Cassiopeia

You're not singling me out? OH drat. And I agree completely with you on this post. :) You dun gewd. :)

I think we give Satan too much credit. It seems to me that the consequences of discussing this with anyone is enough to make a person want to keep it to themselves.

Hey Vanhin :)

Good grief people. Seriously? Stop swiping at one another. It's just bad form. Let's stick to the point of the OP. The question asks, Do I have to be Skinny? Answer: Yes and No and sorta. Ye-- if you want to attract those people who weigh (heh, pun intended) in on the I am not attracted to someone unless they are thin side of the debate. No--if you prefer to find someone who focuses on who you are to find you attractive. Sorta--if you are patient enough and establish enough good friendships, one of those friends after getting to know you may fall in love with who you are in spite of their need for physical beauty as a characteristic. I do not advocate being overweight. It's really hard to manage life when you are bigger. But that depends on how much overweight a person is. I have been both under and over weight. Life was easier for me when I was under weight but, the price I paid for being under weight was a skewed sense of body image so when I got older and had kids and lost my thyroid to surgery, I've learned just how important it is to love yourself for WHO you are and not the number on the scales or the size of your clothing. I've had sports anorexia over the years and that's how I managed to even get close to an appropriate weight after losing my thyroid. Age plays a huge factor in our body size and health. According to all my lab tests, I'm a healthy adult. The scales argue otherwise according to the insurance companies. I think it is more accurate to say that being overweight increases health risks. For some it is unhealthy, for others just adding a risk. The thing is, and I want to say this to the OP. No, you don't have to be skinny to find your eternal companion. It should never be about finding a companion when you want to lose weight. That should be something you do for you and you alone. If you want to lose weight, then I'd consult with your doctor and find medications that don't increase your body weight. Get on a good moderate exercise program that you can stick to...or better yet, do fun active things that you love on a daily basis and examine your food choices. No fad diets. Just healthy eating and activity. Stress and anxiety and discouragement packs on weight for me even when I barely eat. But I know I don't want to stay at my current weight because while my labs are good, I'm having physical issues that aren't fun to have. I don't care if I find another man to marry. I'm more interested in finishing my degree and moving on to graduate work and I want to do the things I want to do. I'm assuming if I'm meant to remarry, the Lord will present that opportunity for me and I'm not going to change my appearance to find him. I'll change my appearance because I want to be able to do things I used to do without resulting pain.

I went back and looked at the post I commented on. I misread. I thought that what was said was that you being skinny is a part of being healthy and a part of the treating your body like a temple. Probably because I've heard of this doctrine of your body as a temple being applied so much to someone being overweight...I've heard it in Sunday School over and over again and in observing private conversations, here in the Salt Lake Valley that it wears on my last nerve. Sorry for the misread.

*bolding mine* I can live without the snark, thank you very much.I asked you for scriptures that back up your stating that being thin was part of the doctrine of treating your body as a temple. Let's look at your scriptural references. Nothing in this passage says that we are to be skinny. Not one word even remotely close to implying it. Again nothing is mentioned about the weight of a person. This gives us good guide lines for living a long and healthy life but it says nothing about the physical appearance of a person needing to be thin. There IS NO doctrine that says we need to be thin to honor our bodies as a temple. This is cultural pressure and a peer constraint that has no place in the actual attributions of these scriptures. Now if you want to talk about how to live a long life or the importance of being morally clean, well then, we can start a new thread with those scriptures as citation but it is in error to apply them to someone who is struggling with their weight and how they get treated in the dating world. It is not a sin to be overweight. It is a health concern ONLY. And even then a person who is larger in size is may not be in any way unhealthy but that is their body's make up. A person who is underweight also may actually at health risks too, HOWEVER, no one says to them, "you are not treating your body as a temple, you need to gain weight." So unless you have any direct scriptures that tell us we are defiling our bodies when we are overweight, your saying it belongs in the "doctrine of our body as a temple" to be in error.

ryanh, AWESOME post. Thank you. It illustrates so eloquently what I failed to.

The question posed was used to illustrate man's inability to comprehend everything about the nature of God and his tendency to ask questions that bear no relevance on our eternal salvation.

