Housewife Or Working Woman?

[talisyn]

What was he being whiny about?? Because you weren't working??

Exactly!

[MCHants]

Even before I was LDS I always thought it was my responsibility as the husband to work hard at my career and earn as much cash as possible in order to enrich my family's life as fully as I can. It always struck me that if there were hardships to be borne from working they should be on my shoulders and not my wifes.

When I was married I felt exactly the same way and still do now. I see it as taking my place of honour in the world and now I'm LDS I see it as living up to the guidance of the Church.

With regards to expecatations I will hold for my wife I always assumed that because I have an above average salary she would not work, as opposed to me, either for a time or permanently, when family came along.

The responsibility for me here is to work hard enough to give her that choice, to stay at home or work. This is my expectation of her, that she will choose and that I will need to make sure she is in a position to choose. Beyond that I have no say. I can't make her stay at home and quit her career. If I had to make her do that then she really should't be doing so!

Of course I do prefer the idea that my children would be looked after by my wife, I figure if she's someone I'd want to marry she's someone I think the kids would be blessed with being around after all. I do like the idea that I can work hard and fulfill my role as the 'breadwinner' and that my wife is free to be a homemaker (if that's her wish).

However, having said all that I would be shocked if my wife didn't want a part time job at least, even if just while the kids are in schools / nursery. Perhaps not just for the money but for the fresh air, change of scenary and adult conversation. It is VERY hard looking after kids all day and break, even a working one, is to be advised. I readily admit if I was 24hrs doing childcare I would crack up :)

Mark.

[Guest mirancs8]

See, this is the thing... the post above is the common "this must be the life of a working mother" thought.

But... with the advent of the computer, this is starting to be old-school thought. I'd say about 80% of my company (number is a logical perception, not scientific proven fact) can do some of their work from their home computer.

I'm an extreme case. I can work 100% of my responsibilities from anywhere with a 3G signal and within an hour of a power outlet (I can buy the extended life battery to make it 3 hours, but it's heavier and I haven't had need for it). Here are the places that I have worked before - the doctor's office, the hospital (while my son is recovering from surgery), the soccer field while my son is in soccer practice, the MMA place, the community pool, the splash park, everywhere my sons have gone for bday parties including Chuck-e-Cheese, friends houses, etc., the elementary school, the piano studio, my front yard, my back yard, the airport, the hotel, and other places I can't remember.

Maybe I need to add here that I ran the back end of my STBXs business entirely while staying at home. I don't want you to think that I didn't have a "job" outside the responsibilities of being a parent and wife. I did this during nap times, and after they went to bed sometimes working from 8pm till 1am most week nights. But my priority of course was the children and my STBX.

Now, think of what the common perception is of Stay-at-home-moms... they need to not have a job so they can clean the house, have dinner ready when husband comes home, have clothes always clean and neatly pressed, take children to doctor's appointments, etc.

Those aren't really something the mother HAS to do for the children to be nurtured. For example: I hire a cleaning company for my house - I hate cleaning and I do a poor job of it. So, instead of cleaning the house, I'm in my home office working. What's the difference as far as nurture is concerned? Nothing.

My kids BEG me to go to summer camp. Good thing I got some money to send them there.

Speaking for myself of course I had far more happening in my day. Not only did I do those responsibilities but for the older child I did school lessons each weekday while the baby napped, took them to the library, play dates, museums, activity centers, interacting with the children during play time teaching them at the same time, and such.

Sure those things you named are important and I love doing them, but what was very rewarding for me was teaching them consistently and seeing how what I was teaching they were retaining. I was home more with my older son so I was able to do more with him and he has fond memories of the time I was home with him when he was younger. I'm amazed that he even remembers.

When I was home I did send my kids to summer camp but it was a couple of hours and such it wasn't all day. I made sure they had a healthy balance of outside activities. I just don't like them being at camp from 7am till 6pm. It's a really long day and they easily seem to tire from it. Plus I don't like them being away from home at a young age for that long of time.

But yes, I'm there... for anything they need at anytime they need it. Yes, it takes a lot of patience to raise kids... but, because I don't have to do things I'm not good at, I have a lot of time and energy to spend on things that are important - like teaching them how to avoid the bad stuff on the computer... because, just putting "blocks" on a computer is not teaching the kids. They're not always at their own computer - they can be at a friend's computer who has none of those fancy "blocks"...

So, SAHM is awesome, if that's what you want. Working Moms are awesome too, if that's what works. As long as you are "nurturing" your kids properly. So, figure out what your kids REALLY need to grow physically and spiritually, and give it to them.

I know lots of SAHM that dislike household duties and they aren't shy to admit it. Nothing wrong with it as we all have something we dislike to do. I was raised doing it so it's just in me. Fortunately we live in a country/time that we have that choice. If my husband makes enough money to support the household it would be an option for our family. It would impact him as much as me whether I would be working or not so I would seek his support and opinion regarding it of course.

