Backroads

I personally found a lot of truth in this metaphor. May I expand on it by asking if we curse God because someone else left a heavy object around for us on which to stub our toe?

My teenaged BiL made a comment that Mormon girls are prettier than other girls--mind you, the kid barely active. But he will agree that all the health and modesty does something.

Another question I have on this topic of crews... If an LDS ward were to sponser a Crew and run the Venturing program with its awards... would the ward pay for those awards like they do with the Boy Scout stuff?

I'm sure all of us can list a few Rated-R movies that we do consider to be "uplifting and of good report" and be able to spout off our reasoning. But overall, MoE is right. Your good chunk of rated R movies... are not of good report for very specific reasons. I once again endorse looking at content rather than at rating, but it's true: all too often you can assume it's rated R for a good reason.

I assume you are referring to Requirement 2A, which says: Take a flight in an aircraft, with your parent's permission. Record the date, place, type of aircraft, and duration of flight, and report on your impressions of the flight. That's all it says. No minimum required. And believe me, when minimums/maximums are required, the merit badge requirement specifically mention it. I'm assuming Requirement 3A, which says a. Build and fly a fuel-driven or battery powered electric model airplane. Describe safety rules for building and flying model airplanes Tell safety rules for use of glue, paint, dope, plastics, fuel, and battery pack. Once again, that's all it says. However, it does mention specific ingredients. I recommend that you as a counselor take a more complex route than slapping wings and a motor on something.

Perhaps we can say... The individual will be held accountable for leaving the church and not finishing repentance. Anyone who may have contributed to that individual's choice to leave will be held accountable for their contributing actions.

Oh, I don't know. But it does bite that someone in a disciplinary council can betray trust and suffer no consequences.

Yet what policies is the Church implementing to discourage council members from blabbing information they have no right to share? What punishments are those who do break trust receiving? Do we have any strategies on not offending others? Sigh. Perhaps that is the danger of having a theoretical discussion. I really don't want this to turn into banging on the Church.

the Church. I shall go back and edit/clarify.

No, we don't know all the details, but it seems most people here are discussing this situation as theoretical--which I think is a great approach to discussing how the situation could have been handled. Yes, I do think most of agree that it ultimately was the young man's choice to leave the church. I am one of those people. I don't think that young man can say he was forced out by anyone in the church. But mormonmusic has also raised some excellent points. Whatever happened, whomever else we can possibly think of blaming, may have done some things that had consequences. Yes, it's ultimately the leaver's choice to leave, but it's no good for us to have a Church that makes anyone want to leave. So, no, we don't know all the details of what really happened, but I think if we look at the situation as a case study, we can discuss quite a few things.

Military connections do make this a lot easier, but they aren't always necessary.

I laugh, but you speak much wisdom.

Let's not forget that Hitler probably thought he was doing a good thing.

True. If she were backed into a corner for a response, it probably meant the young man wasn't taking a simple "no" for an answer.

I have never taught it, but merit badges are part of my job--as in, I answer questions about them everyday at work. I'll take a shot at it.

Thanks, all. My husband and I talked about all of this before I even posted here. Even more talking yesterday. He said he thinks our relationship with each other is good (I agree) and now we will work on our relationship (as a couple) with my family. He called his parents (his mother comes from a mostly strong LDS extended family of cousins, siblings, and grandparents who do not share the speech values my family does and do talk very crude--which explains my husband) who gave us some great advice. I feel horrible for doubting the goodness of my husband. We have talked over the standards we want for our family. In some ways I suppose I would love the ideal perfect Mormon man, but I feel I have a good catch in so many other more important areas. My husband rarely swears around my family or me and for that I am most grateful. I do kind of wish that over the weekend he kept his language a little cleaner out of respect for me, but when I look back it seems everything he said was in response to a comment from his brother or cousin. I'm still mostly upset with my family. I think they were out of line and judgmental.

That's true, we don't know the details of that. I guess I assumed that was exactly how she worded her phrase. Still, by saying she was told to stay away from him would do quite a bit to bother that young man.

To the OP: Since you have not received your endowments, there is really nothing to cover up. Be comfortable and be happy. Especially in your own home. Once you are wearing garments, I see nothing wrong just lounging around in those, if its only your spouse around. I don't fault those who would take EVERYTHING off in case of too much heat as long as you aren't using it as an excuse to take off the garment.

I did laugh at this. The first thing I thought of was the media-stereotyped association of mesh with flamboyant gays. If this was inappropriate, I apologize.

