IamMe

He's not kidding. I prayed for patience and got 10 kids out of the deal!

thank you!

buy my daughter a quad on line?

As a small business owner I use my pay pal for receiving money & when the value reaches high enough, I cash it out to my bank account. They charge me for changing US funds to Canadian, and for cashing out. It's not really worth it to cash out for anything less than $500. And yes, it takes upwards of a week for the money to go from my paypal to my bank account.

I don't know. Perhaps flushing gold fish is a regular hobby. I don't really worry too much about why others are in speaking to the Bishop for, I have enough hanging over my own head.

Could be anything. My guess... their friends. Young man A flushed young man B's gold fish by accident while cleaning the bowl. Young man B now wants to harm young man A. Both were in to confess to Bishop. Kinda like playing the who is doing what game at the mall. Amusing waste of time.

To be honest, your post brings up a number of red flags for me. * you have no friends * you couldn't attend a mormon wedding because he couldn't / wouldn't tag along * he's told you if the church tears you apart, it's your fault * you've brought up issues in your relationship, but it doesn't "phase" him... by that I take it to mean he's unwilling to work on it. *he makes fun of your religion * tries to talk you out of going...or doing something YOU want to do Since another posted that you also brought up this same issue a few months ago, I believe that the Holy Spirit is trying to whisper in your ear and guide you towards the path that will bring you the most happiness, what you choose to do with that whisper is your free agency. I think you know what path is the right one, and I doubt you're going to find it where you are now.

In my opinion you should be more concerned about running to your bishop and starting on the repentence process for your own sins than tattling on your ex lover's .

Both yours & Pam's interpretation would be completely correct. Fwiw, I suspect that the issues you have with your wife are a little more deeper than what is presented. I would suggest that counselling either with your wife or alone would be far more beneficial to you. To be honest I am dismayed that my comment could even be interpeted as a suicide comment.

Sigh..... just when I think I'm out of sites that suck me in and kill a whole afternoon that just might've been productive, along you come with this

I'm a lil slow in seeing this, going back to your original post and questions looking for advice, all I can say...is if you were my husband posting this, I would be so deeply hurt by your post, I'm not sure it's something I would recover from easily, if at all. My husband and I have both put on a few pounds since our marriage. We could both stand to lose more than just a few pounds. If you really want her to lose some weight, perhaps you need to spend some more time exploring the physical intimacies of your marriage (that can be exercise) and less time noticing how other woman are noticing you..which probably isn't happening nearly as much as you would like to think. If that doesn't cut it for you, I know of one other way your wife could lose about 200 lbs inside of a day.

I think ALL forms of abuse are damaging. Personally, when I think of what I went through with my ex, if I had to go through it again, I would rather put up with the choking me and throwing me across the room than the things he would say to me to control me. The physical would often end quickly, and then he'd go threw his honeymoon phase where he would make a half attempt to actually be a husband (mostly out of guilt) but the emotional would carry on for weeks and sometimes months, where I would dread waking up in the morning and dealing with him another day. That doesn't make it any less wrong. There's always going to be people that try to claim abuse when in fact there is none, that's never going to change. There's always going to be someone that claims it to use services intended for those that really do need it to their own advantage and people who are going to go looking for reasons to claim abuse when really it's only to twist things to their advantage, be it with the courts or whatever other selfish reason. Often the one that actually is in the abusive situation is the last to know. I was really convinced it was ME. If I didn't do this or if only I had've done this...then I wouldn't have made him angry to that point.

Secluding you, limiting the time you have with friends and family. Putting those close to you down in attempts to alienate them. making it feel so you have no one else but the abuser. Name calling, put downs, making you feel unworthy. Psychological / emotional abuse is far worse in my mind than physical. The wounds can take a lot longer to heal, if they ever can.

Ok thank you. With the nursery tho, they can join as soon as their 18 months tho right? I just kind of threw my lil guy in there. I stayed for a bit to make sure he was settled ok and then went on my way. I missed part of the opening trying to figure out which kids went to which classes for the relief society, so I had just walked in and saw men, and walked back out to check the door. I felt like I had walked into the men's bathroom. Then I saw the women going in too. After the men walked out and all the young women went in. They started by doing the young women's motto thing (which I have long since forgotten) and then carried on with relief society.... which was nothing more than announcements really, a member had passed away and there's some dinner thing in 2 weeks. Then everyone re joined in the chapel again for a special presentation by a missionary couple on family history and getting the names ready for the temple. I almost feel like a completely new member since it's been so long since I was active (about 10 years now). I don't know anyone in the ward. Which is why I waited to go back for the first time til I had my friend there, even tho she too is inactive, it's her home ward.

