my Faith needs more fizz

[Elgama]

I am struggling right now - in someways I have a strong solid testimony, I know the Church si true and I am here because Heavenly Father wants me to be. I am praying and reading scriptures again after a long break. But my faith is a bit flat (but getting better) - I can't go to my Branch President he is currently in Oman with the RAF and Stake is 70miles away. It started with a sister bullying me to the point where I thought I was going mad and was terrified to go to church - I needed a blessing on Saturday Night to help me sleep on on Sunday Morning to get me through the doors and one on Sunday Afternoon to help me feel better. In alot of ways I have moved on - I don't bear resentment to the Sister concerned, I don't even think about it most of the week but I get to Saturday Night and I start feeling queasy, I have to take deep breaths to get me to church, but I hate this dread of going, this is part of why I haven't renewed my temple recommend and somedays I just want to walk away from church, I don't want to do it anymore. I can't get passed the fact I am terrified of the building it gives me panic attacks.

I have made huge improvements last year I was so far away from Heavenly Father - I had never felt so alone in my life - I have him back close now and I am going most weeks but I want to be able to get ready in the mornings not hating the fact I am going and I want the mornings to be calm. It doesn't help church now involves a 3 mile walk, bus journey then back again now the car is out, I need to have greater resolve to get us there.

-Charley

[VisionOfLehi]

I have no idea if it'll help or not, but try waking up an hour or two earlier than usual, and just spend that time reading scriptures, Church magazines, and listening to Hymns.

I love hymns, they make me feel better when I listen to them, and especially when I sing along. I'm terrible at singing (I really am, I'm not being modest), but I still love to do it.

When I'm frustrated or anxious, that's usually what helps me most. It's calming and reassuring.

My iPod has a bunch of Hymns and gospel songs on it. If you have an MP3 player, I'd highly suggest loading it up and taking it on the walk and bus!

[Alaskagain]

There have been times when I absolutely dreaded Sunday morning. Hmm, still do, occasionally. It helps me to spend a few minutes thinking back about my conversion, and the feelings I had when I was first learning about the true Gospel and my baptism day. Doing this helps me muster up a bit more enthusiasm - how privileged I am to be able to go partake of the Sacrament and the meeting, to renew my covenants, regardless of any other aspect (circumstances or people) of my life at the time.

I also prepare clothing and plan any breakfast on Saturday, it reduces the stress of getting everone ready on Sunday morning. And, like VoL suggested, have some spiritual music playing in the background. I tend to get panicky if I have to rush, so if things aren't going smoothly, I'm late. Late is better than not going. And the music has a tremendous calming effect on me.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I find it very sad that you feel this way about church as it should be the part of the week which recharges your batteries not the one which drains them. How sad that someone at church has bullied you. This just simply should not happen. Unfortunately I know that it does. I have known both men and women at church who behave in such unChristlike ways which is a terrible shame not only for the people they bully but for them too because going to church can't possibly be doing them any good in those circumstances.

As you said your Bishop is not there at the moment have you spoken to your Relief Society President about the problem? If I were you I think I would approach her for help.

I shall pray for you and hope that things improve. Hang on in there. Sometimes that is all we can do.

[JustMiss]

Elgama,

I'm sorry hear that you are feeling so down. If I remember right from some of the comments in the chat room is that your health hasn't been too well? I know that can be very frustrating and depressing. It's good you don't bare any resentment to the sister that was bullying you. I think if you pray for that sister it would do good for you as well as her. It always has amazed me the blessings I get when I can humble myself and pray for forgiveness for someone that has really hurt me or done me wrong. Let me also give you a bible verse that helps me when I'm in the mist of a storm in my life. God never said that our lives here would be easy, but he did say would never leave us. What ever storm happens in our lives we should be humble and thankful to God for it. Because in the mist of it, His hand is working. We don't know if we are going through it to learn a lesson or to be an example to others. I really struggled with the concept of praising God during the storms in my life. But I've come to realize that God has in hand in everything. There isn't anything that happens to us that doesn't filter through his hands first. Romans 5: 1-5.Romans 5

1Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

It's my hope and prayer for you that you not lose hope. That you bless and praise God continuallly. That what ever trials you are facing that you can see God's hand working and that he gives you the peace of mind and the understanding of why you maybe going through it. My daughter who is nine aske me a question last week. She asked, "Mom if God already knew that Abraham would obey him then why did God even have Abraham put his son on the alter? It doesn't make sense mom if God already knew what Abraham would do. " We were driving so I thought for a minute. I was kind of amazed at her perception on things and I told her.... "Because it's not enough for God to know that Abraham would obey Him. Abraham needed to know that he would obey God. And Abraham's faith increased when he did obey him. Abraham learned to trust God, but Abraham also learned the strength he had in himself from God.".... Sometimes we have to be put through trials and tests so that we know and we learn to trust in God and depend on God to pull us through. Every trial we get through that we asked God's help on strengthens us spiritually. God is faithful. God Bless and take Care!

