.jpeg.358a89081e940ff8352661781729d15b.jpeg)
Serviteur du seigneur
-
Posts
120 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by Serviteur du seigneur
-
-
2 hours ago, MormonGator said:
What about baptisms in other countries in South America? Is it the same kind of thing? RE: retention, etc?
It's probably pretty much the same. Latinos are extremely happy inviting people and they often take part in other's beliefs just to see their friends satisfied. That's a portion of what happens to the missionaries, they just dont take it too far.
-
2 hours ago, Vort said:
I have an ex-in-law who was excommunicated as a Brazilian missionary. Seems like it was Rio, but I don't remember for sure.
The Rio north mission was probably one of the worst missions that has ever been. Extremely wicked. I've heard things about this mission that completely broke my heart.
And I think they had to close this mission years ago, because of how far wickedness evolved there.
I remember that i was recently converted and getting to know the missionary service better and i was walking around with the missionaries so i heard them chating about this mission. At that time, I even thought about leaving the church because the stuff i heard was hardcore and i was raised a baptist since i was a little kid and never have i known so much evil.
-
1 hour ago, Vort said:
My son returned from his two-year mission to São Paulo West about a year ago. He says the above is an overstatement, that clearly some people do remain active in the Church and help build the kingdom. He did allow that many Brazilian missions baptize large numbers of people, most of whom go inactive almost immediately. He says that this seems common in the northern missions. He says that his mission was noted for having the highest retention rate of the Brazilian missions, though also among the lowest baptismal rate per missionary.
That's so cool, congratulations on them ! Retention is what matters most.
As matter of fact, the lack of retention because one had put greater importance on quantity can bring so much sadness... just one of these days, there was a returned missionary friend of mine almost crying because almost no one he taught kept going to church, and i guess that's the reason.
How do i know ? " Man, i baptized so many people, yet almost none is active "
The measure for success is how many one baptized, instead of the retention rate. Sadly.
-
4 hours ago, ldsguy422 said:
Brazil doesn't have any converts? I don't believe that to be true for a second. According to this article from the Church's website, there are more than 35,000 converts a year in Brazil. I served a mission in Brazil, and we routinely baptized multiple people each transfer (every six weeks). You can look at the church stats for Brazil, and see that there are 2,142 congregations in the country. That comes out to 16.3 convert baptisms per congregation in the country. That is significant. I can't imagine a typical ward in the U.S. having more than 3-4 converts per year.
It's possible that the girls you associate with are all life-long members. That is a very real possibility. But, Brazil is flooding with new converts. I promise you that there are dozens of recent converts in each stake. And recent converts tend to be on the younger side, as they are typically much more open than an older person. Perhaps you need to venture out into the other wards in the stake - or even visit another stake altogether. It's not unusual at all to see Elders Quorum Presidents or Ward Mission Leaders that have only been a member for a year or two.
Overall, I would say listen to the counsel that others have given. Be confident. Be interesting. Be engaged. If you feel like you're not making any progress, I would ask for advice from those close to you, or perhaps from the women themselves. They can make observations and give valid suggestions where they think you might need to refine your approach.
This number doesn't take into account reality. The missionary service in Brazil is not one of quality, its something focused in quantity. So, the baptisms they get usually don't last long, most stop coming to church in the second week.
Also, i didn't saw many young people getting baptized. Unfortunately, they see the missionaries as jehovah witnesses and are frequently embarassed to be around them, because most people will see them as annoying.
Being lds in Brazil is a sure bet one's going to get bullied.
-
Thank you all ! I feel i've gathered much and useful information, i am now going to pray and ponder about these very good tips and will put the practical ones to work. 🤗
-
Thank you all ! I think i have gathered enough very good tips from the brethren. Now i'll just ponder and pray about what would be the best decision.
-
26 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
What wrong impression did I get about you? Let me know and I'll change my advice.
Remember, I'm trying to help you because you seemed to be asking for help with a problem. I'm not trying to put you down. I'm sure you've got a lot going for you. But it seems you don't know how to display it or sell it. That's really all I've said. And you keep saying things that confirm that suspicion.
