ConquestT4

I think stress is in my genes. I deal with it a lot too. I am a super busy college student with a lot going on and I am a bit prone to stress and anxiety. On top of that I am a bit of a perfectionist. Best remedies that work for me. -aerobic exercise (works really good) -any type of excercise (push ups, pull ups for guys, jumping jacks) -get some fresh air, get out and be in nature for as much time as possbile -make sure you eat good (junk food adds to stress) -make lists of stuff you have to do so you don't have to worry about it so much -find humor in all you can -be positive and ask for strength specifically in prayer -get it in your head that the stress will never help you accomplish more or be effecient. A little stress is good but I work best when my mind is clear and I don't feel toooo pressured. Balance your life as much as you can and have some sort of physical activity during every day that gets your heart rate up. The more you learn how to plan your day out well, the more you will get done. I have to work at all of these but I know they have helped me. When you put God first in your life everything really will fall into place and you will realize what He really expects of you. Don't run faster than you can!

Anything virtuous lovely or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things. Correct me if I am wrong but didn't the church make on official statement and say that we should not see the Passion of the Christ? Am I making that up? Didn't Mel Gibson get struck by lightning on the cross or something like that? Am I making that up to? LOL....wow...its late..... I think most horror films are bad though I like funky town's comments. I never saw it that way. I think they can be ok but let me tell you. There is nothing uplifting about The Ring. I think most horror films chase the spirit away. Can you imagine watching most of them with President Hinckley next to you on the couch? :)

I bet you weren't thinking about these consequences when you first sinned. You can't choose your consequences. You can't choose for other people. A mature response to this situation would be to accept it and humble yourself. I think deep down inside you feel this isn't fair. You have to accept that this is exactly what the Lord wants for you right now. Its what he is using to mold you. You being surprised by all of this is part of the repentance process. You have to get through it to be forgiven completely and to totally change. I bet you aren't going to do it again. I have learned that worthiness is not a light bulb that can be turned on and off. Im clean! Now I sinned.... ooohhh..... guess what... I just repented! Now I'm clean again. Life! Hello life... everything go back to normal. Its not an undo button. Our sins get covered by the Atonement. Everything will balance out but you can't change the fact that you sinned. What you did it what you did. You just have to look at it positively, be humble and make the best of your situation. Want what God wants. Think like He thinks. Use this time to your advantage. I know its hard when your expectations aren't met but you have to face this. I can relate to how you are feeling but nothing we do or say will change your situation for you. Just make the best of it and things will get better. It will feel good once you can look back on it. Make sure you are 100% clean during these next 4 months. Satan will try and get you to slip up again and you could end up waiting another year! Don't underestimate his cunningness and don't underestimate God's power to make you clean again. Make sure you change completely and have a FULL repentance. You have to change your state of mind. Just abstaining from sin is only 80% per say. Eliminate that desire to sin as much as you can. Thats part of true repentance.

Of course not. I'm on your side. I just didn't express that very well. I feel like everyone is trying to make it seem like I intended something I did not. I guess my humor is not appreciated. In my post before you quoted it there was a smiley face there. I don't know if you took that out or if it just doesn't show up when you quote but there was definitely a face there. It was this one >>>> I'm sorry. Once again thats not exactly what I meant to communicate. I meant it more for high status people. It makes me lose regard for those people are celebrities or famous people. Not look down on them as human beings or souls. On my mission I ran into plenty who wouldn't accept the Book of Mormon. In fact, most didn't. That didn't make me view them as inferior. That would not be Christ-like love, long-suffering, etc. Does that make sense? Wow... I totally didn't expect any of these responses.

