Husband Leaving The Church

[Guest owsar]

Hello all,

I'm not a huge internet chatter, so this is new and a little weird for me, but I didn't know where else to turn for advice. I grew up in the church, attended BYU, got married in the temple and I just had twins. Now (out of the blue, it seems) my husband has decided he wants to leave the church. He's very adamant about it, he has a lot of intellectual and theological reasons for it--a lot of issues with church history and Joseph Smith. He's so staunch about his feelings, I truly don't think he'll ever come back. I'm pretty lost now. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it, because it will just shock them and break their hearts. I'm just not quite sure how to proceed with the rest of my life now. So many of my hopes for my little family have been undermined by this. I'm especially concerned about my children. I want to be respectful of my husband's choices, but I feel a obligation to raise my children in the church. My husband is a good man, very loving and I know he wants to be a good husband and father. But I still feel very torn. This has been really trying on my faith. Any thoughts are welcome...

Thanks,

Owsar

[StrawberryFields]

Hello and Welcome to LDS Talk.

I am so sorry to hear of this trouble. You say that you believe that his discussion has come on suddenly. What do you believe sparked this move for him?

Has he said how he feels about his family? Does he know how much turmoil this causes you? There are some members of this board who are past members if the church but still come to our site. Will he support you and what your choices are concerning the church?

[Guest owsar]

He read a book several months ago entitled "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" and after that he was convinced that he wanted to leave the church.

I know he loves me and his children. He also knows this decision turns things upside down for me, but he feels like this is what he wants to do and what he should do. He thinks the church does more harm than good, which I really don't understand. I know he wouldn't forbid me from being active in the church, but I really don't know how supportive he'll be of our kids attending.

There probably is no concrete answer to this problem, only to continue on doing the best I know how. It's been pretty hard, but I know others have gone through much worse. I'm just so frustrated-I know people change over time and you can't expect a person to stay a clone of the person you married, but a part of me feels like he broke one of the key clauses in our marriage contract.

Anyhow, thanks for your response. It's therapeutic to hear someone else chime in on this.

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields@Sep 8 2005, 11:35 PM

Hello and Welcome to LDS Talk.

I am so sorry to hear of this trouble. You say that you believe that his discussion has come on suddenly. What do you believe sparked this move for him?

Has he said how he feels about his family? Does he know how much turmoil this causes you? There are some members of this board who are past members if the church but still come to our site. Will he support you and what your choices are concerning the church?

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[Jason]

Originally posted by owsar+Sep 8 2005, 11:04 PM-->

Hello all,

I'm not a huge internet chatter, so this is new and a little weird for me, but I didn't know where else to turn for advice.  I grew up in the church, attended BYU, got married in the temple and I just had twins.  Now (out of the blue, it seems) my husband has decided he wants to leave the church.  He's very adamant about it, he has a lot of intellectual and theological reasons for it--a lot of issues with church history and Joseph Smith.  He's so staunch about his feelings, I truly don't think he'll ever come back.  I'm pretty lost now.  I don't want to tell my friends and family about it, because it will just shock them and break their hearts.  I'm just not quite sure how to proceed with the rest of my life now.  So many of my hopes for my little family have been undermined by this.  I'm especially concerned about my children.  I want to be respectful of my husband's choices, but I feel a obligation to raise my children in the church.  My husband is a good man, very loving and I know he wants to be a good husband and father.  But I still feel very torn.  This has been really trying on my faith.  Any thoughts are welcome...

Thanks,

Owsar

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<!--QuoteBegin-owsar

@Sep 9 2005, 10:40 AM

He read a book several months ago entitled "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" and after that he was convinced that he wanted to leave the church. 

I know he loves me and his children.  He also knows this decision turns things upside down for me, but he feels like this is what he wants to do and what he should do.  He thinks the church does more harm than good, which I really don't understand.  I know he wouldn't forbid me from being active in the church, but I really don't know how supportive he'll be of our kids attending.

