Healing Power of Atonement?

[kiwii]

Can someone please explain this to me? What is the healing power of the atonement, in the context of someone who has fears and distrust?

Elder Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse

To be clear, forgiving the abuser is not a problem for me.

Not all of the fear and distrust stem from abuse, some is just part of my nature. However if I am unable to overcome fear in order to do something that I'm supposed to, then it seems to me that I will be held accountable for my failure. Then I read that talk and it sounds like I've missed something. If so, can someone please explain how the atonement applies to my situation?

[Hemidakota]

Let me add a story from Elder Paul [2007] "Ultimately, our lives can be healed only through the Atonement. A member described his feelings as he went through the repentance process and discovered the healing power of the Atonement: “The time between transgressing and confessing was terrible. I constantly lived in the knowledge of the terrible thing I had done. I was in a state of deep darkness, depressive and lethargic, first hopeless and tortured by fears, however, never doubting the truth of the gospel and the saving power of the Atonement. I knew that for me there was only one way to get healed.

“To confess to my wife and my children what I had done was the most difficult thing that I ever did in life. Thereafter, the further way of repentance, to confess before my bishop and the stake president, was not so difficult. Finally, I could relieve myself of the burden which I had brought upon myself. I felt relieved with the excommunication and the resulting perspectives.

“What joy it was when I was permitted to be baptized and again could have the Holy Ghost with me. Finally, the promise of the Atonement was fulfilled in the clearest and most beautiful way when my blessings were restored again.

“During the course of years, my wife and I experienced that the Atonement brings relief and healing not only to the sinner, but further than that, it has the power to heal and restore the victim as well. Of this I testify with deep gratitude.”

If we understood the great love the Savior had for us when He atoned for our sins, we would always love Him, be grateful to Him, and keep His commandments."

Do you understand the concept of Atonement? I would first learn everything I can with the Atonement and than ask to experience it for yourself. It is then I finally understand the depth of the love of GOD.

[kiwii]

Yes, I do understand the concept of the atonement in terms of transgression, repentance and forgiveness. I have experienced this for myself.

Yet I do not understand how this applies to restoring the victim (other than in terms of forgiving the abuser).

[applepansy]

This is a hard part of the Atonement to explain. But when it happens to you its like "Oh! That's what it is!"

Christ has the ability to take away the bad, fearful, distrustful, etc., feelings. Its even possible to sometimes forget. I have had this happen in my life. And when I finally realized it had happened it was amazing.

To let the atonement work in your life when you've been a victim, it starts with prayer. "Pray for those who have dispitefully used you." Pour your heart out to your Heavenly Father. Tell him how you feel, why you feel that way and how you want to feel. Then you get busy and lose yourself in service to others. Eventually those feelings and hurts are gone.

I know this sounds too simple. I know it sounds like I don't understand. All I can say is that you have to try it and find out how it will work for you.

I know Christ felt everything we will feel or have felt in this life . . . everything! He can take the hurt away.

applepansy

[NeuroTypical]

Yet I do not understand how this applies to restoring the victim (other than in terms of forgiving the abuser).

Well, forgiving an abuser can be a monumental achievement. You say you have no problem doing so - I've got to say that I've never met someone who told me they were abused, but they had no problems forgiving the abuser.

Everyone I talk to tells a very difficult story of emotional turmoil and distress. For those who are able to forgive, there are usually still symptoms that stick around in varying degrees throughout life. But they speak of a huge burden being lifted.

Here's the story of my own experience (being very close to people who have been abused) - maybe it might help a little?

I am occasionally berated by relatives: "How can you claim you've forgiven so-and-so, when you don't let them babysit your kids? Don't you believe families can be together forever? You need to get over the past, so we can be a strong family again."

It seems to me like what forgiveness is and what it is not can sometimes be confusing. Forgiveness is not:

* Something that hinges on someone else's repentance.

* Turning a blind eye towards evil.

* Refusal to protect yourself or those in your care from harm or abuse.

* Sheltering others from the consequences of their actions.

I hear quite often things like "Oh, that's just the way he is. I've forgiven him." I've witnessed this attitude from people who seem content to tolerate any number of sins from alcoholism to child abuse.

Also, I've met my share of parents who attempt to shelter their children from consequenses to serious misdeeds with the attitude "Well, he 'repented', and I've forgiven him." Therefore, he doesn't need to go to jail for armed robbery, or there's no need to enroll him in drug rehab, or it's fine to continue to let her boyfriend live with them. That's not forgiveness, that's more like weakness, gullibility, cowardice, misplaced guilt, or some such thing.

