Awakened

IMAO, it's not so much your actions that are the problem. It's more your general attitude. I detect a decent amount of pride in it. I know this scripture gets repeated so often that it sounds trite but it's so incredibly true. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." It's OK to get very annoyed at certain BEHAVIORS people exhibit but at the end of the day, we should each be trying to be that persons friend as much as we can. We shouldn't be thinking about how fast we can get away from that person.

You're right but... Well first things first. I have some bad news. I slipped up last night and committed the sin of masturbation yet again. It was a combination of a couple of things that caused this, the number one reason being that I haven't fully submitted to God yet. I don't have full faith inside me yet that God could offer a better alternative to the immense pleasure that internet pornography brings me. Although I haven't actually looked at any internet porn yet for a while, a part of me is still hanging on to it. I mean, logically speaking, I do know that God offers a much better alternative. It's stated many, many times that he does. But I personally don't have any experience with this and I don't see anyone constantly enough that has this faith to be an exemplar to me. Nevertheless, having known for a while about my lack of faith, this recent sin hasn't actually come as a suprise to me. What scares me though is that I only felt a little bit of guilt about it and even then, only while it was being done. I may be overreacting here but we all know this is how the big sins start. First it's a little sin maybe once or twice a week and then pretty soon, I'm on the computer indulging in porn again. I have to be incredibly strict But therein is the problem. I also don't have enough faith yet and I fear that if I don't have enough, all my work is in reality for nothing and it'll only be a matter of time before these cracks in my defenses are exploited fully and I am lost again. Having said all that though, I'm sorry for putting out another update when another one wasn't called for. I'll be sure to keep them as low as possible if not there entirely.

I don't think I'm really qualified enough to give advice yet until I've completely mastered my own porn addiction. Having said that though, I do know that if you pray to the Lord for help and have faith that he will guide you, it will be just fine. A lot of people think that certain callings, when they first get them, just aren't suitable for them. But when they put their trust in the Lord to see them through it, they excel every time. Remember, as long as you have the Lord on your side, you've got it made. That's all you need.

Just wanna remind you Pam, that user registration is still kinda broken. FOR ANY GUESTS BROWSING THIS PAGE WHO WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER: Go all the way down to the bottom of the page and click on the "Change Theme" link and set it to IP.Board. You'll see the register button at the top now with the new theme.

Day 09: It's official now. The temptation is now back to the levels it once was. Sometimes I'll have long moments of reprieve from these dark thoughts of mine but it always comes back sooner or later and it always comes back hard. Funnily enough, when I do get those incredibly strong desires, I find that playing an annoying song repeatedly will do wonders to clear your mind. It's a rather brute force method that isn't always available but I find it to be effective. But even doing that though requires some willpower. But what will happen if I can keep resisting for a month? What will happen if I fail? ... BTW, if people would like me to keep posting updates to my situation, I'll be happy to do it. Just let me know. Otherwise, this will be the last update to this thread.

You're right. I thought I could ride that spiritual wave through but I guess I need to carry myself the rest of the way. It's still shocking to me though. A week ago, going back to this sin held absolutely no allure for me. I could see very clearly and was so ready to get back on track. But now, even though I am on track, I'm losing that vision. I will always remember that night but I'm slowly losing the memory of that incredible feeling I experienced. I'm on the edge I suppose. I need to have faith in the Lord to carry myself over to solid ground but those demons are trying to get me over the edge and back into that waking dream. And that's partly what's keeping me on safe ground for now. If, even after all this, I slip just once and fall, I don't think I'll ever be able to get back up. I feel like I only have one chance. Yes, I was thinking about fasting just today. I'll try it on Fast Sunday. As to things to do, I can certainly think of things to occupy my time and I am doing them. The problem is, these temptations like to come randomly anyway. And here lies the nasty part about porn. Those images you saw and erotic literature you read, that doesn't just go away. It stays with you and will come into your mind at random times. And when it happens, it's pretty much too late to prevent it of course and no matter how fast you get it out of your mind, it will still leave you in a worse state than you were before. You're tempted without even looking or thinking about it at the time. Indeed. A couple months seems a while though. Perhaps I'm stronger than I know. When thinking of people's favorite sins, the words, "perfect disease" come to mind. It's that one thing that you swear seems desgned especially for you in order to make you submit so it can bring you down into captivity. Thank you all so much for your support. I'd like to say that I'm actually not fond of posting these topics. I feel like I'm putting some of the load on you guys' shoulders even just by asking what you all think. I've seen this site a couple times and I see a lot of people asking for advice about their life. And that's fine. I just would rather be the one that helps rather than needs helping if that makes any sense to you all.

A cow from the Secret Cow Level in Diablo 2.

It's been seven days since I last had that experience that awoke me and set me on the right path. At that time, since I felt no temptation at all to return to my previous bad habits, I thought it would stay that way. Unfortunately, that temptation started to come again and, as these days have gone by, it's been growing a little bit since. It finally hit rather hard last night and I had a lot of trouble fighting it off. It's still not as strong as it once was but now I'm really worrying. BTW, yes, I've been keeping to reading my scriptures and praying. I have kept the WoW, not sworn, or commited fornication or any sexual sin whatsoever. I've also been trying to participate in service projects as much as I can. I've went to two already. The only thing I can think of that I haven't done lately is pay my tithing (which I do plan on doing) and to not go to those sites at all. (which I've only been going to one and only to tell someone there exactly why I was leaving) Nevertheless, after all this, that temptation is very much there and I don't know if it will even stop growing. I'm dealing with it so far and as I said, it's still not at the level it once was. I just thought that this was over with. If anyone has any thoughts at all on this, I would like to hear them. For those who don't know what's going on in this post: http://lds.net/forums/topic/53541-a-pursuit-of-serenity/

*sigh* If only we really could just tell ourselves so and it would happen, but the human mind is a logical one and will reject such things if they do not have a good reason. I suppose one could beat their mind into submission by continually thinking the idea and saying it like a mantra, but the problems with that are obvious. And therein lies the pull of Satan, as I said in an earlier thread. He offers immediate pleasure instead of slow but steady improvement and joy through hard work.

I follow a two-step plan as best as I can. First, if there's a problem, the first thing I do is think about all the ways I can take care of it and choose the best option. If there is no way to take care of it however, I just accept it, forget it, and move on. If I find myself dwelling too much on any problem, I remember how much worse other people have it compared to me and also remember all the good things in my life.

This question is actually much more aimed at LDS folk but anyone, of course, are welcome to reply. Oh, and I mean TRULY happy, not just somewhat content or something. If you are, tell us why. If you're not, tell what you think the reason for it is. As for me, no I wouldn't say so. Content for now, sure. I'm always content really, but I know that I could be a lot better, spiritually speaking.