There probably is no concrete answer to this problem, only to continue on doing the best I know how.  It's been pretty hard, but I know others have gone through much worse.  I'm just so frustrated-I know people change over time and you can't expect a person to stay a clone of the person you married, but a part of me feels like he broke one of the key clauses in our marriage contract. 

Anyhow, thanks for your response.  It's therapeutic to hear someone else chime in on this. 

Originally posted by Strawberry Fields@Sep 8 2005, 11:35 PM

Hello and Welcome to LDS Talk.

I am so sorry to hear of this trouble. You say that you believe that his discussion has come on suddenly. What do you believe sparked this move for him?

Has he said how he feels about his family? Does he know how much turmoil this causes you? There are some members of this board who are past members if the church but still come to our site. Will he support you and what your choices are concerning the church?

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That's how my wife felt when I stopped believing in the LDS church back in '98. She was hurt and thought that the world as she knew it was over. Four years later, when I stopped believing in Mormonism altogether (I became a Fundamentalist for a while) she again felt hurt.

Today, she too is an exmormon, and would never go back. She's content believing in God and taking care of our three children.

Give it time, and you'll feel better about what he's doing.

[daizymae]

Allow yourself to grieve. You have lost something that was very important to you. I have a friend who went through a very similar situation a few years ago. I was shocked when she told me that her husband had asked for his name to be removed from the records of the church. She came to me for advice on how to grieve (as at the time I was going through a huge period of grieving). Her husband was still supportive of her going to church, and taking their son, but some of his new beliefs were starting to filter into their marriage....he wanted her to work outside the home, he did not believe they should have any more children....and she really struggled with that. But she was determined to make the marriage work. They moved away a few months later and we haven't kept in touch, so I don't know how things are going for her now.

Go to the temple. Think about the covenants you have made there. You are not obligated to follow the counsel of a husband who does not follow the counsel of the Lord. That does not mean that you need to up and divorce him, but you need to stay close to the spirit so that you can know how to best deal with the struggles you have now, and those that will surely come down the road. You need to stand up for what you believe in.....that's what he's doing right now, so he shouldn't expect any less from you.

[StrawberryFields]

He read a book several months ago entitled "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" and after that he was convinced that he wanted to leave the church.

Grant H. Palmer, An Insider's View of Mormon Origins, Salt Lake City, Signature Books, 2002, 281 pages, ISBN 1560851570, (paperback).

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In this book, Grant H. Palmer (a fourth-generation Mormon, Brigham Young University graduate: M.A. American History) provides a helpful summary of the enormous amount of research that has been done over the last 25 years concerning the origins of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church — the Mormons). The word “Insider” in the title reflects his thirty-four years of experience as an Institute Director for the Church Educational System (CES); however, throughout the eight chapters Palmer challenges the many traditional claims that inspire members of the LDS Church. He is now retired, and serving as the high priest group instructor in his LDS ward in Sandy, Utah.

If he is writing books against the church then why is he still a member of the church?

[Heather]

probably not what he wrote, but how her husband interpreted it or responded to it.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by owsar@Sep 9 2005, 09:40 AM

He read a book several months ago entitled "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" and after that he was convinced that he wanted to leave the church. 

I know he loves me and his children.  He also knows this decision turns things upside down for me, but he feels like this is what he wants to do and what he should do.  He thinks the church does more harm than good, which I really don't understand.  I know he wouldn't forbid me from being active in the church, but I really don't know how supportive he'll be of our kids attending....

Hi Owsar,

I think your best way of getting through this change of “church” attitude in your husband is to talk to him. Find out specifically from him what has made him change his mind. I’ve read that Grant Palmer book you’ve mentioned and I found it fascinating and actually learned something I had never known before. The book was never intended to make one loose their faith in the LDS church, but to give people different insight into LDS church origins. If you have an interest in history or even psychology, this book might even be of interest to you.

