Cassiopeia

Let me be the first to congratulate you on your pursuit to better understand what you really do believe. And going through the motions is not a bad thing. Keeping a routine while you explore your thoughts and your heart is awesome. It will help take some of the fear and pressure off of you. You haven't done anything wrong. Questioning what we know is a life time pursuit. I often worry about the person who never comes face to face with their actual testimony and belief. It is through this visiting and revisiting of gospel doctrine and issues that we deepen our understand of what we actually do believe and feel. Our Father in Heaven does not want blind obedience. If you'd like me to pray for you, it will be that you will be at peace and calm in your heart as you explore the answers to your questions and feelings so whatever choice you make will not be made out of fear or haste. You take your time. You've got my support. I'm sure you have Christ's support as well.

No, sir. Not everyone puts on an act. The manner in which you presented your first post made it appear that you are condoning manipulating people. You even brag about your ability to do it. Let me say without equivocality that I am exactly who I am on any given day. I never am false in my actions or words. I don't pretend to be who I am. That would be lying. I get told all the time by people, "everyone lies." NO THEY DO NOT! Not everyone. Just because you think it's okay to manipulate and pretend to be someone your not does not mean everyone does. What you are describing in this post, is the many facets and personality traits we all hold. No one is just one thing. That doesn't mean we are pretending. I do know some who do pretend for the sake of getting along with others or to get what they want but I would not consider them a good person. And Christ pulling out the bullwhip has nothing to do with pretense. He is the Son of God and he had every right to chase the money changes from his father's house. He wasn't pretending to be kind and loving, he wasn't pretending to chastise those people. He is the same in who he is though his actions and words vary. If for one moment I thought that a man interested and courting me was doing things in private I would not appreciate in public, I'd not go out with him. A man or woman she be open and honest with who they are from the start. I'm not sure what your question is really asking but this whole as a woman I'm a contest to win, is so far fetched in thinking that I can't begin to tell you how horrified I am to be reduced to a competition. I would far rather that sort of pretense be set aside and the man courting me, actually be interested in me and what I have to say and think and what I do in my life that matters to me. I have a daughter and I really pray and hope that men courting her will show her EXACTLY who they are. What you are describing has to do with adapting good manners and being a considerate human being and one must never fake that. If a person is shy, then by all means they should be who they are. You are not talking about people putting on an act, you are talking about customs and rituals which are all a part of culture and society. When someone pretends to have these values they are quickly found out. So telling someone to "put on appearances or to pretend a certain attitude" is encouraging them to falsehoods.. I certainly have not lived more than half my life. I plan to live to well past 100. And no, I'm not looking for companionship through friendship more than romance. I want the fire of romance, the thrill of the first stages of attraction and I want to feel just as giddy as I did when I first fell in love with Chuck the pastor's son who held my hand and took me for a walk and gave me my first kiss at 14. I have no idea who you hang out with or who is coaching you but I think you need some new ways of thinking. The way you present yourself here, is rather crude and abrupt and abrasive and if it's an act, it does not do you justice, sir. I attract people to me because of my genuine qualities. What you see is what you get. I am refined, I have a great sense of humour and I'm a blast to talk to and I genuinely have my standards of how to proceed in courtship. These are not affectations but qualities of my character.

Absolutely.

I don't know where you live but I happen to know a majority of teens face extreme issues on a daily basis. In an ideal world where we control everything. This is the kind of thinking that allows someone to be taken by surprise when things happen beyond their control and they have no clue as to what to do or where to turn. And yet you struggle with people in your YW being so rude. huh. I wonder why that is.

and yet some people do face them. Please don't invalidate the experiences of others simply because you don't share them in common. Life just isn't always that simple. We often think we've chosen good friends only to find out they aren't. And peer pressure comes in many forms. Woah, woah! Let's let the young men speak for themselves, shall we? The OP is asking what YOUR greatest challenges are. Not what you THINK others might be struggling with. Wow, how utterly lacking in compassion that statement was. Life and being alive brings to our doorstep many challenges. We all make mistakes. Let's try not to sound so unfeeling about it. Remember this is a public forum and the "eyes of the world are upon us." We should be emulating a Christ-like attitude. As a youth I struggled with my parents not wanting me to join the church. The contention got so heated that a week before my baptism my brother held a butcher knife to my throat and threatened to kill me saying he'd rather I be dead than a Mormon. I had a hard time finding friends with church standards and I was very lonely. The youth in my ward wanted me to join but they had no interest past converting me to remain my real friends. That was very difficult for me.

