Life is a Struggle

[anonymousaddict26]

The reason why I am posting this thread is because I have no where to go. I was born in the church and raised. I come from a very good and spiritual family. Its kind of embarrassing to post this thread because I never needed to ask for help from no one.

I come from a family where the church has deep roots. I was raised in a family that where my parents are leaders and always had very high expectation for there children. My whole life I been shelter from the real world until I was about 15 years old. When I was 15 years old I started to experiment with drugs, alcohol and pornography.

I know that it might seem bad to indulge in those activities, but I did it out of rebellion to my parents. As I practice those sinful acts, every Sunday I was up on top of the sacrament table, preparing,blessing and distributing the holy sacrament.

As I grew older, I knew that I needed to go on a mission. Basically I didn't have a choice. I was 18 years old and my dad was serving in the church so I had the opportunity to go at that age.

Before I went, I was able to overcome all those sinful practices and I went on a mission and I returned honorable. I loved my mission and I loved the growth that I had so spiritually. As, I look back, and ponder some more, I don't believe that I really gained a testimony about the church.

I know that the church is true and all, but I guess to me it make sense to be a part of this church. Its the church that makes the most sense. So anyways, I came back, and I didn't really have any addiction problems and all. After about a couple of years back from my mission, I started getting to friendly with my girlfriends. I believe this is how it all started. I never did anything to really get me in trouble, but I would skip sacrament because I knew that I wasn't worthy of taking it.

A few years later, brings to me where I am today. I got married to a beautiful wife. I couldn't ask for anything better. We got married in the temple and now we have a beautiful baby. About an 2 years ago I started to look at pornography again. I don't really remember how it started, but I started to flirt with such sinful act. Now, 2 years has passed and I constantly trying to battle such addiction leads me to write this long blog. I have prayed many times, but I feel that after so many prays and so many confession (I never really changed my sinful habits), makes me believe that the heaven are closed until I am able to prove to the heavens that I am worthy to get back into the fold.

I haven't really spoken to the bishop because I am very shameful of my dark secrets. Unfortunate the only person that is really getting hurt other than my self are my wife and our baby. I don't feel worthy to be able to bless my baby in case of a sickness and specially I don't feel worthy to go to the temple with my wife.

I haven't been really active in church also this past 2 years. I go to church but I am not really there. Its not that pornography is a daily addiction, but its once in a blue moon that I start to surf the net. I just need some advice on how to get a start on my new life.

They say the first step to overcoming an addiction is to first admit that you have one. So, I admit that I have an addiction and I just want to overcome it and not be a salve to such shameful and sinful acts.

As anyone been able to overcome this problem? If so, what has been done? I don't really want to talk with the bishop right now, until I am able to really proof to myself that I am at least able to start this by my own.

Most people my say, hey are you reading the book of Mormon, and the answer is yes and no. I don't read it very day, but I do read it about every Sunday.

Edited January 24, 2009 by anonymousaddict26

[georgia2]

Hey, I just saw a talk on BYU tv and they said that 40% of families are struggeling with this issue. You are not alone. In a talk I heard several years ago the speaker said that the whole reason the internet was invented was for geneology. Since we know there are are opposites in all things, what evil could satan come up with that would be an equal of the good in geneology? Porngraphy. It is the plague of our time. You need to understand that there is more to your addiction than just the act. THere are issues in your emotional or spiritual makeup that the viewing of pornography stimulates. Needs you don't even realize that have nothing to do with sex. If you are in an area that has professional church counselors, you should go see them. You don't need to go to your Bishop first unless you ned help paying for it. here is a quote off deseret books page on pornography,

"The plague of pornography is real, and it is growing. For those who are trapped by its power, the way out may seem impossible. President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke directly to those individuals struggling with an addiction to pornography: 'May you plead with the Lord out of the depths of your soul that He will remove you from the addiction which enslaves you. And may you have the courage to seek the loving guidance of your bishop and, if necessary, the counsel of caring professionals.'"

here is a book off mormonmedia.com "No More Disposition To Do Evil"

"In our society, pornography use has reached epidemic proportions. One of the most addictive evils of our time, it destroys thousands of families, relationships, and individuals every day. Many desperately want to quit but they feel that escape is impossible. Heartbroken family and friends want to help their loved ones overcome their problem but don't know where to start.

