noche10

:confused well today is a hard day for me and for my H -- i am dealing wiht the feeling of sadness , sometime i dont belive all this has actually happend ! its painfull and i would have never expected this from him. but he is also struggleing with the constant feeling that we wont be able to get pass this or the taugh that divorce is what is best , when he spoke the the stake pressident last week he felth much better and he said he knew that he loves me and wants to do whatever it takes to make things right , the president told him that satan was trying to tell him that divorce is what he should do because satan whats to break families apart .. so almost everyday since he feels he has to fight the feeling or thoughts or diveorce out of his head . he says his heart knows what he wants but his head is telling something else ...... this puts a lot of strss on me . i mean i will help and support him and all but it really hurst to know that he is constanly haveing to tell im self not to leave me and to remind himself that he loves me ..............

Thank you you too

i think you have to realize that what happend in her past had nothing to do with you.. once you really put ur mind set that way you really cant take it personal its not like she did it to hurt you.. but if it bothers you that much you should seek profesional help with her to help you overcome any insecurities you might have... i have been there . but it was not the anger that i had waited and he didnt that bother me it was the question of does he think of her or was she better then me ? this is something very personal that you have to ask your self ..

i feel better but i do get a lil scared that he will start feeling the same way again.. but he seems really determind to work on it so i will push and support :) . i think i can be involed im not sure we dont have toomany details on it yet( i will up date you as i know more ) . but he also agree to seeing a proffesional for pa and for marridge counsleing ..

Well I was determan to leave him or tell him to move out by Friday. I prayd all day and it dint feel right but I was tierd of it and I wanted to do it anyway…… well when I got home last night we just sat ther and didn’t really talkd he asked if I was hungry and I was so we were gonna go eat . We had just left out neigborhood , when his phone rings and it was the stake presidents secretary and asked him if he could come in that night , he was like yeah sure. So we turned around went back home he changed and we just sat there till it was time for him to leave. Well when he came back it was a total 360 -- it was like it was him (my old H ) again ( he had not been himself all month it seem like he was empty inside it was weird and scary ) but this person that cam back was HIM - so he told me he was extreamly sorry that he was so confused because he had been lost for so long that satan was confusing him ( or he was confusing satan answere and thinking they were coming from god ) like he would pray and he would only get negative answeres the president told him that he needed to work really had in fixing our marrige that he needed to fix how he hurt me , as part of his repentance process .. my H said that he fealt the spirit for the first time in a long time and knew that he had been missled he was gratful that I was firm with my pronting . He was crying and said that he does love me ,and that satan was making him feel like divorce was the answere because that’s satan whants. He said that he knows im a good wife and that he appriciates me and that he knows that the things he said to me were hurtful and that he will do whatever it takes to make it right.. He explaind to me that he was misslead by his PA to think that those women were perfect and he was noticing my fault rather then my good things.( he asked me to help him and that theres a progam that the president wants him to do to overcome his PA) ……….. He also said that he understood if I wanted to leave him but that he really wanted to do whatever it took to save and fix our marridge , I told him that I wanted 100% and that he had to be completely honest with me at all times . He agreed and I felt he was beeing sensire , now I know this is just talk I expect action pretty soon and I know it has not change anything yet but at least it’s a start… I still feel I should stay and work on our marridge. So I will but I expect a lot from him and I know it wont be ez - and some days it will be really hard that we might want to leave but I will keep praying for streght and patiance , for the both of us .--------

yes if you can send me the link that would be great thank you.......

well i dont knw what to think today !! today i feel like divorce is the best thing .. i want to be loved and appriciated and respected enough to not be cheated on . i want to be happy again and i dont want to worry about wheather he will cheat again - or if i do something he dosent like he will get a divorce .. i think i need to take time for my self and really think if this is someting i can live with . the lack of trust the insucurity .. te feeling of walking on egg shells just so he wont want to leave..... i mean i have done nothing wrong i love him and i took care of him and our home the best i could , that was not good enough for him.. i am 28 yrs old . im worried that i wont find a person who will love me and want to marry me ..... but is it worth staying with him .............

thank you moring star it will be conforting knowing i didnt just gave up. if it come to that... well misshalfway as always you give me lots to think about .. i have told him that we need to seek help from a proffesional- for our marrige and for the PA. but he is not sure he wants to just yet . .. again he says he is watitng to see what the repenting prosses will be - excon or disfellowship- he says it dosent matter that he will do whatever it takes ... i wish he had that same feeling for our relationship-- but i am going to be patient and show him support -- once he talks to the president and bishop we can make a decision on out marridge if he chosses to stay i will do whatever it takes but i demand 100% from him - that means all types of thearpy if needed.. if he chosses to leave . well i will seek healp for my self and pray that the lord will help me find a better man who i can share my life with....

