Decisions, decisions.

[Good_Days_Last]

It's that time of my life to decide to do something, I guess I need some opinions.

Here's my deal:

I've been a member of the LDS church since I was 8.

I'm now 20 years old (21 in March) and it's about time I did something with my life.

I graduated high school in 2006 and promptly went to college for the 2006-07 school year.

I failed miserably and bombed lots of classes. I escaped with 11 credits out of

a possible 30 I could've earned over the course of the year.

During my time at college, I found it harder to go to church and institute.

I had numerous social and girl setbacks. Just a very hard time on myself.

I returned home after that year, beaten and down on myself. I reached my lowest point

shortly thereafter by returning to work at a Family Fun Center where the majority of the

kids working there were middle and high schoolers. It was a terrible job.

Luckily my mom found me a job working full time with the hospitals up here as a

courier. I've been happily doing this job and earning twice what I was before.

It's now been close to two years since I stopped going to college.

I've thought about several options for my life but a lot of my thinking has revolved around

the LDS church and what kind of effects my faith experience with various career

opportunities.

I''m the kind of guy that wants to make everyone around me proud of me. I want to do

what they want me to do. I know that kind of thinking has held me back numerous times.

I've definitely felt all the pressures about serving an LDS mission, but I'm not quite there

in the "moral department". I've never had my Patriarchal blessing and I haven't been ordained

and elder yet either.

I almost joined the Army last month, but backed out at the last minute. I come from a

military family and it's definitely something I want to do sometime. And yet, I feel like I

would be a supreme disappointment to my family if I didn't serve a mission. I just don't

think I can control myself to the point of getting there. I worry that I won't be able to

find a worthy LDS wife or that I won't be able to take her to the temple.

I apologize about the novel, but this is and has been the foremost thing on my mind since

at least July. Do I try and see if I should serve a mission? Do I look into joining the Air Force

or Navy? Do I keep dragging my feet at home and see if I can get back to college?

Maybe I can get some insight from those that have been in my position about the military

or serving a mission.

[applepansy]

Ultimately, only you can decide what is best for you, what you'll stick with, what will get you want you want out of life. Only you can choose to want something enough to make whatever sacrifices you need to make to get it.

While deciding on a mission or military I would most definitely suggest you return to school. Maybe not full time, maybe online classes? All the schooling you can get will be worthwhile.

My personal opinion, as a mom with adult sons, . . . Mission and college first, then if you still want to go into the military go for it.

As far as moral issues. . . talk to your Bishop. And remember anything is possible to overcome with the Lord on your side. That's what the Atonement is all about.

applepansy

[AKinPA]

I haven't been in your position. Well, not exactly. I was in my own unique position once though--moral issues and all.

When I was (inactive, but) ready to come back to the church, I did come to the conclusion that some things (when you're not married) are just between yourself and Heavenly Father. And whether or not you serve a mission falls into that category. Honestly, so do your moral issues, but if you're going to tackle those, your Bishop can probably help.

If it were me, and I were 21 again with my whole wonderful life ahead of me I'd

--go have a talk with the Bishop

--fast and pray for strength and guidance

--read the Miracle of Forgiveness

After a couple of months of *just* working on the moral issues I'm willing to bet that some of the other decisions (military vs. mission) will start to come into clearer focus.

I read your post and just wanted to give you a hug. Of course, that's the Mom in me :) You really do have a wonderful life ahead of you. Instead of feeling like you're surviving in it, you need to find a way to start thriving in it. Start by growing closer to the Lord. That'll give you a foundation you can really build something on.

[NeuroTypical]

If I had to do my life over again, I would have done a stint in the armed forces somewhere.

[rameumptom]

It sounds like you are allowing fear to rule your life. Fear is a natural instinct for man, being built into our brain stem for "fight or flight" instincts. It is great when we have true emergencies, but can hamper us when we are trying to live in a different world than our ancestors who had not tamed the wild frontier.

