Losing My Mind One Step At A Time

[selek]

I'm so fed up and hurt I could scream, and rather than beat up on the occasional obsequious troll at the other board (too easy), I thought I'd share my frustrations here.

My ex-wife and I are in a low-point in our cycle again, and I'm a half-a-hair from jumping off the roller coaster.

I was her second husband. Her past and her first marriage were disasters, so she was a little messed up when I found her. I rode in on a white charger and married a woman with two kids (and a third in the oven) and never looked back.

After seven years of the stupid things people do to each other in a marriage, and with her Daddy cheerleading, she divorced me (about eight years ago). In moments of brutal honesty, I occasionally admit that I might have had it coming (not for any abuse or anything like that, but for not being the husband and priesthood holder I should have been and who she needed me to be).

Since then, I've stepped up to the plate in ways neither of us imagined, and our relationship has gone through several long cycles.

About 90% of the time she can't imagine eternity without me. 80% of the time she can't imagine eternity with me, and about 30% of the time she wants to push me off a cliff. She can't live with me and she can't live without me.

On upswings, I've proposed to her (and she's accepted) twice since the divorce, but she's always broken it off for one reason or another within six months of the proposal. Her family is leery (my family thinks I'm certifiably insane), and three of our four (teenagers, all) children are opposed.

There's just a tremendous amount of baggage for her to overcome- and a lot of fear. Various people have spent her entire lifetime beating down her self-esteem and destroying her ability to trust (both herself and men in general). They've messed with her faith in herself and her faith in God.

She says that she still loves me (and my feelings have been anything but hidden), but she's terrified of making another huge mistake, and basically wants to please everybody. She has it in her mind that the only reason the kids could possibly be opposed is because it's not right for us to be together.

She keeps telling me I need to move along and find someone else- that I should start to date so I can "be happy" again- but everytime I even look at moving off the reservation she goes into a full-blown panic and desperately wants me back.

Two years ago, she found out I was meeting a lady-friend from the MAD board for lunch. The woman was fifteen years my senior and the meeting was strictly platonic- but my ex didn't sleep for three days for fear I'd actually find someone else.

In the meantime, she won't parent, preferring to placate rather than parent her daughters. As a result, the kids are ruling the house, she's beside herself with stress and debt- and I've been risking my credit, my health, and my sanity trying to keep her afloat. 90% of the time, I have to be the bad guy and say no to whatever they want and we can't afford.

Our fourteen-year-old is in an anti-social funk and is emotionally black-mailing her mother because they are "poor" and can't afford Disney-land vacations and weekly shopping sprees, and do all of the things her "rich" friends are doing.

She's been skipping church and school, verbally and emotionally abusing me, her mother, and her sisters, and then putting on an "ashes and sack-cloth", "no one really understands me- I'd be better off dead" routine whenever she gets called on it. And of course, her mother promptly feels guilty and so the punishment evaporates.

The older two girls are pining for their biological father, a man who beat their mother and then abandoned them. He came back into thier lives about five years ago- a stint that lasted about six months. When they realized he was using them for cheap babysitting for his new kids and that they were essentially an afterthought and a weapon against their mother, they walked away.

Now they feel guilty and have convinced themselves that "if they just show him that they really do love him", he'll come around and everything will be hunk-dory. I've been there from day one- I've wiped their bottoms, dried their eyes, patched their skinned knees and been their champion, protector, and advocate- but they have no use for me because I occasionally say "no".

And now, after all of this, the kids have announced that they want Christmas to be a "Family only" event- I'm not invited. I will be allowed to come over for dinner on Christmas Eve (my birthday), but they don't want me around on Christmas Day.

I'm a half-a-hair from telling my ex that this particular mule is too broken down to go any further. She can make her own arrangements for baby-sitting, cell phones, last-minute-pick-up-the-kids from a friend's house emergencies, and everything else I've been doing for her. She can also look elsewhere for a confidant and a shoulder to cry on.

I'm two minutes from cutting her and the older three children (only the ten year old is biologically mine) off completely and getting on with my life.

Every time I've gotten fed up in the past and been ready to walk away, Heavenly Father has directed me back to her. I know these revelations were real- I don't doubt that.

Now, however, I'm really steamed- and I'm not hearing anything telling me to go back except my own stubborn streak (I hate to admit defeat). I don't know if it's because Heavenly Father has decided my labor is sufficient and acceptable (I've finally tried hard enough and long enough) or if the signal is getting lost because of all the steam coming out my ears.