Yes, I got that. And I'm not doubting it. I even said that I assumed you were good husband material. But because I'm giving advice on some of you deficiencies on the social skills, you think I'm putting you down? No. You seem to have had the same difficulties I did. I worked on it and got better.
You can either work on that (as you have now stated that you will) or you can hide behind your sob story (that is in no way appealing to females).
I'm not sure if it is because you're using translator software or if there is a language problem here. But are you talking about Brazilian women? I'll admit that in all my travels, I've never been to Brazil. So, maybe... maybe... maybe the women in Brazil for some reason have some funny ideas that I've never heard before. So, where are you looking?
No one said you need to limit yourself to converts. I don't know why you brought this up. But at the same time, don't exclude them or else you'd become a hypocrite.
Yes, I'm aware. But there are plenty that do believe in God. And there are plenty of faithful LDS girls out there looking for a husband. Again, look at the excuses, and you'll fail. Look for the opportunities and you'll succeed.
My best friend from college got married when he was in his late 30s to a girl only a couple years younger than he. And they're happy.
Again, you're giving the story of the victim. What are you doing to make sure you're not a victim? What are you doing to present that strong, vibrant, capable, exciting, visionary gentleman that you seem to be? How do others see that? What do you do to make sure that light shines?
I will surely remember your tips in my next date.
I don't like to tell personal stuff on the internet more than is needed. But here's some of my background, i have a bachelor's in CS and in accounting, i worked on both at the same time, while working on it i have been learning languages, and today i speak 4 fluently. I am specialized in accounting automatization and due to my skills i have acquired canadian permanent residency because they have a points based immigration system. No, im not using translator software and i have international dating experience in the US, CA and BR.
The church feels the same wherever it is.
-
46 minutes ago, Vort said:
I admit I am BIC, but I never saw anything approaching this attitude, ever, in any setting, among any of the young women I ever dated or associated with. I'm thinking this is just you, SDS.
Its possible. I'll take a better watch on myself
31 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:I admit, my time as a youth was many years ago.
I do deal with young adults commonly today. Most of the dating from the LDS come from Institute...not necessarily their ward, though at times the Student Ward and Institute overlap quite a bit.
Young Adult dances are also places many of them meet along with other various Young Adult activities. Many of them outside of Utah are Stake or Regional activities and dances (though not so much in the past few weeks I imagine).
If you've prayed and felt you should go to BYU, I'd say go to BYU. If you've prayed and not received that answer, I'm not so sure of your ideas. I think you have a stereotype of BYU in your mind that is not necessarily absolutely correct of reality at BYU. It is true, many get married, but NOT as many as some think there are. There are also plenty there who are focused just as much on their studies as they would at any other University. UVU down the road is much more of a marriage arena than BYU, as probably even Provo College.
However, if the spirit is directing you or prompting you in the direction of BYU, perhaps there is a reason for it.
Whatever your choice is, good luck.
When i pray about it, sometimes there's a feeling like i need to go there, you know ? I could just go to a better institution and forget about marriage
And stuff. But i dont really know if its coming from the lord or it's just my own feelings. I have 6 years as a member, so i'm still learning.
And thank you for your counsels sir, you seem to be a very good man.
-
7 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:
I think it may be more the type of girl you are after rather than the fact that you haven't served a mission. Have you ever thought to look at converts and those who are older? I've known many women that will date an individual that has not served a mission. I know for a fact that there are those in South America that will marry individuals who did not serve a mission, going so far as to meet members online and travel to the US to get married in the temple!
If you are in your mid-twenties, are you asking girls who are also in their mid-twenties? Are you asking other converts to the church? Most of them will not have been raised that they need to marry a returned missionary.
In other nations I've gone to, the expectations of marrying a returned missionary tend to be lower than when I've visited in Utah or other areas of where there is a large number of members.
On the otherhand, in some parts of Utah, in the singles scene, from what I understand it currently, there are three active women for every active man. Further more, the older one gets, the greater the ratio of difference. This means that by the time one is near thirty, the ration of women to men is even greater (BYU on the otherhand is more to a 50/50 ratio in undergraduate degrees, from what I hear). At some point, if they want to marry someone who is temple worthy, they probably are looking for a worthy individual more than specifics such as if they served a mission or not.
