A Housewife's Guide To Keeping The Home

DisRuptive1 · February 11, 2005

This is just for fun. If you don't agree with anything I say, then, besides you being wrong, just take it with a grain of salt.

This is a guide for those women who wish to stay out of the workforce and keep home. This is for your benefit as I will outline some of the generalities that men want from a housewife. Certainly some of the things might be shocking or demeaning, but at least your man will be happy. If you don't want your man to be happy then I hope he leaves you soon, since no man should be with a woman who doesn't want to make him happy. The whole reason you chose to become a housewife was to make him happy wasn't it? You aren't one of those women who want to sit on your fat butt all day and watch Ricki Lake? Good.

This is also mainly directed to women who have children. If you don't have children and wish to take up the role as a housewife, then the following should be doubly important to you. Going to school part time or working part time, does not take away from your duties as a housewife. If you work or go to school for at 40 hours a week, then you can skip this since you don't have time to be a housewife.

Now in no particular order, I present these rules (although you can call them guidelines) in numerical order:

1. Why should your husband stay with you when he can get a younger, more attractive, and more athletic woman who is willing to do everything you do and everything you won't, better, and be happy doing it?

2. Looking at number 1, you can combat your husband's straying eyes. A happy man will not gamble away his happiness with a one night stand and such. So rule #2 requires that you get regular exercise, both for your own health and sake, and so your husband has a reason to come home. We married you for a reason, and the second reason was because you looked attractive in clothing. Give us a reason to tell you to take it all off!

3. Going hand in hand with rule #2, please don't deny us sex. See #1. If you won't give us any, we'll find someone who will.

4. We're happy with you. Don't give us a reason to distrust you and we won't give youa reason to distrust us. We know that hiring a beautiful 19 year old girl to be our secretary isn't going to do as much for company than if we were to hire a 19 year old nerdy boy who's a hardworker. If we have someone pretty to come home to, we won't have to worry about hiring something pretty to look at, at work. That said, going with rule #2, keep up your looks.

5. You're a housewife! Clean up the house! It's not that hard. It will be hard the first week because of all the buildup over the years. But eventually, if you do a little cleaning each day, you'll only have to clean up the little messes that occured the previous day, rather than 2 years worth of messes. You're in charge of keeping the home and keeping it up. Just the inside. If you want to have a garden, then go ahead, but mainly keep up the inside of the house.

Before we met you our toilets were covered with urine from those morning minute-long urination binges from all the liquids we had from the night previous. We lived long enough with that, that we can deal with it if it starts to happen again. You sat down to pee. It didn't happen to you. You know that you can't deal with the urine. So clean it up. We're not going to since it doesn't bother us. And you're a housewife.

Clean the sheets every so often. Clean the shower so it's nice. Part of the duties of a housewife are keeping your male happy. If you make our lives better than from before we met you (when we lived in dirty apartments and such) we're more apt to respect and honor you. And it makes us happy to live in a house that's nice and clean regardless of what we do to it. It also guilts us into cleaning up our own messes if we make a really big mess and realize that you'll have to go through a lot of work to clean it up.

6. Rule #6 deals with your schedule. You are to either wake up about a half hour before us, or if by waking up you end up waking us up, you are to wake up with us (us meaning husbands). During this time, just put on a robe or something and go make a nice breakfast. We'll go take a shower and clean up a bit, and after we'll come out and have breakfast with you.

Do not eat breakfast without us without our permission. Part of the joy of marriage is eating together all the time. We want some time to talk to you which me might not have had the night previous. But if we talked to you the night previous we might need some time to catch up on the news and need to read a newspaper. Just deal with it. Cuddle up to us as we drink our coffee and eat our waffles. We got a long hard day ahead, it would be nice to know that we started out on a good note. Even if we don't appreciate your cuddling, at least if our work building collapses, we'll know that we hugged and held each other as we wait in that little crawlspace for our air to expire.

Moving on!!!

We need a good breakfast and we need our sleep. That said, you need to go to bed with us or before us. We don't want to have to try to go to bed while you stay up late watching a movie. We need our sleep.

You must also be home whenever we are home. When we come home from work you need to be home also. The only exceptions exist when you have to do something with the kids such as take them somewhere or pick them up.

7. Like I said we need our sleep. Therefore between the hours of 9PM and 6AM on worknights, the children belong solely to you and to you alone. We need sleep.

8. Obviously you're probably going to have a lot more things to do and places to go during the day. We only have to go to work and come back home. Therefore we get the gas guzzlers, you get the fuel efficiency cards. We get the Firarri, you get the Volkswagon.

