How Do You Balance

[Guest Cliffhanger]

I am currently in the process of obtaining a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering (following up with a combination masters degree)and am finding it difficult to know where the balance between spending time with my family, spending time nurturing myself spritually and also feeling comfortable that my responsibility as provider for my wife and child is being fulfilled in an appropriate manner.

In my particular situation I find myself spending so much time studying in order to get good grades that at the end of the day I don't have much left for family fun and such. In fact, when I feel exhausted at the end of the day I most often feel like my priority is to go straight to bed so I can have the ambition and drive to study hard the next day

Studying, I feel in-directly is strongly connected to both providing sustenance for my family and to building up Zion. I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Cliffhanger@Oct 2 2005, 03:55 PM

I am currently in the process of obtaining a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering (following up with a combination masters degree)and am finding it difficult to know where the balance between spending time with my family, spending time nurturing myself spritually and also feeling comfortable that my responsibility as provider for my wife and child is being fulfilled in an appropriate manner.

In my particular situation I find myself spending so much time studying in order to get good grades that at the end of the day I don't have much left for family fun and such.  In fact, when I feel exhausted at the end of the day I most often feel like my priority is to go straight to bed so I can have the ambition and drive to study hard the next day

Studying, I feel in-directly is strongly connected to both providing sustenance for my family and to building up Zion.  I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

←

You are asking too much of yourself... The GAs admit their wives took the heavy end of the family while they were doing school... many didn't marry until after they were done with school....

[DisRuptive1]

Sounds like you married too young. If you want to do well in school you got to let the family go.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 3 2005, 03:10 PM

Sounds like you married too young.  If you want to do well in school you got to let the family go.

←

My brother was a guy who got through the army long enough to become a medic/LPN... then he married and had kids and did 7 years of school... he worked double shifts as an LPN until he became an RN then worked double shifts and did school while becoming a Anastesiologist (don't know how to spell that)...

anyway... he still had to come home and help his wife... a little... but he got old fast...

Now he is near retirement.... early because over the years when he made money he invested it... he is only 52... and getting younger and having time with his wife... though all his kids are now gone... the youngest on a mission...

[Guest Cliffhanger]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 3 2005, 04:10 PM

Sounds like you married too young.  If you want to do well in school you got to let the family go.

←

Hehehe...Yeah I guess I could have married too young, (I have been married for almost two years now and have one child.) I was almost 26 when I married,(had already been through several battles in Iraq and Africa (was in the army), was already disabled and am now trying to get a degree after feeling it was time to settle down and make lifes instead of take them away. I will do well, and I will be a good father, just wondering if there is any good advice out there. I appreciate everyones help. Also want to say especial thanks to Please.....hehehe...if 26 is young, I wonder what old is.

[Guest beelieving]

Originally posted by Cliffhanger@Oct 2 2005, 04:55 PM

I am currently in the process of obtaining a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering (following up with a combination masters degree)and am finding it difficult to know where the balance between spending time with my family, spending time nurturing myself spritually and also feeling comfortable that my responsibility as provider for my wife and child is being fulfilled in an appropriate manner.

In my particular situation I find myself spending so much time studying in order to get good grades that at the end of the day I don't have much left for family fun and such.  In fact, when I feel exhausted at the end of the day I most often feel like my priority is to go straight to bed so I can have the ambition and drive to study hard the next day

Studying, I feel in-directly is strongly connected to both providing sustenance for my family and to building up Zion.  I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

←

Hope I'm doing this right -- I've never responded to a post before! But, here goes --- When you figure out how to balance it all, Please, oh, please tell me! I have recently separated from an abusive husband, am raising 3 boys and caring for my elderly mother who lives with me, all at the same time that I work full time as an administrator in a private school and am taking graduate classes. I can definitely relate!!!!!

The only bit of advice I could even begin to offer is to take everything one step and task at a time -- but make sure you make time for your family. Also remember that you don't need to get A's in every class. I was obsessed with getting perfect grades, and found it stressing me out so much that I was no fun to be with for my kids anymore. I mean, really, would one B or C be all that bad? (Trust me, I struggle to take my own advice here!)

Good luck to you -- Remember that help and support are only a prayer away.

[DisRuptive1]

Dude, you're a guy, you got to go to work. Let the mom take care of the kids.

