Urgent advice needed!

[Blackrockshooter]

Hi!

I've been a member of the church throughtout my entire life, and despite having had hardships and even stepping out of the righteous path, I end up repenting and coming back.

I do have bad thoughts and stuff like that, but I try to stay away from them and to keep myself clean and safe.

But right now I'm very confused.

I'll try to explain my situation:

I live with my family, consisting of two siblings, both my parents and myself. We all are active members and go to church every sunday, have our family night every monday and so on. I'm really happy about those aspects of our family life. We "recently" added another member to our family, in a way. It's a girl from our ward who is my sister's age (they're about to turn 22, I'm 20).

She became good friends with my sister when we went to seminary, and the three of us got along pretty well. Unfortunately, four years ago their parents moved to a rural area, far away from her school, and she found it very difficult to go to school and was at risk of having to quit it. She told my sister about it, and she talked about it with my parents, and so she ended up living with us.

It was alright, and it tightened our bonds. Even I considered her my bestfriend and enjoyed spending time with her. We always were together at Institute meetings and dances, so you can get an idea of how I truly appreciated her as a friend and as a family member.

Sadly, it isn't like that now. This weekend I stepped inside my parent's room, and caught her engaging...a very intimate moment with my father.

Needless to say, I'm very heartbroken at the moment. I'm hurt because of my father's betrayal and also because of my friend, because I simply can't think of her as a friend anymore.

I have already talked to my father about the matter. He was very sad and begged me pardon. I still can't say I've forgotted about the matter, but I'm willing to give him another chance. He also promised me he would talk to our bishop about this, so things are more or less settled between us.

Nevertheless, it's not the case of my friend and I.

I can't talk to her. I can't joke with her anymore. She's still living with us, but I'm not sure if I'm okay with that anymore. To be honest, I'M NOT okay with that, and I think it's understandable taking on count what I saw.

But...I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be cruel. Kicking her out of the house will make her school life very difficult, and I'm well aware of that.

I kind of want to forgive her, but I don't know if I can. I'm so disappointed at her, I'm so hurt and angry at how we were so supportive towards her and she still was capable to do this...

I don't know what to do. All I know is I probably will have to take a sit with her and talk (she probably has the need too!), but I don't know what to tell her.

The atmosphere is horribly tense at home, and I can't bear with it anymore... I've prayed alot on this matter, but I still feel awful and confused on what to do...

I seriously don't know what to do, please give me some advice.

P.S. Please, excuse my bad english, it's not my first language and I don't get to practice very often

[john doe]

Your friend needs to find a new place to live.

[MorningStar]

I would probably be equally disgusted with both of them and move out myself. How awkward for you!

[Gwen]

maybe this is the wrong advise but i'd throw her out of the house.... when everyone thought i'd gone crazy i'd explain exactly why to them all including mom. they would all know, i would not keep this secret for either of them, and it would be ugly. but then i've got a very mean and vindictive side that comes out and takes over on occassion, not saying it's the right thing but probably what i'd do.....

[ryanh]

Search your feelings deeply. You may find that much of your anger/disappointment towards your father has been transferred to your friend. I'm serious. It is very common for us to subconsciously try to avoid what may feel like irreconcilable pain towards a loved one by transferring it to a more disposable target.

Your friend is not the only one to blame. She couldn't have seduced your father without his consent. He is complicit in this, and has done great harm to you, and all of your family. His role in this cannot be so easily dismissed as it appears to be in your post.

Does your mother know? How have you been able to so freely forgive your father if he hasn't even had a chance to see the bishop yet or begin a proper repentance process? I understand that the culture in Mexico is a lot more forgiving of this type of sin that the culture I grew up in, however, the directions and admonitions of God are consistent across boarders and cultures. What he did was extremely serious and threatens his eternal status.

What should you do? Be patient. This wound in the family is very recent, and something like this can take significant time to mend. It won't help to think that it will be, or should be resolved quickly. Were it me, I would be seriously contemplating seeking the advice of worthy priesthood leaders (not your father at this point in time!).