[havejoy]

I was a working mom. I worked rotating 12.5 hour shifts and I had an hours drive each way. I hardly saw my kids on days that I worked but I spent tons of one on one time with my kids on my days off and made sure we had a good nanny for when I was away. Did the housework suffer? You bet. Did my kids suffer? Some, I'm sure but even though I spent a lot of time at work I still spent more time with and had more fun with my kids than most of my SAH friends did.

I like to think I would have been a great SAHM and thrown everything I had into my kids every day....I'll never know.

Am I going to let people make me feel guilty because I worked outside the home? Nope. I refuse to give other people that kind of power over me.

[crazypotato]

I was a working mom. I worked rotating 12.5 hour shifts and I had an hours drive each way. I hardly saw my kids on days that I worked but I spent tons of one on one time with my kids on my days off and made sure we had a good nanny for when I was away. Did the housework suffer? You bet. Did my kids suffer? Some, I'm sure but even though I spent a lot of time at work I still spent more time with and had more fun with my kids than most of my SAH friends did.

I like to think I would have been a great SAHM and thrown everything I had into my kids every day....I'll never know.

Am I going to let people make me feel guilty because I worked outside the home? Nope. I refuse to give other people that kind of power over me.

come on, you are taking all the fun out of us giving you a guilt trip!:lol:

I am sure your kids had a great time with you.

[Guest mirancs8]

I was a working mom. I worked rotating 12.5 hour shifts and I had an hours drive each way. I hardly saw my kids on days that I worked but I spent tons of one on one time with my kids on my days off and made sure we had a good nanny for when I was away. Did the housework suffer? You bet. Did my kids suffer? Some, I'm sure but even though I spent a lot of time at work I still spent more time with and had more fun with my kids than most of my SAH friends did.

I like to think I would have been a great SAHM and thrown everything I had into my kids every day....I'll never know.

Am I going to let people make me feel guilty because I worked outside the home? Nope. I refuse to give other people that kind of power over me.

No reason AT ALL that any working mom should feel guilty. At that time you do what you think is right due to whatever circumstances. You did the best you could. Everyone's lives are different and we can't go back and change things. We can only look to the future and where we are heading. I am going through a divorce and have young children. Every moment I'm not at work I spend with the children. I do the best I can.

EDIT: Forgot to add. Though my heart breaks that I wasn't able to continue to be at home I don't let others make me feel guilty about it. I can't force things in life to go the way I think it should. It's in HF hands.

Edited August 1, 2010 by mirancs8

[Guest]

What really gives me pause as a "Career Woman" (which I'm sure has occured to every mother SAHM or not) is that there is only one chance at this. ONE Chance. There's no ooops, that was a terrible idea, let's do over...

Every child is different - I have 2 boys that are as different as night and day. So, what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other. So, anything I do/don't do to each of my children is really a one-shot decision. They're only 6 and 8 now. It would kill me if they turn 16 and 18 and I realize that what I did when they were young molded them into un-Christlike teens. There's no "Do Over".

[Guest mirancs8]

I think that very often. There is only that one chance. You can't go back and change things. You will never get that time back. My thing is I won't let someone else make me feel guilty because I have to do what I have to do to survive. Sure I feel guilt but I won't let some else make me feel guilty about something I don't have a choice in at this time due to life circumstances.

Edited August 3, 2010 by mirancs8

[havejoy]

There really is only one chance to raise your children but being a SAHM doesn't guarantee successful children.

I know a SAHM who raised 5 kids and tried her best to always have a clean home, good healthy food on the table, helped them with their homework and all the other things she knew to do. Her oldest child went to prison for the first time when he was only 17 years old. Her next two sons would be in prison along with their big brother a total of 8 times. The youngest two kids did okay.

From where I was sitting it seemed the breakdown was in not having consistent discipline and in not making the children accept responsibility for their actions. This home also lacked religion.

I know this is a radical example but my point is that having a SAHM is no guarantee at all.

[crazypotato]

There really is only one chance to raise your children but being a SAHM doesn't guarantee successful children.

I know a SAHM who raised 5 kids and tried her best to always have a clean home, good healthy food on the table, helped them with their homework and all the other things she knew to do. Her oldest child went to prison for the first time when he was only 17 years old. Her next two sons would be in prison along with their big brother a total of 8 times. The youngest two kids did okay.

From where I was sitting it seemed the breakdown was in not having consistent discipline and in not making the children accept responsibility for their actions. This home also lacked religion.

I know this is a radical example but my point is that having a SAHM is no guarantee at all.

Again, the Proclamation is an ideal. Even if people are completely living the best way they know how, their kids can rebel and go off the deep end. Also, women who are working because they have to are setting an example to their kids of problem solving, hard work, etc. It is an ideal to strive for, but to be riddled with guilt when it is out of our hands is a great way to become depressed.

[ozzy]

I hope to be able to provide well enough that my wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to. I hope she won't want to when we have kids, since I feel that it would be better for them to have her around. Thats not to say I hope to shirk child rearing responsibilities, I just feel that the more involved the parents, the better of the kids, and one of the best ways is for the Mom to be home when they are.

But I am not yet even married so this ideal is limited to a lack of experience. Ultimately, I think that whatever makes her happiest will be okay, I just hope the above is what makes her happiest.