Losing My Mind One Step At A Time

[selek]

I want to thank all who have offered their prayer and hearfelt advice in this moment of crisis in my life.

Truth be told, I was ready to give up in general (nothing drastic, just a severe case of "just don't give a crap anymore"), and I do thank you for your prayers and support. Perhaps in response to my prayers, perhaps because it's simply that time of year, the Lord has kept me far too busy to worry about a relationship with my ex or trivial things such as sleep and "downtime" .

About eighteen hours after the big blow up, my ex called me with tears in her eyes because her car had broken down and she didn't know what to do. I told her what I thought the fault with the car was and offered a bit of advice on how to fix it- and then told her that it sounded like a "family" problem to me and she'd need to talk to her family about getting it fixed.

And so it went for about the next week. When she'd call, I'd point her back to her family for comment and comfort. And it ate at her.

Finally, she called to "re-invite" me to Thanksgiving dinner and explained that the contradiction and awkwardness wouldn't be a problem because she'd told all the other guests that I'd calmed down, gotten over it, and everything was back to normal.

I firmly and politely (remarkable and uncharacteristic, I know) explained to her that this wasn't about my feeling slighted and "getting over it". I was responding to a pattern of abuse and neglect and that I wasn't going to play anymore- I was done being roped in, used, and then discarded.

Since then, our interactions have been exceedingly civil (she had my youngest daughter call me eight times until I promised to come over after work on Thanksgiving), and she has been cringingly nice. She has taken every opportunity to ask after my health and state of mind, and has gone out of her way to express concern about me.

I begin to think she's realized that she's gone too far (and allowed the kids to do the same), but I'm not so foolish as to see this as a harbinger of change. And trying to foist the entire incident off on me is hardly a recipe for good damage control.

I think she's finally realized that she's gone too far, but is far too proud to admit it. That and the thought that I'm moving on is threating her safety blanket. She doesn't want me, but it bothers her to imagine me with someone else.

I've already made an attempt to invite another young woman (32-ish) out to dinner (dating has become a far more terrifying concept than combat- the worst an enemy soldier can do is kill you) and several of my friends and their wives are conspiring to get me dating and then married off in short order.

Although I've never wavered in my faith- I've not questioned who I am or my commission and calling as a child of God- I have been less than diligent in the fundamentals necessary for growth and for blessings- prayer, scripture study, tithing, and humility.

That's changing slowly but surely (except perhaps the part about being humble), and I know that Heavenly Father is waiting patiently for me to do the right things and get back on track.

I'm not as far off the beaten path as others would like to convince me (except perhaps for the part about being humble), and I can see both the path and the iron rod. I can hear my Father's voice calling me, and I can see my elder brother waiting to take my hand, to salve my scars and scuffs, and point me back in the right direction.

And that, in itself, is a great deal to be grateful for.

[MorningStar]

Go, Selek! I'm proud of you!

[Kate]

I'm happy to hear your last post! Way to go!

[ztodd]

It sounds like you're doin just fine selek. Maybe you're not completely where you want to be yet with the situation, but you're headed in the right direction it sounds like. Keep it up. I admit I haven't followed my own counsel I gave earlier too well either - I need to re-commit to pray and read my scriptures every morning. I'll pray that you'll be able to do it if you'll pray that I will be able to also. Deal?

[Kate]

It sounds like you're doin just fine selek. Maybe you're not completely where you want to be yet with the situation, but you're headed in the right direction it sounds like. Keep it up. I admit I haven't followed my own counsel I gave earlier too well either - I need to re-commit to pray and read my scriptures every morning. I'll pray that you'll be able to do it if you'll pray that I will be able to also. Deal?

you know, that is what it's all about...we help each other home. I am sure Heavenly Father is pleased

[LdsNana]

Selek,

Have you any idea how much easier ALL of our lives would be, IF we could just simply give up our pride, and submit to the will of the Father? The fact that you recognize this in yourself in what is important right now. Why? Because it means that you realize that IF you work on becoming humble and doing what Heavenly Father is whispering to you to do, by the Spirit, even as difficult as this may be... you will progress!

