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  1. Thank you, I do appreciate your comments. I only use the term "repentance process" because that's what my mission president and my stake/branch presidents have all referred to it as. I do understand that repentance is sincere and lasting change, and I am grateful to have this opportunity to root out the evil and turn towards Christ so that I can serve him, like I should have done when this originally happened. I've read Alma 39 several times in the past few weeks and it really does give the best advice concerning this subject: "Now my son, I would that ye should repent and forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes, but cross yourself in all these things". I have been focusing on the wrong things. It was easy to get caught up in worrying about everything that is inconsequential to my future, but I'm coming to see that it is merely Satan trying to turn me from the straight and narrow. Fear is the opposite of faith. I'm accepting the reality that there's nothing I can do in this case but trust God and serve Him. That's what I should have done from the beginning. Again, thank you for your remarks! I've done a bit of reading on solipsism, and it's fairly obvious to me that that has been my modus operadi for this whole experience. Thank you for this jolt to help me stop worrying about what doesn't matter.
  2. Thank you, I appreciate the input. That's what I'm leaning towards. It's not viable in the long run, and I don't want to have a marriage that will end at death. On a happy note, I should be heading back to my mission in 3 months! I can't wait to get back and serve!
  3. My story is rather messy. To make it as short as possible, I dated a nonmember before my mission. We were very serious and committed, and eventually broke the Law of Chastity. I hid it because I wanted to serve and was too afraid of what people would think or the possibility of losing my relationship. Several months into my mission, she decides to end things, and I decided to confess my sins, since my hope of having both a mission and this sinful relationship ended. I am going to go back out once I finish the repentance process. We decided that meet up and see if we still have a future together. While we were together, she told me that she had lied to me about being a virgin when we started dating. She also said that she doesn't see a future with anybody else, and we agreed that now is not the time for us to be together, but that we still hope to have a future. Here's my dilemma. We got along so, so well, and I absolutely loved the time that we spent together. We were friends for a long time before dating, so I know that as people we are compatible, it wasn't just a summer romance. However, there are quite a few things that I'm scared of. She lied to me several times about things because she was afraid of losing me (her sexual history being the most severe). She's a nonmember with a fairly negative attitude towards the church. She wasn't the best at writing me while I was gone, and ended up developing feelings for someone else while we were in a relationship. She put that aside to see what would happen when I came back, and said that I'm the one she wants to spend her life with. But the more I think about it (and writing everything has made the situation seem really ridiculous), the more I think this is probably some distraction that Satan put in my path to stop me from reaching my potential. We plan on writing each other during my mission, but only letters, and only every other week. I feel horrible about breaking the LoC, and perhaps my biggest fear right now is I'm of the damage that my past could potentially have on my future marriage if it's with another woman. I still do love the woman that this happened with, but I fear there are too many red flags that have been piling up. At the same time, I'm scared that girls who have followed the commandments their whole lives wouldn't be interested in me. I'm hoping to figure out what to do by the time I end my mission, but in the mean time I'm curious what anyone else has to think about the situation? I have a narrow view that's very emotionally invested, and I would appreciate any outside comments or insights. Thank you!