Your thoughts and advice are more than welcome. Please let me know what you think.

[NeuroTypical]

Ahh, Selek. I have no advice to give - I wish I did. My only thought is that I've benefitted immensely from such stories, as they scare me into action, so something similar doesn't happen to my family.

LM

[Guest Iggy]

I'll be brutally blunt - in two minutes you had best rotate out of that mess, get a new unlisted phone number and a new address. You are enabling their manipulations and dependencies. My new husband went through pretty much the same craziness/sickness/manipulation as you and it took him 20 years to rotate out. THEN his youngest brother dumped himself and his children on him with the same crap. He is still working on rotating out of lil bro's mess. It is not his cross to bear, it is lil bro's. In your case it is ex wife and the teenagers. They are all over the age of accountability are they not???

Your ex is an Adult - she must be held accountable for her actions and non-actions. Consequences - we are all held accountable for the consequences of our actions and/or non-actions. Step away and allow her and the teenagers the God given right to be accountable for their actions. To suffer the consequences, be they good or bad.

[ztodd]

I'm praying for you man. That is tough. Whatever you do, the only I know that you should for 100% keep doing is praying hard morning and night (and probably more often) and reading your scriptures. This is probably one of those times in life when you gotta really follow the counsel to pray as if everything depended on the lord, then get up and work as if everything depended on you. Of course you have to still listen for spiritual promptings and be willing to turn a 180 sometimes if you feel the prompting- that can be a really tough thing. But sometimes promptings don't come right away, until you start doing something...

Have you and she been to a counselor? That might be the next thing I would make sure to do- do all you can to get her to come see one with you.

The things they all need the most is to have the love of God in their lives, so if you can in any way help them to also do those things that will keep them close to the Lord, that's what will help them the most. Just keep really prayerful and humble no matter what - God knows the right answers and He can lead you.

[the_jason]

On upswings, I've proposed to her (and she's accepted) twice since the divorce

This part tells me all I need to know about you. I fail to see the upside of wanting to remarry someone you've divorced. For whatever reason the two of you couldn't make it work and can't get along. After all the negatives you've been through, after all of the unhappiness, the divorce, the two failed proposals since the divorce, you still want to be with her?? You can't be alone, it's obvious.

You need to find some peace with yourself. If you aren't happy with yourself you won't be happy with anyone else, and they won't be happy with you. My oadvice is to stay away. It sounds like both of you have some learning and growing to do, and you can't possibly with another until you make yourselves right, individually. This spells trouble to me in every aspect. Stay away from it.

[MorningStar]

Hi Selek,

What a frustrating situation you're in! Only God knows what you are supposed to do and I have faith in you that you will make the right decision. I'll say a prayer for you.

:)

[fish4kitty]

I agree with jason...Get out and get some counselling. That situation is not a healthy one. It sounds to me like an early grave calling. My 2 cents.

f4k

[siouxz72]

I'm with Jason on this one... You really do need heal yourself before you're going to be any good to anyone else. As others have said, your ex is an adult and needs to be held accountable for her own actions. You need to take yourself out of this situation and truly take time to figure yourself out without her "right there" so that you can make the best decision for you. Good luck!

[the_jason]

I think we're gonna set a new record for Most People Who Agree With Jason.

[fish4kitty]

I think we're gonna set a new record for Most People Who Agree With Jason.

LOL i agree

f4k

[LdsNana]

Selek,

My heart truly aches for you, for I can tell that you feel a great burden of care for this women and particularly for her children whom must feel like your own? You mentioned that you have known some from the time of infancy. I get the idea that you feel this women is incapable of being a parent to these children on her own, as well as their biological father?

In other words, by walking away, you not only lose her, you are losing these kids who you feel depend on you (and NEED) some sense of sanity and stability in their lives whether they realize it or not...

I am going to disagree with everyone else here. A few questions I would ask. Are you both active in church? If so, what does your bishop counsel first? Certainly he would be most intimately aware of your circumstances and be able to give you the inspired counsel that you are in need of personally. If you have not gone to him "yourself", as you are not married, then I would highly recommend this first. He has priesthood keys, which give him the right to counsel you on these matters, well over any of us.

