feels lonely, and bored. Everyone else is dating. Her parents and church leaders encourage her to date. So she finds a nice guy at a dance, they have alot in common and begin steady dating. She writes and tells the missionary. He is absolutely devastated and writes an angry letter to her. She receives it and immediately breaks up with the other guy. She wants to wait for her missionary. But he thinks she has moved on. He stops writing, and after another 6 months, she loses it, and leaves the church for a while, and does some immoral things, making her feel even worse and unworthy for him. She falls into a deep suicidal depression, she writes dozens of letters (non of which get to him, because the office was opening them and not letting them through) she takes medication, she gets counselling, and slowly, bit by bit, she pulls through somehow. About 2 weeks after she starts to feel better, she meets someone else, they date, they get engaged and married before her missionary gets back. He is now back off his mission, married and his wife is pregnant. Part of her will always love him, and wonder how things would be different if she had waited for him. Whenever things are bad in her marraige she always thinks, i should have waited.

Sad, but thats my life...

[Jeny]

I can only tell you my own experience

Boy meets girl. Boy is 20 already but has not even considered a mission. Girl reads patriachal blessing, which tells her she will marry an RM. She tells boy to read the Book of Mormon, because he has never read it. Half way through, he gets a testimony and begins to get his paperwork in order. They date during all this and fall in love. She tells him she will wait. He leaves on his mission. She send him church music, lots of letters, and hangs out with his family, playing with his younger bros and sisters. After about 6 months, his letters start to peter out. They dont tell her what she wants to hear, she feels lonely, and bored. Everyone else is dating. Her parents and church leaders encourage her to date. So she finds a nice guy at a dance, they have alot in common and begin steady dating. She writes and tells the missionary. He is absolutely devastated and writes an angry letter to her. She receives it and immediately breaks up with the other guy. She wants to wait for her missionary. But he thinks she has moved on. He stops writing, and after another 6 months, she loses it, and leaves the church for a while, and does some immoral things, making her feel even worse and unworthy for him. She falls into a deep suicidal depression, she writes dozens of letters (non of which get to him, because the office was opening them and not letting them through) she takes medication, she gets counselling, and slowly, bit by bit, she pulls through somehow. About 2 weeks after she starts to feel better, she meets someone else, they date, they get engaged and married before her missionary gets back. He is now back off his mission, married and his wife is pregnant. Part of her will always love him, and wonder how things would be different if she had waited for him. Whenever things are bad in her marraige she always thinks, i should have waited.

Sad, but thats my life...

WOW! Tragic!

Save that post, Bunzy...write it in your journal...Your kids and grandkids should read it...

...for you, now it is time to start making lemonade!!!

[SMG]

I'd advise against "waiting" for missionaries. 2 years is a LONG time when you're only 19 or younger! Date around, get to know people. Unless you feel the Spirit has told you otherwise.

Just the 2 cents from an "old hag" who's kissed more frogs than she cares to admit and STILL hasn't found her prince!

[Guest karlita007]

Good question, one that I've spent nearly nine months answering... =)

I think it's all dependent on the individuals involved. Good for some, but not for others.

This topic is a particular interest of mine, because I run a website for missionary girlfriends. It's in my signature, and I'd love to invite you to check it out!

[the_jason]

I can only tell you my own experience

Boy meets girl. Boy is 20 already but has not even considered a mission. Girl reads patriachal blessing, which tells her she will marry an RM. She tells boy to read the Book of Mormon, because he has never read it. Half way through, he gets a testimony and begins to get his paperwork in order. They date during all this and fall in love. She tells him she will wait. He leaves on his mission. She send him church music, lots of letters, and hangs out with his family, playing with his younger bros and sisters. After about 6 months, his letters start to peter out. They dont tell her what she wants to hear, she feels lonely, and bored. Everyone else is dating. Her parents and church leaders encourage her to date. So she finds a nice guy at a dance, they have alot in common and begin steady dating. She writes and tells the missionary. He is absolutely devastated and writes an angry letter to her. She receives it and immediately breaks up with the other guy. She wants to wait for her missionary. But he thinks she has moved on. He stops writing, and after another 6 months, she loses it, and leaves the church for a while, and does some immoral things, making her feel even worse and unworthy for him. She falls into a deep suicidal depression, she writes dozens of letters (non of which get to him, because the office was opening them and not letting them through) she takes medication, she gets counselling, and slowly, bit by bit, she pulls through somehow. About 2 weeks after she starts to feel better, she meets someone else, they date, they get engaged and married before her missionary gets back. He is now back off his mission, married and his wife is pregnant. Part of her will always love him, and wonder how things would be different if she had waited for him. Whenever things are bad in her marraige she always thinks, i should have waited.

Sad, but thats my life...

Moral of the story...Don't ever break up with anyone while they're on their mission, or at least don't tell them.

[Guest karlita007]

Moral of the story...Don't ever break up with anyone while they're on their mission, or at least don't tell them.