It is possible to have a happy and prosperous family life when both parents (namely you and your husband) might have different religious views. I personally think it’s good for children to grow up in a family where the parents have different beliefs but can show mutual respect for each other and work together as a family. It teaches children open-mindedness.

The bottom line is – talk to your husband. Find out why he feels the way he does and tell him your feelings. Find that mutual respect for each other’s beliefs and teach your children that you can still be a happy family because you care and love each other for who you are. Good luck!

M.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by owsar@Sep 8 2005, 11:04 PM

Hello all,

I'm not a huge internet chatter, so this is new and a little weird for me, but I didn't know where else to turn for advice.  I grew up in the church, attended BYU, got married in the temple and I just had twins.  Now (out of the blue, it seems) my husband has decided he wants to leave the church.  He's very adamant about it, he has a lot of intellectual and theological reasons for it--a lot of issues with church history and Joseph Smith.  He's so staunch about his feelings, I truly don't think he'll ever come back.  I'm pretty lost now.  I don't want to tell my friends and family about it, because it will just shock them and break their hearts.  I'm just not quite sure how to proceed with the rest of my life now.  So many of my hopes for my little family have been undermined by this.  I'm especially concerned about my children.  I want to be respectful of my husband's choices, but I feel a obligation to raise my children in the church.  My husband is a good man, very loving and I know he wants to be a good husband and father.  But I still feel very torn.  This has been really trying on my faith.  Any thoughts are welcome...

Thanks,

Owsar

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Poison is poison and it spreads. Your family will never have what it could have had. I would definitely tell your friends and family what is going on and I would also tell your bishop and see if counseling could help.

I'll bet your husband didn't take any time to search out the opposing views that he found in that book which means he never really wanted what he had and was looking for a way out. Be careful... if he can throw it all a way without a fight, he could do the same to you and your children.

[pushka]

Owsar, before telling anybody else about this situation I think you should ask your husband whether he wants his feelings known yet. Please don't be too disheartened by what Please said about him casually throwing it all away and the possibility of him doing the same to you and your children...Please, I think you might have been better leaving that side of the debate for now...this lady needs reassurance that all may not be lost, not more worry!

I am not a member of the LDS church, I attended for 5 years and then gave it up as I felt I was being hypocritical by attending and yet not following all of the 'rules'. I was torn at the time, because my boyfriend, later my husband, had made it clear to me that any children we might have would not be allowed to go to that church...I was not strong enough to stand up for my rights at that time.

I hope that you can talk things over with your husband, and find that he will not be too objectional to your taking your children to the church...however, you must allow your children to decide for themselves whether or not it is the church for them, it is possible that they will reason out for themselves that it is not...that has nothing to do with 'poison spreading'.

I wish you well and lots of good luck.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by pushka@Sep 11 2005, 05:10 PM

Owsar, before telling anybody else about this situation I think you should ask your husband whether he wants his feelings known yet.  Please don't be too disheartened by what Please said about him casually throwing it all away and the possibility of him doing the same to you and your children...Please, I think you might have been better leaving that side of the debate for now...this lady needs reassurance that all may not be lost, not more worry!

I am not a member of the LDS church, I attended for 5 years and then gave it up as I felt I was being hypocritical by attending and yet not following all of the 'rules'.  I was torn at the time, because my boyfriend, later my husband, had made it clear to me that any children we might have would not be allowed to go to that church...I was not strong enough to stand up for my rights at that time.

I hope that you can talk things over with your husband, and find that he will not be too objectional to your taking your children to the church...however, you must allow your children to decide for themselves whether or not it is the church for them, it is possible that they will reason out for themselves that it is not...that has nothing to do with 'poison spreading'.

I wish you well and lots of good luck.

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I'm sorry Pushka but I have seen way too many of these cases close up and personal. Poison is poison.

I stand by what I posted. If what this man is doing is sooo right.... why would he HIDE it??

