Child with ADHD

[angela]

Does anyone else have a child with diagnosed ADHD?

My 8 year old has been on medication for over a year now. I do not see any light at the end of this tunnel. I feel so overwhelmed with it. (Of course it does not help that I am a single mother and I don't have anyone else to help me through all the difficult times.)

Anyone? Any advice, suggestions?

:)

[Guest tomk]

angela:

My wife and I have an 8 year old son with Aspberger's Syndrome. Early on, though, he was misdiagnosed with ADHD. He still seems to have some signs of it.

We also have a 4 year old girl who has a genetic defect in Chromosome 1. At 4 years old she does not talk. She does not walk. She does not take in food by mouth. She has a feeding tube that goes into her stomach.

I share all of that just to let you know -- you certainly are not alone.

There are TONS of resources online for ADHD:

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

NIMH · ADHD · Complete Publication

There are online forums where you can talk with other parents about your child and your challenges:

Discussion Groups for Parents of ADHD children & for Adults with ADHD

The LDS church website even has some information on it for Primary Teachers:

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

AND

You can talk to me whenever you need to vent. :)

I hope something I have listed here proves helpful.

[Gwen]

nearly everyone in my family has ADHD or ADD among other things lol it's a lifestyle for us... to offer suggestions i'd need more specific info.... catch me in chat sometime? i'm there a bit... can always send me a pm if chat isn't an option...

when was he diagnosed? how severe is it? what kinds of things is he doing that are the most troublsome? how does he do in school? what meds is he on? is dad in his life? how does he do with making friends? play any sports? does he have any other learning disabilities with it (most kids do)?

[ruthiechan]

I have taken care of children with ADD and my husband has ADD.

My brother has Asperger's Syndrome and the symptoms are similar so it is possible he was misdiagnosed. Another common error is to treat all ADD as the same when in fact there are seven different subtypes of ADD, and of course each type does better on certain medications.

To learn more about it visit: http://amenclinics.com/bp/atlas/

Chapter 12 (they are short chapters) deals specifically with ADD, though you should read Chapter 2 as well. It's very visual and very cool. I also have the book Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel G. Amen. And of course, I've read Driven to Distraction. These two books in particular and the amenclinics website have helped me with my husband and the children I've taken care of.

Edited November 12, 2008 by ruthiechan

[countrygirl66]

Hi

I have ADHD although at 42 the he is less than it used to be. I have 2 kids with add and 2 with adhd. I am sorry you are so overwhelmed. It can be so difficult to deal with. My only advice is to not let ((anyone)) talk you into what is right for your child. I have been told everything from my kids will wind up in prison to being turned in to the state because I have chosen not to use meds at this time. Kids with ADHD are busy and have no attention span. My two that have ADHD make impulsive choices and have a difficult time in school. I take meds for me 25 mg straterra a day. I take just enough to be able to take the edge off for me. I have nothing against meds. It is just something each parent will be able to decide for their child. For my son who is now 15 karate and football were and are a great help. It allows him to burn off the energy and get rid of the agression. My daughter who is 9 does gymnastics and walks our dogs a lot. I think a lot of it comes down to accepting what is normal for you. I alway knew where my son was when he was little because I would get phone calls saying (do you know what your son just did). Post about what your specific challenges are and I think many can give you information and share experiences. I just know for me that everyone on my bench in sacrament meeting will always be in motion (including me). That's ok. I just wanted to say that i have been pressured by a lot of people on what to do. I have done what I have prayed about and it has worked out good for us. Take gentle care.

[angela]

Sorry my post was so short last night, it was late and I was completely overwhelmed and frustrated yet again.

My original post did not exactly stress all that DS has going on. He has a pretty severe case of ADHD, but also have two co-existing conditions (which are pretty common). My son has also been casually diagnosed with ODD and Depression. I say casually because they haven't done an offical diagnosis but said he tested high for them. After studying on ODD I am pretty sure that he is suffering from this also - infact I think that may be our biggest challenge right now.

I work from home right now and I have to run, but I will be back to post more later.

I do appreciate everyone's posts, encouragement and information. :) I will respond more later.

[tefor]

My wife and I have a 14-year-old daughter with ADHD, a son with Asperger's, and a daughter with low-functioning autism. In addition, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's, and my wife has PTSD/OCD resulting from childhood abuse. Needless to say, working through all of these issues is a constant challenge. (We have more issues than Newsweek!)

