Family Proclamation controversy

[Guest]

I feel exactly the same way as your wife about hanging it up. I refuse to do it. It bothers me and I felt from the minute I heard it like it was written specifically to address the whole gay/gender identity issue. Luckily my husand is not uptight about what goes on our walls. He also remembers what he learned in church about relationships and compromising. I think that if you truly want it to live on your walls and your wife feels mortified at the thought of being perceived in a way that is misrepresentative of who she is and she's STILL willing to let you hang it up as long as it goes away when her friends are there, then you should consider yourself a lucky man for having a woman who is flexible and go with the compromise.

Just to clarify... you think the Proclamation of the Family is misrepresentative of who you are? Or you're just saying it is misrepresentative of who she is? Because her husband didn't give that impression. From what I understand, the Proclamation to the Family completely represents what the wife believes in.

I'm more worried that you believe the Proclamation is misrepresentative of who you are, regardless of whether you find it fitting to hang it up or not.

[Nikkie85]

In my home we have LDS art and decor everywhere! There is a huge picture of the Washington DC temple in my living room, a sign with our last name and that says families are forever, two pics of the whole family at the temple, a picture of Christ, and a tile that I made with a quote from the proclamation. I am the only member on my side of the family and I think that my family thinks its kinda strange my house is so decked out in mormon decor. I have had people tell me that the temple is a beautiful castle! I love being surrounded by things that remind me of the covenants that I have made and the important role the church plays in my life. When I first bought the picture of the temple I was kinda nervous about what my family was going to say about it. When it really comes down to it though I think the religious art helps keep the spirit in our home. It is kinda hard to watch a R rated movie or anything inappropriate when the temple is staring down at you! The families are forever sign is a constant reminder on how I should treat my husband.

If it makes your wife uncomfortable than you should wait until she is okay with you hanging it up. I would be a little disappointed in my hubby though if he was embarrassed to hang something up that he might think will offended someone. I also honestly doubt that the gay friend doesn't already know that how the LDS church feels about homosexuality. Or that he is going to stand there and read the whole proclamation.

As far as picking your battles I do agree that this might be something that you should just let blow over. I don't think your wife is trying to hide what she believes but is more concerned about making someone comfortable in her home.

[need4peace]

Because I don't know the situation you are in, it would be remiss of me to advise you what to do - however I have some 'food for thought' to share, with some quotes that I hope may help you both.

Ultimately Heavenly Father knows what is best in your situation.

Derek A. Cuthbert Quorum of the Seventy in his article titled “The Futility of Fear,”Fear of Criticism said -

"Much more prevalent than physical fear is the fear of criticism, rejection, and verbal opposition.

When we have something to tell others which will benefit them, protect them, or enlighten them, we should not hold back."

"We do not serve our Saviour well if we fear man more than God."

“You should not have feared man more than God” (D&C 3:7)

LDS.org - New Era Article - The Futility of Fear

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Look at Your Walls. What Do You See?

Prov. 29: 25

“Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.” (Prov. 3:13.)

'...fear of man - to be more afraid of what man thinks about us than what God thinks about us." —

Robert D. Hales, April 1996 Conference (May Ensign) pg. 37

Faith and fear cannot coexist.

Faith causes action; fear inaction.

Believing we can allows us to survive

the most rigorous of circumstances.

[Blackmarch]

My wife and I have been married for just over a year, and in the last couple of days we have had our first real fight. I know--we're really lucky. Unfortunately, this fight is about the Family Proclamation, the last thing I thought we'd ever fight about.

Anyway, for Christmas my sister sent us two matching, very nice frames with a Family Proclamation in one and a picture from our wedding in the other.

Now, it should be said that my wife is the real spiritual fortress in our home. She has been faithful all her life, is a returned missionary, and is just generally a better person than me. I, on the other hand, was inactive for six or seven years, breaking commandments left and right, didn't serve a mission, and still struggle with following some commandments. I try hard and I want to do the right things, but I haven't had the strong spiritual manifestations that my wife has had. I am most definitely in the class of people who are mentioned in D&C (42:7? I'm too lazy to look it up), those who are "given to believe on their words," meaning the ones who know for themselves.

Back to the issue at hand: I want to hang up this photo and Family Proc, but my wife is opposed to hanging the Family Proc prominently in our home. She is in a PhD program, and she is taking a film class this semester. Only 6 people are in the class, so in order to make the class more enjoyable/comfortable, they have decided to rotate among classmember's homes to watch the films. One of the members of the class is gay, and my wife has had many conversations about his feelings towards Christians. He feels that Christians are judgmental towards his lifestyle and consequently, he has a very negative view of Christianity. My wife has tried to send the message that Mormons are not like other Christians (which we're not) and that we don't hate gay people (which we don't).

So the bottom line is that she doesn't want to hang up the Family Proc in the front room because she feels like it has very anti-gay undercurrents and that it will offend her friend and possibly other people in the class. My feeling is that she is worrying too much about the issue: First of all, we have a right to believe what we believe and hang what we want in our home. Second of all, the Family Proclamation is not an anti-gay or even an overtly political statement. It is a beautiful document about the Spiritual aspects of the family. Third of all, the way she treats people is what is going to send the message about what we believe, and her friend may not even read the document (although she's sure he will). Fourth of all, I'm not sure I want someone in my home who would judge me or my wife for stating our beliefs and not backing down because of intimidation from someone with an opposing viewpoint.

Where we left the issue last night is that we can hang it, but when these people come to our home she will simply take it down for a few hours. This honestly bothers me more than not hanging it at all. I was reading the scriptures last night before bed, and I came across this one:

Matthew 5:15

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

I feel like my darling wife is hiding her candlestick. Should I give in one way or another (hang it and take it down, or simply not hang it at all) or should I stand firm, as the eternal family and the sanctity of the family are the most beautiful part of the Gospel for me. It is what drew me back to the Church, and what ultimately encourages me more than anything else to strive to follow the commandments: I don't want to lose my wife and our future kids.

Advice?

this is my two cents of total uninformed opinion... (you've been warned)

In short- not worth fighting over, once you've let her know what you believe should be done, you've done your part... maybe try coming to a compromise - like finding a place that isn't as prominent, but not hidden (altho I'd say bite the bullet and go along with her), maybe make alternative suggestions that she would be more willing to agree to (like how about your bedroom or kitchen?)... But if she is adamant about not having it up at all then don't push it beyond that you think it would be a really good idea and would like to have it somewhere visible.

Then, 1 love her (i'd also say to apologise for arguing), and 2 do your bests to be a good example, and 3 support her and help her gain trust and confidence in herself, and 4 pray for her often, fervently, and privately.

Be aware even the best spiritual person has weaknesses.

In my experience trying to fix other people's faults is the very hard way of doing things.

Also to add, the best changer of hearts I know of, is the Spirit, not people- so do the things that would bring the Spirit into the home.-

some things to try:

increase your scripture reading (amaybe invite your wife to join in)

pray more often, both yourself, and as a couple, and with any children you have.

pay tithing.

Have you tried fasting?

Do you have any books or movies that have material that would be objectionable to the Holy spirit? Try getting rid of them.

Increse your effort to going to all your church meetings, and to be on time.

Be diligent in having family home evening (good opportunity to studay and share what prophets teach, both modern and ancient)

Edited January 28, 2010 by Blackmarch