[pushka]

Please, I'm sorry that this has been your experience regarding these situations however I don't think Owsar should give up hope at this time.

I'm also not so sure if he IS hiding it...his wife states that SHE doesn't want to share the news with her family and friends, we don't know just how far down the road to breaking from the church her husband really is...he should be allowed to decide when it's time for it to become public knowledge, after consulting with his wife and her being given the opportunity to air her views about informing people too.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by pushka@Sep 11 2005, 05:55 PM

Please, I'm sorry that this has been your experience regarding these situations however I don't think Owsar should give up hope at this time.

I'm also not so sure if he IS hiding it...his wife states that SHE doesn't want to share the news with her family and friends, we don't know just how far down the road to breaking from the church her husband really is...he should be allowed to decide when it's time for it to become public knowledge, after consulting with his wife and her being given the opportunity to air her views about informing people too.

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I don't think anyone has the right to hold back this kind of information that will more than effect those around him.

[pushka]

This is getting a little 'tit for tat' but I think that they will not hold back the information in the long run...they will decide between them when is the right time to involve anybody else.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by pushka@Sep 13 2005, 06:11 AM

This is getting a little 'tit for tat' but I think that they will not hold back the information in the long run...they will decide between them when is the right time to involve anybody else.

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I don't know... tit for tat.. I thought it was response for response and that was what these boards ran on. LOL

I am always amazed at other's perspectives on common every day things. It shocks me out of my comfort zone that black is black and white is white.

Some people actually see red and pink instead of black and white.

Anyway, if you don't mind, I will respond to your response. I tell my kids all the time that it is extremely selfish to do things that they feel is their right because it is their life, when the consequences of those actions weigh heavily upon those around them.

This topic came up in our family when they were putting parents in jail for the actions of their children. It again came up when one of the kids at school committed suiside...

I realize that when a child is grown and married it has a slightly different flavor... but it still effects the family and I believe it is wrong to do anything without thinking first how it will effect the family.

Selfishness is the number one cause of all sin and social degridation. It starts seemingly small and unrelated and ends up effecting generations.

I remember how I felt when my older brother was caught doing things that got him the offer to either join the army or go to jail. He didn't care about us, and in fact resented us for being hurt by his actions.

That is just plain crazy.

[pushka]

Hiya Please...I'm sorry if my 'tit for tat' comment seemed out of order...I just meant that we seemed to be contradicting each other, that's all, rather than debating an issue..you know, like: yes he does, no he doesn't, yes he does! LOL.

Anyway, I agree with you that life isn't black and white and that yes, the decisions we make do affect many other people, often. That isn't to say that we must make ourselves unhappy by trying to be totally unselfish and follow what everybody else requires of us. Sometimes people have to be selfish, for instance when somebody is taking them for granted, obviously this is not the case in this instance.

I don't feel that the husband is being selfish in his decision to leave the church, it is obviously a decision he has made after studying the issue and thinking a great deal about it...I can't imagine anybody easily deciding to leave the church. I feel certain that he will have spent many hours, days even, thinking over his decision and how it will affect his life and his family's life too...however, it is ultimately his choice to make, and he will have to live with the consequences of it. If his marriage is strong enough, and his wife's faith strong enough, then they will get through this, and I still feel that they will decide between them the correct time to make the announcement to friends and family members.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by pushka@Sep 14 2005, 09:22 AM

Hiya Please...I'm sorry if my 'tit for tat' comment seemed out of order...I just meant that we seemed to be contradicting each other, that's all, rather than debating an issue..you know, like: yes he does, no he doesn't, yes he does!  LOL.

Anyway, I agree with you that life isn't black and white and that yes, the decisions we make do affect many other people, often.  That isn't to say that we must make ourselves unhappy by trying to be totally unselfish and follow what everybody else requires of us.  Sometimes people have to be selfish, for instance when somebody is taking them for granted, obviously this is not the case in this instance.

