Hi, this is my first post to this forum.
I have read a number of posts on this forum and have found a number of really supportive members; so am hoping for some constructive advice. Somehow typing to a bunch of strangers seems an easier option, so please forgive my ramblings.
I am a church member but have been inactive for a number of years. I did not cope well with the breakdown of my marriage, did not look after my own spirituality and after a couple of years could not stand feeling like a total failure and every Sunday feeling like I was being reminded of ALL the things I was inadequate at. I have always known that the church is true, but felt that I just could not live up to the ideals, didn't deserve the blessings available to others and TBH gave up. I then gave up on living according to my covenants.
There have been periods where I have felt the desire to return back to church, but have felt ashamed and unable to face my old ward friends (although as I type I see how ridiculous that sounds and I know they would welcome me back and have seen them do the same many times with other people). A year ago I moved to a different part of the country and unknowingly moved within walking distance of a chapel (not an easy achievement in the UK) and within a short distance of the Temple and have driven past a number of times (which resulted in stopping off and walking the grounds a couple of times). My scriptures have made it out of storage and I have made a selective start at scripture study (i.e. reading favourite passages, focusing on the love of God and his capacity for forgiveness) and I have started a tentative dialogue in prayer.
So far I have walked to the chapel twice and walked right past, as have been too anxious to enter. I think my anxiety stems from not knowing the etiquette for explaining I am returning to church after a long break. I know that I will at some point need to address a number of transgressions and again am at a loss how to even start to tackle this. I am aware that I am a long way from where I need to be and part of me feels rather daunted by the mountain I need to climb. Having said that I feel incomplete without the church in my life and am determined not to let feelings of inadequacy take over again.
Any advice on how to take the first steps would be gratefully received.