[Laureltree]

ALRIGHT !!! This is an area I'm good at lol My husband is finishing his executive Masters program at Pepperdine in CA, between that and his J.O.B which is mainly out of town 3-4 days a week we would barely see him..So............. We decided to make FHE an hour we don't answer the phone the door or the cell or email, make it on a day you can commit to. Date night Ahhhhhh This is 1-2 hours a week where you and your spouse shut everything out, even if it's after kids are in bed.....A romantic bath for two, popcorn and a movie you saw when you were dating, bring back that spark....

Family day, ask your family to give you the first half of the day, then the second half you can use for family time....I know I know what about the lawn....When My hubby was working and going to school I picked up the lawn care and If I can do it with 4 kids anyone can....We all would go outside, I would send the little kids to weed the garden ( another words play in it) I would mow while my older son help me empty the lawn shreds......This made it easier on hubby and gave us more time as a family, and I lost 15 lbs doing

Also when you do your reading, have her cuddle up next to you and read her book after the kids are in bed, its romantic and it gives her some free time to read a good book. My husband and I also started getting up an hour earlier to work out together, it gives us a sense of accomplishment and togetherness.....

Just my thoughts and it does work...

Also if you have a son, my husband started taking my son hometeaching with him at age 4, he would carry his scriptures with him and dress up, he was sound proud of himself and it was very helpful in teaching by example...with a little bit of dad and me time. I did the same with my girls....

Just My Thoughts B)

Love Prayers, Hugs, and been theres

Laureltree

[Laureltree]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 3 2005, 03:10 PM

Sounds like you married too young.  If you want to do well in school you got to let the family go.

←

Gives disrup a swiry and shakes him out of his dream state

[DisRuptive1]

Bringing in the moolah comes first when you got children.

[Traveler]

Originally posted by Cliffhanger@Oct 2 2005, 02:55 PM

I am currently in the process of obtaining a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering (following up with a combination masters degree)and am finding it difficult to know where the balance between spending time with my family, spending time nurturing myself spritually and also feeling comfortable that my responsibility as provider for my wife and child is being fulfilled in an appropriate manner.

In my particular situation I find myself spending so much time studying in order to get good grades that at the end of the day I don't have much left for family fun and such.  In fact, when I feel exhausted at the end of the day I most often feel like my priority is to go straight to bed so I can have the ambition and drive to study hard the next day

Studying, I feel in-directly is strongly connected to both providing sustenance for my family and to building up Zion.  I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

←

For everything there is a season. Balance is overrated - much better to do what needs to be done at the time it ought to be done. My father explained this to me in my youth it this way. You should not be trying to read the Book of Mormon when you are playing second base during a softball game. If you are in the game concentrate on the game - when it is over move on the what-ever it is that you have decided to do next.

Now is the time to get your engineering degree. Soon that time will pass and you will begin another part of your life. Having been where you are and done what you need to do I would only advise you stay the course. If your wife does not want you to finish your school in light of other issues then that is another problem. I would say - concern yourself more with learning and preparation and less with grades the grades will take care of themselves (and engineering perspective).

If when you are done with school you can decide if you want a job that will pay lots of money or one that will allow you to spend more time with your family. You may want to consult your family on that decision.

The Traveler

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Laureltree+Oct 5 2005, 03:21 PM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-DisRuptive1@Oct 3 2005, 03:10 PM

Sounds like you married too young.  If you want to do well in school you got to let the family go.

←

Gives disrup a swiry and shakes him out of his dream state

←

LOL

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by DisRuptive1@Oct 5 2005, 04:22 PM

Bringing in the moolah comes first when you got children.

←

Then comes the comfy chair and bag of chip... tv blaring out the football game... and the occassional disturbances of the noise mommy is making when she is having a nervous brakedown in the other room trying to keep the kids quiet and not disturb daddy... cause he has had a long day... sitting in a clean office with no kids...

Foreget the fact that mommy has been in a living heeeeellll with noise included free from screaming kids... lots of colorful diapers.... and messes upon messes... including the mess her husband made while getting a shower, shaving and changing into clean clothes... leaving only behind the whiskers in the sink, along with foam scum..., socks and shoes left in the middle of the floor... with the pants he dropped where he undressed...

No no lets not forget he had a breakfast on the table and was too manly to pick up his own bowl or plate... and cup... then add to this the fact that he was too manly to hold the baby while mommy got the others dressed for preschool.... she had to allow the baby to scream the whole time... with daddy helping by suggesting she stop dressing the preschooler long enough to give the baby a little attention...

Yeah...