I don't feel that the husband is being selfish in his decision to leave the church, it is obviously a decision he has made after studying the issue and thinking a great deal about it...I can't imagine anybody easily deciding to leave the church.  I feel certain that he will have spent many hours, days even, thinking over his decision and how it will affect his life and his family's life too...however, it is ultimately his choice to make, and he will have to live with the consequences of it.  If his marriage is strong enough, and his wife's faith strong enough, then they will get through this, and I still feel that they will decide between them the correct time to make the announcement to friends and family members.

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I agree to some degree. But I wonder just where one starts loving others as much as themselves and what the result would be here in these circumstances.

[Guest owsar]

I wrote the original post to this thread several weeks ago. I hope I haven't seemed disengaged in the whole process... I've just been really depressed about this happening (husband leaving and everything) and I feel like there is no hope. I don't want to sound narrow minded and controlling, but I am so disappointed that my husband is indeed leaving the church (with a vengeance, I might add). Maybe my testimony isn't as strong as I thought it was. I'd listen to share his anti-mormon sources and beliefs, trying to be a good friend and a good listener, but maybe it has corrupted my own mind. I don't necessarily believe the same things that he does, and I know I'd never leave the church, but I just feel so, so hopeless.

The worst part about everything is that we have two little boys and I feel like they're really getting shortchanged. And there is nothing I can do to remedy it. My husband was so amazing when we met and married--such a great role model. And now it's like he's a different person. His ambitions and work ethic have deteriorated substantially, and he's becoming so vulgar and profane. I really don't want my sons to think this type of behavior is acceptable. Please don't rip me to shreds for wanting the best for my kids.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by owsar@Sep 24 2005, 10:20 PM

I wrote the original post to this thread several weeks ago.  I hope I haven't seemed disengaged in the whole process... I've just been really depressed about this happening (husband leaving and everything) and I feel like there is no hope.  I don't want to sound narrow minded and controlling, but I am so disappointed that my husband is indeed leaving the church (with a vengeance, I might add).  Maybe my testimony isn't as strong as I thought it was.  I'd listen to share his anti-mormon sources and beliefs, trying to be a good friend and a good listener, but maybe it has corrupted my own mind.  I don't necessarily believe the same things that he does, and I know I'd never leave the church, but I just feel so, so hopeless. 

The worst part about everything is that we have two little boys and I feel like they're really getting shortchanged.  And there is nothing I can do to remedy it.  My husband was so amazing when we met and married--such a great role model.  And now it's like he's a different person.  His ambitions and work ethic have deteriorated substantially, and he's becoming so vulgar and profane.  I really don't want my sons to think this type of behavior is acceptable.  Please don't rip me to shreds for wanting the best for my kids.

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I hope you find someone who will become the roll model for your sons. It is truly the most important thing right now.

Your own testimony has to be based upon WHOLE truths... not the twisted stuff that you husband has gotten a hold of...

By the fruits of those twisted things.. you can see it isn't from God... all things from God are good and make us better people... not worse..

Satan must be very pleased with your husband at this point....

[pushka]

'His ambitions and work ethic have deteriorated substantially, and he's becoming so vulgar and profane. I really don't want my sons to think this type of behavior is acceptable. Please don't rip me to shreds for wanting the best for my kids.'

Owsar, I'm sorry to hear that these parts of your relationship have been so badly affected too...please try to talk to him about how you can reach a suitable compromise so that you may all be happy together...

[eleigh1977]

why don't oswar and goingthruthemotions just get divorced from their spouses who are leaving the church and marry eachother. :-)

*snicker*

JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSST KIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGG. Sorry I just couldn't resist. Forgive me.

