OhWELLthen

Wow lol, jewels, he makes a very good point! But she DOES deserve a solid wonderful amazing marriage and is a daughter of God like you said too. But so does HE. He’s not some monster, he’s a human and one she chose to marry. And he’s no doubt suffering in this as well. He’s having a hard time adjusting to being a married man. However due she is to having all those great things, she has to WORK towards Having them. Whither it has come from negligence prior to marrying him or going tit for tat after really doesn’t matter. Maybe it is all hit fault. Sounds like porn addiction to me. No reason to throw him to the wolves so quickly. His eagerness proves nothing but being immature. Maybe he is a total butt to blame. She cant know until she sticks it out and tries to the bone. Who started the issues does not matter. Issues happen..... and BOTH have to do their part to salvage it or wreck it. Because they BOTH deserve the blessings that their marriage can offer. Sometimes it takes one to start the motion of both however. My suggestion is birth control and no hasty decisions. A divorce IS NOT EASY NO MATTER HOW BAD YOUR SPOUSE SUCKS! I was married to a drunk for 12 years. The fact that i left sane when i did is a true act of God. I spent 10 years being a faithful wife building up a man who’d never get it together and I’d eventually have to leave anyway. PO, I DO NOT REGRET STAYING! I do not regret one effort i made. You cannot control situations sometimes or how they manifest, you can only do what the lord says is right about who you are and how you are to handle them. I do not regret leaving either, bc time came for me to go. That time will make itself clear. But i learned how to weather a storm in the name of loving someone else and getting nothing in return. It humbled me and i cherish what it did for me. I learned what it meant to truly give for no reason other than that person needed me to give and I’d made the oath to give and i knew i had to honor it. I wanted to honor it! I wanted to know that i was strong enough to stick it out! Strong enough and faithful enough to do what was in me to do. I know that feeling unloved, unappreciated and unattractive to the one man you can actually give yourself to freely hurts SO bad, i have been there. But you do not want to go down without a fight. Don’t be a weenie, girl! Be strong! Be confident in who the Lord made you to be! It will teach you to be a woman to fix a problem you know you didn’t make. It’s good practice for kids. They will treat you like this at times too. you cant cry and feel unworthy because SOMEONE is having a hard time with their identify as your husband.. You have to know your worth no matter the circumstances around you. Stay, offer support and patience while you both try cousiling and talking to the elders in your church. What’s a year of trying in the grand scheme of things really??????? In the end if he really feels this way even after you have shown TRUE Patience and willingness for whatever is causing this crazy reaction of his, y’all can always go from there in figuring out which way to go,. But i tell you, no two people get married into what they thought they were getting married into. Maturity is trying in a patient way to see it for what it really is. Many blessings to you both and many many prayers for your happiness and joy in working though this!

Irrational feminism is a sign of an uniformed and fascist ideology. In short.... she drank the kook-aid, pay the bill and RUN!

It took me 15 years after a season of sin to truly feel the power of its destruction. To feel anything but numbness from it. For me it was not the knowledge of the actual sinning i had committed that caused any absence or void in my life. I believed in the savior and I didn’t do these things any more, so why dwell on them, right? It was years and years later after i was forced to divorce my husband of 12 years and i wanted a real and loving relationship that i started to unravel the crazy that my past sins had woven into me. when my desires and expectations went from grade z to grade a that i realized all the things that I HAD done would follow me still. The kinds of things and people i wanted in my life did not care about anything but facade deep attributes or limitations. My out of sight, out mind lifestyle of the past was the least of concearns. But when that ceased to satisfy me and i wanted deeper connections with way deeper people, i realized that my past could actuallly affect and negotiate what was possible . In my experience, it wont be painful for you until you have a reason to stop looking and try and you cant, or are unsatisfied with the real thing, that you will start to feel real pain. It goes against the nature of sin to feel remourse or pain while you do it. You can even live though a lengthy season of doing it. It’s immediate gratification! It’s when you can’t un learn the habits/ expectations of immediate fulfillment / false expectations all together is when it starts to suck. There is a lot of research now that show, people who watch that stuff regularly enjoy the real thing much less. They relate to other opposite sex less Bc their expectations are askew. Rules are not made just to keep you from having too good of a time..... they are put there by a wise and wonderful God teaching you not to cheapen and abuse the blessing in your life that a real woman can bring you. All the rich wonderful feelings, emotions, sensations and fulfillment that they are to a man should not be dabbled with cheaply on the net or you are settling for something waaaay beneath their and your worth. If you become accustomed to abusing and cheapening the blessing, then you run the risk of missing it all together when its staring you in the face. That has been my experience with sin in this nature. Do all that you can to stop partaking in it. It took me many many attempts to stop being tricked by my own mind into the same sinful behavior. And i mean, MANY many times of screwing up and giving in. It was in actually failing to rid myself of it easily that i realized how desperate i was to be rid of it.