Second, in my personal opinion, which is only an opinion... I believe that you DO have a responsibility to this family. But that you must believe that fully yourself in order for this to happen. You cannot whine for it. If they will not CHOOSE you, and allow you your rightful spot as husband and father, then YOU must release yourself appropriately.

So I would hope that your Bishop could assist you in this process. I think that your ex-wife OWES it to YOU to decide/ make a CHOICE as to HOW you will be involved with her life, and decide IF she will remarry you or not?

Once that decision is made, THEN you will KNOW HOW to proceed CLEARLY.

You need to STOP allowing her to manipulate you like a puppet. You state she has many problems? I say she is playing you like a symphony and having the best of both worlds. You are better than this and she needs to grow up, which is something her parents and you have never required of her.

I would expect from her a decision as to marriage and also with that marriage union an understanding of HOW a family works together. For all of you that will require some MAJOR counseling. Family and marriage. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Apparently you are both worth it to each other or you would not be playing these games and screwing your kids up, but you are and for their health you need to do this for THEM!

Do NOT remarry UNLESS you are COMMITTED TO GET COUNSELING.

IF she is not willing to remarry and heal your family into the future, then you must move on, maintaining whatever connection the children will allow you to have with them. You are critical to their health, as you have been the major male figure for them.

I realize this is bold, but I am passionate as I am a child of divorce and have given much thought and interest on this topic.

But again, you put it out there and I have only replied with my personal opinion.

I honestly wish you the best and hope for you complete joy in your eternal family.

I truly respect your desire to care for and help this woman and her children whom you desire to claim for your own. I find this truly christ-like. Bless you for such a worthy desire.

tdmg,

gVr

[MorningStar]

Selek,

Maybe the kids don't want you guys to get back together because they crave stability and fear you would just split-up again? If she does commit to marrying you, that wouldn't guarantee she's not going to continue behaving like a yo-yo. Maybe a step back would be good for both of you - not "I'm looking for someone else to marry now", but a break from each other to put things into perspective.

[LdsNana]

oops, but I was writing when everyone else was agreeing with Jason! Please don't kick me out....

tdmg,

gVr

[LdsNana]

Selek,

Maybe the kids don't want you guys to get back together because they crave stability and fear you would just split-up again? If she does commit to marrying you, that wouldn't guarantee she's not going to continue behaving like a yo-yo. Maybe a step back would be good for both of you - not "I'm looking for someone else to marry now", but a break from each other to put things into perspective.

MorningStar,

Apparently you don't remember being a "teenager" LOL And how much fun sabotage can be...

tdmg,

gVr

[MorningStar]

I meant to add, sometimes we get tied up with people who are so troubled and we want to help them, but they drain us emotionally and spiritually, even physically. I had a friend who I had to cut ties with because she was really dragging me down. She called me almost every day crying because she had had a fight with her husband, she told me that she had kissed this other guy and didn't really see anything wrong with it, and then she asked if she could move in with us just until she joined the Air Force. I had to tell her no for that one because I knew it would last a lot longer than she thought and we would be listening to her angry, emotional, profane conversations with her husband and I didn't need that in my home. She felt like I was abandoning her as a friend, but I had to think about what was best for us. I did feel a little guilty about it and didn't want to turn her away, but I knew it was what was best for her too. She needed to figure out her own solutions without turning to us to bail her out. I didn't tell her I wouldn't be her friend anymore, but it just naturally went in that direction when I wouldn't give her what she wanted.

I would ask Heavenly Father again if you are required to stay on this roller coaster with your "once and future bride". :) I really don't have an opinion about your situation because it could be that you are doing what you are supposed to and the wait is just getting too difficult to bear at times. I admire your patience and compassion for her. You can set boundaries as to what you expect and need for your own well being.

