Question Dealing With Parents And Baptism

[TRomans]

Hello,

Some of you may not know me, I have been around these forums looking for advice and further learning about the church. Back in November a good friend of mine invited me to attend a LDS church service. To make a long story short I loved going and have been going since then. I have had seven or so talks with the missionaries and I really feel that this is the right thing for me. We talked about baptism the other day, and I told them I am ready but I wanted my parents to support me. They fully understood. So this week I told my mom that I wanted to be baptized. I think she expected it and she was supportive. My dad not so much. He thinks I am going into this "too fast" and that I should wait a year or so. I can understand where he is coming from but the way he is doing it is absurd-trying to get me to go to Catholic church when he is not Catholic, not go to church every Sunday etc. Anyways I am at a loss on what to do, I have prayed and have been hoping but I still dont know what to do. I have this gut feeling where I know this is right, but it seems that everywhere I look there are barriers being put in place. So in short does anybody have any advice for me?

Thanks

Tyler

[WillowTheWhisp]

How old are you?

I ask because it has a bearing on my answer. Are you young enough that your parents need to give permission? Do you live in your parents' home? If so then I think it is importnt to respect your Father's views and perhaps not get baptised yet but show him that you are not going to change your mind. If he can see that you are still committed to the Church even if you can't get baptised then he may change his mind.

[Faded]

How old are you?

I ask because it has a bearing on my answer. Are you young enough that your parents need to give permission? Do you live in your parents' home? If so then I think it is importnt to respect your Father's views and perhaps not get baptised yet but show him that you are not going to change your mind. If he can see that you are still committed to the Church even if you can't get baptised then he may change his mind.

To answer your question:

My name is Tyler I am 17 and I am proud to be Canadian.

[Earthymama82]

I am an adult woman and I recieved a lot of flack about getting baptized 'too fast'.

Honestly, I would say get baptized anyways. Our families may love us, but their fear of 'change' needn't keep us from doing what we know we should do.

I told myself that If it was the truth then I will have made the right decision, if it was all a load of bull then I lost nothing but time.

[Faded]

Hello,

Some of you may not know me, I have been around these forums looking for advice and further learning about the church. Back in November a good friend of mine invited me to attend a LDS church service. To make a long story short I loved going and have been going since then. I have had seven or so talks with the missionaries and I really feel that this is the right thing for me. We talked about baptism the other day, and I told them I am ready but I wanted my parents to support me. They fully understood. So this week I told my mom that I wanted to be baptized. I think she expected it and she was supportive. My dad not so much. He thinks I am going into this "too fast" and that I should wait a year or so. I can understand where he is coming from but the way he is doing it is absurd-trying to get me to go to Catholic church when he is not Catholic, not go to church every Sunday etc. Anyways I am at a loss on what to do, I have prayed and have been hoping but I still dont know what to do. I have this gut feeling where I know this is right, but it seems that everywhere I look there are barriers being put in place. So in short does anybody have any advice for me?

Thanks

Tyler

It's a bit of an oddball reaction from your Father, no question there. If he were a dedicated and active member of some religion or another then it would make more sense. The most likely reasoning for him discouraging you from being baptized now would be two-fold:

1.) It seems likely that he's heard a lot of bad rumors about "those crazy Mormons." So he could very well be worried that you don't know what you're getting yourself into.

2.) It's possible that he feels you are not old enough to take your decision seriously.

The best possible solution though, is to know what his exact reasons for resisting are. Logically speaking he does not have much reasonable basis for discouraging you -- if your whole family was very dedicated to some church or another, then it might make more sense. But it sounds like he's not really the church-going type. So you're not "betraying the family faith" or anything like that.

I would do my best to have him explain what his reasoning is -- just be very respectful in your asking. But I think it's only reasonable for him to explain why he wants to prevent you from being baptized at this time. Have you asked him to offer an explanation?

Bear in mind, the fact that you are running into unexpected barriers -- it happens a LOT to new converts. The adversary will do what he can do discourage you, so be ready to struggle past a few barriers.

God bless you and be with you in your struggle!

Faded

[WillowTheWhisp]

To answer your question:

Quote:

Originally Posted by TRomans Profile

My name is Tyler I am 17 and I am proud to be Canadian.

In which case it is important to respect your parents but show patience to your father and pray that he will realise how serious you are about this. I would not recommend defying him if he actually objects.

[Vort]

I told them I am ready but I wanted my parents to support me. They fully understood.

If you're a minor, you need your parents' permission to be baptized. If they won't give it to you, don't even worry about it. Just keep doing your best and pray for help. Either you will get permission, or eventually you will become an adult and can do what you like.