There's a good book that helps distinguish between the various diagnoses--It's called Kids in the Syndrome Mix. (While there are differences between them, I suspect that they are really various points on the neurological continuum.)

[ruthiechan]

Advice 1: Pray for guidance.

Advice 2: Do NOT get angry. If you get in a power struggle with your son you'll either lose or do something you'll regret.

Advice 3: Keep the Spirit with you, whatever it takes, you can have the Spirit with you when things are going crazy around you. Read the scriptures, you'll find answers in them, and of course, pray (yep, it's a biggie).

Advice 4: Depression? Is that cause or effect?

Advice 5: Some people with ADD will look for any reason to start a fight because it activates the area of the brain that is under active. The front part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex does not work right in people with ADD. It is under active especially when a person with ADD tries to concentrate unlike a normal person where it gets more active. So this aggression is like a drug. It stimulates his brain. However, as you know it's not healthy for him and will not help him build relationships and if he is feeling ostracized and alone he'll likely get depressed or more aggressive or both.

*hugs*

You are in my prayers.

Edited November 12, 2008 by ruthiechan

[zookeeper]

Look into diet changes. There is a lot of info about food allergies out there and MANY people dealing with ADD, ADHD, autism, etc. have benefited. We did a one year trial of a wheat and dairy free diet for my autistic son. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but once we got going it wasn't too hard to stick to. I have a friend with a son with ADHD and he has been practically cured by diet. She did trials and found problems with dairy and food coloring. So its not for everyone but from what I've researched ANYONE with one of these common problems should try it. I can even recommend some sources for info if you would like... Good luck!!

[Fiannan]

Since someone has brought up the issue of Asperger's I just have to ask something. I was talking with a psych instructor the other day and she mentioned that she too was a big fan of the TV series Dexter. We both thought that the character did not really display the symptoms of a psychopath but rather (due especially to his obsession with blood as well as following a code given by his adoptive father -- and his lack of social skills) he was more in line with Aspergers as a psychopath is generally charming, often charismatic, has a great command of language and can play the social game really well.

Then we got into how Borderline and Aspergers seem very much the same diagnosis but then how anti social personality disorder also falls into the mix. It was great to have a discussion over this over lunch but it seems the more you investigate all this stuff the less credible diagnosis seems to appear.

[Elgama]

I'm in the same position as Gwen for my family various forms of autism are a way of life and it seems difficult to imagine life without them I have ADD/Dyspraxia, my husband is probably Autistic and my daughter is in process of being assesed. I think when you have ADD yourself parenting a child with it is much easier and I am very blessed that my family taught me how to take advantage of it, because it does have advantages over not being ADD I know I can think and process information at a ridiculous speed which means I get bored quickly which is often the root of the problems. I would probably have been ADHD without a combination of Dyspraxia and Fibromyalgia which meant I may want to spend time being disruptive and wriggling etc but don't have coordination or energy to do so.

Biggest key in my opinion when you are dealing with a child with ADD/ADHD etc is to give them as much control as you can - for example my daughter chooses her own clothes, at 5 she has budget when we go shopping, that cuts down arguements and problems when getting dressed, not giving her an opportuinity to argue back I hand her, her clothes tell her how long we have to get ready and leave her to it - she did have a few incidents of having to get dressed at bus stop but she now getting dressed and ready in the mornign with no fuss.

Also to find what interests him for myself by far my worst problem is boredom, but I can concerntrate for hours on something I find fascinating. Like with Gwen if you can give me specific incidents I can give you ideas on what may work as they work with our lot.

Also recommend a book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, How to Listen so Kids Will Talk - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

-Charley

Edited November 12, 2008 by Elgama

[LDSVALLEY]

At first we denied our eldest had ADHD, when I finally agreed to get the papers to have her tested I went over them with the worker and said this was dumb, I had most of what they listed and I'm not ADHD, I was around 37 then. To prove them wrong I allowed them to test me. What a difference in my life now that I know I am ADHD and have medication to help.

My first issue with testing our daughter was I didn't want her dopped up on meds. Only when we saw the doctor for myself did I realize that the medication used is actually uppers, they increase energy not decrease. But it allows the brain to function better.

