What do you think?

[topsyturvy]

I have made a mess of myself since joining the Church (I was raised in the Church, we fell away, I found it again around twelve and in the eight years since have made several bad choices). I know I believe in the Gospel and His Teachings but I have a hard time recommitting myself, partially because I like to drink coffee and partially because I don't know if I want to be held accountable for my actions.

I have had feelings for a young man from my home branch for something like three or four years now. He is a very devout member - he's entering his second year of his mission, attended BYU beforehand with plans to return to it, comes from a very spiritual family. We've never had more than a friendship for a few different reasons but I feel like, after he returns from his mission, a possibility might be there. I'm worried, though, that no matter how frequently I become, I forgiven I get, how temple-ready I make myself, et cetera I won't be...good enough?

There was a lesson a couple years ago in my Young Womens' class. Our teacher passed around a slice of bread and had everyone touch it, hold it, et cetera. Then, when it had gone all the way around the room, she asked if anyone wanted to eat it. This was a lesson on promiscuity and/or premarital sex. This has been discussed in another thread a little but I wanted an opinion on my story. I was...violated more than once in my younger years and instead of dealing with it in an appropriate way, I let it eat at me and I took a much different path. I fear I have broken the law of chastity beyond repair and that this Missionary Man would be a fool to care for me no matter how I repent and change.

I guess the real question is; do you think anyone would ever want to eat that slice of bread?

[pam]

There is no law of chastity that has been broken that is beyond repair. You may feel that way right now but there just isn't.

You have the wonderful opportunity of repentance. You have the opportunity to be forgiven but you must start with attempting to forgive yourself. I know, easier said than done.

I'm not sure I agree with the visual the teacher used. Did the teacher at any point ever talk about the law of repentance? I understand what she was trying to do in showing the sins of promiscuity etc. But seriously, did she bring up that there was a way of removing all of that guilt and sin? If not then she failed miserably. All it did was open up heartache for someone like you in your situation. Just my opinion.

My thoughts are..yes someone would want to eat that slice of bread. There are none of us without sin. None of us. To use the old cliche..love the sinner but hate the sin. Yes there are going to be some that would not want that. Well, they wouldn't be a true friend to me if they held that over my head for the rest of my life.

You already know that the path you chose was not the best for you. That's an awesome start. That is the first step in repentance.

[applepansy]

The answer to your question is ...yes, true repentance makes us whole again.

However,... I'm concerned about your statement "I don't know if I want to be held accountable for my actions".

Regardless of what you want or don't want, eventually...in this life or the next...you will be held accountable for your actions. If you repent and let the atonement work for you, then Christ paid the price and you won't suffer as he did.

EDIT: Let the Atonement work for you. Christ is just waiting for you to take those first steps of repentance.

Edited January 6, 2010 by applepansy

[topsyturvy]

I do know I'll be held accountable either way - it isn't so much that I don't want to be held accountable as it is... I don't want to have to give up some aspects of my life as-is. I feel like I should ask for forgiveness for the last eight years (more or less) all at once instead of nitpick, I guess.

[NeuroTypical]

There was a lesson a couple years ago in my Young Womens' class. Our teacher passed around a slice of bread and had everyone touch it, hold it, et cetera. Then, when it had gone all the way around the room, she asked if anyone wanted to eat it.

I absolutely loathe these stupid lessons. Topsy, you are the prime example of why I hate them so much. They are meant to frighten and guilt people away into remaining chaste, and do harm to all the people who have strayed. And here's a news flash to all the Young Women's teachers out there - there are a ton of our youth who have strayed. And what about people who have been raped? Yeah - nobody wants to eat that bread either, right? Jeez - what do they want us to think - that God has one set of rules for the 'good people' and another set for the rest of us?

Satan's work, done within the walls of our own house of worship, by our own well-intentioned instructors. We do ourselves and our kids a grave disservice by being too overzealous in trying to keep any stain of sin from them. We end up damaging people into striving for an unattainable reality.

Topsy, please don't let this misguided object lesson sway you. You are more than the sum of your prior deeds. You are also the sum of your hopes, the desires of your heart, your yearnings to be a good person, the direction you are striving for.