If you're not a minor, but living at home or otherwise closely involved with your parents, my opinion is that you need to decide what's important to you and then follow your heart. Your father is not likely to disown you for being baptized, but if he does, you need to decide if following your beliefs is worth that price. I believe it is, but only you can make that decision for yourself.

My dad [...] thinks I am going into this "too fast" and that I should wait a year or so. I can understand where he is coming from but the way he is doing it is absurd-trying to get me to go to Catholic church when he is not Catholic, not go to church every Sunday etc.

Your dad likely doesn't know much (or anything) about the LDS Church, and is afraid of his precious child getting brainwashed by some cult. As a father, I can understand that. I'd suggest you invite him to meet the missionaries and talk with them, and maybe give him some literature that tells about the Church. When he sees that Mormons aren't some brain-dead, groupthink, Kool-aid drinking cult (though we do like our green jello...), he might soften his stance.

Good luck, Tyler, and God bless you and your family in this journey.

[Palerider]

How soon before you turn 18yrs old???.....once you are 18....you don't need their permission....

[Faded]

If you're a minor, you need your parents' permission to be baptized. If they won't give it to you, don't even worry about it. Just keep doing your best and pray for help. Either you will get permission, or eventually you will become an adult and can do what you like.

If you're not a minor, but living at home or otherwise closely involved with your parents, my opinion is that you need to decide what's important to you and then follow your heart. Your father is not likely to disown you for being baptized, but if he does, you need to decide if following your beliefs is worth that price. I believe it is, but only you can make that decision for yourself.

Your dad likely doesn't know much (or anything) about the LDS Church, and is afraid of his precious child getting brainwashed by some cult. As a father, I can understand that. I'd suggest you invite him to meet the missionaries and talk with them, and maybe give him some literature that tells about the Church. When he sees that Mormons aren't some brain-dead, groupthink, Kool-aid drinking cult (though we do like our green jello...), he might soften his stance.

Good luck, Tyler, and God bless you and your family in this journey.

Yeah, I was thinking along the same lines with my response. The only trouble is, we have to make a lot of assumptions about what Tyler's Dad is thinking, his reasoning, and his feelings about it all. This is why it truly comes down to Tyler finding a way to have a heart to heart with his Dad hopefully get to the root of it.

If you know what your working against, then you can navigate a solution -- and we forum dwellers in all our collective wisdom can probably help a bit. But the first thing is knowing what you're really working against.

[TRomans]

Hey guys thanks for your responses, I appreciate them. To clarify things I am 17 and I turn 18 in October. My dad and I have talked about this and hes told me that he would support me in whatever faith I have chosen but he feels that I am not old enough to make my own decision at this time. I understand where he is coming from, as I am young and still do have a lot to learn. It is a big step yes, but I personally feel that I am ready. The problem here with getting my dad to support me is he does not want to talk to the missionaries, or read any church material. I think he does think the church is a cult-he does not like the tithing thing even though I have explained to him this is not the only religion that does this. My mom I am so happy about, she has read church materials and has tried to understood what I am going through. I think from what you guys have said the only thing I really can do is pray and hope that he supports me. If not I turn 18 in a couple of months and then I am free to do as I wish. I thank all of you for your help :)

Tyler

[Hemidakota]

He just being a parent and is very concern of your welfare. I would wait...

[Faded]

Hey guys thanks for your responses, I appreciate them. To clarify things I am 17 and I turn 18 in October. My dad and I have talked about this and hes told me that he would support me in whatever faith I have chosen but he feels that I am not old enough to make my own decision at this time. I understand where he is coming from, as I am young and still do have a lot to learn. It is a big step yes, but I personally feel that I am ready. The problem here with getting my dad to support me is he does not want to talk to the missionaries, or read any church material. I think he does think the church is a cult-he does not like the tithing thing even though I have explained to him this is not the only religion that does this. My mom I am so happy about, she has read church materials and has tried to understood what I am going through. I think from what you guys have said the only thing I really can do is pray and hope that he supports me. If not I turn 18 in a couple of months and then I am free to do as I wish. I thank all of you for your help :)

Tyler

Okay, so two main concerns on his part:

1.) I think he does think the church is a cult

2.) he does not like the tithing thing

I can certainly see what others are saying when they say to wait. Obviously, you don't have much choice there. But there is no reason that you can't work towards setting his mind at ease. It sounds like he's going to have to accept facts sooner or later, so it certainly can't hurt to try to help him understand sooner, rather than later.

