A Sticky Situation

[Maxel]

Okay, so this is it:

My mom receives food orders from the Church. She's in debt and working very hard to get on her feet (working 30 hour weeks, attending school full time, raising my little sister, dealing with a host of physical and emotional problems, and serves as a ward librarian)- she most definitely is deserving of the food orders she receives.

The problem is that she gets too much food and supplies. For instance, she orders one bottle of vinegar every time- and we hardly ever use vinegar (we now have over 10 extra bottles of vinegar lying around). She also orders too much fresh fruit- it usually ends up rotting and we have to throw about half of it out (we just don't eat it all). My mom has always used 'stuff' as a way to deal with emotional pain (she was abused in every way possible as a child), and this pattern of getting too much food items falls into that pattern.

While she's not intentionally wasting food, the fact remains that she is misusing the goods appropriated her by the Church welfare program. My question is- should I say something to her? I've casually mentioned it before to be met with a lot of vehemence as a response. If I brought the issue up I know it would cause problems, but I feel like it's my duty as a good son to at least breach the subject with her.

Anyone else been in a situation similar to this? Advice would be appreciated. Thanks for your time.

[cofchristcousin]

Hi Maxel, I have folks like you describe in my family. In my family's case hoarding stuff is a symptom of OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It gets better with meds and not so much with therapy. It is partly biological in nature. You might be able to get an article describing this behavior and casually discussing it, and mention that it is something to discuss with a physician.

[pam]

Who sits down and does the food order with her? The Relief Society President? Perhaps you could quietly mention something to them about your concerns and they could broach the subject. Sometimes coming from someone else helps.

The problem I had years ago when I needed assistance after divorcing, I would say "No I don't need that" and the RS President would say..let's order it anyway. So we did have food going to waste.

[Maxel]

cofchristcousin:

I really wouldn't be surprised if my mom had OCD. She has so many other emotional/psychological disorders, it wouldn't be out of place. Thanks for the advice- I'll see if I can find an article on it.

pam:

She fills out the food order form in the house with me and my little sister, then turns it in. Telling someone in RS is a good idea- I'll find the RS president this Sunday and pull her aside.

[Hemidakota]

May want to talk to her in private....

[Guest missingsomething]

Maxel

Could you broach it where you arent telling her what to do... or making her seem like she has done something wrong.? Example..

Mom, I have to throw this fruit away again. Im sorry we just arent eating it fast enough - what a waste, Im sorry mom. You know maybe next time dont get so much fruit.

or... Hey mom.... we have like 10 bottles of vinegar... I know you order one each time.. since we cant really use this much for food mom, would it be ok if we started using vinegar to clean with (btw max- I do this - its good for envirnoment but its also one heck-of-a-cleaner) and give her an article showing all the diff. uses for vinegar. Then gently say- hey, if this works - maybe we should keep ordering one a month so it doesnt go to waste.

Finally - you could go to her and tell her you are feeling bad because you guys have things going unused and you read about how strapped the ward's welfare budgets are now that the economy is so bad.... tell her honestly that you love her but you feel like you are taking away from the bishop potentionally being able to help some other family.

Remember to tell your mom also - in a note, in a card, in person - Hey mom... I know how hard you are working and i admire you. I want to have the drive and determination that you have. Im blessed to have you. I feel we are in this together mom and if I can help - let me.

Chances are your mom is struggling on so many levels that having a little "extra" gives her comfort. Maybe if you can do something to give her some comfort - it might ease up a bit?

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

I agree with missingsomething, that would be a good idea trying to tell your mom but not too direct, I'm sure she will get what your point is. I also think that you have to do something, I suggest telling your mom before going to the RS president,

[Maxel]

My mom uses the vinegar for cleaners. The problem is, getting one bottle every other week is too much; we don't use that much cleaner.

I don't care; my mom doesn't listen to reason or wisdom anyway. I'm out of here in two weeks; they can live in a house with food rotting on the counter if they want. I'm too tired to care anymore.