9. When we get home, we want to eat. You are to have a meal ready and prepared if nothing was arranged before hand. Arrangements would consist of us calling in an hour before coming home and telling you we're going out or something. We really don't mind what it is. Even if you get take out. But don't clog our arteries too badly. If you can't cook, then spend your time during the day to take a class or buy a cookbook and study from it or something.

10. We like you, but we don't get a lot of time to have fun working all week long. Certainly we spend time with the children on weekends and with you at night sometimes. But sometimes we want to go out with our buddies. Please let us. In return, we'll let you hang out with your gal pals, assuming you follow rule #9.

11. Do the above to the best of your abilities. We'll squeeze your butt or something if we appreciate the hard work you do. Plus, unlike smart men, we'll buy you something nice or do something nice on Valentine's day. But work hard, and do your best and remember rule #1. There is probably someone out there better for me who can do the things you do better than you. But I won't take a gamble on her if I'm happy.

Jenda · February 11, 2005

Well, that was .............................................. something to read. Now I can move on to better things.

Winnie G · February 11, 2005

Lets see how to keep your wife happy.

Why should your husband stay with you when he can get a younger, more attractive?

True love sees more then skin deep.

Trade has known us to trade up as well.

Rule #2, “please don't deny us sex”

It is my experience is if you did it right we would clime you like a jungle gym!

Volkswagon, You can keep your extension of your ego thank you.

Now get out of my way I need to drive my sports car.

Don't give us a reason to distrust you!

You’re a man pick up after yourself you live there too!

PUT THE SET DOWN and you’re a grown up AIM did your dad not teach you??

And wash your whiskers down the sink, Men’s bathroom habits are revolting!

You’re a gown man!

Breakfast please your not a child, If you want a Mommy go back home.

“You must also be home whenever we are home” Who the double toothpicks are you my keeper?

“Children belong solely to you”

Let your wife sleep once in a wile, you were there at the time of conception as well.

S*&% happens when you party naked!

“We want to go out with our buddies” That goes both ways, being at home day in day out is a day at the county fair.

Stuff rule #9.

“We'll squeeze your butt” Oh yes that is a real complement!

You lost me halfway though.

I found the posting of this insulting

Oh Look Your Clan is calling you back to the cave.

Grain of salt?

OH Please.