Getting to our daughter we had an awful time with her at first. Not listening to anything or anyone, having trouble at school, us punishing her for bad behavior etc. Now at 13, she was tested at 8, she is a great kid most of the time no matter if her pills are still in her system or not. Here is what we found helped.

1 We provided, with her input, a list of guidelines for appropriate behavior and activity as well as consequences for violating them. We then posted it where we could all see them. That way when she went past what she was allowed we were able to keep calm and simply point out which guideline was broken and she could see the required consequence.

2 ADHD children need stability and structure so chores, rewards etc were also posted. An important item that we missed at first is that detail is required. Simply putting clean up bedroom was not enough. Instead under bedroom cleaning would be put clean cloths in dresser and closet, take dirty cloths and put in bathroom cloths hamper, pick toy box toys up and put neatly in top box etc. This worked much better.

3 Generally we set small time limits for things. Instead of clean bedroom until clean it is usually clean for only 20 minutes. If she does this even every other day then the room is fine by weeks end. If it passes muster then a reward is given.

4 One on one time with each parent is also a good reward and helpful for both sides.

5 Diet and sleep also play roles in this. The less sugar etc that she takes in the better. And the more sleep ADHD gets the better. Alas this is one area that the medication has a negative effect on, I speak from personal experience.

6 Electronics an hour or less before bed, at least for all the ADHD people I know are bad as it stimulates the brain and makes it harder to sleep.

7 Activity, but at least ending an hour before bed, is a wonderful thing for ADHD as well.

8 For school structure is again important. A homework notebook, color tabing different subjects or using different binders helps much. Our oldest has been lucky these last few years with understanding teachers that once we met face to face, explained what we were doing and what problem areas might arise, were willing to create a system to help.

9 When the Medication wears off our daughter, maybe me too but no one says, she seems to drop 4 years emotionally and the way she acts. We have to insure things like homework etc are done before this point otherwise it is an uphill struggle. While we allow for this regression we do not allow her to use it as an excuse to not carry out her responsibilities.

10 At first we tried to keep it somewhat quite to avoid having her labeled. But we found it was hurting her emotionally like she had a sickness that could not be talked about. Now we stress that it is a gift, there really are many benefits of ADHD as well as the pitfalls. ADHD kids and adults can focus in on issues and make connections that others would not see. They can multitask with many different projects because the generally only work on any one for a short period so variety keeps them moving along but not grow weary. There are more. Properly structured and motivated ADHD kids can accomplish great things.

Our third and youngest child, now 9 probably has ADHD but because we were prepared from our first and myself we have not so far reached a point where we needed to have him tested. One thing did happen with him however, I was renovating the house and was putting up gyprock with all the related sanding. During the week I was working on it he became very angry, a simple 15 minute time out changed into me physically being between him and my wife to prevent him from kicking or hitting her in his anger. We were at the point of taking him in when I finished the work and suddenly he was normal again. Allergies can take many forms and his was too dust we found out. Instead of illness because of his potential ADHD it effects his brain and his ability to rationalize and control himself.

Sorry this is so long, I hope some of this helps, if you have any questions let me know, or if you need to vent. If I can't help my wife might be able to.

[Wingnut]

Advice 4: Depression? Is that cause or effect?

With ADD, the answer to this question is very often a simple "Yes."

ADD/ADHD are often accompanied disorders. Those diagnosed with them also tend toward depression, OCD, and a variety of other issues as well. Most often, one of the issues (ADD or on of the others) is quite dominant, while the other may just have manifestations. I have ADHD and "mild" depression. I was treated for my depression with Wellbutrin, which is a relatively mild anti-depressant (especially compared to Prozac, for example), which worked great for me.

In my own experience, I have observed that sometimes I will get into a funk and notice a pattern of depression over a period of a week or more. This will often trigger an ADHD pattern to launch, when I had previously been doing fine. I spiral downward as they feed each other. Alternately, sometimes I get into a pattern where I have problems focusing or problems with self-motivation (that's my biggest ADHD problem). My frustration with my seeming inability to do what I know I should be able to do leads me into a depression spin.

So they feed each other. They cause each other. Mostly they're just correlated. Usually.