"No More Disposition to Do Evil" is an invaluable resource for anyone seeking ways to understand, overcome, or prevent addiction. Rory Reid, a nationally renowned therapist, speaks out about recognizing and understanding pornography addiction, and the steps that you or your loved one can take to win the battle against pornography. Drawing from his experience counseling patients and his research into the problem, Reid illustrates how key steps, a change of perspective, and spiritual principles are all essential parts of the pathway to recovery. "

You say yoi don't have a tstimoney, my bet is you do. If you didn't you wouldn't continue to strive to llive it. If you want to keep your wife, you absolutely need to get help. This is one issue that wives have a hard time understanding. Women think if you look at it , it means they are not enough for you. Is that the case? Do you want you wife to feel this way? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to help you see a little better. You need to read your scriptures more than on Sunday. You can get over it if you really want to and do those things that you have to.

[Justice]

As I read your post, my heart truly ached for you.

makes me believe that the heaven are closed until I am able to prove to the heavens that I am worthy to get back into the fold.

You know, we belong to a Church of doing. We are taught to be actively engaged in a good cause. This is a true principle and is key to us being happy. However, this can lead to a misunderstanding.

Since we are taught that we must be actively engaged in a good cause, we often think it means we are to overcome things on our own. Or, we think that there's a certain part of it we must do on our own first.

until I am able to really proof to myself that I am at least able to start this by my own.

The only thing you should prove to yourself is that you have weakness, and are in need of a Savior.

Brother, you are not going to overcome this on your own. God, in His infinite wisdom sent His Son into the world to overcome the world for us because He knew it was impossible for us to do on our own. He knows you need help. He has already provided help. If you ask in meekness and humility He will help you further.

We are less than the dust of the earth, because God speaks to the dust and it obeys Him. He speaks to us and we don't always obey Him.

My advice to you on how to "start" is to study the words of Mormon found in Moroni 7 intently for as long as it takes until you say to yourself that you are ready to do whatever is required for you to overcome this trial. Read Moroni 7 and pray until you can admit that you can't overcome this on your own and you NEED His help.

Here is a portion:

Moroni 7:

19 Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.

20 And now, my brethren, how is it possible that ye can lay hold upon every good thing?

21 And now I come to that faith, of which I said I would speak; and I will tell you the way whereby ye may lay hold on every good thing.

22 For behold, God knowing all things, being from everlasting to everlasting, behold, he sent angels to minister unto the children of men, to make manifest concerning the coming of Christ; and in Christ there should come every good thing.

Brother, He knows. The one who doesn't know yet is you. You must seek His will. You must arrive at a point where you put it in His hands and become willing to accept whatever consequence is required for you to overcome this. You show signs of genuine meekness, but let go of your pride that makes you afraid to share this with those who love you most. Don't be afraid of what they will think of you, it is much more important to be willing to do whatever God wants you to do to overcome this.

Listen to, and read the words to, I Need Thee Every Hour over and over.

You seem to be so close. The last step is the hardest part. Give up your will for His.

You will be amazed at how quickly, easily, and completely He can overcome this for you.

Edited January 24, 2009 by Justice

[NeuroTypical]

Here in Colorado Springs, the LDS Porn Addiction Recovery Group is very well attended. If you've got an LDS Social Services in your area, I bet they've got one up and running also.

[anonymousaddict26]

When I work up this morning, I decided to check who would respond for my plea for help. I didn't have to much hope that someone would read my long post, and take the time to actually reply. I was overwhelmed when two special people felt to reply to me. It made me fill up with joy.

I felt so humbled with the reply, and I wanted to say thank to you both for taking the time to reply. My whole life I had an abundance of goods. I grew up in USA with everything I wanted and sometimes didn't need. The reason I say this is there is one passage in the scripture that rings in my ears all the time.

In Mathew "For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth."

This scripture is constantly in my mind. I know that I been blessed more than I deserve, and still I unable to do my part as a priesthood holder. You see, I look at peoples that have less than me, and I often ask myself, why do I have more than my fellow brethren. Sometimes it seems unfair for me to have so much and those outside this country that have so little.

During my mediation I come up with an answer, and that answer is "Yes, you have material possessions, and a comfortable lifestyle, BUT is your soul saved?"

This makes me think, that we are here only for a spek of time. Maybe those that have given less, less is expected from them. But for me, that have given plentiful, such is required. I have made a commitments before to over this addiction, and I do last a few months. Just like clock work when I usually become unhappy at home, then I fall back.

Georgia2 post that I need some counseling, and I do agree with you. I know what my underlying issues are. Most of my issues starts with my life at home and the relationship with my wife. Even though we love each other and have a lovely family, we have very disrespectful arguments that leave permanent scares.

You might say that I love my wife, but I am not in love with my wife. This sadness me because she is love with me. I couldn't have asked for a better spouse and partner. We thought of getting divorced various of times, but we both come from family with deep roots and we don't really want to disappoint our parents. Especially now that we have a child, we are trying extra hard to have a better spirit in our home.