I completely agree with you. People tend to think that if we were strong enough nothing can lead us away and certainly not others actions. This is an excuse careless people make because they don't want to be accountable for not paying attention to how they treat others. Even your faith in Christ can be rendered when you meet with enough opposition and don't have the support system you need. We were placed here with each other for a reason. Not everything is about being offended and prideful. Sometimes it's about being so crushed so hurt and losing heart and faith. It isn't our pride that always keeps us from activity. Look deeper than primary and sunday school answers.

No matter which way you dice and slice this, it's manipulation and it's absolutely the wrong way to go about having friends and entering into relationships.

Not necessarily, it could be that she has unlimited texting with very low minutes for her cell phone plan. And I hope the OP will NOT take the advice of MisterT. I find his methodology not only offensive but deceptive. You be yourself. If you'd like to see her, text her. Don't worry so much and take your time.

Maybe you should clean the house more? Turn the air con, on? I'm just sayin'

And the church says one tenth of your increase. That's it.

You know, I wondered if it was you! I'll have to close my eyes when I read your posts from now on.

Unless you actually leave the church or lose your faith, I doubt it will make sense to you. It's a very personal thing and not many are willing to openly discuss leaving the church. I know when I did for 7 years, I refused to discuss it with anyone. I didn't want to influence them. People should be allowed to have their faith and not have it ripped from them. I've seen many wonderful and amazing things in my life and I've asked myself how I could just forget them as time went on. Where the still not the truth? And for me the answer was quite simple. Faith requires work and constant use of it. If you don't, the wonderful miraculous things we have seen and heard and felt, fade like a memory and we question ourselves. I had help in that. I had a husband who being a return missionary and a very abusive sort of person used to tear away at my testimony and experiences because he had to be in control. He hated it when I told him I couldn't agree to something because I prayed and couldn't feel good about it. I have had members behave in unthinkable ways and I let it get to me. The ONLY thing that keeps me tethered is my faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Crist. Without that, it's just another church with more bladdy blahh blah. Like I said, it probably won't ever make sense to you and my advice to you is to pray against the day that you might lose heart and faith and wander away. And to remember those who do wander are still your brothers and sisters and they need your love, not your recriminations. And life is never so simple that either God spoke to you or he didn't. That sort of black and white thinking is frought with peril. God can speak to you, you can know it and the devil just might use that against you. So be on your guard and remember none of us are safe against falling away. You have to work at it every day of your life.

I've never seen anything like this. People tell me about hot flashes. FLASHES? At least that would indicate it came and went. This is like every day from 3 pm to 8 pm.

I wasn't allowed to be baptized until I was 18 because my parents really hated the church. I've also been married twice and both times the men were very controlling. The first marriage was in the temple and he dictated everything to me down to my level of spirituality. (I was too spiritual he said). So I cut back on my prayers and scriptures and eventually, after the divorce, I left the church for a time. I will never ever again let anyone dictate to me whether or not I should be a member or how much I participate. I don't think it's fair for the church to tell someone who is worthy that they can't be baptized because of a spouse. Parental permission is different but I don't think it's fair to hand that power over to a husband or wife. Particularly when that spouse will never give consent because they know they sit in the position to deny it to their husband or wife.

I'm so rebellious. I think this standing is unfair. I had to wait to be baptized until I was 18 but a spouse? No, a spouse doesn't own me. I'd never let someone interfere with my religious choices. If the church wanted to make an issue of it, I'd just walk away from the church to be honest. But I'm just that adamant that no one will ever stop me from doing what I feel is right.