Advice 5: Some people with ADD will look for any reason to start a fight because it activates the area of the brain that is under active.

As much as I'd like to resist against this "accusation," I have to agree with it. I look back over my life and see that I often started fights (mostly with my parents or siblings) without an obvious good reason for it.

To the OP, I can't offer any advice from a parental perspective, but I can tell you that medication alone isn't enough. If you only medicate your child, they will be on medication for life. Or if they're not, they won't be able to function in a full and happy life. They need life skills and they need to learn about ADD and learn their problem areas (my biggest one is motivation). Then they need to learn how to work with those things instead of beating against them. You can read about my experience here.

[mightynancy]

I think that one of our current challenges, collectively, is to explore the idea of neurodiversity. There are traits, like ADHD or autism spectrum issues, that are a "disorder" as far as getting along in the greater society, but are an asset in other areas. You'll see a LOT of Asberger-ish traits among scientists and engineers, as those careers demand the focus and precision that those traits bring.

I don't have a great deal of insight into this, but I do know that proper treatment can help a person make the most of who they are. Best wishes!

[Fiannan]

I think that one of our current challenges, collectively, is to explore the idea of neurodiversity. There are traits, like ADHD or autism spectrum issues, that are a "disorder" as far as getting along in the greater society, but are an asset in other areas. You'll see a LOT of Asberger-ish traits among scientists and engineers, as those careers demand the focus and precision that those traits bring.

I don't have a great deal of insight into this, but I do know that proper treatment can help a person make the most of who they are. Best wishes!

I am inclined to agree. Anyone here ever spent much time in China? O doubt they even have a category called "aspergers" since the culture thrives on the kind of meticulous orgnaization, dedication to rules, and desire for detail and structure. Oh, by the way, the Chinese only have one university that offers any program in psychology so I think we see how they prioritize things.

I really have a hard time saying aspergers is a disorder. The only problem it might cause is in one's relationship to others as well as trying to understand the self. One of the key themes in the series "Dexter" is Dexter Morgan trying to understand how to fit in -- and while the show seems to present this crime fighter as a psychopath the characteristics written into the character are much more in line with aspergers.

ADHD -- in an era that demands creativity, the ability to move from one project to another (multitasking) and even unconventional ways of thinking we might consider the blessings of this "disorder" rather than it being seen as a problem.

As for other "disorders" even something like psychopathic behavior has its merits. Many of our best emergency room doctors, lawyers and CEOs are what is known as secondary psychopaths. And it would be very hard to believe one can make it far in American politics today without being a secondary charismatic psychopath.

There are reasons God made people different.

[Elgama]

I think that one of our current challenges, collectively, is to explore the idea of neurodiversity. There are traits, like ADHD or autism spectrum issues, that are a "disorder" as far as getting along in the greater society, but are an asset in other areas. You'll see a LOT of Asberger-ish traits among scientists and engineers, as those careers demand the focus and precision that those traits bring.

I don't have a great deal of insight into this, but I do know that proper treatment can help a person make the most of who they are. Best wishes!

I agree entirely with this my ADD is a huge asset it allows me to think at lightening speed, and to draw conclusions

-Charley

[AngelLynn]

My brother who has Downs syndrome has ADHD. Although I've heard it's pretty common with those who have mental disablities etc.

He's on medication to keep him calmed down. He has in his past become extremely violent. When I was about 11-13 years of age, and I was babysitting him, he trashed the whole house, threw down a TV set and basically went beserk. I didn't know what to do at the time because my parents were away. We didn't know he had ADHD at the time, but eventually he was diagnosed with it. My mom doesn't like the idea of medication either, but realizes that she cannot handle his needs without it. It keeps him from becoming extremely hyper and possibly violent. He's also severly mentally disabled and functions basically at the level of a five or six year old. He is now 22 years of age. So the medication keeps him at a level that helps us all out. He goes occasionally to a psychologist that keeps check on him to see that he's doing well and prescribes the medication for him.

As for him daily, he's extremly stubborn and will not allow anyone to touch him so things like shaving, and cutting nails becomes a challenge. He fights back, but my family chose this path and having him near us is a lesson in love, humility, and patience as well as love.

I am sure there are others on opposite ends of the spectrum who don't have these problems, as my brother has a mental disablity as well as ADHD.