Missy

[Elgama]

Thanks everyone - I now have to leave the house just after 8am so am getting up at 6am anyway and I am generally ready the night before, but I do need to make more time for me and the Lord - have struggled since Gabey arrived as he wakes up as soon as I do no matter how early or if he is sleeping in the other room. He's getting easier and getting time to myself is easier - this has been going on for 3 years and I do need to fix it and I wanted to let you know about today it was mixed but mostly good,

The journey to church was a blessing today, I live in a beautiful area, the sun was shining, and there was a little snow on the big hill that is the main focus on the walk, the little red church was beautiful on the way and I got to church having read my scriptures on the bus and we sang hymns on the way, then I can't explain it I was sooo positive felt brilliant I got to Relief Society and the spirit just went thump and I didn't recover until Gospel Doctrine, I think my problem is I need to approach the Lord - I haven't forgiven as much I thought I have managed to mostly forget and I am pleasant and treat the sister well but I think I also need to forgive myself. Before it all happened I was intelligent and strong, it came very close to destroying me - have no idea why she got to me so much, and there has always been a huge part of me that was angry with myself for letting it happen.

I can't really go to my RS president she is wonderful but our branch had some problems involving her and the sister that went for me - I had a blessing after RS (I was ready to cry and very emotional and not in a good way), said to write down every single blessing I can think of and keep it to refer to and add too.

-Charley

[Misshalfway]

Who is this crazy person going after you? That just alarms me when I hear of things like that happening. It DOES make going to church difficult. I am sorry. What about one of the RS counselors? Sometimes if the RS Pres. isn't one that will understand, chances are one of her counselors would be. That is why they are there, yes?, to balance it all out. Would it be too unsafe to actually confront this person in a spirit of peace and reconciliation? Maybe that would just set you up for more abuse. I guess I just think people like that must be in so much pain to act out in such a way. Maybe you two could call a cease fire..... or even become friends. ( my eternal optimism shooting for the moon, I know)

I love the early morning hours. What is it about that time of day that seems to open up more revelation and inspiration? I feel more open to the Lord at that time. Love your journey to church with the sun and snow and the little red church. I remember on my mission when things were sooo hard, somehow God would produce the most beautiful sunsets. It always used to settle my spirit and remind me that He was over all things and still somehow making it all beautiful. "Be still and know that I am God." So on my hard days, I still look to the sky to see his messages to me.

[grannysue]

Thanks everyone - I now have to leave the house just after 8am so am getting up at 6am anyway and I am generally ready the night before, but I do need to make more time for me and the Lord - have struggled since Gabey arrived as he wakes up as soon as I do no matter how early or if he is sleeping in the other room. He's getting easier and getting time to myself is easier - this has been going on for 3 years and I do need to fix it and I wanted to let you know about today it was mixed but mostly good,

The journey to church was a blessing today, I live in a beautiful area, the sun was shining, and there was a little snow on the big hill that is the main focus on the walk, the little red church was beautiful on the way and I got to church having read my scriptures on the bus and we sang hymns on the way, then I can't explain it I was sooo positive felt brilliant I got to Relief Society and the spirit just went thump and I didn't recover until Gospel Doctrine, I think my problem is I need to approach the Lord - I haven't forgiven as much I thought I have managed to mostly forget and I am pleasant and treat the sister well but I think I also need to forgive myself. Before it all happened I was intelligent and strong, it came very close to destroying me - have no idea why she got to me so much, and there has always been a huge part of me that was angry with myself for letting it happen.

I can't really go to my RS president she is wonderful but our branch had some problems involving her and the sister that went for me - I had a blessing after RS (I was ready to cry and very emotional and not in a good way), said to write down every single blessing I can think of and keep it to refer to and add too.

-Charley

I know this sounds strange, but when someone hurts me for no reason, it really helps me to pray for them. I begin the prayer by telling Heavenly Father that I am very angry/hurt/whatever and then I ask for my heart to be softened. I tell Heavenly Father that I know the person who hurt me must be having a lot of problems and personal discomfort to treat me that way. Then I pray that the person will be healed and that things will go better in that person's life and in mine. I ask the Lord to remind me that whatever that person said tells me about his/her heart, not mine. I ask Him to help me feel His love and approval.

It really helps. When I pray for a person, I feel better feelings towards him/her and then I can comfortably interact with that person.

Remember, the only one whose opinion really matters is the Lord's. Church is a time to focus on His love for you and your love for Him. Let the rest take care of itself.

Hugs,

Sue =)