Thank heavens I married a whimp who would come home and make supper... while I finished doing laundry, house work that had to take a back seat to tending a child having seizures all day...and a million other things...

[Maureen]

Originally posted by Cliffhanger@Oct 2 2005, 02:55 PM

I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

You have to remember that the GA’s now were from a different generation. Being a good father was being a good provider. It didn’t mean they needed to spend time with the kids, that was the mother’s job. Remember they are just men, they have flaws. I’m sure their own families could tell stories. Don’t assume everyone else’s life is hunky-dory, every family has it’s flaws.

I think Traveler’s advice is the most realistic. If you can squeeze in just 1 hour a week to spend with your family, you’re doing good.

M.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Maureen+Oct 7 2005, 12:33 PM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-Cliffhanger@Oct 2 2005, 02:55 PM

I am trying to figure out how the General Authorities, who are so successful, went through school in difficult Mech. Engineering programs or MD/OM sorts of programs keeping a balance between obtaining good grades, taking care of family matters and spiritual matters while at the same time having something left to execute their callings so flawlessly.

You have to remember that the GA’s now were from a different generation. Being a good father was being a good provider. It didn’t mean they needed to spend time with the kids, that was the mother’s job. Remember they are just men, they have flaws. I’m sure their own families could tell stories. Don’t assume everyone else’s life is hunky-dory, every family has it’s flaws.

I think Traveler’s advice is the most realistic. If you can squeeze in just 1 hour a week to spend with your family, you’re doing good.

M.

←

I so totally disagreeeeeeeee ! My dad was the one getting up with me in the night... and he was a good provider as well... he would cook saturday morning breakfast... and help us kids wash the car so that we could all go to Dees.... for a hamburger... he was the one carrying me on his shoulders as we walked to church on Sunday... and he was my mentor if ever I needed anything... better than my mother...

I was raised in the 50s and 60s.

[Maureen]

Originally posted by Please@Oct 7 2005, 12:23 PM

I so totally disagreeeeeeeee ! My dad was the one getting up with me in the night... and he was a good provider as well... he would cook saturday morning breakfast... and help us kids wash the car so that we could all go to  Dees....  for a hamburger... he was the one carrying me on his shoulders as we walked to church on Sunday... and he was my mentor if ever I needed anything... better than my mother...

And your father was or is a GA?

M.

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Maureen+Oct 7 2005, 01:46 PM-->

<!--QuoteBegin-Please@Oct 7 2005, 12:23 PM

I so totally disagreeeeeeeee ! My dad was the one getting up with me in the night... and he was a good provider as well... he would cook saturday morning breakfast... and help us kids wash the car so that we could all go to  Dees....  for a hamburger... he was the one carrying me on his shoulders as we walked to church on Sunday... and he was my mentor if ever I needed anything... better than my mother...

And your father was or is a GA?

M.

←

Almost... LOL I grew up playing with the GAs kids..... my dad worked with them daily... hey... sides... The GAs kids were given lots more of their dads than you know....

Have you ever read Mark E Peterson's story written by his daughter? they saw a lot of him...

It is not bad to get a whole month of July off... as well as other holidays... the only thing they do in December is family... and a few stupid dinners at the places they are board members on... nothing worse than a dinner date with their wives once or twice a aweek... during

december..

They travel on Mondays... and are gone probably three days a week... otherwise they are home at 5 in the evening same as any 8-5 dad... have their week-ends if they don't have an assignment... and believe me... they take turns getting those assignments...

[Traveler]

Originally posted by Please+Oct 7 2005, 12:57 PM-->

Originally posted by Maureen@Oct 7 2005, 01:46 PM

<!--QuoteBegin-Please@Oct 7 2005, 12:23 PM

I so totally disagreeeeeeeee ! My dad was the one getting up with me in the night... and he was a good provider as well... he would cook saturday morning breakfast... and help us kids wash the car so that we could all go to  Dees....  for a hamburger... he was the one carrying me on his shoulders as we walked to church on Sunday... and he was my mentor if ever I needed anything... better than my mother...

And your father was or is a GA?

M.

←

Almost... LOL I grew up playing with the GAs kids..... my dad worked with them daily... hey... sides... The GAs kids were given lots more of their dads than you know....

Have you ever read Mark E Peterson's story written by his daughter? they saw a lot of him...

It is not bad to get a whole month of July off... as well as other holidays... the only thing they do in December is family... and a few stupid dinners at the places they are board members on... nothing worse than a dinner date with their wives once or twice a aweek... during

december..