I understand the same dynamic is happening in most nations around the world as well. It could be just as much as the type of person you are dating as it is whether you went on a mission or not.
I have Brazilian citizenship and can assure you that most girls there might be even more requiring of details such as if someone served a mission or not, than those in utah. In fact, there are almost no converts nowadays in that country.
So most of the girls i met there were also born in the church. Look, I dont know if you have been knowing but, the church is not really growing overall ( i can guess reasons for that!!! ), it's been a long time since i saw any converts of my age, most are much older.
Some of the reasons for that is though we know the church is true, we are excluded from the dating scene because we are inferior to those born in the covenant, and i'm really starting to think they believe they are more worthy spirits because they were born in the church, i will look it up sometime. Another possible reason though, is that most people of my age are not interested in religion. But i really think it's because we are having a hard time getting in the lds man made culture, they don't let us converts marry their holiest covenant born daughters. Idk, it's hard.
5 hours ago, Carborendum said:You really bring up the "M" word in your first conversation with a girl? Smooth move. Stop that.
*******************************
Do you see the problem with how you're doing it vs. the way I said to do it? You're BLAMING someone else for your inabilities.
What I said to do was to tout the inspiring story -- your conversion story. But instead, you're simply talking about the sad stuff and how you're a victim. No wonder women don't want to be around you. You're making yourself out to be a victim of your own weakness -- that's the impression that such a statement would give.
Be strong. Be inspiring. Be happy. Be visionary. Look to the adventures in the future. That's what women want in a man. Not someone who blames others for their woes. They want someone to come up through the difficulties and triumph over them. You've done that. Why not hint at those rather than blaming others.
It's important to be able to sell without being a high pressured salesman. Be confident but not prideful. But NEVER make yourself out to be a victim.
I'm having trouble believing it because I've been in the Church a LOT longer than you have and been to a LOT more places than you have, and I've NEVER heard this attitude was a result of people thinking a convert should have gone on a mission or else he is simply not worth it. NEVER. Instead I see a WHOLE lot of people eager to hear the conversion story. But before she can even ask about it, you've gone and blamed people for a sob story and shocked her with the "M" word. SMH.
All the conversations that talk about young men going on missions have ALWAYS stated that
- Girls are exempt.
- Converts are exempt.
Sometimes there is a footnote on the convert where it depends on circumstance. But there is ALWAYS some allowance for converts. That is why I'm having a problem believing everything is as you believe.
Look, i'll try to practice and make my social skills even better, but you might have been getting the wrong idea about me. I'm a fine gentleman and am considered good husband material until i say i didn't went on a mission. I could go on searching and trying to date converts around my age, but things have changed pal, i'm a young lds convert, go out in the streets, people of my age don't believe in God anymore.
From time to time, i still meet faithfull converts, but they are already married and usually in their 40's.
-
The ratio of man to women in BYU idaho is 42 mans/ to 57 womans. They really say thats pretty easy to get married there, but the risk is present.
-
12 hours ago, Vort said:
I assume you would just earn a JD/MBA from BYU. No?
No.
7 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:Graduate school is FAR more iffy than undergraduate if you want to get married at the Y. There are still women out there that are not married, but I wouldn't go to the Y to get married if I were in graduate school. I'd go to whatever school had the best program for the graduate program I was wanting to get into in the States between Utah, Arizona and Idaho, along with possibly Las Vegas.
I'd also then participate in the Social Scene. Guys over the age of 25 start being a little scary to many of the Girls in the undergraduate programs at BYU from what I've understood from daughters and grandkids. There are still girls to date, but I would think that could be a bad decision to go to BYU to try to get married whilst doing graduate work.
I'm not sure where you are getting your rankings from, but I think the BYU accounting program is rated #2 in the US right now. That's pretty much at the top. University of Texas rates higher than it. However, there are plenty of people who flunk out as well. If you are going to the top tier of Accounting schools, I'd probably REALLY focus on studies first, dating second.
BYU is ranked #27 in Business Schools in the US currently, though for MBA's it is ranked #30. There is also a reason the US is HIGHLY sought out for it's degree programs...and they are rather challenging.