Like everything about us, faith is a progressive trait. We grow in strength and faith. It's not an easy thing. I do not believe that you have to understand every single thing about the church or have a testimony of all of it. I think what matters is that you are so faith in your obedience. Sometimes answers come as we get older. There are times in our lives when we are tried so much that we do lose faith. However, to me, your attendance and remaining obedient is what matters. I don't think it is required that we have a perfect faith in everything thing perfectly. I admire you for your diligence in wanting to be active and for your family to be active as a result of your obedience.

I asked my return missionary son today about this topic and he told me that they always ask for spousal permission but it doesn't mean they can't be baptized without it. He did say, it depends on the culture and country in which someone lives.

I've had many blessings in my life and have seen such miracles that I've shared with friends in the past. Over the years I have found that when I struggle or falter my friends abandon me. I've even had them get angry with me. When I point out to them how unfair they are being they always say, "but it scares me that you have had such great experiences and such strong faith can falter. What does it mean for me if you doubt?" I now refuse to tell anyone of my experiences. It's just easier to slip in unnoticed that to be vocal about the great things the Lord has shown me throughout my life so when I falter, people don't judge me for it. It's like they think I should have perfect faith when I've seen so much. It's not fair.

I got Vladimir Nabokov, P. G. Wodehouse, and Dan Brown. My first two attempts were from my blog and the third from my novel I'm working on. LOL too funny

Can't or won't? That's the distinction I make. Yes God can do anything he wants but he won't because he follows the laws that govern us.

Hey you. Are you following me??? That was me. My brother asked me that question back in 1976 and it's still a good one.

Makes you wonder if someone edited that in. I've seen similar homes, it's a space saver home. Seriously WOW.

Please provide the scriptural references for this supposed doctrine. There is nothing in the scriptures that I'm aware of that says we must do our best to be healthy. It's good advice and important for longevity, but it's not a commandment or doctrine.

So back to the OP's discussion. I think perhaps it really was too soon to be holding her hand. Especially if she's shy. While it might be a bit awkward there is a sweetness to being asked if someone could hold your hand. You could do it simply with a gesture of holding out your hand to her and smiling with a questioning look. And if she says no, you smile and nod. AND you don't take it personally. Which I know is really hard. You mention you don't have a car. I don't know what your situation is, but I'd recommend finding someone to date in your area. Times are hard, people do understand someone not having a car for awhile. The thing is to try and not stress to much or worry what she thinks. Spend more time working on yourself and resolving the car issue and making yourself feel good about who you are. There is nothing more appealing than a man who is secure in who he is.

I'm quoting your post in full because it bears repeating. thank you for sharing such a moving experience and the hugh nibley story. I'd heard it long ago. If there is anything I can say that might help anyone it is that as Latter-day Saints (I know I'm guilty of it in my past) it is so easy to get caught up in judging others. I know one Bishop who said, the sweetest smell in the world to him was the smell of ciggarette smoke on one of his ward members. When I asked why, he said, "because this is where they belong." NOT that he was advocating smoking but he wanted anyone and everyone to feel welcome at church. None of us are perfect. And we all falter in our faith one way or another. For some it's quite easy to tell when they do. *sighs* ahh..the sweet smell of a camel cigarrette. But how many of us are hiding behind the wall of obedience? Our sins may not be as obvious. We are obedient in every way that the Bishop and others can tell. But how many of us harbor the sins of pride and vanity? How many of us harbor hard feelings and ill will towards our loved ones and our neighbors? Are we willing to go the extra mile? One thing that has always goaded me is when people make a comment like this..."I have the most wonderful neighbor. She isn't LDS but she's awesome." Why must we make a distinction between people like that? I know I'm probably going a bit off topic, but I want people to understand something. What we think, and feel in our minds and hearts shows on the outside. You may think you aren't offending someone but when you look down on someone because they have a WoW problem or don't attend regularly, you DO approach them differently and it hurts. I promise you it hurts. I want you all to know that I might be a bit outspoken on certain topics and in particular about judging others and having attitudes that set us away from the spirit instead of setting us apart from the world but that's because I've had to fight to come back and I fight to stay. I want everyone to feel welcome and to find their way. The church is not an elitist club. All are welcome. All are sinners. All are striving towards making it back to our Father in Heaven.

