We can commit adultery in our hearts... Scripture quote

[Moksha]

I responded that communication in writing (emails, letters, etc) ... would be allowable.

... but am I already sinning? Is this adultery?

It is allowable if you have a sister-female in attendance when you read

the letters and if they are written exclusively in the Deseret Alphabet.

Additionally, it would help if the paper is pure white and have no more

than one watermark.

Once the divorce is finalized it would be allowable to move on to pastels,

but only on weekdays.

[Elphaba]

The offensive language was edited out. That's why you don't see it.

Ahhhh, thanks Pam!

Elphaba

[JudoMinja]

It is allowable if you have a sister-female in attendance when you read

the letters and if they are written exclusively in the Deseret Alphabet.

Additionally, it would help if the paper is pure white and have no more

than one watermark.

Once the divorce is finalized it would be allowable to move on to pastels,

but only on weekdays.

Huh... That's interesting. I've never even heard of the Deseret Alphabet. What is that? And what does the paper being white with no more than one watermark have to do with anything? I had no idea there were formalities and rules to writing letters that included what paper to use and what ink to use...

As far as being in the process of the divorce goes, I am. I was able to file the divorce and have temporary orders in place until I've been here six months. At that point I'll be considered a resident and can have the divorce finalized.

We are obstaining from doing anything that could at all be considered a date, and any physical intimacy (not even holding hands). I already plan on REALLY dating him for a while once my divorce is final before I make a decision. If we go to anything together it is always with a group that includes at least another priesthood holder, just like what would be required for the missionaries to visit with a single sister or a married sister who's husband is away.

My concern was that since adultery can be committed in the heart, was I wrong to even agree to get to know him? Because, since I agreed to this I'm really starting to like him, and my feelings for him are growing the more I spend time with him/ write to him/ talk to him/ etc. While we are not doing anything that could physically be considered adulterous, I am forming "adulterous" feelings in my heart- if it could be considered that.

Can adultery even be committed in the heart in my case? My marriage is already dead, save it needs to be made final on paper. So is this adultery?

From what you guys have responded, I think I'm going to go with the answer no. As long as I keep up with the boundaries I've put in place (stated above) and continue to abstain from anything that could be seen as physically adulterous until my divorce is final, I think I should be okay. But it still worries me a little. I can't just make my interest in him go away.

[Taldarin]

Can adultery even be committed in the heart in my case? My marriage is already dead, save it needs to be made final on paper. So is this adultery?

That sounds a lot like the people I taught as a missionary that were living together... "We're pretty much already married, we just don't have the paper"...

Or worse, the ones that had a bad first marriage, never divorced, and just ended up living with someone else. They all swore to us that it wasn't adultery because their marriage was dead, so they could still get baptised. But church doctrine is that no, it's not dead, because they're technically, and in a sense officially, married. So they couldn't get baptized until they cleared it up.

Just a thought.

You should probably talk to your bishop though.

[MormonMama]

I would say better safe than sorry. What happens if your current husband has a real change of heart and wants to save your marriage? No matter how unlikely that may seem, it is still a possibility. You're still married, so you shouldn't even be considering a future with anyone else yet, even as a possibility for the future, just in case.

It might be wise to tell this new guy that you want to back up and put some space between you for awhile. You need time to be completely on your own, with no attachments, before you move on to another relationship. Honestly, I would tell you the same thing even if your divorce had been completely and legally finalized yesterday. You need to be sure that your next relationship is entered into for all the right reasons. Jumping from one relationship straight into another is rarely a good idea.

If this guy really does care about you, he will understand this and be willing to back off and wait. I really, really think it would be a good idea for you both to give each other some space and wait until your divorce has been finalized for a while. I know that's a hard thing to do, believe me, but I don't think you will regret it.

[Vort]

If you ran into a girl somewhere had a friendly conversation but in your mind you thought of making out with her. Is that a sinful act?

If your thinking on the matter is to list out various possible acts and ask, "Is this sinful? Is that sinful?", then I think you are almost entirely missing the point of the Savior's teachings.

Do not lust after women (or, needless to say, men). It's unholy. People are more than their sex organs. Look on them as brothers and sisters. To ask "What if I stick my tongue in her ear? What if I stick my tongue down her throat? What if I stick my tongue in her navel?" is to ignore the underlying meaning of the teaching and instead focus on the wording.

