IamMe

New Brunswick right on the coast, the Atlantic ocean is about a 10 minute walk away from my home

I lurk around here lots, and have posted a few times so I thought it best to come right out and introduce myself. I am me, as me nick says. I'm a married canuck with 10 children ... maybe not so unusual with you ...but in my city we certainly stick out. Six boys, 4 girls ranging in age from 6 months up to 12 years old... and yes we DO have cable. I'm inactive, my hubby isn't in the church, and I'm doing what I feel I'm able to do to work my way back. I was raised in foster care, for the most part in an LDS home. I was baptised in '97. Although I've been inactive for a few years now, I know in my heart the church is true. It feels like although I may have become "lost" it's always been there in my life.

I'm in Canada where we hate to be rude to anyone... but I've worked in customer service for years, as a front end, a supervisor and management. In my opinion, customer service ends the moment the swearing and verbal abuse (name calling) starts. I see no reason for anyone to tolerate being treated that way. There are phrases that often come in handy when dealing with someone in the middle of a temper tantrum. "I'm very sorry you feel that way" and reflecting back what the customer seems to be saying the concern is "Let me just repeat back to you what I'm hearing so I know that I'm understanding this correctly" There's also times that you just need to dump it on the floor and move on.

I usually just kind of lurk around here, but Dove the issues your facing with your in laws sound so much like the ones I had I felt like I needed to comment. My marriage is a second marriage for us both. We both came into it with children from our previous one, then we had children together as well. My in laws lived a 3 hour trip out of town so would only make the journey every 4-6 weeks for a weekend usually. I used to dread that weekend they'd be here. My MIL was so mean and spite full to my children, it really felt and seemed like she would go out of her way not to do things out of love for her grand children but rather to do things to taunt my children. All weekend I would have to sit and bite my tongue and try my best to tolerate her. I found myself despising their weekend visits. I begged my husband to say something to his parents, to stand up to them. And in my eyes, although his father wasn't nearly as bad as his mother, he was also guilty as he would permit these attacks. After their Easter visit this year, my husband and I had a HUGE argument, something that had never happened to us in our 3 year marriage. I'm talking a full on yelling match. I was frustrated that he wasn't putting his foot down and putting an end to this. He kept telling me that they were old and set in their ways, that saying something would only cause upset & turmoil. Last June I found myself again facing a weekend visit, 8 months pregnant with our now 6 month old daughter. Maybe it was the hormones, who knows, but I decided enough was enough I just couldn't tolerate it any longer. I would never ask my husband to choose between the parents that gave birth to him and raised him and me. I couldn't do that but felt for my own sanity, I needed to remove myself from the situation... so I packed up my kids and went to a friends for the weekend. My husband asked me not to go, and wanted to know what he should tell his parents when they asked where me & the kids were... I told him he was NOT to make any excuses and if they asked, he was to tell them the truth. He did. The weekend following their visit, we received a call from my father in law that his wife had been diagnosed with cancer and would be beginning treatments immediately. He didn't know when they'd be able to visit again. They did manage to come for one more visit, when the baby was about 10 days old. After everything that had happened their last visit they opted to stay at a hotel and asked that we bring the baby by, since they didn't feel comfortable coming to our home. We did, and for an hour (possibly more) his mother held her new grand daughter and wept. Two months later she passed away. There really isn't a point in me sharing this. I do know that if I could take back that weekend of their last visit when I fled to a friends house, I would. My ending may be fairly dramatic, in that I never got a chance to make things right with my mother in law. I'm glad that I did finally stick up for myself, in that I let it be known that I wasn't going to tolerate being treated this way, but clearly my approach was all wrong. I'm also not going to have a chance in this life time to make that right.

I ordered a belly band. It goes over my regular clothes so I never needed maternity clothes, way cheaper. A brand new one is about $65

Thank you Eowyn. You're right in that they are a blessing. I'm used to getting comments more along the lines of trying to out do the TV show, which we're not. It was our choice, and if I could do it over, I would in a heart beat.

Excellent ideas!! I never even thought of that. I think the relief society pres & visiting sisters is definitely the way to go. I'm really not comfortable having elders here while my husband isn't home, now knowing that it's also in the mission rules just confirms that for me. I have the bishops phone number here now. I always loved having visiting sisters, and I think that would be a great way to at least know someone before I walk into the chapel. And, beefche you're right in that a YW's or primary pres would really be a good choice for our family. It's also nice that none of you have commented on how many children we have, that's usually the first thing anyone comments on.

I went on to the chat for mormon.org and was able to get a phone number..there's no sister missionaries in my area

Thank you. I did look at mormon.org but saw that in order to receive the BOM it needed to be brought by missionaries. I don't want to seem rude by asking for sister missionaries to bring it by, I don't even know if there's sister missionaries in my area & I don't know how to find out. I just don't think it's appropriate for elders to come by, especially since my preference would be when my husband isn't home. I won't be hiding anything from my husband. We have a very open & honest relationship, & I intend to keep it that way. There is one of the words of wisdom I struggle with (smoking) but I'd like to at least think that a return to church won't impact him a great deal. There won't be any ultimatums placed on him. I prefer an approach of let him see, than an in your face type. He's always known my upbringing and on times has asked questions, no secrets there. Is there a way to find out if there's sister missionaries in my area?

I was raised LDS. I've been inactive for about 10 years now. I feel the calling to return to the church, but face some difficulties & looking for some advice on how to handle things. Turning to my parents isn't do able. I'm in a new community, so turning to my bishop, ward or anything of that nature isn't do able. I am now very happily married with 10 beautiful children. My husband doesn't believe in any church, approaching him, asking for his assistance or anything also isn't an option. He isn't anti, he just would rather not hear of any of it. I look at my oldest daughter whose now 12 & think all the time that she should be in YW, just as I was. She should be starting service projects...like I was. The kids all attend a kids youth program at a local baptist church, and while it's all good...it isn't good enough. I know in my heart where the truth is, it's not there. My girls have all been raised knowing some of the basic principals, and some of the reasons why, (ie no dating etc) but since they aren't there, it's not the same. I'm sad to say I don't even have a Book of Mormon here in the house. I'd like to start off with finding a BOM, and seeing if there's any sister missionaries in my area...but I don't even know where to start. I'd rather see them while my husband is at work so I'm not causing issues between us...not to hide it from him (I will be telling him), but rather so it's something I can do without shoving it in his face so to speak. Because I'd rather do it while he's at work, I'm not sure having elders visit would really be appropriate. Any advice?