The Lord does not work in darkness. Sin cannot be kept in the dark if it is truly being taken care of. Your father has sinned against you, your mother, this family friend, and his Heavenly Father. All those people (including your mother) need to be involved in resolving this in my opinion.

[Guest Alana]

She lives in your house and therefore there are expectations in that. Hands off your dad is a pretty obvious expectation. Fortunately she is an adult and is capable of taking care of her self, even if it's hard. How can the two of them being under the same roof be a healthy situation? This is a bad environment for everyone. It's ok to stand up for what you know is right, even if that means changing things from how they are now.

[will227457]

she has to go...if your dad really feels bad about it and is truely reprentant he will kick her out.....she is an adult who has disrupted ur family....what does your mom say about it? please dont tell us she dosent kow...if your parents won't kick her out maybe you should leave because if this is the case there are some deep seeded issues between your father and mother that need to be taken care of...

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

no se, pero yo creo que esa muchacha se debe ir xke no fue correcto lo que hizo y no sé cómo se haya mostrado si pidió perdón de perdido. hab´ria que considerar si sabe tu mamá sobre esto. Lo que hizo tu papá también es algo muy serio, tiene el sacerdocio y eso es una gran responsabilidad. creo que debes hablar con tu papá y exhortarlo a que arregle la situación. tal vez no era la primera vez que sucedía algo así.

[lilered]

Perhaps I may be wrong, but I believe someone has to be the adult in this situation. That being your Dad. He had the power as an adult to thwart any advances that your young hormonal friend may have. He simply could have said no. He too has the power over the household to ask her to leave. Instead he did neither. While I don't excuse your friends behavior either, she simply needs to leave the home. She violated the sanctity of the home and your family by her behavior. You are assuming that she enticed your father, when it may be that he enticed her. I would suggest meeting with your mom and dad jointly and telling your mom just what is going on and that you believe it is their responsiblity to take the appropriate action with her. Bottom Line Your dad was the adult and had complete control of the situation and could have stopped it long before it happened.

[talisyn]

Omgosh this is terrible!! I am so sorry you are in this horrible position. I'm guessing your mom does not know, does she? I don't blame you for trying to protect her. I know you are not the one who committed the sin, but you are seriously affected by it so I suggest talking to your bishop pronto. This should not be your responsibility, you should have never been put in this situation, and I don't think this will turn out in any shape good unless you have wise counsel.

Ohhh give your mom an extra long hug today. She deserves one. So do you.

[Bini]

You should not be left picking up the pieces of this mess. I too believe that your father should have been the adult in that situation and stopped it before it started. But what is done is done. The best way to start repairing your family is (a) get rid of the girl and (b) confide in someone you trust, someone like your Bishop and get counseling.

Best of luck.

[Guest]

This is what needs to happen. She needs to move out. That's a given. She's 22 years old and should be treated like a responsible, independent adult. So, she may have a problem going to school, but that is her problem. She abused the privilege your family offered when she allowed that relationship with your dad to happen under your mother's roof. The consequences of her action includes her having to go on her own or move back to her mother and quite possibly jeopardizing her education. Sorry, but she can't have her cake and eat it too. I understand that education is very important in Mexico to become independent. But she should have thought of that before she risked her standing in your family.

Your mother needs to know what happened. She needs to get her relationship with your dad straightened out. This cannot fester for too long. If your dad is truly repentant, they'll figure out a way to save their marriage.

Your sister needs to know as well. This is a betrayal of their friendship that needs to be addressed as well.

And lastly, you need to search your feelings and determine the root cause of the bitterness and start the forgiveness process. It is not for you to judge your friend, but it is for you to forgive no matter how difficult. If, after she moves out, the tension in your house is still unbearable, then it is time for you to decide whether giving it a go on your own is worth the hardship to give yourself some distance from all the conflict and start to heal.

Good luck.