Are you related to Mark Twain or something or are you just in the mood to get mad at someone? We are the same religion... remember? I didn't know I could offend someone so bad by saying I don't like it when famous people say negative things about the Book of Mormon. I never said I hate famous people who don't accept the Book of Mormon. I just don't like their views sometimes. I need to get out more? Well that's kinda......rude. Aren't we both sitting here in front of the computer on an internet forum?.......not getting out. Would getting out be defined as flipping on the television and finding out more about celebrities and famous people and what their stances are on abortion? I guess I am just not qualified as a human being if I don't know what Brad Pitt's stance on abortion is. That's probably not how you really feel is it? I used abortion as an example. I think you are twisting what I said. Did I do something to offend you before this? Whats going on???? *Sigh*.....I understand that I probably failed to communicate what I was thinking properly. Bitter is the wrong word.... This is what I was trying to say: Humorous or not, it makes me sad when negative things are said about the Book of Mormon in society. Its hard to view the Book of Mormon as something special and sacred your whole life and then see someone else who you value in some way as a reasonable intelligent person label it as worthless. I know that's just the reality of things. I feel helpless that I can't make people see things the way they should. I do understand and can even appreciate the humor in all of Twain's comments. I would be lying if I said I have never joked about anything in the Book of Mormon. Does that make it right to joke about it(The BofM)? Probably not. I don't think anyone can be truly justified in joking about it. But my point is that quotes by famous people influence the people that know them ie. society. Have Twain's comments on the Book of Mormon helped the word of God spread to all the earth or are there some people that have accepted his statements as being true and have therefore been hindered??? I am almost certain that many people who have read these statement who don't know about the church have been negatively influenced by them in some way. Is that such a stretch? Now, as members I don't think it affects us personally. We can laugh with Twain and just laugh. I know it hasn't negatively affected my testimony! I'm not as uptight as it may seem. I promise! I am not trying to influence people to hate the man or not read his books/auto-biography. Heck, Id read it. Hes one heck of an interesting and funny guy. I loved Tom Sawyer. I feel like your acting like I'm trying to say Mark Twain is the anti-Christ.........I'm not. Why do people draw conclusions so fast? I guess I didn't realize how "uptight" I must sound with my internet voice. I say all this because I want to be understood. So please....understand! This is probably overkill.

I think some archeologists were doing a study and they were figuring out what some symbols meant down in south or central america. They came upon one symbol and they couldn't figure it out. They brought in some old old native speaker and he looked at the symbol on the wall and said it mean "and it came to pass" Thats just what I heard. I couldn't tell ya if thats true or not but it sounds good right?

Whoa... I'm not that bitter! I mean that I don't like "famous people" who criticize the church. I lost some respect for Mark Twain when I heard this. Its like if I were to like a celebrity and I found out the celebrity was pro abortion. How would my thoughts about the person change. Sorry. I like the Book of Mormon.....????? This doesn't mean I can't appreciate anything about him or any of his work. It doesn't mean I wouldn't read the book. Just I don't think very highly of someone intelligent and recognized when they read something like the Book of Mormon and see it as a thing of naught. I know Twain isn't the only one. 1 Ne. 19: 7, 9 7 For the things which some men esteem to be of great worth, both to the body and soul, others set at anaught and trample under their feet. Yea, even the very God of Israel do men btrample under their feet; I say, trample under their feet but I would speak in other words—they set him at naught, and chearken not to the voice of his counsels. 2 Ne. 28: 16 16 Wo unto them that turn aside the just for a thing of naught and revile against that which is good, and say that it is of no worth! For the day shall come that the Lord God will speedily visit the inhabitants of the earth; and in that day that they are fully ripe in iniquity they shall perish. I have some people I knew from High School who would use quotes like this from recognized people as authoritative statements. All I am saying is a don't really support anything anti and these comments while maybe intended to be a bit humorous (maybe maybe not) are anti. When people read them before investigating the church they can have a more significant impact on what the person will think of the Book of Mormon. (Mark Twain thought it was boring and worthless>>I like Mark Twain, Mark Twain is intelligent, People respect Mark Twain>>Therefore I will tend to agree with him and think the BOM is boring/worthless). I just don't want to sympathize with any apostate/ groups/people. Don't take it tooo seriously^_^