For Law School, my advice would be to go to where you want to practice Law. Going to California for Law School, or Massachussetts will be great to help you pass the bar in those states, but if you want to practice in Utah, probably Utah or somewhere close would be a good place to study if you want to pass the bar in a timely manner.
Business schoolwise, BYU is a pretty good choice.
It could be a good choice to go to BYU for graduate work, but I'd focus on studies if I went there. I'd say your chances of getting MARRIED would actually be better if you simply got a job and participated in the singles scene in Utah or one of the other states with a High Member population. There is a HIGHER marriage rate among the general population for your age group among the singles than you will find at BYU.
You asked if you will have difficulties finding someone to marry at BYU if you didn't go on a mission. From all I've heard, the answer to your question is YES...you WILL. It's not just that item, it's also could be your age as well as the program you are in. You STILL can find love and marriage at BYU, but I think there may be better options. If you are going to BYU primarily to get married, I think that could be a bad choice considering how challenging those programs could be. There are many that go to BYU to get married and flunk out in a semester or two. Better to go for a degree and then if you happen to find someone to date and marry as well, count your blessings.
As I said, I really think there are better ways to go about it than going to BYU to get married. It has a reputation that it is the place to go to get married, but there are other schools out there with higher rates of marriage between members than BYU. If marriage is the goal, focus on what the best way to go about that is.
Now if the LORD is saying you need to go to BYU to find a spouse, and that's truly what the spirit is telling you, then nothing we say here should sway you any differently. Personal Revelation on your part should make up your mind far more than any influence we have. However, if it is not, and your goal is to get married...You need the singles scene in Salt Lake or another major city with a Large Member population FAR more than you would need to go to BYU in my estimation. BYU is for studies...and if marriage comes along with it then good for them. However, I think you are focusing far too much on the going to BYU to get married idea. If you are going to study at the Y though, focus on getting your degree with dating secondary. There are MANY who go to the Y without realizing how challenging it actually is.
I was told that it wont make a difference whether i'm on undergrad or gradschool, they say most dating happens in the singles ward in the campus. Even if i went to BYU and got out single, it would not be in vain because their MBA is respected. Now, in BYU idaho getting out without a spouse would be a total waste of time.
2 hours ago, anatess2 said:Speaking of Marriott... South Virginia University has a vastly higher ratio of Women to Men on campus...
But they don't want to get married.
-
29 minutes ago, Vort said:
Yes, I know that both Utah law schools are respected. He said Utah was around #48, which I thought sounded like approximately the law school. I thought the Marriott School of Business was higher ranked than that, though.
It is much more respected than their law program, specially in areas such as accounting. It's usually ranked somewhere around #24.
It's a good deal to go there for an MBA and pursue the JD somewhere else, but not the other way around.
-
47 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:
BYU and U of U are both considered first-tier (i.e. top 50) law schools, methinks.
tier 1 comprises the 14 best. BYU is far from that, I think it's tier 3 or 4. But is still better than U of U, believe it or not.
-
2 hours ago, Carborendum said:
What do you mean "at that"? Here's what I'm hearing:
Is that it?
Here's a suggestion:
Better?
I need to explain something. When I said "sometimes it's not her, it's you" I was not putting you down. I was somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but somewhat serious as well. But I was not being malicious.
When I was younger, I was COMPLETELY bad with women. I absolutely did not know how to talk with them. Mind you, I was a pretty good catch.
- I was from a good family.
- I was pretty smart.
- I had tremendous earning potential.
- I was a returned missionary.
- I was active and fulfilled my calling.
- I was raised to be a gentleman and treated women with respect.
So, it was not just the stuff on my resume. It was the way I WAS. Women just didn't really want to be around me. At some point, ONE girl flat out told me it was because I was Korean. I did not see her again. But I didn't use that as an excuse to say that ALL girls rejected me for that.
I just had to learn how to "sell myself." The difference between those two conversations I just put in the quote boxes above shows a MOUNTAIN of difference in how you answer a simple question. Do you kind of see that even if you have a wonderful "husband resume" that no one cares until you're able to sell it?
