kathysmike Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 A recent convert in our ward has always seemed a bit odd, never the less he was always at all Sunday meetings before and after his baptism, sings in the ward choir, always willing to help in any service projects. He has always appeared stiff and overly polite addresses every one as sir or madame. He has a picture of his wife, in the breast pocket of his suit coat. He says she is recovering and will be home soon. While reading the paper today I came across a follow up article on an horrific story from January of this year, a mother who was of her med, placed her 4 year old daughter in a hot oven, she went to a neighbors house and told them what she had done. When interviewed by detectives the little girl said momma cooked me like a turkey. This woman has been found not guilty be reason of insanity, in reading the article I recognized the last name as being the same as the recent convert, the mother's name was the same a very unusual name,at the end of the piece it mentioned how the father lost custody of all 3 children, it is the same man who joined the church a few months ago. How can I support him in his calling of a ward missionary knowing what I know of him and his denial of what happened.
BenRaines Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 Sounds like something his wife did and not what he did. The father does not have custody at this time but we know nothing of the circumstances other than a news article. My mom taught me to only believe half of what I see and none of what I read. :) Ben Raines
kathysmike Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Posted June 17, 2009 The reason he lost custody was for not protecting his children from her knowing she was ill and not taking her meds, she has a long history of mental illness. My main concern is his complete denial that she did any thing wrong, and how it seems he worships her always has her photo out so every one can see it. I suppose you would have to experience being near him to understand why I am concerned, he got up on Fast Sunday and read from some text that was not even close to the doctrine. I find it hard to sustain him as a ward missionary, since knowing his history and his lack of "basic" knowledge of doctirne.
Wingnut Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 (edited) New members are the most effective member missionaries because they are still so fresh and excited with their new-found joy in the Gospel.As for his "complete denial" about his wife, it's not the least bit surprising. I'm guessing that she wasn't always like that, and he's also in denial about her personality. Where is the woman he married? Why couldn't he make her happy? Why couldn't he protect his children. His daughter was cooked in an oven...it's very possible that he's experiencing some mild PTSD.Cut him some slack. If you truly feel uncomfortable, talk to the bishop in private to discuss the man and what you learned. Make an appointment and meet with him in his office, not in the hallway where any passerby could hear you. It's very possible, and I'm guessing even likely that the bishop already knows. Above all, don't spread this around to the rest of the ward. The man doesn't need to be ostracized by his newly-found fellowcitizens in the faith, on top of everything else he's had to deal with.Also, because of this history (of which he was washed clean at his baptism), would you object to his having any calling in the future ever? Edited June 17, 2009 by Wingnut
BenRaines Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 New converts, this guy, often have a tough time making the transition to LDS beliefs. I have seen some interesting things over the years that new converts and crazy people do in Fast and Testimony meeting. We had one guy who had a beard and brought a staff to church, as if Moses. He was from the Ukraine. Interesting fellow. Most likely, only guessing here, was called to be Ward Missionary to share his recent conversion and due to his enthusiasm for recent membership. I would hope that he teaches with a companion and if he gets off track a companion will correct it and let Bishop know of concerns. As far as past actions I have known of many who had abortions performed, had serious sexual transgressions and converted to the church and became very devout members of LDS faith. A man does not quit loving his wife of years just because she has gone crazy. Trust me on this one. :) Ben Raines
Guest TheLutheran Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 . . . My main concern is his complete denial that she did any thing wrong, and how it seems he worships her always has her photo out so every one can see it. . . .How did you determine that this gentleman is in "complete denial that she did anything wrong?" From your OP I gathered that this information was not common knowledge among the members. I can't even fathom what this husband/father (odd or not) is going through but I'm sure my Lord and Savior would expect me to embrace him with love and acceptance.