Thats kinda crazy..... but hey.... didn't he have some negative things to say about Mormons.... like I think he said..."The book of ether is rightfully named" (ether puts you to sleep) and he said "if you take out 'and it came to pass' from the book of mormon it would be a mere pamphlet." I like the guy but I'm bitter about those quotes......hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Remember that becoming a member and really living the gospel bring so much more peace and joy into our lives. Our bodies and minds need breaks and get-aways sometimes. Absolutely. I feel that as I live the gospel and as I repent and come unto Christ my ability to deal with everyday life increases and I am more capable of going through life without struggling. I see things more positively and experiences that would normally stress me out or make me mad don't affect me as much. I can deal with things better now because of the gospel and what I have learned and applied to my life. At least the same things that made me struggle and want a break 5 years ago don't phase me as much now. The Atonement, or Christ's sacrifice, has power to forgive us of our sins but also to enable us to do more than we would normally be able to do. It literally can change us and who we are. It will never be "easy" but God will not make life harder than it has to be. Just as He won't let us be tempted beyond what we can bear He will not make us DO more than we can handle. Step by step. A scripture in the Book of Mormon in Mosiah says that "everything must be done in wisdom and order. It is not prudent that a man (or woman) run faster than he hath strength." God won't expect more of you than you can give. Don't be afraid of sacrifice for when we sacrifice we always get something more valuable than what we sacrificed. We don't decide when but it always works. I hope that makes sense?? Honestly, I am a perfectionist too and I respect what you have said. I have ran into lots that feel like you do. Read the scripture again Mosiah 4: 27 27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and aorder; for it is not requisite that a man should run bfaster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order. and remember that God doesn't expect you to change who you are in an instant. This is a lifelong journey. The bible says that even Christ learned and grew "line upon line, precept upon precept." It sounds simple but he just wants our best effort. (This doesn't mean we can "halfway try" either but only we can decide what is our best) God knows how much we struggle and work. He has set aside a day of the week to come unto Him in reverence and prayer. It is a day of spiritual, mental, and PHYSICAL recharging and strengthening. Living this commandment to the fullest will not just bless you but your whole family. I can promise you that. When you decide to be baptized you will also receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Have you been taught by the missionaries about this? The Holy Ghost, or "The Spirit," as he is often called is there to give us that comfort when we need it. He can help you get what you get out of your alone time maybe. I know I have been comforted many times in my life. I can remember being comforted today even now that I think about it. Last, your not alone. The members are there to support you. Many have similar experiences. You can talk to the bishop of the ward. He will be happy to guide/assist you where he can. Don't be afraid to talk to him. Its more common than you think to talk to him. Everything will fall into place. God has designed the test of this life that way so it must be a step of faith for all. You can never know how this is true for you personally until you try it. Meanwhile we are happy to support and encourage you! I look up to people like you who are honest enough to express how you feel. Good luck!

Thanks! Those are good things to consider. Years ago I didn't have a true idea of marriage. I really think I am refining my understanding of it more and more. All the responsibilities etc. I am around plenty of married couples/engaged couples here at college and I kinda see what they go through. I am taking a marriage prep class and have been thinking a lot about it. I don't feel I am ready to make those changes in my life RIGHT NOW. Its not RIGHT around the corner and its not that I can't commit to someone or I just want to have fun with friends and enjoy life but I have to know for sure and she does too. I feel the need to get married sooner than later. Start a family. I'm starting to feel that that its true. Elder Scott just spoke at a CES fireside and he said that marriage should be our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY (speaking to college students). Basically its a sin to not be getting ready for it and not be searching/dating. Some say don't get married soon. Some say wait till your 26... I don't want to unrighteously put it off or unrightously rush in. Really its something that I plan on happening within the next 2 years and as soon as in about 6 months. Getting engaged at least. We have talked about marriage in general but not US GETTING MARRIED. We have talked about how other people talk about us and "fantasize" about us getting married but I really need to talk to her in person and discuss it. Its not something I want to talk about via text, phone, or even skype. It wont be that awkward to talk about it either. We feel the same way about most everything and we BOTH know we have both thought about it. I don't mean that we need to talk about when or where but talk about why it would be good and why it would work out. Talk it out and discuss import things. It may end up being the conversation that "temporarily breaks us up" mutually so we can date other people with the purpose to see if we really are that good. We may date other people then run back to each other and rerealize how good we had it. It doesn't hurt to be more sure. As hard as that might be I think I could handle it if it was a mutual decision but I don't think I could handle that kind of break up right now and over the phone halfway through the semester. I appreciate the comments and any other advice or experiences would be more than appreciated!! I've been thinking a lot and I think things are getting more clear but there seems to be no real immediate solution.

