Hungry for Romance

[hethathathears]

Sorry, I meant to put this under General Discussion

When my 2nd born was fourteen years old, and he wanted to earn collection Merit Badge in Boy Scouts. We let him collect pocket knifes as his project. After about a year, he earned the badge by collecting 32 different knifes. Some of them were pretty cheap, however, some were very, very nice. What made me sad however, as time passed he basically lost interest in his collection and I found them strung all over the property, including in the mud. Over time the majority of his collection became lost or ruined.

I also had the opportunity to manage a store in an area that was very hard to hire people in. It was really hard to find good help as the town was pretty small (3,500) with a lot of Gas Stations and Fast Food restraints. I noticed that a lot of the people who would come to apply for a job would always tell me what amazing workers they were, and they would even promise me that if I would hire them, I wouldn't be sorry. The sad thing was that in the beginning, many of them did a pretty good job, but as time went by their desire for good quality work began waining off until if would have to fire them. Of course before that happened I would seriously try to work with them, however, they would respond for a week or two but in time would just fall back into the habit of falling below the standards.

The same is even true for some in their Christian life. Many when they are first converted develop a good habit of reading the scriptures, prayer, and fasting, and even service and home teaching or visiting teaching. But sadly over time they lose their passion and settle just for going to Church three hours and week and leaving it at that.

I sight these example because I have found that a lot of guys are guilty for having this kind of commitment in their marriages. I know that when I met my wife to be, I romanced her to death. I bought her flowers, gave her candy took her on long midnight walks. Wrote her poetry, played the piano and sang (that brought tears to her eyes, either very romantic or bad singing) to her, and basically flooded her with romance in such a way that I was telling her that she was the most important person to me in the hole world. And she just melted because of my wonderful charm and charisma. About 6 months later, we were married, and after about another 6 month in the honeymoon period I let my guard down and had forgotten about how badly my wife hungered for romance. I knew that when she signed on the dotted line, she was mine and so I didn't really need to do all that flowers and candy and date nights and stuff. Almost oblivious to me, I watched my wonderful sparkled eyed wife withdraw over the years because she was being starved of what she needed most, Romance in her life.

Fortunately, one night, many years ago, we had a nice long talk and she pointed out where I had dropped the ball. I had never wanted to hurt my wife. I somehow felt that just me coming home at night should have been enough to keep her madly and passionately in love with me. I somehow thought that as we watched T.V. together we were actually spending quality time together and developing strong bonds.

We have now been married for 23 years. I have learned that when I treat her like the most important person to me in the world, that she can leap tall building in a single bound, do amazing things around the home and be the most responsive wife to me in the world. I have learned that if I bring her flowers regularly for no reason, just because I love her, that I can make her cry. Now in the beginning it used to creep me out, but those are tears of joy. Tears that she knows that she is loved. Once a week I will cook Dinner for my beloved wife and I will even serve it to her. This is all romance, and she is hungry for romance.

My wife walks with a lot of the sisters in the ward and they are all frusterated with their T.V. watching, comically unromantic husbands. And so my wife comes and tells me about them and asks me if I could somehow mention it to the men in the ward. So one night I gave a fireside for the adults in the ward. It was pretty funny, all the sisters in the group were all smiling and nodding their heads, their eyes just beeming, while the brethren were all holding their heads and spacing out, however, some of the men responded, while others just blew it off. Bottom line, Women are hungry for romance.

Edited August 9, 2008 by hethathathears

[MorningStar]

Thank you for sharing that! One thing I love about my sister's husband is that he still compliments her every day. I think that's helpful too. He likes to hear lots of thank you's, so the wives need to remember too how they first treated their husbands when they were dating. Sometimes I think, "If I treated my husband then how I'm treating him right now, would he still have dated me?" Most people I know I can't imagine ever getting married if that's how they treated each other in the beginning.

[Connie]

Women can be guilty of this, too. My husband is much better at this than i am, but i am one of those weird women who don't really care about flowers--they just wind up dead in a few days anyway. But my husband knows what i respond to.

Thanks for the reminder. I think it's time for me to read The Five Love Languages again. :)

[siouxz72]

Great thread he! :) I am lucky to have a husband who makes me feel like I'm the most important thing in his life every day. I can hear how happy he is when he calls to say he's on his way home from work and will see me soon. It's truly wonderful We're celebrating our 18th anniversary this year, so somebody's done something right!

ps...connerific, I used to sell fruit and flowers for different farmer's at the markets up and down the central coast in California wear I grew up and so my husband thought I'd be sick of flowers... he even said, Why do you love flowers so much they're just going to die? my response? ..so will you and I still love you! he buys me flowers quite often now :)

[hethathathears]

Flowers is something that I never really understood. I felt that if I brought my wife flowers 12 - 24 times a year that she would think, oh, flowers again, can't he be a little bit original, he doesn't have any imagination, but that isn't how my wife responds. With each bouquet of flowers that I bring, it is a reconfirmation of my love for her, and how special she is to me.

But the other stuff has to be there as well. I heard a story of a man who went to the florist and paid for the florist to bring his wife flowers every Monday for an entire year while he went around and did his thing, and paid very little attention to his wife. After a while the wife realized what her husband had done and learned to hate the Monday flower visit because there was no love behind the gift. Guys romance you wives.

And wives in return, guys need that aerobic activity that men need. My wife and I were traveling out shopping one day and we were listening to Focus on the Family and they were talking about being intimate between husband and wives and it was reported that when that happens a hormone is released in a man that makes him bond to or develop of closer relationship with his wife. I wish I could remember the name of that hormone or the exact term used, but as we enjoy the husband and wife wrestling match, we cling to our wives.

[StrawberryFields]

I simply LOVED this thread and you have one smart wife there too.

Your wife was clear in what her needs are and you were quick to respond and have reaped the rewards.

The secret is to find what the other person wants and then give unselfishly.

I am glad to hear you spoke at your ward that was my thought to and I actually giggled when I read that part.

We always thank people in our family for the kindnesses they show us. It can be something like taking the garbage out to going to the store. I especially liked to be thanked when I cook at home it gives me pleasure to sometimes do a thankless task.:)

[lilered]

Havng been married to my childhood sweetheart, I have been receiving on the job training for several years. These are but a few things I have learned during these sometimes painful training sessions.

Two Most Important Words - "Yes Dear"

Three Most Important Words - "I Love You"

Quick to say I am sorry.

Telling her once in awhile:

"Thanks" for all you do to make our house so lovely or

Thanks for being so special

Telling her she looks nice once in awhile

Praising her to others

Listening by shutting off the radio or TV when she is talking seriously.

All women like flowers (even if they say they don't)

A single rose once in awhile for no reason, with a surprise kiss from behind on the neck, will invoke more tender feelings of love, than a dozen roses once a year on "Mothers Day Only"

Date Nite is a good thing

Accompaning her patiently, while she peruses the mall (periodically) and giving your approval, if she sees something she likes.

Women like nice surprises like:

Watching the kids while she goes to a movie with her girlfriends

Cooking supper

Cooking Breakfast and serving it to her in bed

Letting her sleep in once in awhile

Doing the dishes without being asked

Holding hands while going for a walk

Little post it notes indicating you love her.

Take her to a chick flick once in awhile

That is enough learning for now. Remember line upon line, precept upon precept. :^)

Edited August 9, 2008 by lilered

[MorningStar]

I like to hear what my husband likes about me. When we had a marriage class, we were supposed to make a list of what we liked about each other and when I read his, I was very surprised by a lot of the things he said. I thought, "That would be nice to hear you say it."