A woman in my ward, her husband has been manipulating her into staying with him and he has succeeded at making her feel guilty. She has a very serious illness that he supported her through for so long. You just wouldn't believe the difference in this guy. For 10 years, he was the ultimate husband, being patient through everything that came their way, but a couple years ago he was baptized and he suddenly snapped. Without telling her, he decided he wanted to be a woman and started taking hormones. He started acting very strangely and even became violent with her - he just wasn't himself anymore (I could not have made up a weirder story than this - As I'm writing, I'm realizing how unbelievable this whole story sounds. I even wondered if she was nuts and making it all up until I saw him with my own eyes walking down the hill wearing make-up and carrying a purse). The police didn't even know where to put him when they took him in because of his breasts that had developed. She discovered all these horrible things - He had been with a prostitute, used her name for some business ventures, was sending flowers to his ex-wife, and you would think that it would be really easy for her to leave him. It isn't, because she feels guilty about how he stood by her side for so long when he could've gotten fed up and left like her first husband. She has to have people reassure her that leaving him is the right thing and that deciding to become a different gender is a lot different than inconveniencing your spouse by being sick. She sees him as being mentally sick now and she let him move back in after she had made him move out. I think she holds out hope that he will suddenly snap again and go back to his old self. Not surprisingly, he was abused as a child. I also found out that after he joined the church, he had all these plans to make changes happen because he didn't agree with things, like who gets to go to the temple and that sort of thing. He became angry when he was told he needed to go to Gospel Essentials. He and his wife both objected to that, saying the he is too smart to be in a class like that because he is a big corporate guy, so because of his high status, he had this vision of climbing the ranks within the church and instigating change. Coincidentally, it was around the time he realized he would be treated just like everyone else that he went off the deep end. His wife has learned to laugh at the situation as a coping skill and told me people keep saying she's going to be rich when someone buys the movie rights. The last time I talked to her, she said he had been lactating and pumping. Oh my gosh. She's been with him for two years like this! It never ceases to amaze me what people will put up with in a marriage. He just can't understand why she has a problem with him being a woman. And I'm surprised how open she is with people about this whole thing. I hadn't mentioned a word of it to one of my best friends and when she made a comment in front of her, she looked at me like, "What the heck is she talking about?" I had no plans to tell her any of it, but then she told her the whole story and laughed about the jokes even her elderly parents have been making about it. I sure worry about her. Her health declines whenever she is around him and she is totally aware of that. She has an autoimmune disease where she can get any virus twice. She has had Shingles three or four times, she had to live in basically a bubble for over a year. When she came out, she instantly got sick again and she decided it wasn't a real life to stay in the bubble. Her first husband left her when she was in the bubble and she wasn't even able to raise her own child. Her sister ended up raising him. Yes, I know this story keeps getting weirder - a transvestite and a bubble lady. Selek, maybe this whole bizarre story will make your own seem not so nightmarish?

[MorningStar]

MorningStar,

Apparently you don't remember being a "teenager" LOL And how much fun sabotage can be...

tdmg,

gVr

But we secretly craved stability ...

[selek]

But we secretly craved stability ...

Actually, I think it's the stability they fear. They know that I won't play those games and I won't be bullied and won't let them bully their mother.

If I step back into the house, the party is essentially over.

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and advice. My ex- and I had it out this morning, and a number of decisions have been reached.

I will still be there for the youngest daughter, but my ex and the older three are on their own. I am not on-call and I will not be "Dad" when they want something and something else when they don't. I will not be kept in a glass case labelled "Break Only When Needing Cash".

Counseling was always a prerequisite to any reconciliation- though she's never been willing to actually follow through. I've been to my priesthood leaders on this several times- and they've always marvelled at my patience and resolve. Guess that's over with, too.

Contrary to popular belief, my self-esteem is quite healthy, and I am quite capable of living alone and being alone- I've done it for quite some time.

My concern has always been about the girls- I'm the closest thing to a normal (and as my many associates on this and the MAD board can attest, that's not saying much) male role-model they've had.

I think in this instance, I'm going to have to act much as our Savior does- let them walk the path and skin their knees, but be ready and nearby to welcome them with open arms once they've learned the lesson.

Like when they were learning to ride a two wheeler, it's reached the point where I'm just gonna have to let go of the seat and watch them wobble and fall until they get it right.

Thanks for the story, MorningStar- I know what you mean about the health issues. I'm in almost the same boat.

No- my situation is still nightmarish, but the one you described sounds more like a Tim Burton movie. Yeesh!

[jadams_4040]

No need to get in a heated arguement or telling her off, just quit "chasing" her. Go yer own quite little way and stay that way. When all is done and said, this will be your answer.

[Dr. Mom]

I'm so fed up and hurt I could scream, and rather than beat up on the occasional obsequious troll at the other board (too easy), I thought I'd share my frustrations here.

My ex-wife and I are in a low-point in our cycle again, and I'm a half-a-hair from jumping off the roller coaster.

I was her second husband. Her past and her first marriage were disasters, so she was a little messed up when I found her. I rode in on a white charger and married a woman with two kids (and a third in the oven) and never looked back.

