How do I find my way back?

[EmeraldIsle15]

For the last several years Ive been gradually drifting away from the church. Im 20 years old and I know I need to make big changes in my life but whenever I try it seems I inevitably end up commiting the same sins eventually. I feel so alone and when I pray I feel as though my prayer goes no further than my ceiling. My mom asks me if I have a testimony and i tell her that i do. She's had so many heartaches and disappointments in her life I can't bear to hurt her and tell her about my uncertainties. I don't know whether or not I need to see a bishop for some of the things Ive done (mostly when i was btween 14-17). Anyways I was wondering if anyone had any advice. I once felt peace in my life but it seems like it was so long ago. And even when I get myself straigtened out, how can I be happy when certain members of my family are living unrighteously and other members of my family are suffering because of it? Sorry If i'm rambling a lot but Ive never really talked to anyone before, well thanks for the time=)

[Jbs2763]

I had also strayed from the Gospel for an extended period of time, alot of people do actually. My sillyness happend from about 17-25, and I was able to find my way back, I fourtuanlty had a great Branch President at the time, and strong family support. Its not an easy task, but it can me done, and the rewards are well well worth it.

i dunno if that helps, but that's my 2 cents

[WillowTheWhisp]

Maybe you do have a testimony and just don't realise it, otherwise you wouldn't be wanting to stop yourself drifting away. Are you actually attending Church?

If you don't know whether or not you need to see a Bishop then maybe that could be solved by having a chat with your Bishop.

You ask how you can be happy when other members of your family are causing others to suffer because they are living unrighteously and all I can say in response to that is that you cannot control what anyone else does but you can control what you do and perhaps you can be the one who may very well inspire them. Do what you know is right regardless of how other people around you behave. Perhaps you will then bring happiness where others bring sorrow.

[Mahonri]

Yes, I concur with what Willow said.

Go see your Bishop. He has the keys to help you. Just be open, honest and tell him everything. That's what he is there for. You will feel the Lord's love and peace will come.

[EmeraldIsle15]

I did once have a testimony and it was a wonderful feeling -- I found out the night before my father left that he was going to be leaving the next day. I knew I had to make it through school and band practice and I had no idea how I could do so. I went to seminary the next morning and I dont even remember what it was my teacher said but I remember being overcome with a feeling of peace and strength and everythng about the gospel felt right.

Now I guess I just don't feel that anymore. I go to church with my mom (shes the only 1 in my family who does go) sometimes, but I don't always. Whenever Im at my dads or visiting my siblings I don't go. Overall I feel indifferent when Im at church to the things that are often being said and I know that in and of itself shows that I really need to change.

Seeing a bishop would indeed answer that question. I suppose I have just been terrified of doing so. I had a stopping point always, and at times it seemed as though the reason for it was so that I could avoid seeing a bishop...not the best reason I know.

Well, thanks for answering, I appreciate it. It sure helps to be able to talk to others this way. =)

[Moksha]

I spent over 30 years away from the Church. It made sense at the time. I needed to spend that time in formulating a belief that was genuine to me. In that interim time, I visited over a hundred Churches and faith traditions. Now I am back with a renewed understanding, and I am glad for it.

As far as worrying about other family members living unrighteously, you must realize that is beyond the province of your control. Just provide these family members with your love and be content with that.

[afewmorebeats]

I'm also 20 years old and have been going through (probably) a lot of the same things as you. You may feel like your prayers don't get very far, but don't stop praying because I'm sure you will eventually begin to see Heavenly Father's answers. You may be scared or worried or just don't want to talk to your Bishop, but trust me you will feel better (everyone says that and I didn't believe it until I actually did). I didn't want to talk to my Bishop at all because I thought he seemed holier than thou and wouldn't understand. He ended up making feel so at ease with everything and now I know why he is the Bishop. It might sound cliche, but once I started falling away from the church I noticed myself becoming depressed and not so happy with life and very confused. I have recently (within the past few weeks) have been starting to "straighten myself out" and have noticed a change in my attitude in that short time. I know I have talked a lot about myself, but I thought maybe knowing someone else your age has been there and you're not alone you might feel better. Family is very important and you just have to love them and be there for them. But basically all this boils down to is what do you want for yourself? Figure that out and go from there. Anyways I hope my rambling helped, atleast a little bit.