My last hope

[iwishiwasfree]

Hello,

I'm not sure how to exactly put this:

Basically I am suicidal.

I'm not very sure how to cope anymore. God isn't answering prayers. I'm so very lonely and afraid. I have no family who bother with me.

I joined the church a few years ago but quickly became inactive. Recently I came back after searching for a long time for the answers.

I am not very confident and therfore do not speak to others. I think I'm quite awkward to be around.

I recently lost my job and since then I have been doing nothing. I've grown apart from every friend I ever had because of my confidence. I do have friends but I'm not close to them at all.

So since I lost my job I feel so low. I'm in so much debt, I'm crying out to god every single day but I get no answers, nothing changes.

i spend my day sleeping or crying. Everyone is after me for money. I have stopped going to church and now its December I am dreading spending christmas alone once again.

Right now the only option I feel is to end things. God isn't helping me. I don't know where he is.

I typed in a few questions about my situation to google today and came across this site.

I am so scared

Thanks for listening.

[Gwen]

i know this is the answer you expect. i know it's the answer you don't want and think will be the least helpful.... but go to church today, talk to your bishop. don't let it be put off. go to him, not his secretary and tell him you need to talk, it's a matter of life and death. tell him all of it, the emotional, the feeling like god won't answer you, the financial, all of it. i make no promise that you will get an amazing answer or he will tell you just what you need. i make no promises that there will be anything at all helpful coming from him. what it will do is take the secret out of it. those feelings feed on the secrecy. i know cause i've been in a similar situation. someone needs to know, someone that you can look in the eyes. to look someone in the eyes and admit those kinds of feelings is hard and scary. but there is power in taking the secret away. that power helps you to move into tomorrow and eventually break the hold the feelings have on you. though i don't think i'm making myself very clear i'm not sure how else to explain it.

god bless

[Maya]

I agree talk to bishop. You know Church has been very good in helping people with bad moneysituations. There is always a way out of financial troubles.

What you need most to do is to forgive yourself. It is hard, but you need to see that; ok... I did not quite manage to be the man you wanted to be.

Quess what you will get a new start!

I been there. Lost a kid, lost a job, was lied of, no friends. I was standing in the kitchen by the window with a big nife in my hand.. then I saw in my mind my kids coming home from school and finding me. I cried and hit the knife hard on the table. I could not do it because of my kids. Today I am happy I did not do it, even though life has not changed so very much.

It is not worth it. Forget yourself and live for others.

[sweetiepie]

When you are depressed, you have a big, dark, cloud hanging over you, even if your life is otherwise perfect. I speak from experience. I know you can't see it while in that dark cloud, but it will clear, and you will be happy again. The Lord's atonement was not just for sins, but to take away burdens you can't handle. Sometimes that includes getting help, and getting on medication. My answer was not to just rely on the Lord, but to get back on my antidepressants. Within 2 weeks, the cloud began to lift.

[hordak]

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Seek Professional help now.

[Sali]

Please talk to someone, anyone, you must let someone know what you are feeling and what you are going through. Talk to your Bishop if you feel up to it, but if not, at least contact a professional organisation such as the one Hordak supplied.

Please try to understand, and I know as I have felt the way you have too, that this time in your life will pass. I know that is hard for you to grasp right now. Also remember that suicide is a permanent thing. What you are wanting to do is escape from the pain and there are people out there who can help you do that. I am praying for you and wish I could be there for you and give you a big hug, you sound so lonely and scared. I know it feels desolate for you but just hold on to one little glimpse of the future being brighter.

There IS help for you. x

[Bini]

If you are contemplating suicide — seek professional help now. The Bishop is not equipped to handle someone dealing with SI or suicidal tendencies. It would be best to consult your Bishop after this has been properly addressed, and you are more psychologically and emotionally stable.

[lizrenowden]

I see you are in the UK. In addition to speaking to your Bishop have you contacted the CAB? They are very helpful and used to dealing with matters like this - I know several people who have had to go to them and they are very good, and can deal with the people you owe money to on your behalf or let you know what other options there are.

Also please please please see your Dr there is no shame in getting help from him/her.

Lastly, but definitely not least the Samaritans are on line at Samaritans Home Page--> - please at the very least contact them.

Best wishes to you

[panda]

‎"Our God will see that we receive justice&fairness, but if not...He will make sure that we are loved&recognized, but if not...We will receive a perfect companion&righteous children, but if not...We will have faith in Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in time&in His way, be delivered&receive ALL He has!" ~Elder Dennis S. Simmons, "But If Not...", Ensign, May 2004.

‎"Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him" ~ Elder Dennis S. Simmons (same talk)

iwishiwasfree, please don't do something that doesn't let you to live with Heavenly Father in Eternity. I know what you feel. I've prayed a lot when missionaries had told me that Heavenly Father will answer on my prayer. But month or more I prayed without results. It was my first prayers in my life and it was very hard to understand that He doesn't answer. But once when I was very depressed I had received a personal revelation. I really know that He loves me. Through His Love, Light, Warmness I was healed. Now every time when I thank him and try to express my love to Heavenly Father I can feel waterfall of his love. Honestly, I've understand lately that I was not prepared to his strong love. Years of my life I was sure that nobody loves me even my mother.