Dravin Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 (edited) I'd like to point out that a man who held the coats of some people who stoned somebody to death for bearing testimony ended up being quite an effective missionary. I see two issues here. 1. His past: Okay, first off knowing somebody is mentally ill is not an automatic concerned they will place somebody into an oven, besides his parenting skills aren't really relevant as a ward missionary unless you are worried he's going to sit there while an investigator tries to bake their children, which seems like reaching for something to worry about to me. If he and his wife were team teaching a primary class, then I could see some concern. The Bishop found him worthy of his calling, if you are that worried you can always ask the Bishop if he's aware and leave it at that, or/and pray for understanding and a confirmation. 2. His calling: Chances are he'll be paired with somebody for teaching appointments, depending on where you live he'll be paired up with a pair of honest to goodness card carrying Elders so any lack of particulars about the gospel aren't really important. In fact all you need to know to share the gospel with people (aka missionary work) is to know its true (or believe if you prefer), it requires very little book learnin' on the subject, he knew enough to get baptized didn't he? Though he should of course be getting some of that via scripture study, Sunday school attendance and some Preach My Gospel study. Edited June 17, 2009 by Dravin
kathysmike Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks for the responses so far, I suppose I am trying to digest all this, I have tried to reach out to this individual in the past but he has rejected any attempt, I know I need to support him, but my human side is shocked to know of the connection. I will spend some time on my knees later today over my feelings, I think my initial reaction was a bit overboard, I need to figure out how I can show him the love and support he deserves. I think I am sensitive to horrific crime, since a couple in our ward son was stabbed beheaded and burned to hide his identity. There is my answer, these parents are the perfect example of how to forgive and move forward. Now what can I do to show this brother the love any child of God, is entitled to.
Wingnut Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 Just because he rejects your attempts to reach out to him doesn't mean that he doesn't feel the support. More than likely, it means that he's trying to keep you and everyone else at arm's length to protect himself and his family.
lilered Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 Keep in mind that he has been called as a result of prayer. It is of course within your right not to support him, but I have to ask, did you raise your arm that you would support him in his calling when his name was presented to the body of the church? If you feel you can't now, then you need to let your Bishop know of your concerns and how you feel about this brethren. I would encourage you to pray and fast about this issue before you do anything however.
Carl62 Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 (edited) While reading the paper today I came across a follow up article on an horrific story from January of this year, a mother who was of her med, placed her 4 year old daughter in a hot oven, she went to a neighbors house and told them what she had done. When interviewed by detectives the little girl said momma cooked me like a turkey. Holy cow!!! Is that little girl O.K.? I can't believe how everybody is so worried about this idiot and sustaining his calling, but nobody has even bothered to ask or is even the least bit curious as to how the little girl is doing??!! Did she suffer any burns? I can't believe this!! Edited June 17, 2009 by Carl62
pam Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 While we may think that what someone is doing is out of our feeling of normalcy...Heavenly Father knows what's really in their thoughts and heart. What we see on the outside may not be what's really on the inside.
kathysmike Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Posted June 17, 2009 Holy cow!!! Is that little girl O.K.? I can't believe how everybody is so worried about this idiot and sustaining his calling, but nobody has even bothered to ask or is even the least bit curious as to how the little girl is doing??!! Did she suffer any burns? I can't believe this!!The young girl sustauned burns on her back, all news reports say she is doing as well as expected. All the children are awaiting perminate placement, a sad case for all concerned, I have realized he needs support and love now how to be an instrument in Father's hand.
Guest TheLutheran Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 (edited) . . . Now what can I do to show this brother the love any child of God, is entitled to. . . .Glad to hear that the little girl is recovering and, hopefully, a loving, permanent placement will be found for the children very shortly. Perhaps you could invite this man to your home for a meal. I am sure he is quite lonely without his wife and children. Edited June 17, 2009 by TheLutheran
FunkyTown Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 WHOAH! WHOAH! You're upset because a guy went through a horrific ordeal and his wife did something terrible and he didn't say 'Hey, everyone. Can I be baptized? My wife tried to cook my daughter.' He's probably really mortified and doesn't want people to hate his wife if she's released, because his wife was nutty as Mr. Peanut. The guy has been through Hell. Let him be.
kathysmike Posted June 17, 2009 Author Report Posted June 17, 2009 In my later posts I tried to it clear that my earlier posts were made before I had thought all the way through the situation. I want to be supportive of this brother, as I see him possibly being ostracized from the ward, due to his some what bizarre nature,which I now understand where it is coming from, not that I understand the behavior or his pain. Can we close this thread since I feel it has provided me with the answers I was seeking ?
rameumptom Posted June 17, 2009 Report Posted June 17, 2009 While he messed up in not protecting his kids, I'd like to see who on this list is perfect enough to cast the first stone at him. Did this event happen before or after he joined the Church? If after, he's already received baptism and remission of his sins. If the event happened before, then he's probably repented of it. This is in the hands of the bishop, not any of us. We don't know all the facts. He's been punished severely by losing his wife and kids. That he holds his wife dear, even after what she did, is remarkable. I hope that if my wife ever does something terrible, I will be able to forgive and love her always. It may not be an issue of him denying anything. It may be an issue of him loving his wife and forgiving her.
Recommended Posts