In a real resume, you can have all the requirements for a position and then some. But if you don't' format it the right way, it will never get past the screener in the HR department. I applied to the same job three times over the course of several years. It was one of those companies that everyone wanted to work for.
- The first time, I was outright rejected. Good qualifications. Bad resume.
- The second time, I was called in for an interview. Good qualifications. Decent resume. Bad interview.
- The third time, I was hired. Godd quals. Good resume. Good interview.
If you keep blaming others for what you're not doing on your end, you'll never find success. Do everything on your end. And pray for a wife who you can take to the temple. I assure you that the Lord will answer your prayers.
Girl : where did you serve ?
Me : I'm a convert. I joined the church when i was 16 but my parents didn't allow me to go on one when the time came. Now i'm too old for that and i'm more into marriage.
Girl: Cool ! Well Serviteur, i think it's getting late and i need to go...
And thats that. My conversation with almost every girl around my age ends up like this. I don't know why you're having trouble believing that, its so common to me, to this day i have to go through the embarassment and the weird looks when the teacher asks me where did i serve my mission during a crowded sunday school lesson and i have to tell everyone the story again. It's really tiring to have to go through those shames over and over, but i have had experiences and all the answers i have received indicates that this is the most correct place to be.
-
1 hour ago, Vort said:
What is your program of study? Law?
Business and possibly big law in the future JD/MBA.
-
10 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:
Ok, graduate school is a very different thing than undergrad.
I would focus on a list of good school for you/your field, apply, and see what happens. Being in a higher density LDS area is a factor, but it shouldn't be the only one.
BYU is a mid tier graduate school, while its not bad, there are better options out there. But if i went there and got out married it would totally be worth it. And BYU is also the best university in lds populated areas. While University of utah is like #48 in some rankings.
-
38 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
As I suggested in the other thread, why don't you volunteer it instead of expecting her to pry it out of you?
Sometimes, it's not her. It's you.
Dude, the conversation stops at that. The second i mention i didn't serve, girls usually just want to get away, they would ran if it wasn't considered too weird. For them its like hanging around with a dangerous sinful man, because not serving turns you automatically into that type.
-
58 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:
I'd say this is PROBABLY the best suggestion. If you are going to a school, go there to get an education, not a marriage certificate. Among those who go to BYU there may be a few that would date you and even look at you for marriage, but you will find a MUCH BIGGER POOL by making your priority to get married. By that, I mean, go to where there are greater numbers who may not necessarily be looking for an RM OR someone closer to their own age (I'm not saying you are old, but if you already have two bachelors it may be that you will be a tad older than many of those at the university, even the RMs, which could make you even older than many of the girls there).
Instead of focusing on BYU-Idaho or BYU I'd say go to a master's program at someplace like the University of Utah or Utah University. The University of Utah is located in Salt Lake City and the Singles Scene there, even for LDS, is tremendous from what I understand. There are many activities focused just for LDS Singles, those who are young, those who are not quite as young, and even those who are middle age.
Utah University has one of the Biggest Institute programs in the world, though the activities for Singles of all ages may not be quite up to the quality of those in Salt Lake City.
On the alternate side, if you have a degree in computers or similar, they currently have a massive group of businesses that have been massing in Utah's Silicon Valley between American Fork and Draper in Utah. I hear it is growing in leaps and bounds and they are constantly looking for new folks to work there.
This would get you into Utah and among a LOT of members without having to go through the rigours of BYU. In addition, many who go to BYU who want to get married ARE looking for that RM idea, but the numbers who will marry any righteous or good LDS member regardless of RM status are probably greater among the average singles outside of BYU, but still in the Mormon areas.
There are also other places in the US with quite a High Number of LDS members that you may be able to go to. Las Vegas has a great number of Members as well as Singles. St. George is another area which is abounding in members (but also an area for retirees from what I understand). If you really want schooling I think they also have a college or university there.
Flagstaff and parts of Arizona also have a large number of Saints in those areas as well as a robust Singles program.
Finally, Pocatello, Idaho and those areas have many businesses (and they are soon getting a temple) that would look at college graduates and have a large number of LDS members in the population (higher in Pocatello than in some areas of Utah even). They also have the Idaho State University there as well.