They travel on Mondays... and are gone probably three days a week... otherwise they are home at 5 in the evening same as any 8-5 dad... have their week-ends if they don't have an assignment... and believe me... they take turns getting those assignments...

←

Please: You may be overlooking something. There have been a number of GA that were involved WWII that did not see their wives or children for more than two years. Also putting off education, marriage, work and family to spend two years on a mission is not exactly balance. There is a time for family, a time for work and sometimes a time for war. There is something to doing what ever is needed in the season for that activity. Spring is the time to plant and fall the time to harvest. Planting in the fall and harvesting in the spring is not a good idea in many parts of the world. Likewise attempting to support a family and allow one's wife to be a stay at home mom while attempting to complete a rigorous education is a great way to plan for failure. I learned this lesson well when trying to take 22 credit hours in engineering, serve as a stake Mmen and gleaner leader, also serve as the explorer advisor, hold down a job and run a business I had started with several employees and court my sweetheart.

As it turned out I failed at all the tasks not realizing that it is wiser to have priorities and accomplish the most important task in the time planned for that task. Also that balance is not so necessary as completing something well in it’s time. Most fail not because they are not capable of a thing but because they are not focused. BTW having family as a priority does not mean that there is never a time when family takes a back seat. Most of us realize that if we know of a murder taking place at the same time we have set aside for playing with our children that perhaps we ought to save a life while our children find something else to do with their play time.

The Traveler

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Traveler+Oct 8 2005, 03:34 PM-->

Originally posted by Please@Oct 7 2005, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by Maureen@Oct 7 2005, 01:46 PM

<!--QuoteBegin-Please@Oct 7 2005, 12:23 PM

I so totally disagreeeeeeeee ! My dad was the one getting up with me in the night... and he was a good provider as well... he would cook saturday morning breakfast... and help us kids wash the car so that we could all go to  Dees....  for a hamburger... he was the one carrying me on his shoulders as we walked to church on Sunday... and he was my mentor if ever I needed anything... better than my mother...

And your father was or is a GA?

M.

←

Almost... LOL I grew up playing with the GAs kids..... my dad worked with them daily... hey... sides... The GAs kids were given lots more of their dads than you know....

Have you ever read Mark E Peterson's story written by his daughter? they saw a lot of him...

It is not bad to get a whole month of July off... as well as other holidays... the only thing they do in December is family... and a few stupid dinners at the places they are board members on... nothing worse than a dinner date with their wives once or twice a aweek... during

december..

They travel on Mondays... and are gone probably three days a week... otherwise they are home at 5 in the evening same as any 8-5 dad... have their week-ends if they don't have an assignment... and believe me... they take turns getting those assignments...

←

Please: You may be overlooking something. There have been a number of GA that were involved WWII that did not see their wives or children for more than two years.

Well I agree I didn't go for the minority... I was just speaking generally. The ones I knew were the apostles... mostly... anyway..

[Lindy]

Just now had a chance to read this thread....

My two cents...

Lot's of good advice from other posters....you just need to pick and choose what is right and works for you and your situation.

When I was going to college, working parttime and raising 4 on my own...I had to find time to spend with my kids....high priority for me... I had to fit whatever time I could to whoever I could, whenever I could during the day.

Had schoolbooks open on the kitchen counter going over spelling words while I chopped potatoes, talked to oldest daughter about school and life while I was doing laundry... sat down to watch 1/2 hour of news show with a son, while doing something else (like going over a paper due the next day).

And then studied from 9:30 or 10pm until 12:30- 1am...got up at 6am to start the next day. We read scriptures when we could....went to church every Sunday that we could go together (if I didnt have to work...if I did....the girls went with friends) .....t was a vicious circle..but it had to be done.

I had to laugh LT about the yard work... that was soo me .... take the kids out to "help" and just attack it and get it done.

Wives/moms are strong women Cliffhanger... don't forget that....they can do a lot to help you out while you do what you have to do.

Just remember that you need to find your own balance...wife (and you time), children, faith and work/studies. You cut one too far out...it just won't work. Sit down with the wife and communicate....big plus in a marriage.....brainstorm some ideas together..and remember the word -compromise- ... it will work!

Good Luck,

Lindy

[Winnie G]

I have to say, this has been the longest time in my adult life I have been off work.

I have been home since mid March.