Jenda · February 11, 2005

Winnie, that is the best post I have read in ages! ROFLOL

Cal · February 11, 2005

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Feb 10 2005, 10:37 PM
This is just for fun. If you don't agree with anything I say, then, besides you being wrong, just take it with a grain of salt.
This is a guide for those women who wish to stay out of the workforce and keep home. This is for your benefit as I will outline some of the generalities that men want from a housewife. Certainly some of the things might be shocking or demeaning, but at least your man will be happy. If you don't want your man to be happy then I hope he leaves you soon, since no man should be with a woman who doesn't want to make him happy. The whole reason you chose to become a housewife was to make him happy wasn't it? You aren't one of those women who want to sit on your fat butt all day and watch Ricki Lake? Good.
This is also mainly directed to women who have children. If you don't have children and wish to take up the role as a housewife, then the following should be doubly important to you. Going to school part time or working part time, does not take away from your duties as a housewife. If you work or go to school for at 40 hours a week, then you can skip this since you don't have time to be a housewife.
Now in no particular order, I present these rules (although you can call them guidelines) in numerical order:
1. Why should your husband stay with you when he can get a younger, more attractive, and more athletic woman who is willing to do everything you do and everything you won't, better, and be happy doing it?
2. Looking at number 1, you can combat your husband's straying eyes. A happy man will not gamble away his happiness with a one night stand and such. So rule #2 requires that you get regular exercise, both for your own health and sake, and so your husband has a reason to come home. We married you for a reason, and the second reason was because you looked attractive in clothing. Give us a reason to tell you to take it all off!
3. Going hand in hand with rule #2, please don't deny us sex. See #1. If you won't give us any, we'll find someone who will.
4. We're happy with you. Don't give us a reason to distrust you and we won't give youa reason to distrust us. We know that hiring a beautiful 19 year old girl to be our secretary isn't going to do as much for company than if we were to hire a 19 year old nerdy boy who's a hardworker. If we have someone pretty to come home to, we won't have to worry about hiring something pretty to look at, at work. That said, going with rule #2, keep up your looks.
5. You're a housewife! Clean up the house! It's not that hard. It will be hard the first week because of all the buildup over the years. But eventually, if you do a little cleaning each day, you'll only have to clean up the little messes that occured the previous day, rather than 2 years worth of messes. You're in charge of keeping the home and keeping it up. Just the inside. If you want to have a garden, then go ahead, but mainly keep up the inside of the house.
Before we met you our toilets were covered with urine from those morning minute-long urination binges from all the liquids we had from the night previous. We lived long enough with that, that we can deal with it if it starts to happen again. You sat down to pee. It didn't happen to you. You know that you can't deal with the urine. So clean it up. We're not going to since it doesn't bother us. And you're a housewife.
Clean the sheets every so often. Clean the shower so it's nice. Part of the duties of a housewife are keeping your male happy. If you make our lives better than from before we met you (when we lived in dirty apartments and such) we're more apt to respect and honor you. And it makes us happy to live in a house that's nice and clean regardless of what we do to it. It also guilts us into cleaning up our own messes if we make a really big mess and realize that you'll have to go through a lot of work to clean it up.
6. Rule #6 deals with your schedule. You are to either wake up about a half hour before us, or if by waking up you end up waking us up, you are to wake up with us (us meaning husbands). During this time, just put on a robe or something and go make a nice breakfast. We'll go take a shower and clean up a bit, and after we'll come out and have breakfast with you.
Do not eat breakfast without us without our permission. Part of the joy of marriage is eating together all the time. We want some time to talk to you which me might not have had the night previous. But if we talked to you the night previous we might need some time to catch up on the news and need to read a newspaper. Just deal with it. Cuddle up to us as we drink our coffee and eat our waffles. We got a long hard day ahead, it would be nice to know that we started out on a good note. Even if we don't appreciate your cuddling, at least if our work building collapses, we'll know that we hugged and held each other as we wait in that little crawlspace for our air to expire.
Moving on!!!
We need a good breakfast and we need our sleep. That said, you need to go to bed with us or before us. We don't want to have to try to go to bed while you stay up late watching a movie. We need our sleep.
You must also be home whenever we are home. When we come home from work you need to be home also. The only exceptions exist when you have to do something with the kids such as take them somewhere or pick them up.
7. Like I said we need our sleep. Therefore between the hours of 9PM and 6AM on worknights, the children belong solely to you and to you alone. We need sleep.
8. Obviously you're probably going to have a lot more things to do and places to go during the day. We only have to go to work and come back home. Therefore we get the gas guzzlers, you get the fuel efficiency cards. We get the Firarri, you get the Volkswagon.
9. When we get home, we want to eat. You are to have a meal ready and prepared if nothing was arranged before hand. Arrangements would consist of us calling in an hour before coming home and telling you we're going out or something. We really don't mind what it is. Even if you get take out. But don't clog our arteries too badly. If you can't cook, then spend your time during the day to take a class or buy a cookbook and study from it or something.
10. We like you, but we don't get a lot of time to have fun working all week long. Certainly we spend time with the children on weekends and with you at night sometimes. But sometimes we want to go out with our buddies. Please let us. In return, we'll let you hang out with your gal pals, assuming you follow rule #9.
11. Do the above to the best of your abilities. We'll squeeze your butt or something if we appreciate the hard work you do. Plus, unlike smart men, we'll buy you something nice or do something nice on Valentine's day. But work hard, and do your best and remember rule #1. There is probably someone out there better for me who can do the things you do better than you. But I won't take a gamble on her if I'm happy.

You hit quite a few nails on the head--an bent a few sideways, but that's ok.

Cal · February 11, 2005

Originally posted by Winnie G@Feb 11 2005, 08:48 AM
Lets see how to keep your wife happy.
Why should your husband stay with you when he can get a younger, more attractive?
True love sees more then skin deep.
Trade has known us to trade up as well.
Rule #2, “please don't deny us sex”
It is my experience is if you did it right we would clime you like a jungle gym!
Volkswagon, You can keep your extension of your ego thank you.
Now get out of my way I need to drive my sports car.
Don't give us a reason to distrust you!
You’re a man pick up after yourself you live there too!
PUT THE SET DOWN and you’re a grown up AIM did your dad not teach you??
And wash your whiskers down the sink, Men’s bathroom habits are revolting!
You’re a gown man!
Breakfast please your not a child, If you want a Mommy go back home.
“You must also be home whenever we are home” Who the double toothpicks are you my keeper?
“Children belong solely to you”
Let your wife sleep once in a wile, you were there at the time of conception as well.
S*&% happens when you party naked!
“We want to go out with our buddies” That goes both ways, being at home day in day out is a day at the county fair.
Stuff rule #9.
“We'll squeeze your butt” Oh yes that is a real complement!
You lost me halfway though.
I found the posting of this insulting
Oh Look Your Clan is calling you back to the cave.
Grain of salt?
OH Please.

Perfect response--totally predictable "woman" response. The problem is this: What Disrupt said about a man being able to trade up is qualifiedly true.