After seven years of the stupid things people do to each other in a marriage, and with her Daddy cheerleading, she divorced me (about eight years ago). In moments of brutal honesty, I occasionally admit that I might have had it coming (not for any abuse or anything like that, but for not being the husband and priesthood holder I should have been and who she needed me to be).

Since then, I've stepped up to the plate in ways neither of us imagined, and our relationship has gone through several long cycles.

About 90% of the time she can't imagine eternity without me. 80% of the time she can't imagine eternity with me, and about 30% of the time she wants to push me off a cliff. She can't live with me and she can't live without me.

On upswings, I've proposed to her (and she's accepted) twice since the divorce, but she's always broken it off for one reason or another within six months of the proposal. Her family is leery (my family thinks I'm certifiably insane), and three of our four (teenagers, all) children are opposed.

There's just a tremendous amount of baggage for her to overcome- and a lot of fear. Various people have spent her entire lifetime beating down her self-esteem and destroying her ability to trust (both herself and men in general). They've messed with her faith in herself and her faith in God.

She says that she still loves me (and my feelings have been anything but hidden), but she's terrified of making another huge mistake, and basically wants to please everybody. She has it in her mind that the only reason the kids could possibly be opposed is because it's not right for us to be together.

She keeps telling me I need to move along and find someone else- that I should start to date so I can "be happy" again- but everytime I even look at moving off the reservation she goes into a full-blown panic and desperately wants me back.

Two years ago, she found out I was meeting a lady-friend from the MAD board for lunch. The woman was fifteen years my senior and the meeting was strictly platonic- but my ex didn't sleep for three days for fear I'd actually find someone else.

In the meantime, she won't parent, preferring to placate rather than parent her daughters. As a result, the kids are ruling the house, she's beside herself with stress and debt- and I've been risking my credit, my health, and my sanity trying to keep her afloat. 90% of the time, I have to be the bad guy and say no to whatever they want and we can't afford.

Our fourteen-year-old is in an anti-social funk and is emotionally black-mailing her mother because they are "poor" and can't afford Disney-land vacations and weekly shopping sprees, and do all of the things her "rich" friends are doing.

She's been skipping church and school, verbally and emotionally abusing me, her mother, and her sisters, and then putting on an "ashes and sack-cloth", "no one really understands me- I'd be better off dead" routine whenever she gets called on it. And of course, her mother promptly feels guilty and so the punishment evaporates.

The older two girls are pining for their biological father, a man who beat their mother and then abandoned them. He came back into thier lives about five years ago- a stint that lasted about six months. When they realized he was using them for cheap babysitting for his new kids and that they were essentially an afterthought and a weapon against their mother, they walked away.

Now they feel guilty and have convinced themselves that "if they just show him that they really do love him", he'll come around and everything will be hunk-dory. I've been there from day one- I've wiped their bottoms, dried their eyes, patched their skinned knees and been their champion, protector, and advocate- but they have no use for me because I occasionally say "no".

And now, after all of this, the kids have announced that they want Christmas to be a "Family only" event- I'm not invited. I will be allowed to come over for dinner on Christmas Eve (my birthday), but they don't want me around on Christmas Day.

I'm a half-a-hair from telling my ex that this particular mule is too broken down to go any further. She can make her own arrangements for baby-sitting, cell phones, last-minute-pick-up-the-kids from a friend's house emergencies, and everything else I've been doing for her. She can also look elsewhere for a confidant and a shoulder to cry on.

I'm two minutes from cutting her and the older three children (only the ten year old is biologically mine) off completely and getting on with my life.

Every time I've gotten fed up in the past and been ready to walk away, Heavenly Father has directed me back to her. I know these revelations were real- I don't doubt that.

Now, however, I'm really steamed- and I'm not hearing anything telling me to go back except my own stubborn streak (I hate to admit defeat). I don't know if it's because Heavenly Father has decided my labor is sufficient and acceptable (I've finally tried hard enough and long enough) or if the signal is getting lost because of all the steam coming out my ears.

Your thoughts and advice are more than welcome. Please let me know what you think.