Ok I know I should remember this stuff, but should and do are 2 different things. So I need a bit of a refresher. How does it work with the birthdays and deciding which classes the children are in? I thought I would have 2 in nursery, but turns out my 3 year old is actually a sunbeam. My 5 year old that I thought would be a sunbeam is actually a CTR 1. My children are 7 months (so I know she stays with mama) 19 months, 3 (4 in May) 5 (6 in June) 6 , 7, 8, 9, 10 & 12. I was surprised at a few differences to since I've last been. I guess because it was fast Sunday, I walked into the relief society room...and there were men Is that normal? Is it because it was just fast & testimony or do the men always start off with the relief society now? And then in after a little bit the men went off to do their thing...and the young women joined us. I saw my daughter walk in, I thought she got lost & separated.... I also saw a mother in chapel nursing her infant. I thought that's what the mother's lounge was for, and that nursing in the chapel was a huge no no? Don't get me wrong, I nurse my own 7 month old, I just found it odd.. have things just changed? And just out of curiosity, can a ward ever be down graded to a branch? This ward is sooo small. I feel like with my family we're nearly doubling the population in there. My daughter's beehive class has 3...and that's including her. My sunbeam actually DID double the population with his presence. Reusable tithing envelopes... amazing idea... but how the heck do you mail those? My daughter was told about a youth activity going on today, and she really wants to go, but she wan't given a time or anything. I gave all our contact info a million times over, but didn't think to get anyone else's. It was such a huge amount of faces and names. Some of my kids need to start the discussions with the missionaries... but again we didn't get the missionaries info...and it would have been so perfect this week with it being March break.

Why would he need to forgive her? Her transgression was prior to him, had nothing to do with him. It's not like she cheated on him. There's nothing on his part to forgive as far as I'm concerned. Her transgression is between her, the bishop & God. The only thing that should matter to a potential spouse is, has she completed the repentance process so that she can be temple worthy. While in the dating process, he's going to know about her child, and should it come to the stage where marriage is on the table, then raising her child as his own would need to become a factor in his considering her as an eternal partner. Package deal. As another has pointed out, any guy can choose to not continue in the dating game with someone because their too fat, too skinny, blonde brunette, have a child etc. I would never ask a potential spouse to forgive me for being blonde, this is me, this is who I am, accept it or I'm not the one for you.

Just thought I'd give an update on this. Over the weekend we had a friend come visit us. I've been friends with her for about 15 years, we met through the church. She's also inactive now. Anyways.... we both got the idea Sunday morning to load up most of the kids & take off to church. We told the hubby we were going to London to visit the queen and we'd be back in a few hours with final words to enjoy his morning off. Talking my 12 yr old daughter into going was a bit of a challenge, but she agreed to come. As you know, yesterday was fast & testimony. I should explain, that although I've been inactive, some things have always been in our home, like some of the hymns. I believe in Christ & I am a child of God are my 2 personal faverites. I am a child of God has helped me through a lot. Frustrated with the kids, sometimes I just need that to remind me that I'm not managing inconviences...they too are a child of God. The more frustrated I am, the more it's sung... As we walked into the chapel, with 5 kids...one a scared and nervous tween, the pianist sat down to start... wouldn't you know it. I am a child of God. Her eyes lit up, and she realized she knew the song and was able to know all the words, it took away the uneasiness for her, there was something to comfort her. The bishop is having our records transferred here, the kids are set up in primary. My young woman is excited about going to mutual tomorrow night. I even have a sunbeam. ANNNNND.... Sister missionaries were transferred in last week. There's also another family in the ward that I got to meet that also has 10 children. As for the little fib we told my hubby when we left, when we got back home we told him where we really were. He doesn't care, said anytime I want to go he's more than happy to drive me (I don't drive) with any kids that want to go, so long as I don't force him to go.

Don't forget tho that you need and deserve a break too. YSA activities don't have to be about finding a spouse. I know that they're often looked at as a meat market, but there's no reason you can't go just for a night off. Given some of the alternatives out there, I would think a YSA activity would be a good activity. I remember somewhere being told to work on making yourself the best spouse for your future partner, and that is so true. Had I not had the experiences I did while a single parent, I wouldn't have been who I am for my husband. Things can and WILL work out. It just may not be in your time frame.