Oswar, things change in marriages. People change. There is never a guarantee the person you married, will be the SAME person a few years down the road. It sounds like your husband has a lot of pent up anger toward the church. He needs to deal with it. You ultimately have to decide what you want w/ your life. IF he can agree that you will attend church w/ your kids...then you should be okay. HOwever if he tries to stop you or the kids from going...that's a control issue. You can't make him go...don't try to make him go....you need to respect his space. He needs to respect yours\ space and allow you the right to worship and believe the way you believe. People of different faiths and opinions stay married all the time. The key word is respect.

As far as the swearing...just talk to him about it. Ask him not to use those words or phrases around you or the kids. If he continues to do so...he is not respecting you and that to me is akin to being passive aggressive. He may just be doing it to push you away, to see how you'll react....whatever the case may be. AND it may just be that his family was this way in private and you never knew it before. Who knows. At any rate, I find honest communication the best policy. Use the analogy of a smoker...if he was a smoker, and had kids...chances are in this day and age, he'd go outside to smoke so the kids would be kept from the harmful air. Same goes for the vulgarity. If he needs to use it...use it on his own time and not around you and the kids. That's my opinion. :-) Agree you won't bug him about church, if he isn't vulgar. I think that's a fair trade.

[StrawberryFields]

Originally posted by owsar@Sep 24 2005, 10:20 PM

I wrote the original post to this thread several weeks ago.  I hope I haven't seemed disengaged in the whole process... I've just been really depressed about this happening (husband leaving and everything) and I feel like there is no hope.  I don't want to sound narrow minded and controlling, but I am so disappointed that my husband is indeed leaving the church (with a vengeance, I might add).  Maybe my testimony isn't as strong as I thought it was.  I'd listen to share his anti-mormon sources and beliefs, trying to be a good friend and a good listener, but maybe it has corrupted my own mind.  I don't necessarily believe the same things that he does, and I know I'd never leave the church, but I just feel so, so hopeless. 

The worst part about everything is that we have two little boys and I feel like they're really getting shortchanged.  And there is nothing I can do to remedy it.  My husband was so amazing when we met and married--such a great role model.  And now it's like he's a different person.  His ambitions and work ethic have deteriorated substantially, and he's becoming so vulgar and profane.  I really don't want my sons to think this type of behavior is acceptable.  Please don't rip me to shreds for wanting the best for my kids.

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I am happy to hear that you are still with us.

I believe that you also need some real support from someone where you are who can help build you up when you feel broken down and hopeless. This is so heavy that you need to find someone to help carry this burden; if this happened to my husband I would go to his parents for support. I know you said that you didn't want to shock or hurt anyone but this is just too much for you to carry alone.

I do admire your desire to provide what you believe is true to your boys. Why do you think that this is so important to you? I believe that you want them to have the safety and security that you felt growing up in the church. With that being said, can the church be so wrong?

Satan is hard at work in the destruction of families. Do what you need to do to keep you and your husbands relationship close. As his behavior invites a spirit of discontent ion have yours bring in a spirit of serenity. It is not easy to fight against an evil force so you will need to work very hard to keep your spirits high and you will need support from the outside. I wonder if your husband has been able to see the change in his behavior.

You have so much on your plate...pray and ask for help.

Hugs, SF

[Guest owsar]

I guess I wouldn't feel so downhearted except that everything I read put out by the church emphasizes how important it is to raise your children right and keep a good spirit in the home. I just feel like I can't completely keep that standard in our home anymore--I mean I can keep it, but I can't control what my husbands says or does. I think you are all right, saying that we need to keep the lines of communication open. I guess I just need to hear a little commonsense from you all, because things can get a little messed up when they fester in your head for too long.

I know that the church can sometimes be a lonely place for those who don't fit the stereotype mold... the last time I went to relief society everyone was talking about how their husbands were such great supports when it comes to the church and raising kids. It just made me feel more depressed, not so much about myself but on what my kids will be missing out on. I'm a new parent (my kids are just a few months old) so maybe I'll just have to learn with time that you can't create an ideal life for your children. I know I have a lot to learn.

I do appreciate your thoughts, comments and well-wishes.

