My husband doesn't believe

[KayaLove00]

Hello all! I have a delema that I'm not to sure how to go about. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and about a year into our marriage he told me he doesn't think the church is the true church anymore. He has a very hard time coming to church, praying and reading the scriptures with me. My husband is a convert, has served a mission and is VERY well read on gospel doctrine. He believes in Joseph Smith and everything he taught, but he feels that many of the church leaders since Joseph Smith don't teach alot of the same things-I'm not sure exactly what he means about that- I need to discuss that with him.

I gave him a BofM when we first dated and he wanted to convert. His family basically stopped talking to him and his parents kicked him out and I was there for him the entire way. He went on a mission a year later and loved his mission. He came back, we dated and married 6 months later. His mother called him a week before the wedding drunk and was really angry that he was marrying inside the temple and that she couldn't go and they haven't talked since then-about 2 years. His sister rarely calls him and they used to be really close. The thing is that he feels the church has really isolated him from his family and he is extremely unhappy-the most unhappy he has ever been. He has said he is really angry with god for allowing this happen to him and I think that's why he doesn't feel love for the church anymore. This is starting to affect my testimony because I always looked up to my husband and his testimony and now he doesn't really believe. This makes me very sad for the future. What do I do??

[Guest tomk]

Kaya:

This can be a very trying time. The Lord honors your husband's agency, and so must you.

Several years ago, I had a "rebirth" and my interest and excitement about the Gosple was renewed. The person responsible for that was the Lord Jesus Christ. He came looking for me, one of His "lost lambs." I will be forever grateful for that. Unfortunately, the timing was not right for my wife. But day by day she is coming back as well.

The Lord will come looking for your husband as well. He is the Good Shepherd. He knoweth His sheep. He knows how to love them and respond to some of their foolishness. Be patient. Be faithful to the Lord, even if, for a season, it seems like your husband does not choose to.

Look for how the Lord is blessing his life and your life, and thank Him for any blessings you see from His hand, no matter how insignificant. Thank the Lord and give Him credit for every good thing in your life, including the trials. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude is a powerful principle.

Keep close to the Lord. Seek His counsel. Cry unto Him regarding what is happening and how it makes you feel.

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

The Lord knows how to succor ( "run to and render aid" ) you and your husband.

This may be a road of many years that you will have to walk. But with the Lord by your side, it can happen.

The Atonement is a mysterious thing God wrought. It can take these situations and make of them something godly -- if we have the faith to see it through. It has the power to restore to us the presence and power of God after a season of neglect. It can redeem us, not just from death, but from our foolishness and seasons of neglect.

I hope these words help you and give you hope.

Tom

[RachelleDrew]

Perhaps he needs a little time to try and repair the relationship between his family and him? It would surely strengthen his testimony if he was able to soften his family's heart while he continued to attend church.

As for his dilemma with the church leaders, I understand that completely. This is true of any church he will attend, sometimes the information we receive in church and the information that we read in scriptures doesn't always synch up. It's not that the information he's getting is wrong or false, it's that humans are imperfect and sometimes what we hear is simply an interpretation. Nobody is trying to lie to him or lead him astray or anything, if that's what he's worried about.

I've noticed this happens a lot; and not just in the LDS either. Once you've studied the scripture to a certain degree and actually sponged a good deal of that info, you have a tendency to scrutinize other's interpretation of it. You can catch inconsistencies in teachings more easily, either that or just imagine them more often. It's not necessarily a bad thing to be critical of our teachers, just so long as it doesn't come from a spiteful place. Perhaps if he's got questions or concerns he should raise them with the leaders?

I know this is a hard time for you. Just continue to be faithful to the church, your husband and yourself and everything will work out.

[Misshalfway]

Is the issue more doctrinal or is it more about losing his family?

I think that when this happens, sometimes the issue is really pain. Perhaps he hoped his family would come round. And now that a few years have gone by, maybe the reality of the loss is setting in.

I think what you do is empathize like crazy! Listen to that pain inside of him. Help him get clear about his feelings. It is ok if this takes some time. What contact do you all have with his family? His mother must have felt such hurt not being able to be at her son's wedding. Maybe the pain inside of him now can serve as a catalyst to change. Help him see that Father can help this situation. He can heal this family. When was the last time your H tried to reach out to his mother or his sister? If it a constant stream of rejection, then I can see your options might be limited. But if it is both parties sitting in silence doing nothing, then perhaps the two of you could fast and pray and decide on some loving actions to take to move towards the middle. Could he reach out and say, "sis, I miss you! Let's talk this out." or Maybe you could contact the family and express how much you love them and miss them. Ask God to show you the path you should follow.

