Marriage Problems

[utcowboy]

I saw in the paper over the last couple of days that they calculated the income of a Stay at home mom... or what it should be.... $117,000.00 U.S. dollars

Hello folks... wives have the worst part of the deal and we should back them up every chance we get!! Although all of us need some time to ourselves, it took two of us to bring the children into this world and it better take both of you to raise them... to the best of your ability :)

[Misshalfway]

I saw in the paper over the last couple of days that they calculated the income of a Stay at home mom... or what it should be.... $117,000.00 U.S. dollars

Hello folks... wives have the worst part of the deal and we should back them up every chance we get!! Although all of us need some time to ourselves, it took two of us to bring the children into this world and it better take both of you to raise them... to the best of your ability :)

I'll take that salary!!! :) I will remind myself of that the next time I clean the bathroom after my boys have been in there.

[ruthiechan]

Why did you marry your wife? What about her made you want her? What did you do to obtain her and her love? Do you woo her in love making or is it just wham bam thank you mam, or even non existent? Court her, romance her, make her laugh.

I am a stay at home Mom, and also a full time student (my classes are online). My husband works. All the work that Liesl says we women do is true. Imagine all that PLUS school work! (though I only have one child) I see my sister often, and my husband and I have friends come over every weekend to play games. I also attend Church. My husband, upon occasion will say to me, "you look exhausted, lay down and I'll take care of Hazel" and once in a while he'll just start doing the dishes and spots of cleaning. I never ask him to do those things. However, I feel it is my job to get those things done and he ACKNOWLEDGES that I do those things! He says please and thank you. Every time I make a meal he thanks me for making it. He'll say, "oh such and such looks good" or "good job, thank you" when I do something extra around the house. He thanks me for doing his laundry. He'll hug me, and touch me, and give me kisses throughout the day and times he's here.

He reads to our daughter, he more often sits at the table to eat with us (he likes to eat at the computer while playing a game), or to just be in the living room with us playing a PS2 game, while I'm on the computer and the little one is coloring on the floor. We're together, and any time we have something to say to the other person we can just say it. It's very nice. Yes, he's always playing games or reading, but clearly he still remembers us.

You are in the military in Germany. Do you live on base? If not, do you live in a district where there are English speaking folk around? My father was stationed in Germany where I was born. My parents lived on base, and they had two children (no me yet). They were in the American Servicemen Branch at Church and so their ward was an English speaking ward. The Church activities gave my mother things to do outside the home and she was happy. The Germans she did meet liked to practice their English on her. However, the women who lived on base who did not go to Church were miserable. They were bored and complained there was nothing to do, but at Church my mother had instant friends, instant family. As a note, I asked her about this just now and she even gave me a few extra details I did not know, such as that last part.

If you are not LDS, go to Church anyway and go to the activities. There will be love and fellowship there and that will help you and your wife also.

Books I really enjoyed was "Dealing with Differences in Marriage" and "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life."

Also, here's an article that will help you with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). LINK.

And remember, you can not change your wife. You can only change yourself.

[Marsha8]

Why did you marry your wife? What about her made you want her? What did you do to obtain her and her love? Do you woo her in love making or is it just wham bam thank you mam, or even non existent? Court her, romance her, make her laugh.

I am a stay at home Mom, and also a full time student (my classes are online). My husband works. All the work that Liesl says we women do is true. Imagine all that PLUS school work! (though I only have one child) I see my sister often, and my husband and I have friends come over every weekend to play games. I also attend Church. My husband, upon occasion will say to me, "you look exhausted, lay down and I'll take care of Hazel" and once in a while he'll just start doing the dishes and spots of cleaning. I never ask him to do those things. However, I feel it is my job to get those things done and he ACKNOWLEDGES that I do those things! He says please and thank you. Every time I make a meal he thanks me for making it. He'll say, "oh such and such looks good" or "good job, thank you" when I do something extra around the house. He thanks me for doing his laundry. He'll hug me, and touch me, and give me kisses throughout the day and times he's here.

He reads to our daughter, he more often sits at the table to eat with us (he likes to eat at the computer while playing a game), or to just be in the living room with us playing a PS2 game, while I'm on the computer and the little one is coloring on the floor. We're together, and any time we have something to say to the other person we can just say it. It's very nice. Yes, he's always playing games or reading, but clearly he still remembers us.

You are in the military in Germany. Do you live on base? If not, do you live in a district where there are English speaking folk around? My father was stationed in Germany where I was born. My parents lived on base, and they had two children (no me yet). They were in the American Servicemen Branch at Church and so their ward was an English speaking ward. The Church activities gave my mother things to do outside the home and she was happy. The Germans she did meet liked to practice their English on her. However, the women who lived on base who did not go to Church were miserable. They were bored and complained there was nothing to do, but at Church my mother had instant friends, instant family. As a note, I asked her about this just now and she even gave me a few extra details I did not know, such as that last part.

If you are not LDS, go to Church anyway and go to the activities. There will be love and fellowship there and that will help you and your wife also.

Books I really enjoyed was "Dealing with Differences in Marriage" and "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life."

Also, here's an article that will help you with Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs). LINK.

And remember, you can not change your wife. You can only change yourself.

You are SO BLESSED to have such a wonderful husband!!!

[ruthiechan]

You are SO BLESSED to have such a wonderful husband!!!

Yes. I definitely agree with you there. :) However, it was a long road to get to this point. We've been married for almost eight years, and two of those years we were separated. It was only through prayer and a willingness to change and do whatever the Lord directed me to do consistently that created the catalyst for change on his part.

[Hemidakota]

'U da woman"

[LegendadryPerc]

It has already been pointed out in various wonderfull ways how important it is to understand what your wife really does! So I won't adress that more - though it needed to be adressed. What I have found is that doing stuff with your family won't help unless you WANT to do it. If you are wishing you were having "me" time the whole time, or doing it grudgingly or out of obligation, it's not going to help anything. It's better that you just go have "me" time. Don't do what your wife says out of guilt or any other feeling of having to, do it out of love, or don't do it. You may even have to say no more often for a while, so you can figure out what YOU want to do. When I stopped nagging my H to spend time with the family, it took several months, maybe even a year, but then, he started spending more time with the family than he had even with my nagging. But this new time was because HE wanted to. Sometimes when we are coerced into doing something, we do the minimal, whereas if we really were left to follow our desires, and didn't feal obligated, we would actually do more - and actually mean it!

[rena_goldmoon]

My husband and I had this problem also only we dont have kids yet. We are working on one currently. Anyhow, I still had to clean and cook and all of that stuff. So I was home most of the day by myself. He'd get home and want to veg in front of his computer and I wanted to be somewhere, anywhere besides in that house for just a little while. Well we argued for awhile and then realised that the best option was having a date night once a week. We budgeted out money in our budget and chose a night that was best for everyone. It helped alot. Plus it felt like a treat and a break and it didnt have to be expensive. So durring the week it gave something to look forward to instead of just thinking day after day was going to be the same thing over and over again.

[rena_goldmoon]

gave me