Selek-

OUCH! First, let me just say that your situation is not as uncommon as people might think. All too often "baggage" from previous relationships damage the current relationships we're in. To say she was a little messed up when you found her tells me you knew she had issues yet somehow you thought marrying her would make them all go away. You might be good, but I don't know about being THAT good- especially since, from your post, there are others who have had more to do with her life than you had when you met her. Unfortunately life is not a fairytale and marriage (or a baby) doesn't make things all better. You've admitted that you haven't been a good priesthood holder in your home, that takes guts to admit. But it takes more guts to change, especially if you want a family. You can step up to the plate all you want, but unless your ex does the same to meet you half-way you will never meet up at all. Love can mean a whole myriad of things. (For example, I love my mom.....as long as she is atleast 700 miles away from my existance. It's not that we don't get along, it's just that our relationship is very acidic and needs to have limited contact. Sad, yes, but true.) All in all Selek, I don't think I or anyone else here is able to give you a cure-all for this mess. I totally agree that your church leaders need to step in and help guide you. Maybe once your family can see that you have the stability they are craving and can set limits as to what you will and won't do, they will begin to respect the times you tell them "no". I know the holidays are supposed to be with the family, but if it's any consolation to you, I spend most of my Thanksgivings and Easters alone. My husband and kids go to his parents' house to celebrate. Those 2 holidays always seem to fall around finals and tradition is to go to grandma's. I hate the idea of being home alone, but why fight what you can't change? My situation, like yours, is not forever. Keep working on those changes and I can promise you that you will see the results you've been trying for. I have a professor that has a quote I love: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." We're creatures of habit, let's hope we can learn from those habits to make the healthy choices for our souls.

[MorningStar]

How goes it now, Selek?

[avatar4321]

wow... i dont even know where to start... obviously my advice won't really be worth much.

My suggestion is this is going to take alot more wisdom than anyone at this board has. And as we all know that the source to go to when we lack wisdom is our Heavenly Father. Have you fasted and prayed about what to do?

I know if i were in your position i would be inclined to cut all the ties and get my child into my custody. I just don't think i could leave any of my children with someone who can't parent them. But that's just my first impression. The Lord would likely have another plan for it all.

Just pull closer to the Spirit and do what you can to move on with your life. Have faith. The Lord will bless you. Sometimes we just have to wade their the crap with patience before we get to the good stuff.

[Guest prnldsfrms]

I know this is old, but you can send the girls uplifting notes from time to time, go see their school plays and such. That will show you care, without enabling them in bad things.

[Garden Girl]

Hello Selek...

I just came across this thread and read your post...and came away with a heavy heart... you haven't posted here in response to the question, which I ask now also, how are things going for you now?

The one thing that concerned me most is the "limbo" that you have placed yourself in... perhaps you have such a deep love for this woman you can't see yourself moving on... I don't know... but to quote you: "let them walk the path and skin their knees, but be ready and nearby to welcome them with open arms once they have learned their lesson."

And when will this be, Selek? How long are you willing to hang in limbo waiting for them to learn their lesson... what do you think is going to be the big eye-opening moment for them that they will suddenly see you for the good and faithful man that you are and have been and start treating you with the respect and love that you have deserved... what event will it take for "the kids" to suddenly want you to be with their mother vs not wanting you to be together. What is going to change in their lives that they will want to turn to your open arms?

How long are you willing to let your life pass you by while you wait for them? And make no mistake...your life is passing you by. I'm glad that you finally came to agreement that you were not going to be only the "wallet" etc when needed... IMO, and this is just IMO, I do think you need to get away from this situation for a while. Let your heart/head heal from this... who knows... some time in the future you may decide you really do want to move on... who knows, maybe some time in the future you might be able to meet a faithful LDS woman who would appreciate you and that you would want to share a life and home with... you might even find that you can love.

Not all people are healthy together, even if they love each other... some relationships are toxic...

You'll have to judge this one, praying for the guidance that you will be able to do so...

You know me Selek... I send you all my best wishes, thoughts and prayers...

The Garden Girl

[MorningStar]

Hi Selek,

I hope everything is OK. You're in my prayers. :)

[Kate]

Selek,

I just ran across this thread today. How sad I am for you. The problem started when you tried to save a damsel in distress...You are a good man, but that usually doesn't work out so great in the long run when the damsel is just looking for someone to save her all the time, as you can well see.

I kind of skimmed responses, so if this is a repeat, forgive me. My suggestion is to ask for a blessing from your Bishop or Stake Pres. Fast, Ponder, Pray and prepare yourself ahead of time. Heavenly Father is mindful of you and your situation. If you use faith, this will give you clarity.

~Kate