She did no wrong in making the personal and probably intelligent choice of staying away from the young man. Whoever told her to stay away from the young man had reason to believe she shouldn't be around him. Best case scenario is that whoever told her was someone she respected, trusted, and probably had her best interests at heart. Nothing wrong with that, either. However, what the young woman did do wrong was the manner in which she worded her comment. In my view, the comment detracted from her personal choice--she blamed someone else for her personal choice of staying away from the young man. If I were the young man, that comment alone would be plenty to make me feel betrayed by those I trusted, to feel once again unworthy, to feel paranoid the entire stake was talking about me behind my back. My personal assessment of the situation: The girl was not at fault for her choice to stay away from the young man--we have no clue of her reasoning or what led to her choice, but we can assume she had valid reasons--at least reasons valid to her. I do not blame her at all there. But I do criticize her for how she phrased her comment--that was a bad can-of-worms move. Of course, that is all in response to Snow's question. Now my response to the original post and other thoughts in this thread: The young man is ultimately at fault. No matter how betrayed, hurt, humiliated, etc. he felt and no matter how understandable those feelings are to me, he is still the one who made the choice to not finish his official disciplinary council and to stop attending church. He is the one who chose to be offended. No matter who else could contribute blame, the young man is the one who made the choice. Whoever else is worthy of being at fault is dependent on facts we don't know. Worst-case scenario: High-council is unable to keep their mouths shut and are blabbing this young man's sins all over kingdom come. They would be at fault for doing so, but the young man still made the choice to go inactive. Mid-case scenario Version A: High council tries their darndest to respect the privacy and confidentiality of the situation, but some of them accidentally slip up. Perhaps uncle, concerned with the young man's situation and not knowing how the final meeting will work out, doesn't want his precious niece getting too serious with the young man until he, the protective uncle, is sure of the young man's repentance. In order to protect his niece, he tells her to stay away from the young man. He may or may hot have revealed details, but his good intentions backfired. In this situation I would only put him at fault if he revealed details, and then only at fault for breaking confidentiality. If he did not reveal details, I could only respect his choice for wanting to protect his niece/keep her out of trouble, and I don't think he's at fault for that mindset. Young man still made the choice to go inactive. Mid-case scenario Version B: Same as above, but Uncle either doesn't trust the young man and the sincerity of his repentance process or is too judgmental for his own good. He reveals more than he should. I would put him at fault breaking confidentiality. Young man still made the choice to go inactive. Best-case scenario: Council kept confidentiality, but other people knew about the situation, word got around, young woman made a personal choice (see above). I fault people for spreading gossip, as I have trouble believing the facts of the young man's sin were kept intact as talk spread. I do not fault anyone for making personal choices based on what they know. I still fault young woman for her phrasing, but not necessarily her choice. Young man still made the choice to go inactive. Now, I do pity the young man. I don't think sticking around the church would have been all that easy. That young man must have felt horrible. I do think his feelings will factor in during the final judgment, but not enough to redeem his choice to go inactive.

Dravin, thank-you so much. This is exactly what I need to hear.

I agreed with her on the swearing. I also do not believe my husband had any right to tell her to shut up in the manner he did. I have really thought about her attacking him over the past few days and the more I think about it the more upset I am with the situation. I sound horrible. It infuriates me that she drew blood, but it infuriates me that he yelled at her and told her to shut up. I think they both acted instinctively. He was tired of being nitpicked and criticized, so he yelled at her. My family doesn't yell, so I think she reacted physically.

Everything exploded last night after my brother's wedding reception. I don't remember ever hurting this badly. My mother pretty much ignored me all week, then told me last night that my husband and I ruined the day for her. After my husband I and arrived home, she texted me to tell me that she and my father will not be speaking to us for awhile. They assured me of their love for me, but they say they are "disappointed" in me and my husband. I'll say what the argument between my sister and husband was about. We went on a camping trip with my husband's teenaged brother and cousin. As I have said before, my husband and his family swear. I also find them to be wonderful people. My family and I do not swear. This caused some ill feelings. While I think all my sister wanted to do was express her distaste for swearing, she wound up treating my husband and his family horribly the entire weekend. At last, my husband told her to shut up. I am very mad he did this. My sister then kicked him so badly his leg bled. Like I said, immediately afterwards there were apologies and a talk that lasted hours. When it was just me and my husband, I expressed my feelings to him very clearly and we had a great talk. Now my parents are saying how horrified they are at my husband for he and his family's language--even though they knew he swore before we were engaged. My mother cried last night as she talked to me and said how she always wanted better for me. Yes, worries about my husband (then fiance) is what brought me to this forum, but I sincerely believe we resolved those issues long before the wedding. I am taking mormonmusic's advice to heart. Maybe my parents' need distance. Maybe I need distance. But I am hurting so badly right now. My husband had to give me a blessing this morning. I don't exactly like my husband's langugage, but he always watches it when he is around me and my family. It is not as if he swears every other word. But more importantly, I think there are so many more important things than to worry about than swearing. My husband and I talked about this all last night. He knows he has behaviors to work on and I know he tries. But my husband sees the good in so many people. He never judges and I think he has an eye for what is really important. In all honesty, I think my family is being judgmental. I appreciate the values they instilled into me and I follow those. But after last night I feel my parents think there is nothing more important than clean language and that nothing else matters. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong and my husband is a horrible person. But his actions have always told me otherwise. He is caring of others and has a testimony. Yes, I wish he would clean up his language anymore, but some of the finest people I have ever met swear. I work with a bishop who swears like a sailor. Maybe this distancing will be good, but it hurt me so badly.

I did read an article in Prevention about how a study showed that women who wear make-up are seen as more likable and competent... I don't want to make it sound like I'm saying "you must wear makeup!" but I actually am a fan of it and I don't think wearing it makes me evil or unconfident. I like makeup because I like to accentuate my eyes which everyone says are my finest feature. I think makeup is fun to put on. I like experimenting with it.

I did read your original post. You mentioned nothing of the sort.