The qualifyer us this: A guy can get as good looking a woman as his MONEY can afford. A woman can get as rich a guy as her LOOKS can attract.

If the guy makes a lot of money, why should he put up with a stay at home woman that won't do anything for him; who won't make his breakfast, whines about his whiskers in the sink and turns into a big fat slob? Why? What's in it for him to stay with her when he can get a young, good looking one who will do all that stuff?

Disclaimer: Do not interpret that statement as my ADVOCATING that men leave their woman when they start making more money. I'm just trying to articulate to you women what goes on in the mind of a man. Do you get it yet.

Now guys--the same thing can happen to you. If you marry a really stunningly beautiful woman, who keeps herself up and who thought you had real potential for making money---watch out if later on you don't make all that much money, and YOU start doing what Winnie is complaining about (expecting stuff, being a slob etc)

The only women that have to put up with their husband's being slobs are the ones that aren't good looking enough to get one that can take care of her any better. So guys, if you are not going to make good money, then be ready to make your own breakfast, and get sex when she is good and ready. Be prepared to be nagged about the things Winnie is complaining about if you are not going to make a big pile of money.

I know women hate to hear that because they think that the whole world is this big romatic fantacy, and that her guy is going to fall all over her and worship her feet, "just because". Sorry girls, I like romance as much as the next guy, but not understanding the ground rules to begin with can ruin the romance real quick.

So, women, stroke his eqo, make his breakfast and quit nagging, unless you are drop dead gorgeous.

And guys, if you don't want a nagging slob tied around your neck forever, don't get married until you can afford someone else.

Just a little practical advice---not recommending that anyone mistreat anyone--- married people should bend over backward to please eachother. But "should" is not always "IS".

DisRuptive1 · February 11, 2005

A housewife's job lies within the home. The man's job lies outside of it. We'll take care of the bugs and the mouse that the cat brings home, we'll coach the girl's softball team. We'll weed the garden, turn on the sprinklers, we'll get the car fixed, get the car washed. All we want you to do is take care of what goes on in the home.

We want you to be home when we are home because we don't want to have to worry about where you are or with what man you're cheating on us with. We fully understand you wondering why it takes us 45 minutes to get home when it only says 15 on mapquest. You'd be curious too and want to know. You might be a little distrustful of us. That's how we feel when you're not home. When you run errands on Saturdays or late at night when we're home, we wonder why you couldn't have done that while we were at work.

Just do your part, and we'll do ours. This whole equality thing is bull. There's a reason why our grandparents tell us how we should get married and live our lives. They had it good. The man supported both people, and the woman did her job. The woman, in her own way, was in control of her husband, except for the 40 hours a week that his boss was in control of him. Our grandparents had it good, and the worse thing to be had was maybe the man having a mistress. But some women enjoyed using their husbands guilt to get something for themselves out of it. I'm not saying cheating is right, just that it worked for some couples back in the day. Man it would be cool to be married back then, rather than have to deal with the train wrecks that exist in marriage now.

Blessed · February 11, 2005

Disruptive,

You live in a fantasy world.

February 11, 2005

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Feb 10 2005, 10:37 PM
This is just for fun. If you don't agree with anything I say, then, besides you being wrong, just take it with a grain of salt.

Taking into account your vast plethora of experience on successful marriage, I'll give your post the attention it deserves. None.

Amillia · February 11, 2005

Originally posted by Cal+Feb 11 2005, 11:06 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Cal @ Feb 11 2005, 11:06 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin--Winnie G@Feb 11 2005, 08:48 AM
Lets see how to keep your wife happy.
Why should your husband stay with you when he can get a younger, more attractive?
True love sees more then skin deep.
Trade has known us to trade up as well.
Rule #2, “please don't deny us sex”
It is my experience is if you did it right we would clime you like a jungle gym!
Volkswagon, You can keep your extension of your ego thank you.
Now get out of my way I need to drive my sports car.
Don't give us a reason to distrust you!
You’re a man pick up after yourself you live there too!
PUT THE SET DOWN and you’re a grown up AIM did your dad not teach you??
And wash your whiskers down the sink, Men’s bathroom habits are revolting!
You’re a gown man!
Breakfast please your not a child, If you want a Mommy go back home.
“You must also be home whenever we are home” Who the double toothpicks are you my keeper?
“Children belong solely to you”
Let your wife sleep once in a wile, you were there at the time of conception as well.
S*&% happens when you party naked!
“We want to go out with our buddies” That goes both ways, being at home day in day out is a day at the county fair.
Stuff rule #9.
“We'll squeeze your butt” Oh yes that is a real complement!
You lost me halfway though.
I found the posting of this insulting
Oh Look Your Clan is calling you back to the cave.
Grain of salt?
OH Please.