Wait... So I am unfaithful because I am "interested" in other girls? I can find another girl attractive or funny but until I pursue something there I don't think that constitutes as cheating. Funny that you say that. My current girlfriend did kind of seek me out in a way. We both kinda met in the middle. I have mingled with other girls and I WANT to meet other people. She is ok with that but we haven't talked about me dating other girls. I am not right now. Therefore I think that constitutes as being faithful. Its not like I am walking around campus to check girls out either. But I can't help that I am surrounded by them and that lots are pretty. My girlfriend is ok with that. She is not that protective. I suppose what I want to know is would it be stupid to break off a relationship that is going so well just because I have the option to date more people right now? If we broke it off I might be able to date others but she would not. I think maybe she needs it more than I do. Heck... I'm the first she has dated. I have this fear of wasting time. Say I do break up with her and I can't find anyone I'm interested in as much as I am interested in her? What then? Go running back to her? That would make me feel like I can't make up my mind. Ugggggg........I can't see things clearly right now.

Your right. I know that no one understands the situation better than I do. It does me a lot of good to hear other people's experiences though. I know no one can decide for me but I am just having kinda a hard time seeing things how they really are. I am trying to be realistic and I don't want to think something is better than it really is but I think that some of the most important things are there. Time will tell I supose...... sigh...........................Long distance sucks but if we make it and we are closer when its over then isn't that sayin something? If I can stay faithful to her and her to me for these 3 months then I know thats a good indicator of "US" and where we are. I am surrounded by girls here. What sucks the most is that I get to see her over Christmas break. My family is going to want my attention and her family is going to want hers. I have from the 18th to the 3rd to be with her. Thats about 2 weeks minus family time etc. Then...........its back to school for another painful 3 months of skype, phone calls, texting, and letters. How can I convince her to come down here? Shes going to school studying child development. Its her third semester at the University of Arkansas.... which is 5 minutes from her house. Its a good school but I love BYU-I and its nice to be away from home and meet lots of members here.

Here is some more important information I suppose. She is 19. Im 22. I have dated one other person. It lasted 1 year from 16 - 17. It was stupid. This is completely different. Now... I am THE FIRST person she has dated seriously (relationship...shes been on numerous dates). First person she has kissed... first I love you, etc. I almost......want her to date other people so that she can know I am what she really wants but where we (she) lives there honestly aren't very many datable lds guys that are her type. If we broke up she probably wouldn't find anyone. Now on my side... I'm at BYU-I. There are cute (dang cute) girls all over! I feel tempted to test the waters and its hard going from having someone to cuddle with to having no one but I just look at girls and observe them and I feel like I can quickly see that the girl I'm dating now is so much better. Even if some girls here are prettier.... and thats weird for me because physical appearance is huge for me and I feel kinda picky and kinda bad but I'm a normal guy I think. Just right now I have reason to break this relationship off. I want to see where it goes and I want her to know that I am what she really wants and vice versus.