ok.. this past week has been weird . i went to see my bishop and he said that we should work on our marriedge and that he would have both of us come in and talk.. well when i went home and talked to my H . he was ok with it but them said that the infidelity was not the reason he wanted a divorce . that he was not happy and that he has been unhappyt for 2 years , now i knew we were haveing problems but he was never that open and never told me excacly how much he was hurting or how unhappy he was .. now we have been talking about divorce because he says that i am not the wife he wants me to be . we have talked about how i can change and be a better wife in the past but he says that i only change for a lil bit and then change again... im confused i love him and im willing to change and be a house wife and all that but .. he did cheated shouldnt he be more open to fixing our relationship.. i feel like im not good enough and like he is only looking for a way out ... but then when i asking if he is sure thats what he wants he says no.... he says he dosent know that he is completly lost and needs some direction. and he hopes to get that from the bishop.. but now the bishop called him and told him that his meeting had to be change and that my H .. will now be meeting with the stake press. insted ??? what does that mean ???? ------ i dont know what to do any more . .... i dont even know what to think its like im just sitting there waiting to see if he wants me or not ... thats not fair ..im angry ....... i wish we would know i mean if he get excommunicated .. i probably will get a divorce .. but if he dosent there might be a chance to save and fix our marridge........ i know to some of u this might sounf patetic . but i do love him i have forgiven him ... he is not a bad person he does however has a por adiction problem and he was weak and satan took advantage and used his weakness and the way he was feeling and dragg him down.... i belive that thru the repenting process he and we can be as happy and as strong in the church as we once were we are good friends and we do love each other - a big part of the problem was my lack of intimacy with him i didnt know that this was his way of feeling loved after last year when we talked i seek help i read the five love languages and that really helped me understand and see how important sex was too him ....... i do take compleate responsabiility fot not giving him love the way he needed it,but to my defennse i didnt know anybetter but that dosent excuse the infedelity and he takes full resposability for it ........ but only god knows and only time will tell... ----------------- just venting ----------------

as always misshalfway thank you for putting my though in perspective .. i really appriciate it .. i have much to think about

mormon music -- can you tell me the process as well, im going thru the same problem with my husband ...

yes i agree- now that everythong is out in the open , he and i can talk like we have never talked before- - its weird but in a way its good - when i see him i dont feel anger - i just feel pain - when we talk i listen and i ask questions -- i understand where he is coming from - dont get me wrong in no way i m ok with this or im makeing excuses for him - we were happy and then we had communications problems that lead to lack of intimacy - but that is no excuse for what he did... at the end of the day he had the choice to make a good decicion or a bad one - not me i did not make him do this . i understand that . and he takes full resposability .. now all is left is to wait ------ and see what the bishop councel will tell him..

misshalfway -- thank you u have truely helpd me understand and even think a lil bit clear -- my problem is i like to fix everything right there and then... i have no patience and - this is teaching me to listen and to wait ........ to listen and to wait .......... it's hard but i have no choice ...... i dont want to make choices out of pain or anger

i know it might seem crazy to some that i would be willing to stay. but i am looking at the whole picture if my eternal marraige can be saved then yes i am willing to work with my H and help him thru this .. the idea of him getting exco- has crossed my mind and i would have to deside if i need to leave him if it comes to that.. he says that he dose not ever want to do such a thing again not just to me but the betrail of god - i belive him - i think he really is sorry for what he did he is ashamed and discusted with him self -- he says he dosent want to make a desicion to get a divorce or to stay to gether till he has a meeting with the bishop ( he has alredy had one but now he has to go judgement ) i guess - yes he says he dosent feel as he deserves me and that i dont deserve to go thru this pain or the embarrasment of what he did ( he says that a divorce would be to set me free and not cause me anymore pain ) -- i think he is confused and affraid of how hard it will be to fix things ... i feel the same way .. but i have the holy gosht to guide me -- he dosent --- but yes at the end of the day i have to trust god that he will help and guide me and i will b ok with or with out my H --- and yes it is ez er said then done --

thank you soo much for ur advise . i have been trying to talk to someone other then my H.. abou this but its dificult.. yes he has a porn addiction -- i was not awear of how serious this was . he didnt tell me .. i have a meeting with our bishop this week and i will ask for his guideds as well.... ur rigt about not knowing why im being told to stay.. im confussed .. and hurt .. but im hopeing that one day we can move pass this and it would of have been worth the struggle

hi , everyone my husband and i have only been married for 3 1/2 years , last month he came back from a trip to visit his family and came back all distant and different he told me he was unhappy and wanted a divorce.. i was confused and really upset. then on the day beore new years he confessed that he had cheated on me a year a go . with a prostitute on several ocations ...... i was devestated ....... but most of all i m confussed i trust the lord completly and i prayid and my answere is to stay with him and wrok things out ,, but i dont know that i will ever be able to trust him again . also he went to talk to she bishop and he has to go to a disapline councel ( ? ) .. but the thing that hurts me the most is that i feel i need to stay with him and he thinks that we should get a divorce ( or at least sometimes he thinks that that would be the best thing ) im not angry with him just very dissapointed and really really hurt .. i have forgiven him . but i dont feel that fixing out marriagde and mending what he did to me is his prioroty- i know that fixing his realationship and getting forgivenss from god is and should be his prioroty ) but i guess i cant help but feel unloved ..........