I think this is a very thoughtful and well written question. When it comes to tithing just remember one word, "Increase". I think Justinator has a great way of doing that. As for garments, I'm struggling to wear mine right now because my body is going through hours of the day and night where I'm so hot I can't handle it. I break out into horrible sweats and soak my clothing. I haven't taken them off yet but if this continues, I'm going to have to find relief somehow. Oh the joys of being a woman who's approaching the changes of life.

Hi Jonathan. Yes the church does focus on family. As a convert for 34 years now, I know how it feels to be the only one at first. But you know, it's only hard if you dwell on what you don't have and not what you do. So focus on you. Remember in your own way you are a pioneer. My son wrote me a letter from his mission telling me how grateful he is that I was the first to join. That I made it possible for him to be a part of something so wonderful. One day you won't be sitting alone. And you aren't alone. You have your brothers and sisters in the gospel.

I think you should attend church even if your husband isn't ready to go with you. If he feels uncomfortable or hurt, have a talk with him. Reassure him that your love for him isn't contingent upon him coming with you and that he won't lose you.

We can see this in our every day lives as well. It's not always easy to discern what's right when there are very convincing people who may sit next to us during our meetings or even standing at the pulpit or in our classes teaching incorrect principles and should we follow them it could lead to our despair. For example: Yesterday in Sunday School, the teacher was talking about Isaac and how Rachael and Jacob deceived him into giving Jacob, Esau's birthright. He then went off onto this tangent where he said, that Rachael was right in deceiving him (there are many arguments that can go into talking about how it might have turned out if she hadn't) and then that SS teacher began promoting that it is okay for a spouse to go behind their eternal companion's back and force your spouse to do what you want (I kid you not). And that men, just need that shove and how stupid men can be. He said we take turns stepping out in our marriages to lead and it's okay when one is doing something you feel is wrong to do what Rachael did. As he kept going on, I heard a bit of mumbling but no one would speak up. What that SS teacher said was slipped right in there with the rest of the lesson and it is misleading. Teachers in their own rights are considered a sort of prophet. They instruct us and lead us. We must always be on our guard that whoever is giving us instruction has taught us correct principles. When I raised my hand, he tried to avoid me but I wouldn't put my hand down. I knew time was short and we had gone over but I couldn't let that stand. He finally said, quickly please and my words to him were, "I don't agree with what Rachael did. She went behind her husband's back and she betrayed him. Marriage is a sacred covenant and it is never appropriate for us to do what she did. And I'm certain the Lord would never tell us to do such a thing." He fumbled for a moment and put his hands directly in front of me as if he were attempting to push me away and said, "I'm sure we don't know everything about that story and then muttered about of course I had a good point." Of course I had a good point? What he said is in direct opposition to the Lord's teachings. What he did was expand on a lesson to inadvertently teach false doctrine. He's a good man, I like him but I've no doubt in my mind that when he was preparing his lesson, he was misled in his thinking by the adversary. And you can bet your last dollar that there was someone in that classroom listening who bought into the idea that it's okay if you go behind your spouses back because you are doing something more righteous than they are. This is why we are told to search, ponder and pray and not to just blindly follow. On a final note, I found it interesting that when the brethren left us and we were preparing for Relief Society, the number of sisters who thanked me for speaking up and yet not ONE of them attempted to do so. Why is that do you think?

I also flee to the safe haven of the saints when things get gnarly. But there are times when I haven't felt I was safe among the saints either.

I can understand how you feel and I also understand your inability to understand those who seek a safe harbor away from the saints. To each his own in difficult times. If you are a person who takes great solace in the company of others then it works for you. I am like that at times and other times, my physical affliction can be too great and I stay quietly sequestered within the confines of my home.

I don't think the Prophet has the Holy Ghost stronger than anyone else. I think he knows how to listen to it better and I think he's given the keys and authority to preside over the body of the saints. Having said that, many people throughout the world receive revelation that's specifically for them. As God's children we have a right to that inspiration. It's how we stay safe and learn many many thing.

I'm sorry, I don't know what happened but I hope you feel better soon. And sometimes...change is a good thing. It just doesn't feel like it right now.

Neither can I, and it seems I need a refresher course. :)

Don't you think there are too many tails in that outfit?