Now, wherever we are at, that's where we start. No one is expected to become perfect by tomorrow. We learn by doing, and that learning takes place line upon line. We learn to control our thoughts. Beating ourselves up overly much because we wondered how it would be to kiss that girl (or other thoughts along those lines) is probably not useful. On the other hand, if we are not working to control our thoughts and make them divine, we are losing our opportunity to learn what God has for us.

[Vort]

Knowing that it would be some time before I was divorced, I opted to keep my wedding ring on, even though I now can't stand looking at it, as a reminder that I'm still married and unavailable to avoid commiting the sin of adultery.

Just as a point of clarification: If you have received your temple endowment, you would be guilty of adultery for any sexual activity outside of marriage, even if you were divorced -- indeed, even if your sealing to your husband were dissolved.

[Moksha]

My concern was that since adultery can be committed in the heart, was I wrong to even agree to get to know him? Because, since I agreed to this I'm really starting to like him, and my feelings for him are growing the more I spend time with him/ write to him/ talk to him/ etc. While we are not doing anything that could physically be considered adulterous, I am forming "adulterous" feelings in my heart- if it could be considered that.

A distinction can be made between affection and lust. The desire you have written about for propriety, makes me think that border is not in danger of being crossed before the visa is obtained. Worry beyond that takes too much energy. Best to spend that energy in having a Merry Christmas for yourself and your son.

Best wishes.

:)

[MormonMama]

Do not lust after women (or, needless to say, men). It's unholy. People are more than their sex organs. Look on them as brothers and sisters. To ask "What if I stick my tongue in her ear? What if I stick my tongue down her throat? What if I stick my tongue in her navel?" is to ignore the underlying meaning of the teaching and instead focus on the wording.

Now, wherever we are at, that's where we start. No one is expected to become perfect by tomorrow. We learn by doing, and that learning takes place line upon line. We learn to control our thoughts. Beating ourselves up overly much because we wondered how it would be to kiss that girl (or other thoughts along those lines) is probably not useful. On the other hand, if we are not working to control our thoughts and make them divine, we are losing our opportunity to learn what God has for us.

An excellent point. I really liked your post.

[Alice]

And dreams...where do they fit in?

[Taldarin]

And dreams...where do they fit in?

I talk a lot in my sleep, and due to that, I've learned a lot about dreams. (People always tell me what I say when I'm asleep)

One of the most important things I've learned is that in my dreams, I don't say anything that I wouldn't say if I was awake. My father once told me "I would know if you swore at school with your friends. I hear you talk in your sleep to them all the time, and you never do it."

Yes, weird situations crop up in dreams. But my language never changed. I never cursed. Whether I was in space, in the ocean, or I was dreaming about riding a pony. It didn't matter, and doesn't matter. I still never used language I would never use while awake.

I think it applies to this situation as well. If I'm firmly resolute that I will not fornicate while I'm awake, I will not be fornicating in my dreams. If that resolution is a part of me, it will also be a part of me in my sleep.

[MormonMama]

I have the opposite experience. I often dream about things I would NEVER do when awake. It used to upset me a lot, but I spoke to my bishop about it and he advised me to not worry. Dreams can express many things, including things we fear or simply a reaction to things we have seen in life.

I once dreamed that I tried to kill one of my children by cutting them in half. I'm sure this happened because I had recently seen a news story where someone did almost the exact same thing. This is something that I would never even consider doing, of course, but it was no doubt on my mind because of the news story.

While our dreams CAN reflect who we are when awake, they can also reflect so many other things, such as fears and anxieties, or simply something we saw on TV. I have been told by more than one person in the church, including my bishop, not to worry about my dreams. How I govern my thoughts while awake is far more important.

[Prodigal_Son]

And dreams...where do they fit in?

Dreams (unless from God) are nothing more than your mind sorting and shuffling all your myriad thoughts. Everything you dream about is already in your head somewhere, somehow. And this process, insofar as it has been explained to me, has nothing to do with your worthiness or guiltiness.

The only exception to that would be lucid dreaming: that state you can drift back into after you've awakened. In THAT dream state, you CAN control your dreams (some people actually apply themselves to master this art), and THESE dreams are often a DIRECT reflection of what's on your conscious thoughts.