I have always worked and raised my four children and three husbands, (meaning I have been divorced twice)

At one point I worked three jobs at one morning shift (04:30) evening shift (14:30 -11:00) and part-time catering. Then each spring (my vacation) I worked the CFL Edmonton Eskimo training camp for three weeks. My contract was a win win for them and my family.

They paid me less and in turn I received session tickets for myself and my sons.

I worked though church callings, cancer surgery & treatment, a broken leg and divorce all on four hours a night sleep for many years.

I always felt like a cat on a hot tin roof, dancing as fast as I could.

I did it with the help of my faith that I could get though, love my children as much as I could in the time I was with them. In turn they learned a valuable lesson that did not show till they reached adulthood, their all self-sufficient and work for every thing they have and take pride in themselves.

You have to be creative and fallow the spirit though prayer.

For a week every summer I would apply though the Lions Club for camp for my two oldest sons. That would give them a week away from their younger siblings; the younger ones would stay with a friend. That also gave me a chance to sleep longer or pick up extra shifts. We camped and we fished on weekend that I did have off. Those memories are the memories my children talk about in their adult lives.

I had good home teachers that made sure my sons had someone to be their priesthood example and were willing to share their time for all the father son activities.

Elder’s quorum looked after my car. Sisters made sure on Sundays when I had to leave after Sacrament meeting for work that my children could stay for Sunday school and Primary and a Sunday dinner and had the Sabbath till I picked them up.

It was not unusual if one of my younger ones to get away from me during Sacrament meeting walking over to clime on some brothers lap and be cuddled patted and sent on their way. The bishop being one of many. Asking for help and support of the membership though the bishop relief society and home teachers was my God send.

I could focus on my work with out the worry that my eldest son had no back up when I was away.

The Ensign magazine this month has wonderful articles on families and our roll in them.

The church has grown a lot even in the last 15 + years since I was a single parent. The acknowledgement of single parents was left on the back burning making my family needs in the hands of wonderful bishops and quorums. I once received a burning chastisement from a ward member telling me “My place was at home and my mothering was less them to be desired”! She was very up set that I brought a date to a ward activity. To her I had no business dating till my children were grown. This phone call was fallowed by the bishop the next Sunday asking me “if he should be concerned”? The role of a single mother in the church has come along way and I befriend single moms in my ward and giving support when needed. Just an ear to bend once in a wile goes a long way.

The gospel is a grate training ground for times when you are that cat on a hot roof.

No were in this world can a group organize feed and clean up after a couple hundred people with out breaking a sweat. Most of those callings in wards people pay big money for out side the church. Those skills can be added to resumes as work experience.

It’s that experience that landed me catering jobs, weddings and special events.

Collages have courses in special events, I know I have worked in the fielded with out stepping in to a class room.

Those callings are gold to me now.

I had a friend who saw me though those tuff years she would say “deep knee bends Winnie deep knee bends”. If she could only see me now, she passed away the year I married to my sole mate.

It is the sisters and brothers of this church that thought me to be the person I am today.

I owe every thing that is good and loving and morally right to the gospel.

I have said enough,

Hang in their "Deep knee bends deep knee bends"

[Guest Member_Deleted]

Originally posted by Winnie G@Oct 12 2005, 10:41 PM

I have to say, this has been the longest time in my adult life I have been off work.

I have been home since mid March.

I have always worked and raised my four children and three husbands, (meaning I have been divorced twice)

At one point I worked three jobs at one morning shift (04:30) evening shift (14:30 -11:00) and part-time catering. Then each spring (my vacation) I worked the CFL Edmonton Eskimo training camp for three weeks. My contract was a win win for them and my family.

They paid me less and in turn I received session tickets for myself and my sons.

I worked though church callings, cancer surgery & treatment, a broken leg and divorce all on four hours a night sleep for many years.

I always felt like a cat on a hot tin roof, dancing as fast as I could.

I did it with the help of my faith that I could get though, love my children as much as I could in the time I was with them. In turn they learned a valuable lesson that did not show till they reached adulthood, their all self-sufficient and work for every thing they have and take pride in themselves.

You have to be creative and fallow the spirit though prayer.

For a week every summer I would apply though the Lions Club for camp for my two oldest sons. That would give them a week away from their younger siblings; the younger ones would stay with a friend. That also gave me a chance to sleep longer or pick up extra shifts. We camped and we fished on weekend that I did have off. Those memories are the memories my children talk about in their adult lives.

I had good home teachers that made sure my sons had someone to be their priesthood example and were willing to share their time for all the father son activities.