I actually didn't realize that it was a dating site when I first joined. I thought it was like for us to get to know people of all ages and both genders to make friends and maybe date. But it is strictly dating. I didn't even have it for a month before I left. I agree, men and women who post questionable photos aren't looking for a righteous mate. Some of the women had very suggestive photos as well. It's just not what I want in my life.

I'm always concerned when poeple say that if we sin we can't have the Holy Ghost with us. I don't think it's that simple. I think when we are participating in something we shouldn't he can't be our constant companion but he still does visit and prompt us to repent and comfort and encourage us.

I tried LDS planet and had a bad experience three times. One turned out to be a nigerian scam artist. (cute photos though), another was a non-mormon who pressured me a lot about getting into a relationship after talking to him twice and one guy actually got angry with me on the chat because I wouldn't just hand him my phone number after talking to him for ten minutes. A man who says he's a therapist exchanged emails with me and we chatted through the chat program but he was so negative and toxic, when he gave me his number and asked me for mine, I said I'd think about it and then deleted my account. I'd rather go to a singles ward somewhere and meet someone in person. ETA: OH and one guy was demanding full body shots instead of my profile picture I had and directed me to his photos of him laying out on some rocks in a speedo showing off his muscles. I was really turned off by the lack of modesty and the pressure to show him a "body" shot. Like I said, I'll meet them in person, rather.

communications is a part of the field of psychology and it is a behavioral science.I haven't described getting old as the inability to take care of myself. Maybe I'll be living with other people that age or in the care of my children or what not but I will be alert and healthy and full of vim and vigor. (or at least that's what I aspire to because I don't believe in living in fear of what might happen).

And I say you can only speak for yourself as you do not understand how things are for other people. And it is a weak and false claim to make that we choose to be offended. People often do things that are offensive. And yes, if someone leaves the church using the reason that they were offended it is certainly their choice to do so. But they did not choose to be offended in the first place. That smacks of a pop psychology that has been misused by some to remove themselves from being accountable for the things they've done to others out of callousness. But to paint this picture so black and white is an error. People actually do come to the conclusion that their experiences were not what they thought or upon deeper reflection feel they don't believe enough of the gospel to remain. Or, they leave because they didn't have a testimony but rather joined for a different reason. It is not our place to judge them. Do you know every single person who has left? Can you prove it is their pride that makes them leave or keeps them away? Le'ts hope others are certainly kinder than you are being when you are being judged for choices you make.

Wow, you sure put your foot in it don't you? You just inferred that I'm not a professional. I happen to be a communications consultant. I specialize in written and verbal communications. If you aren't being understood it is the words you are using and your flippant manner in which you post. There's a difference between being a bland communicator and one that is so verbose the message gets lost in the presentation. You are accountable in part for the reception of how you say things. As we say in my field, "words are everything." They have meaning and joking around about something as serious in nature as this, isn't necessarily going to communicate for you what you hope to. In fact, it often goes the other way. Because I do work in the area of culture and interpersonal relationships as part of my field, I can address this. What you are talking about is infatuation. I personally love that part of the courting process. It makes us giddy. Not everyone has experience being infatuated but that isn't either wrong or right. It is what it is. Deep abiding love comes after initial attraction and infatuation (hopefully). I would be careful in using the word "irrational" when speaking of infatuation because it connotes a judgment. Even deep abiding love can be illogical. I'm not sure why you mention dyslexia, I've overcome it as well but has no bearing on how I present myself and I can't say if you are autistic or not, but it seems to be the popular thing today to have Aspergers when actually, sometimes we just need to learn and keep our interpersonal skills polished and ready. And btw...I have every expectation that I will be active and alert right up to my 110th birthday. :)

Just remember, that you are loved. Loved no matter what you do or decide. You are okay with the Lord. He sees better than any of us that this is what we are here to do. We are here to learn and to know and to feel. Christ knows how important the process you are going through is. He would never take that from us. You'll be okay. No matter what you decide. Because you are loved.