When a Spouse Opposes

[wbrisett]

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that I am Mormon. Except for one important step, I haven't joined the Church. Part of this is my wife's opposition to the LDS Church. I'm curious if anybody else has experienced this and if so, what they did about it. I plan on talking to my neighbor who ironically is our ward's bishop. He knows us very well and I suspect he will have some insight. But I really wanted to see what others might have to say about this.

-Wayne

[Stephan]

This is a difficult situation. My personal opinion is that you should really try to help your with solve the issues she has. If you go head and get baptised I would think it would put a lot of stress into your relationship. This is not what the church really wants. After all we are a family church.

Speak to your bishop and speak to your wife. Tell her how important it is to you and listen carefully to the problems she has about the church and try to help her to solve them.

Hope everything will go smooth.

[pushka]

Stephan, I think that is great advice you gave to Wbriset..Family are most important, and it is crucial that you let them know that they are important to you, in spite of your differences in opinion about the church.

Good luck with your situation W..

Stephan, just curious, which part of the UK are you in...I'm from Lancashire. :)

[Still_Small_Voice]

There are many who are dealing with your current situation. Jesus spoke on this very subject in Matthew chapter 10:

34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

36 And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

I would say you pray about it. If my wife wanted me to stop attending church and have my name removed from the records of the church I could not respect her wishes.

[Stephan]

I agree but you can come to an agreement. Being married does not mean that a spouse has to do whatever the other one says. There can be disagreement and different opinions. However we have to work those disagreements out and we can do it. I believe that or every problem there is a solution and I am sure there is a solution in this case.

Maybe you could also speak to people in your ward that are married to non members and see how they cope. Maybe you could even invite one of those couples and speak to your wife so she can see that there is no real problem.

[NateHowe]

I like the phrase which Elder Ballard and others have used: We can disagree without becoming disagreeable. If you take the approach that you love her madly AND ALSO believe that the Church is true and thus you want to join, what can she say? Love is about making the other person truly happy. If you actually believe the doctrines of the Church, you will feel unsatisfied until you become an active member of it. She does not have to believe the same things you do, but she should respect your feelings for the sake of your happiness.

Again, don't make it a choice between the Church and her - be very open and honest, and tell her (because it's true) that you can love her and the Gospel, and the closer you are with Christ, the better a husband you'll be.

And be sure to pray for patience, strength, and insight before you have the conversation. This may also be an appropriate cause for fasting.

[NeuroTypical]

Such major changes, regardless of who is changing or what faith they're embracing, can put a tremendous strain on a marriage. People marry someone with an expectation that the foundational things will never change - and then something foundational changes.

My advice - respect your wife and place her first. Work towards your goals (probably along the lines of baptism, church attendance, tithing, maybe temple) with her. Make her comfort level very high on your list of how fast you go.

I know maybe half a dozen families where one is LDS and the other isn't. They're all in different stages and handle things differently. One couple comes and does everything together - I think the hubby gets a kick out of watching us mormons assume he is one of us, and then he enjoys watching us scramble all over ourselves when it dawns on us he's not a member. He's a funny friendly guy. Another couple, the lady tried attending church for a year, hubby didn't want anything to do with it. They worked together over years to get him comfortable with their kids going, her paying tithing. He's attended a few ward socials now and knows a few of us, and is a little more relaxed than he was 2 years ago.

Remember - this church is not in the business of splitting up families. StillSmallVoice quoted Matthew chapter 10 - I'm not sure it is the most applicable scripture to your situation. I'm thinking 1 Corinthians 7 might be a better fit.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Good luck!

LM

[DigitalShadow]

I'm in somewhat of the opposite situation right now. My wife is LDS and I would probably be considered atheist. I love my wife more than anything and support her in whatever she does, including going to church. While I may not agree with all her beliefs, it is her right to have them, just as I'm sure she doesn't agree with my beliefs but still respects that I have them.

I'm not sure if this helps or not, but I just wanted to let you know that it is entirely possible to disagree religiously, but still have an otherwise healthy and happy relationship. I wish you guys the best of luck.

[wbrisett]

Thanks everybody. I don't know what the ultimate answer is now. We have spoken about it and she knows that if it wasn't for her opposing it, I would have joined the Church a while ago. I will say that I think all the advice given is sound, and part of the reason I haven't joined the Church is because we both feel it's important to worship together. If I went to a different church than my wife and daughter, I do think it would put undo stress on our relationship. DigitalShadow, I have also been in the exact situation you are in now. My ex-wife (I'm divorced and remarried) was an atheist, and it was a struggle in our relationship. Granted we had other issues, but that didn't help the situation.

-Wayne

[DigitalShadow]

Thanks everybody. I don't know what the ultimate answer is now. We have spoken about it and she knows that if it wasn't for her opposing it, I would have joined the Church a while ago. I will say that I think all the advice given is sound, and part of the reason I haven't joined the Church is because we both feel it's important to worship together. If I went to a different church than my wife and daughter, I do think it would put undo stress on our relationship. DigitalShadow, I have also been in the exact situation you are in now. My ex-wife (I'm divorced and remarried) was an atheist, and it was a struggle in our relationship. Granted we had other issues, but that didn't help the situation.

-Wayne

I think it is all a matter of openmindedness. I may not be a member of the church, but I go with my wife on sundays because it is important to her and I am honestly curious about her faith. I ask her questions and she asks me questions. Occasionally we have to agree to disagree but there's no reason that can't be civil. I've never asked her to do anything that goes against her faith and she's never asked me to do anything that goes against my personal beliefs. It's entirely possible for two rational people to come to two different conclusions.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I like Loudmouth Mormon's scripture more than the one I came up with.