Ether 12: 27 Has really become my favorite scripture, " 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their aweakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

One thing that I have always lacked in my live is to have true unwaveringly faith. I guess I skip that step in primary and went straight to baptism. I never really had faith, and now that I need it the most I am unable to find it.

My Dad, was always a preach of repentance because of I should fear God wrath. He always thought us that if I didn't come back to church and become fully active that God will punish me some day. This is one thing that never made me feel comfort. I guess this is my spiritual "make up" to fear God more than to really love me.

My life has been a personal struggle not of material possession, but a struggle to be in this church. I know that we are part of this world, but not OF this world. Its like Lehi dream when some lost hold to the iron rod. Unfortunately the things of the world attract me. Something those attractions lead to more than just thoughts, but actions.

This is where I am now starting my new life. I feel that I am at the trough of a mountain and to reach the summit is going to require a lot of work and dedication. My biggest problem in my life also is consistency. I am always able to start something, but never able to last for long periods of time. I am going to do what Justice advise me, that I read Moroni 7 and be able to have that leap of faith for the first time in my life.

Edited January 24, 2009 by anonymousaddict26

[talisyn]

I have a couple of suggestions, mostly from my own observations of others with your addiction. Request the missionaries to come over to your house and talk to you as they would an investigator. My dad likes to say he was a members of the church about 10 years before he was converted lol. Get two accounts on your computer, one yours and one your wife's, make her the administrator, then put on the best child-safe software around. She must have a password on her account that you could never guess, too. Anti-virus software would also be good, amazing how easy it is for your pc to get an STD. Get a big rubber band, put it on your non-dominant wrist, and snap yourself every time you surf to dangerous shores or think about doing so. You'll probably take it off after an hour or so, but I bet every time you see a rubber band you'll remember.

Pornography seems to be an opportunistic, invasive addiction. I know someone who will go porn-free for months at a time, when he'll see an ad and just get all the urges back again and have to go through the whole avoidance process all over again. You sound depressed and your wife is probably miserable. Depression can totally color your feelings for others, even those you're suppose to care about the most. Hold tight to your family, pray a lot, avoid temptations, see a doctor about possible clinical depression, and you probably won't wake up one day to find your monitor destroyed and a book on overcoming addictions flying at your head from your loving but seriously annoyed wife.

[bclaggett]

Anonymous,

I've been in your shoes. Here's what strength, experience, and hope I have to offer.

-- See your bishop and seek his counsel. Be prepared though, your bishop may be more or less understanding and compassionate. I've told two bishops about my addiction. They encouraged me to go to the temple more often. That didn't help. I found they were uncomfortable talking about the issue and uninformed. They didn't follow up with me and I didn't follow up with them.

-- Seek help ASAP. Join the LDS porn/sexual addiction group in your area and keep going even if you slip. You will need outside help and accountability to stay sober.

-- Forgive yourself. I've read that porn addiction is one of the hardest to kick, even when compared to drugs. More than that, I've experienced it. It's like the experience creates tracks in your brain that just must get re-filled. Technically, it's the endorphines, the same high you get from sexual release. Since your relationship with your wife is a challenge, this creates additional hazard for you. You might rationalize your behavior. It's all addiction talking. My family history is full of alcoholics. I just get hit by a different strain of addiction. It sure keeps me humble, I'm grateful for that.

-- Don't stop stopping. Repent as many times as it takes. I was confused by stories that I wasn't really "ready" to repent if I slipped again, or that I hadn't repented seriously enough, etc. Balderdash. Repent. Stop. If you slip, repent, stop. And again. You WILL win.

-- Make sure your computer is in a public part of the home. Keep the door open and the screen facing the door. Don't go online at times that you know you are tempted, like late at night, or whenever that is for you.

-- Filters help. I suggest you install FireFox and then make Internet Explorer shortcuts on your computer account as difficult to find as possible, or remove all shortcuts to it from your account. Using FireFox install the addon called "FoxFilter." It's effective and has a master password feature you can give your wife access to. Here's a link:

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/4351

Filters are just a tool. As any experienced addict knows, they can be gotten around. Do everything above though and the filters will help.

-- You are not alone. Many, many LDS (and non-LDS) men have the same struggle. Just earlier today I had to reconfirm my decision not to click on the keys that would lead me to sin again.

I read this (paraphrased) quote earlier tonight and it gave me hope:

"A man is only free when he is his own master."

Material things are great. But coming to a point when you are master of yourself is much greater.

Let us know how you are doing. We care. You are in my prayers, buddy. (Do the same for me, will ya?)

-B

[john doe]

As has been suggested, you should attend recovery meetings. They are completely anonymous. LDS Social Services does provide free meetings if you are in an area where they are held. To find one, go to Provident Living Home . Click on Social and Emotional Strength, then click on Addiction Recovery Support Groups. There are services available in many parts of the world.