Some people may think it is BYU or bust if they are looking for an LDS spouse without realizing that there are many and great opportunities to find a spouse beyond just BYU.
Finally, another area that you can look at that I've heard is useful (I do not know a lot about it) is that there are now LDS singles sites online which specialize specifically for LDS dating. I'm not sure of how well it works, but I've known one or two of my grad students that told me they utilized it and they got married to those they met online. One of them, ironically, got married to a South American lady who was also a member.
I need to go to graduate school no matter what, and i'm still approaching my mid 20s, so thats why i was thinking about BYU. And Yeah, ive tried most apps and sites, the majority of them is filled with people 20 years older than me, its just not the place.
-
42 minutes ago, Vort said:
No. Culture certainly plays a part, but this is not primarily a matter of culture. It's a matter of finding a proxy to measure the fitness of a mate. You cannot look into a person's soul and determine who and what he is, just as you cannot look into a person's future and see how much money or how many children or what other attainments he might gain. Those things are invisible to the eye. So instead, you have to go with things that ARE visible to the eye. That is, you must use proxies.
What proxy should a woman use? Good looks? If a man is handsome, perhaps he has a healthy genetic makeup and will sire strong children. This is the traditional evolutionary explanation for being attracted to beauty and symmetry.
How about societal position? A social climber, like the president of a society or the mayor of a city, is powerful and in a good position to defend his wife. Women have often used power and position as a proxy to determine a fit mate.
Money is another common proxy. A great many women think that if a man has money, that means the woman will probably have a comfortable and secure life. Hey, who wouldn't want that? Hard to blame a young woman for hoping to fall in love with a man of good fortune.
Latter-day Saint women are susceptible to all of these proxies, though perhaps not quite so much as many other young women. But LDS women look for another measure: Commitment to the kingdom of God. Of all the proxies yet mentioned, this one seems the least objectionable. But, of course, such commitment is invisible and requires its own proxy to try to ascertain. What proxy shall we use for commitment to Christ's kingdom? Position of service in the Church is not a reliable proxy at all, and in any case young men of marrying age seldom have any great or high calling. The young woman could, I don't know, ask for ten years of tithing receipts or inquire about his virginity status, both of which would be awkward and intrusive. What's a girl to do?
Ask about missions, that's what. Though missionary service is not any kind of perfectly reliable proxy, it's better than nothing. At the least, it shows that the young man tried to fulfill his duty to God. It doesn't tell whether he did it out of a sense of obligation, a love for his fellow man, or a promise his parents made him to buy him a car when he got home, but it's something. Statistically speaking, i expect that male return missionaries have a higher rate of commitment to the Church and the gospel than male members who never served a mission.
And if you don't think women can be very rational and even seemingly cold-blooded in such calculations, you do not understand the fair sex.
So the moral of this story is, until women learn ESP, they're going to rely on proxies to measure otherwise invisible qualities in a man. Missionary service is likely to remain one of those proxies, though not the only one.
Might be a good measure, but a person is much more than where he or she served a mission. The lady could ask about my conversion story, she could ask about my callings. You just gotta really get to know someone before you turn him down because he lacks a mission in his resume.
-
On 5/5/2020 at 4:37 PM, Gomezaddams51 said:
Hi again... Perhaps the reason so many drop out is that they are forced to go on missions and have no choice in the matter. I was forced to go by my mother who I think just wanted to play the part of the martyred mother who could brag that her son was a missionary. I hated it, and I met quite a few missionaries that also hated it. One of my companions confessed that he and his girlfriend had been "going at it like rabbits" hoping she would get pregnant so he would not be able to go. His mother, like mine ordered him to go and to lie about the sex he had had.
If I had not been forced to go, I might have at least stayed on the fringes of the church instead of completely running away from it. It seems like from birth, boys are brainwashed into thinking they have to go on a mission or be a failure. The herd mentality of the church puts a lot of pressure on a young boy.
I think its all about culture now, not faith.
On 5/5/2020 at 4:42 PM, MormonGator said:I've seen that a lot.