I'm sorry I used the terminology "THE ONE." I completely agree. I do not believe in soul mates. I'm positive there are plenty out there who I am compatible with. I know that. I don't doubt that at all. I meant more like.. the one I should marry or someone that it would wise to marry. Thats crazy! Thats pretty much EXACTLY how I would describe our relationship! It just all seems so good. We can talk about anything and everything. The way everything happened was just not awkward at all and it could have been. The first kiss, holding hands, saying I love you for the first time. It all just came so naturally and I think that has allowed us to get so close so fast. We are both down to earth and mature. We are on the same level spiritually. I know I want to continue and see where it goes before deciding anything. A year or two ago I had the idea that I wanted to date the women I would marry for a year or so. I want to know for sure and not have ANY doubts. 2 months into the relationship and I feel like I am already seeing so much I have always wanted in a wife and so much I didn't know I wanted or knew I could ever have. We are currently in a long distance relationship because of school and I want to talk about marriage (not GETTING MARRIED but talk about marriage and what she thinks) but I want to do it in person. It keeps on coming up in the background of things and it seems all of the girls/her mom/relief society women are so anxious to see what happens. Its annoying. There aren't enough relationships going on to draw the attention away from us. People are more dramatic and gossipy than we are. They don't even really know how close we are. She is not the hopeless romantic type and doesn't fantasize about marrying me but I strongly feel that if I bought a ring tomorrow she would say yes. Its just going really good. We connect. I just can't even believe I am even thinking marriage is a possibility this soon and this soon into the relationship! I used to laugh at and still kinda do laugh at those who get engaged after 1 month. I'm attending BYU I do here people! I think its just insane to rush into something so fast. But right now I just know that if things keep going this good marriage is going to be inevitable. I'm thinking about it more now and its becoming more of a reality to me that it is going to happen maybe sooner than I think. Maybe not with her but it could happen. I am trying to follow my mission presidents council to not wait too long and not get married too fast. I've been home for 6 or 7 months now. I have written down what I do like and what I don't but I feel like maybe if someone else could see my situation in its totality they would say... those things don't matter so much...holy cow.. you guys are great together!!! Marry her! Its really hard being in a long distance relationship. Honestly we have been together longer apart than we have together but we both decided to stick it out and things are going great. We are getting closer despite the distance and its hard but its just....going good. I think this is a really good test for us and every day its proving more and more that this is good.

Just recently I have been hearing soooo much about it. Everyone is talking about it. It seems like it is a legitimate program and it works. I am interested in building up muscle and being defined yet not TOOO defined. I don't like it when people look like they are rock hard alllll the time and it looks like they can't stop flexing. I don't think my girlfriend would like that. I need a program to build my biceps, define them a little maybe, build my chest, build my abs a little bit and make them a little more defined, etc. Any recommendations? I am in college and have access to a gym but not a lot of time and I can't wake up early but I would want to to go work out if I could get myself to do that.

I am curious. I am dating an amazing girl. Everything is just going better than I ever thought it could. Its funny because I never saw this being so good. It wasn't "love at first sight." My questions are: How many people did you date before you found "the one?" How many people did you say you loved before you decided to marry? How did you know she was the one? I really haven't dated many people at all but even without dating other people I can see how I would prefer the person I am with now. We get along so well and in 2 months we have not had a single arguement. This is the first person I have met really that I can just work things out with easily and its almost too easy. I like that. I just don't want be blinded. Is every relationship this good? Is this just normal? I still want and need to get to know her more. I am not the type of person to rush into marriage but it keeps coming up in my mind. We haven't talked about it much and I don't want to rush something. I HAVE to know the person I will marry is the one. Divorce is not an option for me. It just has to be right.