Elder’s quorum looked after my car. Sisters made sure on Sundays when I had to leave after Sacrament meeting for work that my children could stay for Sunday school and Primary and a Sunday dinner and had the Sabbath till I picked them up.

It was not unusual if one of my younger ones to get away from me during Sacrament meeting walking over to clime on some brothers lap and be cuddled patted and sent on their way. The bishop being one of many. Asking for help and support of the membership though the bishop relief society and home teachers was my God send.

I could focus on my work with out the worry that my eldest son had no back up when I was away.

The Ensign magazine this month has wonderful articles on families and our roll in them.

The church has grown a lot even in the last 15 + years since I was a single parent. The acknowledgement of single parents was left on the back burning making my family needs in the hands of wonderful bishops and quorums. I once received a burning chastisement from a ward member telling me “My place was at home and my mothering was less them to be desired”! She was very up set that I brought a date to a ward activity. To her I had no business dating till my children were grown. This phone call was fallowed by the bishop the next Sunday asking me “if he should be concerned”?  The role of a single mother in the church has come along way and I befriend single moms in my ward and giving support when needed. Just an ear to bend once in a wile goes a long way.

The gospel is a grate training ground for times when you are that cat on a hot roof.

No were in this world can a group organize feed and clean up after a couple hundred people with out breaking a sweat. Most of those callings in wards people pay big money for out side the church. Those skills can be added to resumes as work experience.

It’s that experience that landed me catering jobs, weddings and special events.

Collages have courses in special events, I know I have worked in the fielded with out stepping in to a class room.

Those callings are gold to me now.

I had a friend who saw me though those tuff years she would say “deep knee bends Winnie deep knee bends”. If she could only see me now, she passed away the year I married to my sole mate.

It is the sisters and brothers of this church that thought me to be the person I am today.

I owe every thing that is good and loving and morally right to the gospel.

I have said enough,

Hang in their "Deep knee bends deep knee bends"

←

Youo are amazing

winnie...

[eleigh1977]

I agree w/ Traveler! I am also about to enter into this phase of college again and find a job. All though I am the SAHM....so the dynamic is a bit different. My kids will just have to get used to the fact that mom isn't there 100% of the time anymore. Dh is very supportive and we are aware it's going to get sticky....but one of us needs to finish, so the other can can finish college as well. Does that make sense? Dh wants me to finish first.

One bit of advice I would stress is that on Sunday's make sure you don't have to attend any other meetings than necessary. I think Sundays' are too jam packed as it is, and I know many married student couples who are very stressed, because the sabbath day would be a perfect day for a couple of hours of family time.....yet there's church, then choir, then the dh's feel like it's necessary to home teach. We've made the Sunday's dh doesn't have to work, a church only day. We don't attend any thing else....we come home from church and the rest of the day is ours!

PLUS, when my kids were little, I'd often go visit DH on the job and go to lunch with him. We just learned to get creative. I think Laurel has some sound advice as well....

[Laureltree]

Even they have trials...Here is a beautiful article:

http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/h...e/hunter_hw.htm

[Traveler]

I would like to point out that our friend is studying to be an engineer. This is not the same experience that other college majors offer. I entered one of the top engineering programs in the nation on scholarship as a honor student. I had never struggled in school in my life - nor had anyone in my family. My brother graduated with a 3.95 GPA and spent 2 days a week skying but he was not in engineering. The engineering program I was in was a 5 year program and out of 100 students that started as freshmen less than 10 percent would ever finish the program on the average of 7 years. In that era the USA produced the world’s top engineers. I realize that many engineering programs in US schools have lowered their standards. Currently the US colleges produces the lowest quality engineers in the industrial world with a few exceptions but close to half the students in those programs are Asian. US high schools just do not prepare students for engineering programs - if someone is going to succeed in engineering they either better be focused or find a different profession.

I know this sounds harsh but it is the case - if a wife expects her husband to be home and spend time with children like other students then there is a problem - the husband is going to have to make a choice between his family and his engineering profession. There is no balance. Many times it is that way in life. You have to choose to either focus or fail, my point is that sooner or later if you cannot focus you will fail. There is a time to focus on family, a time to focus on earning a living, a time to focus on education a time to fucus on developing an eternal relationship and a time to focus on fighting a war and so on and so on.

And now I must focus on something else - I wish you all the best but remember your best is not always good enough and good enough is never your best. Personally I do not think a person can truly succeed at anything worthwhile without spiritual help.

The Traveler