Forgiveness is truly a beautiful thing. I've personally had the opportunity and challenge to forgive manipulative and self-absorbed parents, a rapist, pedophiles, and incestuous siblings. I can wholeheartedly support the principle of forgiveness as instituted by God for the betterment of His children. In forgiving these people, I found roadblocks to my own spiritual progress removed. I have been able to bless the lives of my wife and children by forgiving these people, and unloading all the baggage I would otherwise be carrying. My heart and soul feels clean - free of grudges, desires for vengence, misplaced guilt, etc.

But at the same time, I have a duty to my own children to shelter them from known sources of serious harm, and half of these people are still out there being up to no good.

So how do you know that you've really forgiven them?

I tried to explain it a little before - Learning to accept these people as your neighbors, and loving them with your best approximation of how God loves them. I said my heart and soul feels clean - free of grudges, desires for vengence, misplaced guilt, etc.

But the more I think about it, I know I have forgiven these people because I am truly able to love them like I know God loves me.

Kind of the catharctic moment in my life was when I got on my knees and was finally able to pray for the person that raped someone I dearly loved. I tried, but couldn't do it for a number of months. I kept wanting to pray that the law would find him. That he would understand the pain he had caused. That the rest of us could be protected from him. Those were all fine things to pray for, but I hadn't forgiven him, and I wanted God to do something to him to give justice.

I knew I had forgiven him when I was able to pray that he could find happiness and rest in God. When I examined my heart, and found tenderness for him there, and sorrow that he was taking himself away from God - that's when I knew I had forgiven.

If I should ever see him again, I would protect my family from him. But I've forgiven him.

LM

Edited April 8, 2009 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[kiwii]

Well, forgiving an abuser can be a monumental achievement. You say you have no problem doing so - I've got to say that I've never met someone who told me they were abused, but they had no problems forgiving the abuser.

Hmm. I don't feel that I can take any credit for having done so, as it was not something I set out to accomplish. I am fifty years old though. Perhaps it is a natural by-product of Spiritual growth.

I can relate to your experience - especially as it pertains to how you know that you've forgiven someone.

What I do struggle with are the psychological after-effects of my childhood. Timidity, fear, hiding, and such as that. I view them as a sort of 'disability' to overcome. It is a Catch-22 situation that I'm presently dealing with that prompted the original post.

[Guest North]

Can someone please explain this to me? What is the healing power of the atonement, in the context of someone who has fears and distrust?

Elder Richard G. Scott, To Heal the Shattering Consequences of Abuse

To be clear, forgiving the abuser is not a problem for me.

Not all of the fear and distrust stem from abuse, some is just part of my nature. However if I am unable to overcome fear in order to do something that I'm supposed to, then it seems to me that I will be held accountable for my failure. Then I read that talk and it sounds like I've missed something. If so, can someone please explain how the atonement applies to my situation?

I don't care for Richard G. Scott much. The Atonement however is that one has been raised from death back into life, and that one, we know trough scripture, is Jesus Christ. That good pleases God. That by Jesus Christ, can man achieve the presence of God The Eternal Father in Heaven. or is it Here? I think it's Here. Here, one can achieve the presence of God, through Jesus Christ, who was raised from the dead in just three days, and lives. This is found in scripture, as well as how one can find the living waters unto never ending happiness.

This goes for an abused one, as well as the child of sicko LDS, or otherwise, parents.

[kiwii]

Okay, I think I've got it.

In my situation, I believe Elder Scott's initial comments to the perpetrator are applicable (please forgive the alterations):

Now, to the [victim whose life has been shattered]: recognize that you need help with your [fear] or it will destroy you. You will not overcome it by yourself. You likely need specialized professional help. I plead with you to seek to be rescued now.

If fear prevents me from doing what I am supposed to do, then I am transgressing against God regardless of why I am fearful or whether I can overcome it on my own. Just like the perpetrator, who was probably a victim of abuse too.

At least, that is the way I see it.

Any thoughts on this? This topic is much on my mind. I appreciate your responses.

[NeuroTypical]

So, the person I love who was raped also suffers from various 'impediments to happiness' (for want of a better term). She has nightmares and sleep problems, struggles with depression, and it takes much more energy for her to use a telephone than it takes the rest of us. From what she understands, these things might follow her throughout her life.

So, here's a direct answer to your question: The healing power of the Atonement can give us a great measure of comfort and wellness. We are given the promise that eventually, after we have endured this life's trials and tribulations, we can shed our mortal issues and coporeal quirks and rest in complete health. But we are not told that we will be fully healed of all pains and injuries in this life.

What I do struggle with are the psychological after-effects of my childhood. Timidity, fear, hiding, and such as that. I view them as a sort of 'disability' to overcome.