Are you sure there is no problem with the law of chastity? If not then would it be that big of a deal to live apart? Be honest with yourself. Baptism is serious but I think you know it is the right thing to do. Realize that you will feel good for making the right choice. Pray about it. Be honest. Satan will do anything to withhold blessings from your life. He could even do that with good things....like a good relationship (I am assuming its good and that there are no problems or issues with the law of chastity). See this as an opportunity to show God how much you love Him and how grateful you are for how He has blessed your life. You don't have to break up with her and you certainly don't have to marry her. There are other solutions. Just by living together you are willfully putting yourself in a situation where you are tempted to do things that sooner or later hurt you (both) way to much for you to risk it. Good luck and if there are really no fornication issues here keep it up and see what you can do to fix this situation. Just because everything is ok now doesn't mean that a week from now, a month from now, or a year from now it will all be ok. Don't put baptism on the back burner and don't be afraid to pray about it again. Talk to your bishop and be humble. Baptism is worth the sacrifice. I promise you that!

This reminds me of the time my friends and I decided to pull a prank on McDonalds. We had the great idea of posting a sign on the drive through speaking saying "Please shout order! Microphone is not working properly" We did another one that said "We are celebrating the birthday of one of our employees. Sing happy birthday to the person taking your order and receive a free order of McNuggets." :):):):):):) I was a horrible teenager I guess. Just sometimes.

Exactly.

Ok. Fair enough. I feel my issue was more with trying to see where misshalfway was coming from. I didn't understand what exactly she was referring to and the way I was understanding it right or not kinda got to me. I need help recognizing my inconsistencies. For the record in my post I wasn't yelling. Tone of voice isn't always successfully communicated through digital text. You did a good job of pointing a few things out. I have thought about those things before. You are right. I DID take a long time to finally confess the first time. I do understand that not controlling your thoughts IS a violation of the law of chastity but I never thought, and still don't really think that it is something that requires confession to a bishop. Maybe in some cases. Maybe I should have. Maybe if I would have earlier I would never have had a problem. As a youth I think I justified it way too much. I became addicted to those thoughts. I'm still kinda fighting that. Its the foundation of this sin. As for what I said about my bishop... it was hard for me. I desperately want this to be over. I want to be clean. I want to be done with the repentance process and just have to deal with the enduring to the end part. I put those things out there because I wanted your opinions. I needed to read what you guys said. Thats what I was hoping for and thats what I needed I think. I can really accept my bishops ruling and position now. Its still hard but I think its more clear now. I just wish that the communication between my bishop and I would have been a little more clear. Heres the full story: I was called for an interview in my new student ward. They were going to give me a calling but before the counselor gave it to me he asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk to the bishop about. I talked to the bishop. At the end of the interview he said he was ok with me going to the temple and that I could partake of the sacrament this upcoming Sunday (a 2 weeks later because of conference) as long as I had not sinned. I left the bishops office and as I did he said to his counselor "go ahead and give him the calling." He gave me the calling, said I would be sustained on Sunday and I looked forward to it. I looked forward to the calling and I was in good standings. My conscious was clear and I felt an added determination to stop the habit and fully repent for good. Conference came around then Sunday and I waited to be sustained in sacrament meeting. They didn't call my name. Strange I thought. Maybe they will do it later or maybe they forgot (they said they might be forgetting some). I partook of the sacrament and thought that all was ok. At the end of the meeting I went over to the bishop to inquire about the sustaining and he seemed kind of flustered. Maybe thats not the right word. He took me aside, thought for a second, then in a quiet voice said, "I think we are going to wait a little while till this issue is resolved." I was a little surprised but not offended. Ok... I can do that. Then, about 3 days later I met with the bishop again (that was the date he wanted to meet with me again) and I told him I had been doing fine. I had had no occurrences. I was feeling good. I thought I was progressing. As the interview closed and we were about to stand up I said, "bishop. Real quick... uhh... I wanted to ask and be reassured about partaking of sacrament, going to the temple, and my calling. You said I can right?" He then told me that we were going to wait on the sacrament, that I shouldn't go to the temple, and that the calling was assigned to someone else. They just needed it done. And thats fine. I just wish someone would have told me so I wasn't telling another member that I was going to be working with that I was going to help him. Its fine though. I just feel bad personally because I guess I should not have partaken of the sacrament last Sunday. What if I would have gone to the temple? I'm glad I didn't sadly enough. My take on it now despite me being upset (not mad at the bishop directly but frustrated at my situation) is that the bishop is entitled to revelation and following the Spirit. I feel he probably did. I just got my hopes up and then had them trampled down. I felt like my progress wasn't really progress at all. All points and advice taken though. Thanks again. Tell what I'm wrong about if I'm wrong.

