Truegrits

Gwen:

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "OH NO!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

Hi James :) WELCOME to the site. I lived in south Florida for 42 years. I was sorry to leave

Hello :) WELCOME! I, also, am married (14 years) to a kind, loving, giving man, who is not LDS. He is supportive of all my son and I do in the Church. He even takes us to the Temple and waits for us. I am thankful, every day, to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'. 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'For reading a book,' she replies, 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

I have female friends and I have male friends; I treasure them all. I do not seek out friends according to their sex, nor would I think of denying a friendship on the basis of gender. No lines have been crossed in any of my friendships. Yes, it is possible.

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

:) WELCOME! Quite a bit of stimulating conversation to be read here...join in.

Welcome! There have been numerous times this summer that I have longed to be back in the beautiful Sunshine State :)

Welcome Willem...:)

Hi Brian :) WELCOME to the site.

Hi Brenda; Welcome to the site. I was born into the Church, all my family were members. I went inactive at 18, not because I did not believe the Gospel, but I let the actions, the hypocrisy, of a few of the members effect me. It took me years, and a bit of life and maturing, to return. I picked a Sunday, walked in...returned to the Church, to the Gospel of Jesus Christ...and I know there is nothing, and no person, that will cause me to leave again. Just pick a Sunday and GO! :)

Hi Meg :) Welcome to the site!

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!" Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you. The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the heck pushed me in the pool!"

Hi Bobby, WELCOME :)

Hi :) and WELCOME!

I do not believe following our leaders counsel, even though we may not fully understand (or neceassarily agree with it) is a waste of time. Our faith can grow from the doing of it, even if we did not begin that way.

Hello lds2 :) Welcome to the site.

A 90 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a beautiful young lady on his arm. At the follow-up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor replied, "I didn't say that. I said you have a heart murmur. Be careful!" *********************************************** A lawyer and his brother were hunting. A mountain lion jumped out in front of them and started snarling. The brother said "What should we do?" The lawyer said "I'm going to run for it." The brother said "You can't outrun a mountain lion!" The lawyer said "I don't have to outrun HIM-- I only have to outrun YOU."

Hello :) Welcome! Stephanie is one of my favorite names.

I wear only one pair if earrings to church, because I'm supposed to, I'm appropriately attired... but when church is over I get to wear a third earring. Oh, wait...I do not get to wear an extra earring, even out of church...bummer! Not fair.

The new Vice Principal made an announcement over the school intercom "The staff and students would like to congratulate Mr. Green on his forthcoming marriage." Later, he thanked her for the special attention. He added, however, that perhaps for Junior High school, she should use smaller words. It seems several students had asked him about his 3 earlier marriages. ****************************************************** No wonder English is so difficult to learn... The bandage was wound around the wound.The farm was used to produce produce.The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.We must polish the Polish furniture.He could lead if he would get the lead out.

Hi :) WELCOME!

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I have you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."