1.) Tithing:

The tithing part is simple enough. Does he not believe you when you tell him that other churches preach and practice the same thing? Granted, if he is not active in any religion, then he'd miss that. Every non-LDS service I've attended quotes Malachi 3:8-11 and then passes the collection plate/container around. I guess it's the best scripture to get people into the spirit of paying their tithing.

"[8] Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

[9] Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

[10] Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

[11] And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.

[12] And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts."

I used to think that was a "Mormon scripture" and that we were the main ones who made reference to it. Not even close to true. We hear about it whenever the Sunday School lesson makes it's way around to the Tithing lesson, so not all that often. Most other Christian religions hear it at least once a week. It's a remarkable thing really. All tithing is done anonymously in our Church -- so no passing the collection plate to make people feel more obligated. Yet we are the most successful major world religion (as far as I am aware) when it comes to the active membership actually paying their Tithing in full. The LDS Church has been so successful at Tithing that, to a large degree, we've become known as "that one Church that takes 10% of your money." Every denomination believes in it, but most Christian ministers will just teach the concept and then just gratefully accept whatever their members give. I find it very interesting that we see so much success in this matter. There is no set reminder for us to pay our tithing every week. There is no point in the services where the Bishop tells everybody hand in their tithing. Each member of our Church just has to take the responsibility for remembering and paying it upon themselves.

2.) "Mormonism is a Cult"

The reason that this accusation is so frequently thrown out at the LDS Church is mainly because it is so incredibly vague, that it could mean just about anything. For starters, it's a clever play on words.

cult – noun - cult definition | Dictionary.com

1. A particular system of religious worship, esp. with reference to its rites and ceremonies.

2. An instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, esp. as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult.

3. the object of such devotion.

4. A group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc.

5. Sociology. a group having a sacred ideology and a set of rites centering around their sacred symbols.

6. A religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

The top 5 definitions would describe every Christian religion in existence. Number 6 doesn't really apply to us since nobody is being asked to "move to our Compound and shun their families and all of society." Nothing even remotely similar happens in our faith.

The key point of understanding is this: Why does your father think our Church is a Cult, and exactly what does he imagine that means exactly? What does he actually believe you are getting yourself into? Ask him if there is any way you can set his mind at ease on the matter.

It is possible that he will never be willing to understand, but he will also never stop being your father. So I would approach it all in that way. You want him to understand your decision to join our Church. He needs to realize that you will be joining anyways, but that you love and respect him and want him to understand.

My wife's father joined the Church about 30 years ago. His father had died years before, and his mother was an only parent when he joined the LDS Church. She has never really accepted his decision, and I think she still doesn't really understand. She still resents his choice to some degree. That was and is her choice. That may be the way things go, but I'd say do your best to avoid it turning out that way. Hopefully your story can have a better outcome. In the end, nobody can say you didn't try your best.

Edited March 7, 2009 by Faded

[TRomans]

Faded I thank you for your response.

I think my dad first of all for some reason does not buy the religion thing. He thinks the bible is a made up story but does think that religion is good for people. The reason I think he thinks the church is a cult is because thats what he has heard on say the internet or some other false media source. I have tried to set him straight all in all, I think he just needs time to think and wrap his head around it. I am hoping in like May or June he will of had enough time to think this through. If he never does accept it, that is fine he is still my father and I will respect his decision even if I dont agree with it. I am sure he feels the same way about me.

So I guess all I can do is pray and just hope that he will understand the joy and excitement that I am feeling. Also I can just talk with him, and clarify some misunderstandings that he has about the church.

Tyler

[Faded]

Faded I thank you for your response.

I think my dad first of all for some reason does not buy the religion thing. He thinks the bible is a made up story but does think that religion is good for people. The reason I think he thinks the church is a cult is because thats what he has heard on say the internet or some other false media source. I have tried to set him straight all in all, I think he just needs time to think and wrap his head around it. I am hoping in like May or June he will of had enough time to think this through. If he never does accept it, that is fine he is still my father and I will respect his decision even if I dont agree with it. I am sure he feels the same way about me.

So I guess all I can do is pray and just hope that he will understand the joy and excitement that I am feeling. Also I can just talk with him, and clarify some misunderstandings that he has about the church.

Tyler

It sounds like you're pointed in the right direction. Good luck, God bless, and keeps us posted!

Feel free to ask for help with anything else.

[jolee65]

Tromans, im sure your father feels very proud of you for having the strong spirit that you have, even if his beliefs are different. Continue to tell him our true beliefs if hes willing to listen and bless your mom for being so willing to let her son find his way.

I would wait til your 18th birthday, continue to go to church if he isnt putting up a fuss about that, that way he will see you gave it time maybe not as long as he wished but you did take his feeling into consideration. Let us know how your doing be it good or bad :)