I am so sorry that these things happen. That marriage thing is a hard one for everybody. And I can understand the pain for all of you. Stay strong in the truth. And part of that truth is that these things hurt sometimes. Stay loving and understanding and be the best listener. It is not God's fault or J Smith's fault. But it is easy to direct our anger and pain to them. It is easy to blame the church for causing the rift.... cause it kinda did. But, at some point, your H can still stand true to his choice and own that. He can also take proactive steps to healing the relationship with his family. Stay close to the spirit. Keep doing the things the fill your home with the spirit as well. Keep praying together with him if you can. And remember, it is part of the process of faith to go thru hard times and feel doubt. This is the battle that strengthens us. We won't sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob without a few of these hard fought battles under our belts.

His relationship with his family doesn't have to end. It may need to evolve into an acceptance of these new circumstances. His mother can heal and learn that she didn't really lose her son. And your husband can learn to empathize with what it is like to be a mother who didn't get to attend her son's wedding. They perhaps won't see everything eye to eye. But the more we reach out to understand each other without judgement the better. I think your husband is going thru his first reality check -- his first faith testing trial. We all have them. It will be OK.

[Fiannan]

Hello all! I have a delema that I'm not to sure how to go about. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and about a year into our marriage he told me he doesn't think the church is the true church anymore. He has a very hard time coming to church, praying and reading the scriptures with me. My husband is a convert, has served a mission and is VERY well read on gospel doctrine. He believes in Joseph Smith and everything he taught, but he feels that many of the church leaders since Joseph Smith don't teach alot of the same things-I'm not sure exactly what he means about that- I need to discuss that with him.

I gave him a BofM when we first dated and he wanted to convert. His family basically stopped talking to him and his parents kicked him out and I was there for him the entire way. He went on a mission a year later and loved his mission. He came back, we dated and married 6 months later. His mother called him a week before the wedding drunk and was really angry that he was marrying inside the temple and that she couldn't go and they haven't talked since then-about 2 years. His sister rarely calls him and they used to be really close. The thing is that he feels the church has really isolated him from his family and he is extremely unhappy-the most unhappy he has ever been. He has said he is really angry with god for allowing this happen to him and I think that's why he doesn't feel love for the church anymore. This is starting to affect my testimony because I always looked up to my husband and his testimony and now he doesn't really believe. This makes me very sad for the future. What do I do??

Excellent post RachelleDrew, I could not agree more.

KayaLove00, everyone has trials of their faith...heck, one minute one can be on the top of the world sporitually and the next minute question everything -- it's human nature. A friend of mine and his wife went through a very trying period of life to where she got really angry at the Church and went so far as to burn all her temple garmets. He was never really a Peter Preisthod type of guy but he stayed strong in his testimony and eventually she saw his devotion and came around back to devotion. When my wife's grandfather was going to join the Church his wife would hide his shoes before he went to church. It finally got to the point that she took out papers for divorce and would have filed them had it not been on a holiday the day she went in to make it official. A few days later she planned on doing it again but started reflecting as he said he loved her but would not quit the church. She came around and jined and became very devout.

Pray, fast and maintain a supportive relationship with your husband. Encourage him to study and ponder the scriptures and church doctrine -- in my experience when I started noticing problems in teachings at one point in the history and what was said nowadays I just did tons of research but my faith actually increased as I learnt more and did my studies with the guidance of the spirit. Encourage him to visit this forum and share his thoughts and concerns, I'll bet he's a great guy and smart and this is a time that will pass in regards to doubt.

[Elgama]

Don't stop loving him be patient, remember he is still the same man you married and you can still admire him.

-Charley

[Aphrodite]

My husband and I are in a similar situation-with me being the one doubting. I understand how hard this is for you, but it is also desperately hard for him with all thats going on with his family. Love him, listen to him and support him no matter what he chooses to do. You married him for HIM not the church. He is still that same person.

[fish4kitty]

We all have doubts at some point and time. God has yet to reveal what the point of giving my eldest son type 1 diabetes. I've been dealing with that one. Along with my son. Trials!!!! We all go through them it's how we deal with them that forges character, stamina and testimony. I wish you the best and will keep you both in my thoughts.