When I first joined the church someone asked me where I went on a mission-I told her that I didn't go on one. She looked disappointed in me, like there was something wrong. My wife said "We're converts." and the lady seemed relieved. A good friend of mine (lifelong member) explained it to me. He said the same thing you did-that for years it was just expected you would go on one, and if you didn't go on one or complete it, you family was ashamed.
Currently having a hard time with that. No young woman wants to relate to me simply because i didn't went on a mission. I really dont know if i'll make it to marry someone in the church.
-
1 hour ago, Traveler said:
I have a rental property in Provo just south of the BYU campus that I rent to male students. Lately the students have been primarily engineering students. One of my longer term tenets is completing his PHD in Chemical Engineering. He is tall, smart, a returned missionary and good looking. He has several job offers for over 200K. But for all his time at BYU he had difficulty dating a serious young lady. He told me that mostly ladies like "hanging out" but - according to him - are ditsy and immature.
I have a granddaughter at BYU that is also a returned missionary - talking to her and her roommates - they say the same thing about the men at BYU. Somewhere there is a disconnect. I do not understand what all has happened but BYU is not the happy dear hunting ground that it was when I was at BYU and found my eternal mate in a field of thousands possibilities.
The Traveler
Yeah things are hard nowadays. Im starting to think that happens because everyone is looking for the "perfect one" and just not considering that we all have missing points in our lives. I mean, back in time people were really less selective, and i feel technology is deeply involved with that.
-
37 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:
I normally don't go too much into it. Much of it would be too hard for people to accept. Some of the things that day took me almost 20 years to understand myself. The basic is to say that the things of the Lord, his morals and his ways, are NOT the same as the morals or culture of our Western Society. However, to truly understand why, you have to understand more of a different way of looking at things and what the Lord sees in people and our actions. One has to understand that there are things that are eternal and there are eternal principles, while this life is but a moment in comparison. It's hard to explain, and if I said some of it as it was, many would be unable to accept it, including other members.
Thus, I don't tell people everything. The more I know them, and the closer they are to the Lord, makes it so that I can explain more to them.
I imagine it was a LOT like that with Joseph Smith as well. He had the first vision, but if he blatantly told people at first that he had seen TWO individuals, both the Father and the Son, as well as being told many other items, I think people would have reacted even more terribly. They would have cast his ideas aside blatantly, even more than many did already. Later, as people learned more (his family, friends, and others) he was willing to say more in what he talked about, until finally when there were firm members in the church who believed in his revelations, he was far more willing to open up about the vision he had.
In that light, I can say some simple things that people probably can understand, even if they don't accept it. When I first saw the Lord, the thought on my mind was not a happy one. I became WELL aware of my sins and my sinful nature. All I wanted to do was to dig a hole and pile up as many rocks on top of it in the hopes that I could hide. I was extremely ashamed. I even tried digging, but no one can dig that fast with their hands to hide themselves. He came up to me, and said that my sins were forgiven. Immediately, I had a massive amount of joy fill me. It was exuberance to match any I have ever felt and I was extremely grateful. I no longer really had a desire to hide, but to bow myself at his feet to thank him.
That's probably enough for now, but I think just that can has told me a great deal about those who also have seen the Lord, how to tell whether one actually saw the Lord or not, and the shared experiences an individual can tell about others who also have had a similar experience.
I will say that Joseph Smith's experience with seeing the Lord appear to me to be the CLOSEST and truest explanations of HOW these visitations work. If nothing else, the similarity between his descriptions and what I experienced would be enough to convince me he actually experienced what he said he experienced.
From my experience above, I know that the Lord lives. I know he has a resurrected body and I know he is far kinder than anything we really understand in this life. it can be reassuring in some ways, but it HAS a price. With more knowledge comes more burden of responsibility in some areas. At the same time, knowledge also means that you do not have some of the other difficulties those who do not have this knowledge have, but there come problems that may be even harder to deal with to replace them.
In some instances, ignorance, or just having to rely on faith rather than having knowledge is actually easier. Many people think KNOWING something beyond a shadow of a doubt would make things much easier, but I can attest, it does not. It actually makes it even harder, but to explain that is also difficult.
I understand and i have read extensively about this. Well, you've seen him, it would be a terrible sin to deny him now. According to church literacy you have a much bigger risk of going to the darkness, so you have to be much more brave now.