We need to retrain our thinking to use the cerebellum/frontal lobes, where we can use our higher logic to think through things differently.

First, you have to recognize your fears as illogical. Second, create a game plan on how to focus on courage (a thinking event) to do what is necessary. Third, teach yourself to realize that most fears are baseless: squirrels scamper off at any perceived threat, even if there is no real threat. Many people do the same. You feared failure in college, and your fear created an atmosphere to fail, a self defeating behavior.

It isn't a mistake that the scriptures tell us that true love casts out fear. Or that Jesus told his disciples to "fear not. Let your hearts not be troubled, but believing."

Satan would keep us down by relegating us to basic animal instincts. Christ wants us to rise above our fears and take courage to know we can overcome all things. Faith and Hope in Christ brings strength of character and courage.

I would suggest you start by going to your local library and read a few books on Happiness/Fear/Depression. Go with the ones that use newer studies (see the current issue of Psychology Today for instance on Happiness) on how to be happy. Fear is the big enemy to happiness, causing us to have negative emotions that prevent us from true progression.

[Hemidakota]

It's that time of my life to decide to do something, I guess I need some opinions.

Here's my deal:

I've been a member of the LDS church since I was 8.

I'm now 20 years old (21 in March) and it's about time I did something with my life.

I graduated high school in 2006 and promptly went to college for the 2006-07 school year.

I failed miserably and bombed lots of classes. I escaped with 11 credits out of

a possible 30 I could've earned over the course of the year.

During my time at college, I found it harder to go to church and institute.

I had numerous social and girl setbacks. Just a very hard time on myself.

I returned home after that year, beaten and down on myself. I reached my lowest point

shortly thereafter by returning to work at a Family Fun Center where the majority of the

kids working there were middle and high schoolers. It was a terrible job.

Luckily my mom found me a job working full time with the hospitals up here as a

courier. I've been happily doing this job and earning twice what I was before.

It's now been close to two years since I stopped going to college.

I've thought about several options for my life but a lot of my thinking has revolved around

the LDS church and what kind of effects my faith experience with various career

opportunities.

I''m the kind of guy that wants to make everyone around me proud of me. I want to do

what they want me to do. I know that kind of thinking has held me back numerous times.

I've definitely felt all the pressures about serving an LDS mission, but I'm not quite there

in the "moral department". I've never had my Patriarchal blessing and I haven't been ordained

and elder yet either.

I almost joined the Army last month, but backed out at the last minute. I come from a

military family and it's definitely something I want to do sometime. And yet, I feel like I

would be a supreme disappointment to my family if I didn't serve a mission. I just don't

think I can control myself to the point of getting there. I worry that I won't be able to

find a worthy LDS wife or that I won't be able to take her to the temple.

I apologize about the novel, but this is and has been the foremost thing on my mind since

at least July. Do I try and see if I should serve a mission? Do I look into joining the Air Force

or Navy? Do I keep dragging my feet at home and see if I can get back to college?

Maybe I can get some insight from those that have been in my position about the military

or serving a mission.

Serve a mission...

[hordak]

why not kill 3 birds with one stone. Join the Military, use TA while in to pay for school, and be missionary to fellow military members.

You don't have to don the suite and go off to the MTC to be a missionary. In fact if you join the military you can teach many people who otherwise would never hear about the church. Military chapels provide services for Catholics, Protestants and even Wicca but no LDS services are held on base.(Except while in basic) and no soliciting keeps the missionaries out of base housing.

If you do join here is my advice. Go Air force. While the army is sleeping in foxhole they sleep in dorm rooms. Pick a job that will transfer to the outside. If you don't do your school while in your "cool military job" may become a "cool story" to tell the teens at the local McDonalds you work with.

DON'T TRUST YOUR RECRUITER. he has a quota and is not above lying to get you to enlist pick a certain job etc.