[skalenfehl]

As anyone been able to overcome this problem? If so, what has been done? I don't really want to talk with the bishop right now, until I am able to really proof to myself that I am at least able to start this by my own.

There is your problem right there, my friend. The Atonement only works when you cast your burden upon the Lord. Your bishop is the first person that you should talk to. Trying to prove that you can do it alone is contrary to the way the Lord intended it. Else He would have required each of us to bleed from our own pores for our sins.

No, Christ took upon Himself your sins and my sins so that His blood could wash your sins clean. Until you fully realize this important bit of truth, you will never make it. None of us will. Begin studying the atonement and pour over the scriptures. Go to your bishop and cast your burden upon him. Let this weakness be what causes you to reach for the Lord's power to heal you. The Lord can make your weakness your strength, but you can't allow the adversary to make you believe that you are worthless and that you should do this alone. You forfeit the atoning power of Christ if you do. Good luck, best wishes.

[talisyn]

There is your problem right there, my friend. The Atonement only works when you cast your burden upon the Lord. Your bishop is the first person that you should talk to. Trying to prove that you can do it alone is contrary to the way the Lord intended it. Else He would have required each of us to bleed from our own pores for our sins.

No, Christ took upon Himself your sins and my sins so that His blood could wash your sins clean. Until you fully realize this important bit of truth, you will never make it. None of us will. Begin studying the atonement and pour over the scriptures. Go to your bishop and cast your burden upon him. Let this weakness be what causes you to reach for the Lord's power to heal you. The Lord can make your weakness your strength, but you can't allow the adversary to make you believe that you are worthless and that you should do this alone. You forfeit the atoning power of Christ if you do. Good luck, best wishes.

But what if you really like and respect your bishop? I waited until they changed the bishopric to share my troubles with the new one that I didn't know so well lol. I agree, counseling with the bishop is a vital step in overcoming serious weakness.

[Faded]

Okay, time to ruin my reputation a bit here. This is an easy addiction to fall into -- and I've fallen into it myself in the past and the struggle against it doesn't ever end. It's also MUCH more common than you might think.

Does your wife know? If she does not, then it's probably best that you build up the courage to go to her and ask for her help with this. That's the hardest part right there -- letting the love of your life know that you're addicted to pornography. But it's either that or wait until she catches you.

Ultimately, going it alone never worked. I could read scriptures every single day, pray every day, go to Church every Sunday, and do everything else I could do to help myself overcome the addiction. It didn't work.

The best thing that happened was my wife finding out. After the initial shock and disappointment, she made the choice to help me. My wife locked up the computers and setup a child's account for me with parental controls on the computer. This can be a pain in the butt because it blocks almost everything. Takes awhile to build up your list of allowed sites. If I needed admin access, she logged the computer into that account and she stayed in the room until I was done with whatever needed to be done. When we have cable TV, she set parental locks and rating limits. She would keep track of our bank account and expenditures. If I had had the itch to go buy something pornographic, then she was in a position to find out every time by questioning me on my expenditures.

The key for beginning to overcome this addiction is simple: Eliminate your ability to easily access pornography. The internet is the easiest obviously. Bear in mind, that by it's nature, this addiction is one of sneaking around and secretly indulging, so you'll be amazed at how devious the addicted-self will get. You have to plan ahead against that.

I know that I will struggle with this problem for the rest of my life, but I'm doing better now. My wife is my best ally in remaining vigilant. You still need to do all the right things too. Go to Church, read your scripture every single day, pray every single day, etc.

If you feel you do not have a solid testimony, there is no reason you can't get one. You have to dig deep and pray hard. A sinner intent on overcoming their sins is not exempt from receiving a powerful witness from the Holy Ghost. You just have to reach out with more effort than ever before until you get your witness from God. In some ways, it is easier to gain a testimony in this circumstance because you so desperately need to know that God has forgiven you.

Edited January 27, 2009 by Faded

[anonymousaddict26]

I just wanted to Thank You all. I am humbled by all you comments an sincere posting. Each one of you gives me strength to finally kick this habit. I am truly humbled for each of you expressing how you feel and even sharing your struggles with this addiction. I have decided to read, pray on a daily basis. Its true that I been depressed. I guess getting laid off and not being able to find a job doesn't really help my depressing. There is so much that I been going through emotionally that I been unable to get my life in order. I decided to start on my routines of exercising and being a better husband. Alot of these problems I brought upon myself.

The reason why I don't talk with the bishop yet is that I spoke with him before about this problem, but I will see what happens these next couple of weeks and make a decision then. Again, I will keep this posting updated with my progress.

This time is for good. Again thank you again.