Or maybe, don't write angry letters when you're a missionary for the Lord. Waiting is hard--We should do everything we can to raise each other up, not tear each other down. Relationships end, this is natural, but we should always be sensitive to the other person. You found your Mr. Right while he was gone, and I think that's great. It's better for you to go with your heart than to obligate yourself to wait for someone. Not everyone will agree with me, but this is how I see it.

[the_jason]

I'm not dismissing fault by the missionary, but what is someone thinking who writes a Dear John to a missionary? He needs to be completely focused on the work, and receiving a letter like that would only make him miserable and less focused.

When I was on my mission, my parents wrote to inform me that my ex-girlfriend, who I broke up with months before my mission, had gotten married. I know it's not the same thing as being dumped ON your mission, but I remember being down for several days, and thinking about her.

Missionaries are told to put all worldly matters behind them while they are on a mission. If you don't break up with your missionary before he leaves, then by no means should you do it while he is still serving. It benefits nobody.

[Guest karlita007]

I'm not dismissing fault by the missionary, but what is someone thinking who writes a Dear John to a missionary? He needs to be completely focused on the work, and receiving a letter like that would only make him miserable and less focused.

When I was on my mission, my parents wrote to inform me that my ex-girlfriend, who I broke up with months before my mission, had gotten married. I know it's not the same thing as being dumped ON your mission, but I remember being down for several days, and thinking about her.

Missionaries are told to put all worldly matters behind them while they are on a mission. If you don't break up with your missionary before he leaves, then by no means should you do it while he is still serving. It benefits nobody.

I understand your point of view, especially about being distracting. But I believe that one should be direct and honest about everything, including the status of your relationships. I would feel twice as betrayed if I, as a missionary, returned home and discovered that the girl I thought was my girlfriend turned out to be married with kids and didn't feel it was important enough to tell me. Breakups always suck, but as a missionary, when given the blow, you atleast have ample time to get over it and enough work to keep you from dwelling on it.

[the_jason]

I understand your point of view, especially about being distracting. But I believe that one should be direct and honest about everything, including the status of your relationships. I would feel twice as betrayed if I, as a missionary, returned home and discovered that the girl I thought was my girlfriend turned out to be married with kids and didn't feel it was important enough to tell me. Breakups always suck, but as a missionary, when given the blow, you atleast have ample time to get over it and enough work to keep you from dwelling on it.

Would I be correct in assuming you've never served a mission?

[Guest karlita007]

Yes, you would. I don't pretend to know everything about serving missions, either. There will always be those who don't agree with my views, but I can assure you I'm not the only one who feels this way. Everyone is entitled to their view, and I respect yours as much as my own.

Would I be correct in assuming you've never tried to wait for a missionary?

[rickg]

Sorry, but I don't think there's a pat-answer to this one. Yeah, missionaries need to be focused, ect, ect. But each situation needs it's own consideration. Look at your situation, look at all the usual pat-answers, pray, and go from there. Each relationship carries it's own unique circumstances.

For myself, "she" did wait, and were still married almost 28 years later. BUT!! She went on a mission too

[the_jason]

Yes, you would. I don't pretend to know everything about serving missions, either. There will always be those who don't agree with my views, but I can assure you I'm not the only one who feels this way. Everyone is entitled to their view, and I respect yours as much as my own.

Would I be correct in assuming you've never tried to wait for a missionary?

I'm sorry, but it just seems to me that you are putting the blame solely on the missionary for writing a nasty letter. Honestly, I'd probably do the same thing. The issue I have is that the Dear John was sent in the first place. Nothing will assure that a missionary loses focus more than that.

[Guest karlita007]

I'm sorry, but it just seems to me that you are putting the blame solely on the missionary for writing a nasty letter. Honestly, I'd probably do the same thing. The issue I have is that the Dear John was sent in the first place. Nothing will assure that a missionary loses focus more than that.

I can see how it seems that way, and I apologize for that. When a relationship ends, it isn't solely the fault of one or the other, and as for the situation above, I would guess there is more to the story that would show this. I would never claim that writing or receiving a Dear John is the ideal situation for anyone. But sometimes it is necessary. As much as we'd like to shield our boys in the field from all distractions or upsetting things, life will always present struggles and trials.

I agree with the above post that says: There is no pat answer to this one! Every situation is different. If a missionary and his girl feel up to the challenge, I say go for it! It can be done! But understand the high level of risk involved.

[imported_Ariel]

I'm a bit young and foolish. I can't really empathize about this, so the first thing that comes to mind is how tragically romantic it sounds. Two years of waiting seems worth it for "Time and All Eternity" with the love of your life.

I'm 17, though and can't say I know how I would cope with something like that. :\

[blackcat]

...non of which get to him, because the office was opening them and not letting them through...

Sad, but thats my life...

Bunnzy I did serve a mission if that were true that letters were opened at the office, it should have been taken up with the mission Pres. My letters weren't opened. Any case yes it was sad sorry that it happened. do write it down.

As for the seventeen year old I agree with you if it was meant to be then I would wait the two years. Keep myself extremely busy for the time being. Find out more about myself and where I would want to go with my life. I learned a great deal on the mission that I served I feel that I would do it all over again but differently knowing what I know now!