Ok. I do appreciate all your points and views. I can't deny that I haven't been tempted to justify my actions but what makes you think that I am making excuses? Since day one when I first "accidentally masturbated" I tried to convince myself that since I didn't have the intentions of producing an ejaculation I wasn't guilty. Just I ended up feeling that I wasn't justified there. I accept the responsibility of my sins. I wouldn't post on here if I didn't have the really desire to repent. I can see how easy it would be to just kind of repent and not fully repent. I think it takes REAL commitment to dedicate, say and beleive... I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN EVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Just in saying that Satan tried to make one doubt if one really can. This post was not in any way made with the intent to be a public service. I posted because I had NO ONE to talk to about it and I needed to just get my thoughts out there. I assumed the risk of people judging me or making fun or being hard on me but I can say that I think that posting here has given me a good amount of time to reflect and see things again. Its served the purpose that I wanted it to and I don't feel completely alone. Since posting here I feel I have been doing better. I have been more calm. I have received good advice.... I think I feel better because one I was able to journalize the "history" of this battle and two I have benefited from the responses of most, if not all. I would really appreciate it if you could point out the justifications and excuses I have made. Maybe I have. Maybe I didn't realize it. Maybe what I put is not a complete or accurate description of my reality. I just don't feel like I am trying to justify or that I HAVE justified anything. I know I cannot justify sin and I know how the Lord sees sin. Maybe I have wanted to but I can't. That hurts me but I also know I have to accept it because thats the way it is. Justifying anything hinder my repentance progress. Who else could be guilty of my sins but me?? Certainly I am the only one directly involved here. I have been "alone" in every occurrence. "He starts messing with your thinking....your emotions....your spiritual views." I beleive this. The biggest thing I have seen is that addiction or almost every addiction if not all it seems, affects ones ability to see the beauties of life. It affects you socially, mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally... I have experienced enough consequences to know that. You are right. So please understand. I like seeing things how they really are. I just feel like I am in the last steps of the repentance process. I know that doesn't guarantee I will never fall again but I am trying desperately to further myself from the sin and not see how close I can get to the edge. I don't think I am strong enough to hang out near the edge. But that edge has been my home for almost 3 years now. When I walk away I kinda feel like I don't know where I am going. But I really do want to get there and I can't live with this in my life anymore. I have too much else to worry about, get ready for, and live.

Me?? I......don't think so.... I just don't want to be communicating the wrong things or wrong idea.... Is misshalfway a therapist or something? No offense to therapists. I'm sure they can do a lot of good for many. I have a friend who sees one for another matter. I just find that her last post when compared with the previous has a very very different tone. I just want to make sure we are on the same page. Ok, after rereading my post it does sound like I am trying to be defensive but I just wanted to address each thing from misshalfway's post that I was confused about. No offense intended whatsoever.

I understand. This all makes sense. But what???? Really!!! Are there people who think that it is ONLY to procreate? So if you want 3 kids you may only get to do it 3 times in your life???

What?????????? Jack off after work???? Where did you get that from?? Make excuses and justifications? I'm trying my best not to justify anything and not lie to myself. Excuses? I've expressed frustration but what makes you think I am trying to EXCUSE ANY of my behavior?? Who is going to shame me here? Go ahead! Tell my story! I hope it helps someone else. No one will probably ever know who I am. Heck, no one even knows my name. I have talked to 4 trusted people who won't ever tell my story. 2 mission presidents and 2 bishops! What are you talking about? Did I plan on doing what I am doing right now? What are you referring to? Posting my story here? Repeatedly falling into the same cycles???? I don't understand at all.