I had a failed marriage at a young age. I was 24 and found myself divorced with 4 young children, who for safety reasons do not have a father involved. I spent a few years alone, which was ok with me. It gave me a chance to get to know me, who I was, who I wanted in a mate.. and what I didn't want. I focused on my children, my education...and just being me. I remember a few years after my divorce chatting with a close friend and telling him that I had accepted the fact that since I had so many small children that needed me and I felt that it would be too difficult to date, that I would probably need to wait until my kids were much older until I would be free to do any kind of dating. Four months later I met my amazing husband. He also has 4 children from his previous marriage. When he first asked if I'd like to go out for dinner sometime, I remember thinking this guy is NUTS. Together we'd have EIGHT children. But his sense of humour, and the promise of a child free night and a free supper won me over. I had a great time, I went into it as 2 adults with something in common and nothing more. Best thing I ever did. My years as a child care provider running an at home day care certainly paid off when we got married, had our 8 children all together under one roof & then added 2 more children to the mix. My situation of having a fairly large family is unusual, ditto his (especially a father having custody) we understood where the other was coming from. I've never regretted it, in 16 more days we'll celebrate our 3rd anniversary... he is the best thing that ever happened to me. My advice would be to take your time, don't rush into dating. Most men your age are either on their mission or preparing for their mission anyway. Work on yourself before worrying about finding a mate, you have a beautiful child to focus on, that's first and foremost. It may take a lot of time, but the rest will fall into place. I wanted to add: By all means go out to the YSA activities. Enjoy yourself. Every parent deserves to have a break. You might make some great friends.

It IS overwhelming at first, but like every new skill you need to take it one step at a time until you get the hang of it. The saying of "how does one eat an entire elephant...one bite at a time" comes to mind. With couponing, it's all about having the right coupon matched up to the right sale. It's a bit of being prepared (with the right coupon) with a bit of luck (the right sale). It helps to know what each stores policy is on coupons. Some don't accept home printed coupons, and some stores will allow overages (meaning if the value of your coupon goes over the price of the item they give you that extra money or allow it to be put towards other purchases. It really helps to have one really good website to help you. I use a Canadian one, that's a forum where everyone participates to help out their fellow shoppers by sharing what coupons are available and even coupon to store match ups. Some examples of some of my past couponing deals have included... a coupon for Save $5 when you buy 3 gillette products.... shaving cream went on sale for $1 a can... I bought 3... with that coupon I got my 3 cans of shaving cream for free and because of the store I used it at allows overages they actually paid me $2 for every coupon I used. At the time I had an abundance of those coupons, my daughter desperately needed a new pair of shoes that I just couldn't afford. So I bought a large numer of shaving cream just for the overages so that I could make my daughters shoes come down to 0. I don't need that much shaving cream so I took what I could reasonably use and the rest I gave to our homeless shelter and donated it. Other great finds are coupons on a product to get another product for free. Often the value of the free product is more than the value of the one you buy to get it. I went to our local dollar store and found boxes of hot chocolate for $2 on the box was a coupon for a free tv dinner. I bought 25 boxes of hot chocolate for $50 in return I got 25 coupons for tv dinners that sell for $4.99 each. My husband likes to take those tv dinners to work for his lunches , I held on to that coupon until my local grocery had a sale that rewarded customers with bonus points with every purchase of that tv dinner, because I did it that way I earned enough bonus points that I also received a $20 grocery gift card to use at that store for anything we wanted. I was buying the product to get something better... but I didn't need that much hot chocolate, so I opened all the boxes, and put the individual packages of hot chocolate in a big banana box and took that to my children's school and gave it to them for their breakfast program for kids that don't or can't eat breakfast at home before school. It cost me $25, I received products worth nearly $125, and my children's school befitted as well. Also, look at any reward programs that may be in your local grocery stores, and use them to your advantage. Some product websites will also offer special programs or rewards. One of our ice cream makers offers such. For 10 minutes a day I sit and do a few crossword puzzles, they very easy and I earn points, once I've accumulated so many points, they send me a coupon for $5 off their ice cream, but their ice cream sells for $4.99 regular price in our grocery store. I know it's a lot to take in, I've been doing it all for more than a year now, and between getting the coupons, searching out the best sales, mail in manufacturer rebates and all that other jazz, I feel like I have everything going in a million different directions sometimes. But with 10 kids the cost of child care if I were to return to work would be overwhelming for us and honestly, probably more than I would earn. So since I don't work, I feel it's my job to keep the home, and stretch the dollars my husband earns so that we're living within our means. My husband earns a decent enough salary, but when you factor in 10 kids, it's not very much. My savings for coupons for the month of January total up to about the same I would have earned in a retail setting part time job, but this allows me to be here for my family. I know it can be confusing, and over whelming. I had to start off somewhere too. I'm happy to help anyone that has any questions