Source: VET and military spouse

[Guest Alana]

You said you don't feel quite up there in the moral department. I doubt very few young men your age do feel up there. Make it a goal to get up there. All the things you need to do to follow the commandments, to live your life right, they don't have to wait for you to get up there, they can start today, right this second. The basics help more than you can imagine. Church, scriptures, prayers, fasting. Do those and get your patriarchal blessing, be worthy of the priesthood, receive them, repent of sins. Be the person you really want to be.

That would be my advice. Oh and when my husband was 19 or 20 he was inactive and had slept with his girlfriend. His stake president asked to talk to him while he was playing volley ball. He asked him to serve a mission. He went. I've read his missionary journal and he really doubted himself! His testimony wasn't unshakable but he did it, he brought people the truth, he grew so much and I'm thankful everyday that he could have this experience to feel the spirit so much. He is thankful, too.

[Faded]

It sounds to me like the goals you want for yourself are spiritually-centered more than anything. The armed forces has a lot to offer but a spiritual renewal it is not. I has a lot to offer. My dad was in the Army throughout my childhood, so I'm aware of a lot of pros and cons. But for the most part, everyone serving in the military comes to the same conclusion. The underlying culture is, in many ways, a counter-culture to the teachings of the Church and Christ. Members who serve have to be especially vigilant to not be influenced for bad.

You couldn't pick a better goal than serving an honorable mission at this point. You sound like myself right before I served my mission -- believing in the Church but struggling to be a good member of the Church and struggling with some of the basics. You just have to realize that going on a mission isn't just a "sign up and go" for you. You'll need to set and meet some goals.

1.) Getting and staying active in the Church.

2.) Being worthily ordained an Elder.

3.) Doing the usual daily stuff: Pray, read scriptures, etc.

4.) Probably meet regularly with the bishop to check up on your progress.

Having an end-goal in mind will probably help you a lot. Serving the mission helps solidly establish good spiritual habits. It's easily worth 10+ years of faithfully living the gospel at home.

The military wouldn't be a bad choice afterwords, but right now you may not be up to the challenge of resisting the bad influences that do arise in the military. After a mission, I think you'd be in much better sorts to get all the good from military service without being overcome by the bad.

[rameumptom]

I have to agree with Hordak on recruiters. Military life can be great, but recruiters are trying to fill holes, not help you find your choice career. Don't trust them.

Get a list of the jobs available. Find out about them. Pick 4 or 5 that you really like, and stick with those. When you go in to get your physical, they'll run your choices through a computer. Chances are your choices will not be available. Tell them to call you when one IS available, and go home. Do NOT sign anything, even though they scream at you (they are frantic to fill their quotas). Within a few weeks, they'll call you with one of your choices, or another good option for you to consider.

It works. I've had several young men do this, and are enjoying good experiences in the military. Don't do as my oldest son, who didn't call me until he had the job. Explosive Ordnance Disposal. He was excited because he would blow things up, and got a $12,000 check to sign up. What he didn't realize though, is that is not a job for a married man (he was recently married to a great lady with 2 kids), and the day would come when he'd want something else and they wouldn't let him out of it. Well, after 9 years, he's wanting to cross train but they said, "no." So now he'll get out after 10 years, instead of making it a career.

Personally, if you have a testimony and are worthy, I would first recommend a mission. But the military is a good second choice.

[Good_Days_Last]

why not kill 3 birds with one stone. Join the Military, use TA while in to pay for school, and be missionary to fellow military members.

You don't have to don the suite and go off to the MTC to be a missionary. In fact if you join the military you can teach many people who otherwise would never hear about the church. Military chapels provide services for Catholics, Protestants and even Wicca but no LDS services are held on base.(Except while in basic) and no soliciting keeps the missionaries out of base housing.

If you do join here is my advice. Go Air force. While the army is sleeping in foxhole they sleep in dorm rooms. Pick a job that will transfer to the outside. If you don't do your school while in your "cool military job" may become a "cool story" to tell the teens at the local McDonalds you work with.

DON'T TRUST YOUR RECRUITER. he has a quota and is not above lying to get you to enlist pick a certain job etc.

