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Everything posted by KScience

  1. Hi, this is my first post to this forum. I have read a number of posts on this forum and have found a number of really supportive members; so am hoping for some constructive advice. Somehow typing to a bunch of strangers seems an easier option, so please forgive my ramblings. I am a church member but have been inactive for a number of years. I did not cope well with the breakdown of my marriage, did not look after my own spirituality and after a couple of years could not stand feeling like a total failure and every Sunday feeling like I was being reminded of ALL the things I was inadequate at. I have always known that the church is true, but felt that I just could not live up to the ideals, didn't deserve the blessings available to others and TBH gave up. I then gave up on living according to my covenants. There have been periods where I have felt the desire to return back to church, but have felt ashamed and unable to face my old ward friends (although as I type I see how ridiculous that sounds and I know they would welcome me back and have seen them do the same many times with other people). A year ago I moved to a different part of the country and unknowingly moved within walking distance of a chapel (not an easy achievement in the UK) and within a short distance of the Temple and have driven past a number of times (which resulted in stopping off and walking the grounds a couple of times). My scriptures have made it out of storage and I have made a selective start at scripture study (i.e. reading favourite passages, focusing on the love of God and his capacity for forgiveness) and I have started a tentative dialogue in prayer. So far I have walked to the chapel twice and walked right past, as have been too anxious to enter. I think my anxiety stems from not knowing the etiquette for explaining I am returning to church after a long break. I know that I will at some point need to address a number of transgressions and again am at a loss how to even start to tackle this. I am aware that I am a long way from where I need to be and part of me feels rather daunted by the mountain I need to climb. Having said that I feel incomplete without the church in my life and am determined not to let feelings of inadequacy take over again. Any advice on how to take the first steps would be gratefully received.
  2. Week 2 the return continues...... Well the efficiency of this ward is outstanding; my records were transferred by Tuesday (along with a "you belong to us now" email from the Exec Sec) and meeting arranged to see Bishop this morning by Wednesday!! Meeting with the Bishop was productive and I now feel that I can start to move forward properly. Thank you all for holding my hand so far. My only real concern now is that I feel a bit of a fraud. The ward have been REALLY welcoming and in an attempt to reach out to me in friendship, I have had a number of members ask me questions that it would be rude not to answer. Example: where I have come from, so have told them the area. Its kind of obvious I am a member (e.g. still remember words to hymns) so people are assuming I was active and ask me if I know people (It's a SMALL SMALL world) and we have mutual acquaintances that I have not seen in years. I am being vague with my answers but feel like I am creating a false image of myself and lying. This is making me anxious. I am not the most sociable person in the first place and this extra layer of anxiety is making me even more awkward in company. I am not ready to share anything this personal yet (says she oversharing on an open forum!!!) Any advice would be very welcome as to how to address this.
  3. Update...I took your advice and walked in. Beating heart, sweating brow ignored, remembering your advice and positivity and humming Handel to myself got me into the building. This week was the week I was supposed to be there. A warm welcome as soon as I walked in the door as the Bishop, Relief Society President and Exec Sec walked out of the bishops office and right into me. TBH I felt a little overwhelmed at this point, but found a quiet spot at the back of the chapel for Sacrament. Felt buoyed by the testimonies shared. A positive message from Sunday school and RS was a task which aimed on us getting to know our fellow sisters so that we can minister well, so a great introduction to the RS sisters. Such a positive experience, thank you for holding my hand whilst I took my first step.
  4. Thank you everyone for your kind replies. Your optimism is starting to rub off on me! One foot in front of the other and aiming to keep walking into the chapel on Sunday.
  5. Thank you for your kind words, it is reassuring that you have also been through this. I was aiming for approach 1....... will try again next week and not stress about not achieving it this week. Trying to be kinder to myself and treat myself as I would treat others!! I would once have been that "someone" who directed the new face to the chapel and made sure they had someone who had welcomed them.... why am I making this seem so much more difficult than it should be? Any additional positive experiences would help to bolster my confidence