John11111

I know she is not bipolar im a nurse and I work specifically with alzhiemers dementia and other psych a few including bipolar disorder. Im pretty sure she suffers from depression though. I have done some anger management and I dont yell all the time things pile up and after asking nicely or calmy several times about many differenent things every other week or so the dam just breaks usually over something stupid. I always feel horrible after and within 5-10 minutes, after I calm down I go to her and give her a hug and tell her sorry that I shouldnt have yelled and explain to her why i was upset, Thing is nothing ever changes. It would take a long time to list all of the extra things I do for my wife, I give her backrubs and brush her hair spend time wih her etc. I dont do all these things all the time but I make an effort thats why I was so surprised to hear the things she said and dont understand how she could say what she did. Like I said I know I am not perfect and I have issues and I am always working on them. There are several things I used to do that bugged my wife I have worked and stopped most of those things. Ill make sure to pick up a copy of that book because im obviously missing something. Things just dont add up to me, I imagine that most wives would love to have even 1/2 of the things I do? I always hear at church or form work how these women wish there husbands would buy them flowers or take them shopping or get backrubs or bubble baths whatever. I know all women are different and want different things but it just feels hopeless seems like I have tried everything and nothing matters... The things she asks me for just seem unreasonable. She wants always to move o a bigger house or to where she lived as a kid. All our family is here and I have a great job all our friends are here as well. She wants to get a minimum wage job, I keep suggesting that I would pay for her to go back to school so she could do something she enjoys. I felt that would help build her confidece and help her have more of a social life make new friends etc? Somehow she took that as me saying Ididnt want to work anymore so was making her go to school so she could take over???!!! ANyways thanks for al the support so far I still have a lot of questions unanswered and will probably be coming back a lot. My mind is running 1k mph and I cant think of everything.I look forward to pming some of you and having someone to talk to.

I sat down with him and we talked for a couple hours. I always thought he knew I had known about the 1st time. I had hinted at it but never directly confronted him. I dont wanna defend him but he has had a hard time. We were very close when we were younger and getting married at 18 and leaving home was very hard for him. He doesnt really have any friends, and I have been trying to help him with life getting a girlfriend etc. He doesnt go to church anymore because I think he feels what he did has doomed him. He told me it was his fault because he pushed my wife into it? I dunno it takes 2 people I told him I will forgive him and want to stay close but I need time. I told him I wish he would go to his bishop and get back into church and that I would be there for him and that his situation isnt hopeless. I made it very clear he is no longer welcome in my home though if he ever wants to spend time together I will arrange it. I dont want to abandon him again but I know I need to deal with my own problems 1st. My dad would litterally kill him if he found out coming from another country and being a police officer he has very strong feelings about this. It would kill my mom and my sisters would tell my parents so. I dont feel he has anywhere else to go and though I made him promise not to hurt himself because of whats happened I worry for him. I guess until he sees his bishop or someone else that he can talk to that I will be the one he speaks to? Like I said im very confused and hurt right now. My brother and wife are the two people I care for most so it just makes the whole situation that much worse.

Also I know it says in dc that the lord will chose whom he forgives but we must forgive all men. Divorce isnt something I really want but if for some reason it ends up happening would I still be able to forgive her even if we are divorced? Isnt getting a divorce saying I am not willing to forgive her?