You are certainly not alone in dealing with issues like this. My friend considers these 'disabilities' in her life in the same way she would consider losing an arm. She can deal with the loss of the arm. She can live life, experience love, be an excellent wife and mother and friend, with only one arm. She can do everything in this life that God wants her to do - with one arm. That's her definition of "overcoming her disability". In time, her lost arm will be restored to her, and she will be fully whole. It isn't likely to happen in this life.

So, a prosthetic arm helps recover some function and ability. Refining and growing strength in other limbs make your usual two-armed activities doable. Similarly, you can learn behaviors, methods, ways of thinking, that help you deal with feelings of timidity and fear.

You do not transgress when you experience unwanted and excessive fear. You have little control over that, right? You come closer or move further from God, based on how you respond to the fear. (I'm sure God understands discouragement and impatience - hence the commandment "endure to the end".

I dunno - I have almost no direct experience with what you're talking about. I feel unqualified to advise you at all, having never experienced it. The best I can do is pass along what my friend has told me about how she's dealing with her similar issues. I hope it helps.

God bless you,

LM

[kileyizzle]

Each and every single one of us is born into this world with innocence, trust and a willing heart, however as time progresses our innocence is lost, trust becomes scarce and our hearts broken, bit of it left on the floor, so we take what's left of it and rinses it under cold water and go back for more... it's during these times our faith can seem more like a burden then a blessing... spirits dwindle and our agency becomes trival, so much so that the actions we choose effect not only ourselves but people around us as well...

It is a commandment to love each other and to forgive, just as the rain falls on good and bad alike, our heavenly fathers love has no boundries or favourites...

As brothers and Sisters circumstances, backgrounds and life experiences challange us with this particular commandment, some of us have suffered so much in life that they have learned to shut down their feelings to be able to survive with some sanity, to reduce the risk of pain, they learn to split off their feelings and to turn away from our heavenly father, forgiving does not condone a wrong act...

Sometimes we need to step back from the immediate emotional experiences to sense the bigger picture and to understand that every event is a gift from a loving god...

Jacob 4:4-11

"Never the less the lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it's by his grace and the great condescions unto the children of men that we have the power to do these things"

Every one of us longs to recieve love and to give it, though for some of us we've dealt with so much that it takes persistence you need to allow yourself time to sit quietly without anything to distract, find a quiet place and open your heart to the holy spirit... if you allow it you can be healed.

For those of us who have been hurt, if blame is deserved after a traumatic event, it belongs to the people involved and their agency rather than our heavenly father...

Life is not for or unfair it just is...

However carrying out an act of revenge does more damage to you and only adds to the pain caused to you in the first place...

Our heavenly father may not interfere with our choices but he does suffer with us, he is nearer to us than out own breathe, the urge to help a suffering person is gods love in action...

Too often we underestimate the effect of a kind word gentle smile or compliment on another personal , all of which have the power to turn a life around

We enter this world without posessions and leave it the same way but we are given the capicity to love and the desire to return home...

All that he requires from us right not is to decided where to go from here, the scenery or players may have moved unexpectedly, perhaps but the play is still our own...

WE have the afency faith and love to make our own paths, to make a change, to break patterns, and to make new ones...

It is the mark of progress when losses dissapointments and setbacks can be met with love, even though we are hurting...

We must be humble, ready to admut our wrongs and not too proud to tackle whatever work god presents for us to do...

His loving compassion is with us all, we are part of his createion and he revelas himself and his love through any external object, person or event...

People can be hurtful, they dp things say things that can destroy your beliefs in a split second, words are a powerful tool, actions reinforce this...

Reading the gospel in dire times aids you in healing and taking a step forward there is no judgement, no change of it's attitude towards you, it's always there...

Based on your mood the context of the scriptures you read change, it can be supportive and enables you to grasp that and use it for spiritual growth, strengthens your testimony and sparks faith...

Trails is when you are tested the most, personal tragedys and mishaps give you a taste of what your made off...

There is no right or wrong answer....

It is during these times where prayer is vital, asking for help is not something to be ashamed of...

In life today we seek material things or see-it-to-believe-it concrete proof that we are not alone in this,,,

Blessings are small insignificatn things that make us happy, eating a family dinner, being supportive, a day in the sun...

These are gifts from our heavenly father...

Some of us get sucked into a negative whirl pool, racked with self doubt we turn away from him and reach out to the negative influnces, we forget that he's with us...

He is ALWAYS there, waiting quietly, for us to be reaqquainted with him...

He is aware of your flwats and your troubles and loves you anyway

complete with my spelling mistakes as well, i'm still a new member but i have had alot of trails in my life, and at the tender age of 21 i feel nearly 60 with everythings that happened, i suffer from PTSD which means that growing up i suffered from alot of abuse, while some people may find this confronting this is just fact for me...

recovery is a process not an event and having the gospel in your life does help...

even though it's only been a year for me i'm more at peace than i ever have been before :)