Yes! I am coming to the point in understanding what true repentance is. It is a long process of coming to terms with what you did and what you compromised and truly understanding the weight of those things. Then learning new ways of living and being. I am at sad acceptance. And yes, posting this and letting it all out helped me come to the realization that i most fear the vulnerability that comes from intimacy, bc that will shed light on those parts of my existence. Then i will cause that person grief and pain . I can forgive myself eventually and i know that i am still of value. But the compromised choices will eventually cause me great loss as it already has, by caring about someone who couldn’t accept it. Maybe that is what i struggle to sadly accept. It will not always be overlooked by others as a past experience but a defining quality. And that is of their free will, something that is perfect. I don’t think i am so much scarred anymore about what happened. I went through a traumatizing break up years and years after i became a mother, a wife, a Christian. I had not gone through my repentance process completely and so i just let the past lie in the past and never told it. But when i got into a transparent relationship with someone, all came spewing forth and staring me in my face. And that in itself was the first time i lost someone over deeds I couldn’t undo. And so naturally now i fear this to repeat itself when and if i ever try to have another marriage. I feel like I’m going into it with a handicap. But you are right, its only a handicap if the other person chooses to see it that way. Thank you so much.

I have been struggling with past sin of my own choosing for many years. I recently got involved in church and accepted Jesus in my life as my savior. The sins of my past still sting. I still feel so much sorrow for what I haphazardly threw away and do not possess anymore. I still struggle with knowing i compromised my body as a temple and i can never undo that. I have been repenting for years trying to learn and develop past it. I want so desperately to feel like a new creation, but unfortunately i cannot undo the past. I am not a Mormon. I have a very vague and elementary concept about Mormonism really. I recently started looking into it on a whim driven by the deep desire i have to continue drawing myself closer and closer to the Lord, and a very dear friend who is of the Mormon practice started sharing some of the theology and practices of Mormonism with me. I envy him. I envy the choice he was given to hear and know the truth before he came of age to so willingly throw away his virtue. I envy people who did not know that seeking the lord was the only way to feel the deep spiritual voids that i stupidly thought i could fill with cheap and imidiate attention from people and society. I have so many regrets and so many envies of so many of you who had the support to know that God had a greater answer and a greater purpose than sin. I had to go through 35 years of blind searching for Him. Searching for me within Him. And it left me a shell of a human ravaged by sin and error. What is worse is that i have moved on to a life of obedience and fullness only to have the occasional reminder that i had to become something unworthy to receive Him into my heart. I was unworthy. And i have to face that unworthy creature any time i have an intimate relationship with my testimony as i know that my past will always be a tool of the enemy to destroy my future. What answers can i find Within this community about the duality of justice and forgiveness of sin? When is my repentance sufficient justice? When is my deficiencies in chastity ever going to be ok? When can i ever look to my future of virtue and say my past sin does not affect you?

Wow! I am so GRATEFUL that God directed my google search here. I am currently spending the weekend in prayer, devotion and study for repentance, which led me here. There are so many helpful comments here on the topic of sexual sin against chasitity. But first I must explain I identify and seek clarity and repentance from the standpoint of the wife here. I AM the other half who must make peace with real living SHAME, DISHONOR AND SORROW that comes from going against Gods commandments and promises. I am dealing with my own guilt, pain and loss from leading a season of my life in sin. I grew up in a home that did not teach me the worth and value of my body to God and my future husband. I never knew the perfect balance of both justice AND mercy, only mercy and forgiveness of the atonement. I never knew i would Cary such burdens into a holy marraige. To start with I have to be very clear that the points made about forgiveness not erasing the past are very true. Sin of all kinds causes ermines pain for both the sinner and the ones who love them. I am a living witness to the pain that will follow from chosing and chasing sin over faithfully abiding the laws of God. My advice is empathy. Your wife has suffered in the knowledge that she compromised her body, her heart and her virtue in such a detrimental way. I can asssure you that she struggled with moving forward from it as I have. Repentance is just as real as forgiveness. I am at the place of “ how on earth can a good man ever feel satisfied with what is left over in me”. Do not fool yourself into thinking what she went though was fun or better than what she has with you, a loving and faithful husband. The devil wants you to think she is not good enough to transcend sin, that her sin was more fun and more glorifying than the holy covenant you have made with her. He wants you to believe your strength was in vain or that you missed out on something more than the pain and suffering, the humiliation that comes from sexual sin. You must take heed in the knowledge and faith that it is not so. I know that the atonement is real. But I will always feel the very just sting of giving away something that was never mine to keep ( my Chastity in which I was to hold and preserve for man I loved in covenant as a holy gift and sacrifice). I hurt because of the awareness that i will never EVER have that to give to someone as worthy as a husband. I believe god gave me something so precious that I threw away into the wind before I even had the chance to evaluate its worth in my own eagerness to fill unhealthy spiritual voids in my own heart that only the Father can fulfill. And i feel SO CHEATED by that. You are not the only person who got cheated by her sin. I cary this burden years and years after those deeds were done. I struggle day after day to repent and learn and grow into the new creation that Jesus died to make me into. I have faith one day i will have a holy marriage. That someone will be blessed by me in that way . But the path there AFTER the act is not a light or free one. Love your wife as she has suffered to give you what is of her to give. I am grateful to all of these responses here and i do pray that my perspective of difference here can offer you some peace as you try to battle through this and take control of the thoughts that are pursuing you. Many blessings,