I coupon alot to feed my family. With 12 of us living on my husband's income, I feel I have to. It's pretty simple once you get used to it, and I often find while he's at work & the kids are at school, my youngest ones are down for a nap, the house is clean and there's nothing else to do. It seems to be using my spare time wisely, and I think I've done pretty good with it. I've managed to bring what used to be a $3000 a month grocery budget down to $1500 a month....and we eat VERY well. The extra money I've saved in the past year has gone towards our debt and as of last month, I'm proud to say we are completely debt free. No loans, no credit cards... not even a penny is currently owed to the phone company or electric company. I also have about a 2 month stock pile growing should anything ever happen and we're unable to buy groceries (it's happened in the past that hubby has been laid off or had to take a pay cut) Now that we're debt free, I'll be working on increasing that stockpile to a minimum of 6 months worth. There's lots of places on line to get coupons either by printing them or having the companies mail them to you, and there's always inserts and coupons in the papers (usually saturdays in my area) by comparing your coupons to the current sales you can really cut down your grocery budget. I now refuse to pay for tylenol, laundry soap, shaving cream or tooth paste.... there's just no need to, there's always coupons available for those items and they go on sale dirt cheap quite often. Also because of coupon use, I've been able to donate personal hygiene items to our local homeless shelter at no cost to me, and help out our children's school with donations of things like cereal and hot chocolate for their breakfast program. If you'd like more help on that, I'd be happy to give away all my little secrets.

A few things come to mind for me, I have 10 kids, but my experience in teens is somewhat limited. As the poster above mentioned, it could be the yelling that's an issue. My hubby has a habit of raising his voice with the children, and they'll often shut down in reaction. Personally, I find it goes a lot further to actually lower my voice when disciplining. By me remaining calm and trying to speak more matter of factly, they need to try harder to actually listen to the words I'm saying. I know with my tween daughter, she's even pointed out to the others that the calmer I appear, the more trouble they're in. Secondly, you mention that in the past, his mother has dealt with things in a most embarrassing way for your son. Public image is everything to teens. I would assume he may also be afraid that you will do the same to him. At 15, I wonder WHY his mother was handling everything for him? I would expect at that age, it would be more about guiding him to do it himself (and following up) rather than jumping in and doing it for him. What is his relationship now like with his mother? Are they still able to maintain one? He's lost his grand mother, who you say was a major person in his life, he's now in a sense lost his mother as well, and I assume there was also a grand father involved since you used plural in parents. He's lost a lot for a 15 year old boy. Have you considered counselling? I don't know what you're relationship is like with his mother, but I would also encourage you to do everything in your power to help him in maintaining some sort of relationship with her. One thing we stress in teaching our children is "choices and consequences" They have a choice to make, be it a wise one or a poor one... they do not however, have any say in the consequence to their choice.

Dove, Your therapist is most likely right. Looking back, I can see how hard I tried to make these people like me. Nothing worked, and I probably should have put my foot down long before I did. I feel very guilty about the way things ended with my MIL. Deep down I know it really wasn't anything I did, and there's nothing I probably could've done to make things any better. I believe I tried everything I could. It still doesn't ease the guilt I feel, we really can be a much harder judge on ourselves than anyone else. I realize it's not my fault that they had things happening in their lives when I decided enough was enough, had I known, I probably would've kept my mouth shut for a while longer, but I didn't know. Since she passed things have gotten a lot better. His father has bought a condo here in town so he's able to come more often to see the grand kids, and there hasn't been any issues so far. He comes in, he treats all the grand kids the same, he isn't disrespectful, so far so good. He does own another house as well, so he also isn't here all the time, which probably helps. We even managed to go away on a weekend vacation with his father & sister over new years eve without any issues. I see an effort at least on his part. I pray it stays that way.

I had mine pierced as an infant and always hated it. Earrings always hurt my ears & I'd always get infections. I choose not to wear earrings. One of my daughters has her ears done, only because her mother made the decision, not me. Personally, I feel that it's their body and they should have the right to decide on weither or not to put holes in it. It's not my body, not my choice. When my other 3 daughters get old enough to make that decision, and are able to take care of them, then that's their decision to make.

Funny, I was just talking about this very thing a few days ago. As others have pointed out, life changes as do friendships. While in high school it's an important status symbol to have lots of friends, to be one of the popular kids, in adulthood not so much. I have 2 friends. That's it, and I'm ok with that. I have many acquittances, but very few friends. To me a friend is someone I can turn to when needed, someone I can let everything hang out and never be worried about their judgement. With 10 children, I have very little time on my hands to socialize, and to be honest I place high expectations on people in order for them to be my "friend". Given that my spare time is so small I don't want to surround myself with people that gossip, judge people etc, that's just not high on my list of priorities these days. Going to the bar or for drinks, again, not something I partake in, so no enjoyment for me. With my life style, I would rather have people around me who will understand that my floors are a little sticky, my jeans have a crusty blob of peanut butter on them, and there's a stain on my shirt... no I'm not implying my home is a mess or that I'm a slob (quite the contrary) it's all about ages & stages of life. Rather than being concerned with the quantity of friends you have, look for quality.