Source: VET and military spouse

Thanks to everyone that has put their 2 cents in. I really do appreciate the opinions coming in.

My dad served in the Navy for 20 years and I know that it's a hard life with a family. The government does do a lot to help out but it can't replace the father figure in the household.

I've tried convincing myself that I could join the Navy and still be a shining light for those that may not be making the best life decisions while in service. But then I look at myself and sometimes I can see myself being strong in everything the church teaches and sometimes I see myself becoming a far worse person for it.

I have actually looked at the AF and Navy's websites and have made a couple lists with only the jobs that interest me. I wouldn't want to be stuck doing something for a 4 years that I don't want to do at such a pivotal time in life. I definitely do my homework on things that I'm really interested in.

It's just ridiculous how much I want to make "the only right decision there is". Meaning, I don't want to be the screwup that took the wrong path and ended up horribly lost.

[Good_Days_Last]

It sounds like you are allowing fear to rule your life. Fear is a natural instinct for man, being built into our brain stem for "fight or flight" instincts. It is great when we have true emergencies, but can hamper us when we are trying to live in a different world than our ancestors who had not tamed the wild frontier.

We need to retrain our thinking to use the cerebellum/frontal lobes, where we can use our higher logic to think through things differently.

First, you have to recognize your fears as illogical. Second, create a game plan on how to focus on courage (a thinking event) to do what is necessary. Third, teach yourself to realize that most fears are baseless: squirrels scamper off at any perceived threat, even if there is no real threat. Many people do the same. You feared failure in college, and your fear created an atmosphere to fail, a self defeating behavior.

It isn't a mistake that the scriptures tell us that true love casts out fear. Or that Jesus told his disciples to "fear not. Let your hearts not be troubled, but believing."

Satan would keep us down by relegating us to basic animal instincts. Christ wants us to rise above our fears and take courage to know we can overcome all things. Faith and Hope in Christ brings strength of character and courage.

I would suggest you start by going to your local library and read a few books on Happiness/Fear/Depression. Go with the ones that use newer studies (see the current issue of Psychology Today for instance on Happiness) on how to be happy. Fear is the big enemy to happiness, causing us to have negative emotions that prevent us from true progression.

Fear has a decent grip on me at times. I am afraid of a lot things.

I'm afraid of letting everyone around me down due to making a decision that doesn't line up with how they pictured me. I'm afraid of failing, of making that leap or taking that first scary step only to find there was nothing to be afraid of at all.

I couldn't tell you how I got this way but it's frustrating. I feel like all eyes are on me at times and that every wrong move or wrong thought will condemn me. That I'm always under the scrutiny of being judged over one or two small things I've done. I don't doubt that God is watching over me. I don't doubt this church at all. I think I just doubt myself in being able to fully understand the gospel and not appreciating it when it does come to help me.

[Hemidakota]

If that is the case of 'making the right decision', spend the time and energy when you finally have that answer, ask GOD whether or not this is the right choice. IF it is right, then the Holy Ghost will make a confirmation of that choice.

Reference: Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer

[rameumptom]

Originally Posted by hordak

why not kill 3 birds with one stone. Join the Military, use TA while in to pay for school, and be missionary to fellow military members.

You don't have to don the suite and go off to the MTC to be a missionary. In fact if you join the military you can teach many people who otherwise would never hear about the church. Military chapels provide services for Catholics, Protestants and even Wicca but no LDS services are held on base.(Except while in basic) and no soliciting keeps the missionaries out of base housing.

Actually, there are many bases that hold LDS services. Most of them are overseas in areas where the Church doesn't have its own buildings. But I recall attending services on base in our branch in South Korea. And I know we had branches at many of the bases there.

[hordak]

Actually, there are many bases that hold LDS services. Most of them are overseas in areas where the Church doesn't have its own buildings. But I recall attending services on base in our branch in South Korea. And I know we had branches at many of the bases there.

Must be an overseas thing. Only LDS service i have seen on base was in basic since you couldn't leave base to go to the local meeting house.