-
35 minutes ago, Vort said:
@Serviteur du seigneur, here is my advice for you:
Chill.
Some girls will not want to date you. Others will happily date you. Of that second group, some will be interested in pursuing a further relationship, possibly even exploring marriage. Just be kind and solicitous. Live your religion.
If you look for bad behavior such as discrimination based on RM status, you are sure to find it—even if it is not really there. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So quit focusing on the wrong things. Just be yourself and enjoy the experience. Dating is fun, or should be. Experience it.
I know Vort. I'm just afraid that there might not be space for guys who didn't serve like me. I'm already going for my last attempt, that might be in the Y. Thats the easiest place for a lds to get married, if it doesn't happen there, i might just stop thinking about this.
-
42 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:
@Serviteur du seigneur, have you tried to empathize with some of the women who you feel have rejected you because of your RM status? Have you tried to consider what qualities they are looking for in a mate, how an RM status may suggest the presence or absence of those qualities, and how—in the absence of missionary service—you can show that you still have those relevant qualities?
Pardon my saying so, but a lot of your posts make me wonder to what degree you approach females as fellow human beings to be approached and respected on their own terms, rather than just creatures (preferably Nordic/Celtic in breed!) to be obtained (not for the purpose of creating a lasting bond, but as a check mark on the list to exaltation) with the expectation that thereafter they should comply in perpetuity with your own norms of what is and isn’t “rational” behavior and decision-making (and whose conformance might appropriately be maintained through the judicious use of shaming and guilt trips).
My experience is that LDS women want to be respected, they want to be understood. They want someone who can connect with others in a meaningful, long-term, intimate and functional partnership. They want someone stable. They want someone who will honor his priesthood duties at great personal inconvenience. They want someone who has proven he can competently handle the storms and setbacks of life, roll with the punches, and bounce back and move forward to the next challenge. They want someone who can live on a budget. They want someone who can and will keep working through physical and spiritual exhaustion. They want a reliable provider—if you’ve got two bachelor’s degrees and still don’t have a full-time job, they want to know why. They want to know that if they quit their jobs to have a baby—and maybe choose not to re-enter the workforce—that their man will keep bringing home a sustainable income. They want someone who exudes material, physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual independence. A mission on one’s resume suggests that a young man has had a chance to cultivate all of those qualities; and if you can’t or won’t get that particular experience—you’d better be ready to show that you’ve acquired those qualities through some other means.
I ve always have had a thing for redheads and nordic girls, but thats just a simple preference, my decision to date a girl goes far beyond that. To me, the girls dont want the experience and qualities that a mission brings, they simply want the guy to have served, i think it became something cultural, it would be a shame for their families if she married a guy who didn't serve.
The common first question to date someone on church apps is "RM or bust", you dont get a chance to say who you are and what are your strenghs and stuff. If they only could give me the opportunity to tell them more about me, they would see that i'm just as faithfull as a RM, they would know all sacrifices i had to make to join the church, the courage i had to have to join the church even under threats of my parents, they would know i am a pioneer.
In short, guys who didn't serve are not having the opportunity to date and tell more of themselves due to a seemingly culture that's being raised about missions, ive seen things on the facebook of these girls such as "fifth generation of missionaries", and they keep their tag name to be placed by the side of husband's RM tag.
Its like they would feel ashamed to date a guy who doesn't hold one of those tag names at home.
Dating indecision. Wondering if I'll ever feel "right" or "sure" about someone.
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted
Hello Lady. First, it would do you well to know that attraction is nothing more than a chemical reaction to make animals reproduce. It may it you hard now, but it will slowly fade away until you won't feel not even the slightly sign of attraction to your husband. So becareful, Choose well, focus on things that matter such as inteligence, this one won't fade.
And you can feel love for almost everyone, this quality is developed over a certain period of time living with the chosen one. But if you choose someone merely because he or she is "good looking", chances are your marriage is going to be pretty sad.
Btw, i just want to say that you re not an animal, you are rational, so don't let attraction ( aka chemical reaction ) decide for you.
If you choose someone based on good qualities ( the quality i most value in a girl is inteligence for example haha)you 'll probably be fine.