Remember, that it is AFTER the trial of our faith, that blessings come into our lives. But first, we must choose RELIEF from bondage, and then DO what we know is needful, for ourselves.

Although God calls out to us and will point the way, He will not interfere with the use of that part of our divine nature, which is eternal... agency. It is our agency that decides that which we desire most in our hearts.

When what is in our hearts-desire, becomes physical by our choice -- we enable law to bring about that which we desire, and He stands ready to keep His promises...

Ask, seek, knock... and it shall be given. This is an eternal law, that is SURE.

[Garden Girl]

Thank you, Selek, for letting us know how things are going. I was so pleased to see you stand strong. The Spirit is prompting you... ever toward that path and iron rod you mentioned. You will be in my prayers for your continued progress...

Be of peace and good heart, my spiritual brother...

The Garden Girl

[jadams_4040]

I want to thank all who have offered their prayer and hearfelt advice in this moment of crisis in my life.

Truth be told, I was ready to give up in general (nothing drastic, just a severe case of "just don't give a crap anymore"), and I do thank you for your prayers and support. Perhaps in response to my prayers, perhaps because it's simply that time of year, the Lord has kept me far too busy to worry about a relationship with my ex or trivial things such as sleep and "downtime" .

About eighteen hours after the big blow up, my ex called me with tears in her eyes because her car had broken down and she didn't know what to do. I told her what I thought the fault with the car was and offered a bit of advice on how to fix it- and then told her that it sounded like a "family" problem to me and she'd need to talk to her family about getting it fixed.

And so it went for about the next week. When she'd call, I'd point her back to her family for comment and comfort. And it ate at her.

Finally, she called to "re-invite" me to Thanksgiving dinner and explained that the contradiction and awkwardness wouldn't be a problem because she'd told all the other guests that I'd calmed down, gotten over it, and everything was back to normal.

I firmly and politely (remarkable and uncharacteristic, I know) explained to her that this wasn't about my feeling slighted and "getting over it". I was responding to a pattern of abuse and neglect and that I wasn't going to play anymore- I was done being roped in, used, and then discarded.

Since then, our interactions have been exceedingly civil (she had my youngest daughter call me eight times until I promised to come over after work on Thanksgiving), and she has been cringingly nice. She has taken every opportunity to ask after my health and state of mind, and has gone out of her way to express concern about me.

I begin to think she's realized that she's gone too far (and allowed the kids to do the same), but I'm not so foolish as to see this as a harbinger of change. And trying to foist the entire incident off on me is hardly a recipe for good damage control.

I think she's finally realized that she's gone too far, but is far too proud to admit it. That and the thought that I'm moving on is threating her safety blanket. She doesn't want me, but it bothers her to imagine me with someone else.

I've already made an attempt to invite another young woman (32-ish) out to dinner (dating has become a far more terrifying concept than combat- the worst an enemy soldier can do is kill you) and several of my friends and their wives are conspiring to get me dating and then married off in short order.

Although I've never wavered in my faith- I've not questioned who I am or my commission and calling as a child of God- I have been less than diligent in the fundamentals necessary for growth and for blessings- prayer, scripture study, tithing, and humility.

That's changing slowly but surely (except perhaps the part about being humble), and I know that Heavenly Father is waiting patiently for me to do the right things and get back on track.

I'm not as far off the beaten path as others would like to convince me (except perhaps for the part about being humble), and I can see both the path and the iron rod. I can hear my Father's voice calling me, and I can see my elder brother waiting to take my hand, to salve my scars and scuffs, and point me back in the right direction.

And that, in itself, is a great deal to be grateful for.

And indeed it is.

[Mars]

What a tough situation to be in, I can't imagine how it must feel trying to cope and deal and do what's right.

I'm pulling for you.

[crytsprospect]

I have to say I don't agree with any of you. Yes its a terrible situation. But its not for any of us mere mortals to decide. The whole family needs help. Setting some bounderies would be helpful. Even if you are never back together you are bound by children . The sooner you both become a united front for their benefit the better. The only real advice is PRAYER and SCRIPTURE STUDY. Council with your Bishop. and again PRAY PRAY PRAY