[TXRed]

[i guess I wouldn't feel so downhearted except that everything I read put out by the church emphasizes how important it is to raise your children right and keep a good spirit in the home. I just feel like I can't completely keep that standard in our home anymore--I mean I can keep it, but I can't control what my husbands says or does. I think you are all right, saying that we need to keep the lines of communication open. I guess I just need to hear a little commonsense from you all, because things can get a little messed up when they fester in your head for too long.

I know that the church can sometimes be a lonely place for those who don't fit the stereotype mold... the last time I went to relief society everyone was talking about how their husbands were such great supports when it comes to the church and raising kids. It just made me feel more depressed, not so much about myself but on what my kids will be missing out on. I'm a new parent (my kids are just a few months old) so maybe I'll just have to learn with time that you can't create an ideal life for your children. I know I have a lot to learn.

I do appreciate your thoughts, comments and well-wishes)

This is a really difficult time for you, and you are right, you can not control what your husband does or says. You can, however, control what you do and say.

Do NOT share this information without very careful prayer. I do agree that what actions we all take does affect others around us, but some things just should NOT be shared around freely. You and your husband have to try to work this out first without other peoples input. You have to know that whatever decision you come to is your decision and not other peoples.

It is okay for you to discuss some things with your Bishop and ask him to help set you up with counseling although you don't need to tell him absolutely everything to be able to get his help.

You are absolutely correct about the Church being lonely when you don't fit the perfect stereotype. It's really hard. And, it is even worse when the whole ward is talking about you and your situation.

An example that recently happened in our ward: supposedly, a woman found her new husband had visited some porn sites on his computer, she told him to leave, and then, she proceeded to tell everyone she could all about it. Well, a short time later, her husband is back in her home, but members of the ward are finding it difficult to look at him and NOT think about what they have been told. (some who know the woman better question if she was telling the truth in the first place or not, but others just remember what she told them about the husband.)

One of my daughters recently went through a divorce, and it was a very difficult decision for her to make. (her situation was very similar to what you describe except that her husband preferred to stay a member since he was getting Church assistance, but he would not embrace the Church. He would only attend Sacrament because the Bishop expects it from those getting assistance, but he would not have anything to do with other members or scripture study, FHE, prayers, etc.) She was very closed mouthed about it, because she knew that it was a decision that only she could make. After all, she is the one who will have to live with it either way.

We knew that there were problems brewing, but we did not know just how bad it was. She shared some with the Bishop who told her that she needed to pray constantly about it. He tried to set up counseling for them, but hubby would not have any of it.

Long story to short: Divorce was final the beginning of this year. When members began to find out that they divorced, all of a sudden, everyone began telling her that they could not believe she had waited as long as she did to get a divorce. No one had anything good to say about hubby at all. Everyone felt that they had some type of "right" to start telling her how they had viewed him and what she should be doing now. In other words, people butted into her business big time. . . . . . . . . . .Recently, hubby showed up to visit kids briefly. His appearance has altered so much that the kids weren't sure about him. (Long hair, "wife beater" t shirt, hickies all over his neck, etc) Daughter took it all as another confirmation to her that she made the correct decision for herself and her children.

If you talk to too many people about your problems, you will get too much input, and it will be even more difficult to decide for yourself what YOU feel you need to do.

Pray constantly for the Lord to guide you in the best way to deal with your particular circumstances. Also put your husband's name, yours, and your children's on the Temple prayer list and keep it there. In fact, I would put them on more than one. :) I believe in the power of prayer.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

TXRed

[Setheus]

I knew a couple going through a simular situation and the husband stuck around because he didnt want his wife to remarry and have his kids sealed to another man. Said he didnt want to loose them to another guy. I talk with him about that and I suggested something he had not entirely realized....he'd already lost them.

Sure, they were not going to another man....they were going with no one. No one except for their rightious mother.

Let him know taht. Tell him that with the rejection of his God and God's truth he also forfits his sons.