For the record, you are most certainly not alone in your thoughts. Also for the record, I've been 'eating my wife's bread' (and she's been eating mine) for 13+ years now. It is a grave, insulting disservice to think about what we have, in terms of who handled our slices of bread before we covenanted to each other in the temple. Feel free to feel as insulted as I do. :)

LM

Edited January 6, 2010 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[topsyturvy]

I think part of my problem is that the only people that seem to really recognize I'm not some...well...moldy piece of bread are the people that are outside of my generation. If I were to put this question to Missionary Man - not using myself specifically, of course - I don't think he'd be so...accepting...? not because he's a bad person just because he's...ignorant? I guess, of real life.

[pam]

I think there is a level of maturity that must be reached for someone to understand all of this. That might be taken as ignorance in real life yes. But at some point the understanding has to be made that when someone repents and is forgiven..it just doesn't matter any more. If it does still matter to someone..then perhaps they need to take a closer look at themself and wonder if perhaps they aren't being a little too self righteous.

[pam]

I said it in my earlier response and I agree with LM. Those kinds of lessons can sometimes do more harm than good. As LM stated, you are prime example of that. My heart goes out to you in that (while I'm sure the teacher meant well) those kinds of lessons don't always apply to everyone sitting in that room and sometimes can do more harm than good. Especially when there is NO kind of follow up to it.

[Dravin]

I introduce you to: http://www.lds.net/forums/young-single-adults-college-institute/29215-guys-would-you-ever-consider-marrying-someone-like.html

Some will write you off, some won't regardless of the doctrine involved.

I think part of my problem is that the only people that seem to really recognize I'm not some...well...moldy piece of bread are the people that are outside of my generation. If I were to put this question to Missionary Man - not using myself specifically, of course - I don't think he'd be so...accepting...? not because he's a bad person just because he's...ignorant? I guess, of real life.

I'm 25 (almost 26) not 21, but do I count? Anyway, he's not ignorant of real life, he's ignorant of the gospel he's spent two years teaching. My goodness, were they lying when they bore power of the Atonement to cleanse?

Edit: Hm... you seem to be using Missionary Man to mean a specific person, I originally took it as random RMs. If my post reads a little weird that might explain it.

Edited January 7, 2010 by Dravin

[topsyturvy]

The thread you posted I've read but I had some differences/extra information within my story so I thought it was worth posting seperately. Oh, yes, Missionary Man is a specific individual. The problem is a universal problem, really, but he's the reason I started to really worry about it. And no, I think by twenty-five-ish a lot of people have crossed the line from 'I think I know everything, no wait I don't know anything' to 'hmm...I don't know anything but now I can learn things'...if that makes any sense.

[bmy-]

Don't take that stupid lesson seriously. You made some mistakes sure -- did you learn from them? If you have.. and you have repented (or once you repent).. you are better because of it.

If missionary man can't understand that.. perhaps he should serve another 2 years and try again. Because he still doesn't realize what our religion is about.

[AmyKate88]

I can totally relate to where you're coming from! I converted when I was 19 and have had similar feelings.

Before I was a member and still drank, I was drugged and assaulted by two guys. I felt responsible for the attack and went on a streak of promiscuity in a kind of attempt to prove that I was still in control of my choice to have sex (this is my best interpretation of why I did those things).

When I converted, I was so happy to have access to the Atonement and to be forgiven, but I still had a lot of residual guilt, and the feeling that no Mormon boy who had stayed "pure" his whole life would ever want a relationship with a girl who had not known about or obeyed the Law of Chastity. My shame made me push away a lot of really good guys, because I didn't feel good enough.

I only felt relief with my current boyfriend. He served a mission and is about as squeaky-clean as they come, and so of course I felt, deep down, that if he knew the truth, he wouldn't want any part of me. I risked it and told him about everything one night, and to my surprise (and relief!) he told me that he respected me even more for having turned my life around and moving on after all I had went through and done. He showed true Christ-like love and it has only brought us closer.

So my advice to you is to not worry! Embrace the Atonement and the wonderful gift of forgiveness. God forgives us a lot more than we forgive ourselves. And if your missionary guy is a good guy, then he will be accepting and loving when you are honest with him.

[FairChild]

My mom starved when she was a child after her mother died when she was 4 years old. My dad told me that once, when she was in school, she went to the outhouse cause she had to go potty as all little kids do. She found a sandwich in the outhouse with a couple bites taken out of it, it was just sitting there in the outhouse. She ate it and said that eating that sandwich just made her day.

If the time is right and the person is right, then that bread could have been eaten with great joy and satisfaction. Just something to think about.