I have been married to my wife for 9 years. We have 2 daughters 8 and 6 years old. We were married right outta highschool at 18 years old, I went into nursing and got my liscence as an lpn. We only had legal marriage and have not yet been to the temple. So about 4 years ago I found out my wife had been unfaithful with my brother. I had noticed a change in her and was always trying to get her to talk to me, one night I asked her what had happened. I thought maybe someone had done something to her. She admitted she had been sleeping with my brother about a year before and it had lasted over 6 months 1-3 times a week while I was at work. She told me she had stopped it herself and felt really bad about it and it was a huge mistake. I was really upset and angry I didnt now what to do. We went to the bishop and talked to him about it they had a disciplinary counsil, she was placed on probation and had bi-weekly meetings with the bishop she did well at 1st but she found out the bishop was changing and she quit going. In this time I found out by accident when I was using her computer a guy pmed me that we had known. I was talking to him and I guess he thought I was her... Turns out she had given him a picture of her wearing next to nothing. I confonted her about it and she admitted to it and that she hadnt talked to him in over a year and that she had felt pressured into it. Anyways we started goin to the bishop again about a year ago after not having seen anyone for almost 2 years?. I was happy that my wife had finally got on track again I thought things were going well. Just recently about 3-4 weeks ago I started to get the feeling something was wrong again. I had installed a net nanny type program on the computer because of the previous incident and to protect my daughters. I saw some very disturbing chats she was having with my brother.... It appeared that she was being unfaithful again. In the chats she told him, she didnt really had feelings for me and was scared all the time, she said she felt like I didnt love or or like her anymore... I thought that was insane I buy her flowers 1-2 times a month. I take her out on mini shopping sprees so she has nice things. I work hard so she doesnt have to work. I plan dinners and take her out to breakfast and try to do nice things for her. I try and take her on a date at least 2x a month. From what I hear about others couples in my eyes I do a lot for her. SO I confronted her a night later after work about the chats I started yelling at her to call her mom to come pick her up and get out of the house. I was so angry. Her mom knew of the pevious unfaithfulness because she was relief society president at the time so the bishop was obligated to tell her i guess. She came over and luckily was able to talk to us a bit and calmed things down. My wife ended up staying and we stayed up all night talking. I took off work the next day to spend time at home. I dont know what to do anymore when I was talking to my wife she said she doesnt know why she did it. I asked her why she felt like she did after all I do for her she thinks its because she never got to grow up. I dunno If I can do this all again. We have to talk to the bishop again and im certain this time she will be excommunicated. I love my wife so much and my children would be devastated if I got a divorce she is a great mother to them. I dont know what to do anymore im confused and hurt. I dont want to waste another 3 years of my life and the same thing happen again yet I dont want to throw these last 9 years away. Im not perfect and I have my faults I yell at her for having a messy house or not having clean clothes to wear. Or not having prepared meals I help her around the house and do work I paint, fix broken pipes , drains, all the maintence stuff that seems to always pop up. I even clean the house spotless from time to time so all she as to do is keep it picked up. She doesnt have to work so I figure if I put in 40 hours or more at work she can at least put in 15-20 hours at home this never happens she will spend maybe 1-3 hours once a week and call it trying hard... I asked her why she was scared of me and she said it was because she never knows if I am gonna leave her for what happened the 1st time... I would have left when I found out if that was the case... I thought that all the things I do for her showed that I still cared. She tells me flowers are nice but she would rather have more time talking. Everytme I try to talk to her or ask her how she is doing she wont open up. I see somethings not right but she denies it. If one of her reasons was being scared id leave her, then why will it be any better this time around? Wont that feeling be greater for her now after a 2nd time? She says she still loves me and chose to stay. I dont know what to believe anymore she has lied before and the things she said when she didnt know anyone else would see keep digging at me. She tells me she didnt mean those things and she was just mad at me but I have no trust left right now. PLEASE HELP!!! I guess we plan on seeing the bishop this week and im scared for my wife I know whats coming for her and have read up on it on the lds site. I know she can repent again and be re baptized. I have waited 4 years already to get married in the temple and be sealed to my daughters. Having to wait another 2-3 years doesnt sit well with me I dont want to lose my family if something were to happen to me or my daughters. I know they soon will be too old to be sealed and we will have to wait until they are adults themselves? ANyways sorry its so long and jumbled but my mind is going a million thoughts a minute and I have no one to talk to as I dont want to embarass my wife and let friends or family know. I talked once with my bestfriend about it I had it bottled up for long. I never visit or see my bet friend anymore because after I told him I always feel bad or uncomfortable with him now.