It was a shock for me to feel how Heavenly Father loves me.

Even now being in The Temple or on Sacrament Meeting or in my prayer I can feel how strong his love. I cry like 5 years old girl and feel that his love healing me but it is still surprised that someone can love me.

I have no job too now. I feel no good. But when I think about Christ, about his Gethsemane, about his sufferings I think that I can find power to overcome my problems. He still did suffer more than me or anybody in this World.

[JudoMinja]

You are not the only one who has felt this way. I, too, went through a time when it felt as though the entire world was bearing down on me. I felt as though I had to hide, I had to curl up in a little ball and escape the eyes, the attention. I felt as though I could not tell anyone what I was going through, could not share my pain because admitting my situation to another would make me a failure. I felt I had to fix it on my own and was overwhelmed by my inability to do so. My fear, my saddness, my lack of confidence all pressed in on me and caused me to feel weak, tired, lonely, and ill. I could hardly accomplish anything for the weight it put on me.

As you can see, I was not overcome by those feelings. I did not allow them to push me to suicide. I may have, if I had not found a reason to live. Each time my mind pondered a possibility for "escape", I was pulled away by thoughts of my helpless child. I was in an abusive relationship, and had I committed suicide my son would likely be dead now, as well. I am alive now, because I was concerned about someone other than myself. I am alive now, because there was someone else who's life depended on me. Realizing that I had to do something, I reached out desperately to put an end to my suffering, not by committing suicide, but by getting out of the situation that had brought on my desperation.

You can reach out as well. The first step is to physically tell someone what you are going through. As Gwen said, secrets hold a kind of power over you, imobilizing you and making it near impossible to act. It is as though you are a prisoner in your own mind. But you have the key. Share your secret, and you will at the very least feel the relief that someone now knows how you are feeling.

Second, realize that you do not have to fix your life on your own. You can ask for help, and there are many many resources out there to help us- financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually. We all go through times where we are in need of help. It does not make you weak, a failure, or any worse of a person to be in need of help. Seek out those resources available to you and utilize them. Talk to a doctor, your bishop, and a debt consolidation company.

Third, get active. The cloud of depression makes everything feel hazy and heavy. You feel tired all the time. Sad all the time. Weak. Useless. These feelings cause you to do little, which feeds on your feelings of inadequacy. Fight the saddness. Get up and do something. Start with small goals and build them up bigger and bigger. If you can't seem to get yourself out of bed most days, start off with a goal to go out in your backyard for an hour everyday. Then a walk around the block. Then to a specific location, like a park or library. Then to fill out a new job application every week. Etc. Etc. Keep increasing the level of your activity until you are no longer bogged down and boxed in.

Finally, find something that relies on you to take care of it. Often, especially when we are jobless, the depression and suicidal thoughts start because we feel we no longer have a purpose. With no work, there is nothing you are required to do, so why do anything? Give yourself a purpose. Get plants or a pet. Start volunteering somewhere. Anything that gives you a reason to get up every day, because there is something or someone that NEEDS you to.

1. Share your secret. 2. Accept help. 3. Get active. 4. Find a purpose. If you can do these things, you will soon find yourself climbing out of this pit.

[iwishiwasfree]

hello

I haven't read al these replies yet. but i will now. i woke up today even worse than yesterday, i opened my eyes and realised the good dreams where just a dream. and this was my realitiy. ive just taken one small step and wrote a very short email to someone from church. im actually a lot younger than my profile says. i live alone and ive pretty much been forgotten by everybody. im going to read your replies now thankyou everyone. i just dont understand why a god who loves me so much is not here with me. imi constantly crying out to him.

sorry i wont bother you guys anymore ill try sort out my problems somehow xxxx

[JudoMinja]

It is natural to feel alone when dealing with depression. This is how Satan wants you to feel. He knows you are suffering, and he is capitalizing on it. He wants you to close yourself in and avoid contact with others so that he can build on your lonliness. Do not let yourself feel that you are a burden to us for sharing your difficulties. Remember, you do not need to sort out your problems alone. It is good that you reached out to us here and that you sent an email to a church friend. Don't pull back in now. Keep reaching out.

The Lord IS with you. Sometimes it is hard to feel His presence, but He is there. While you are working on seeking help and getting active, I would like to suggest something else as well. Get a blank notebook to write in every day. Not so much a journal as a "Positivity Book". Never write anything negative in it. Every day, write at least one thing positive about yourself. Then, when you are having a particularly bad day, you can look back on that book. If you are having a hard time thinking of where to start- go to D&C 18:10.

[panda]

iwishiwasfree, write how you feel now, please. I am worry about you.

I don't know how to say coorrectly (obviously, my english is not good). I am really sorry.

I know that Heavenly Father loves you. Give him a chance to help you. Don't accuse in whole what is going wrong in your life. He let us to be tested. Read Job, please. He doesn't understand too what is going with him (no children, no money, no health, no friends, no answer from God).

I know all you need is to be hugged by friends, by people around you. But if it is impossible now just imagine that Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ are next to you. Pray, be active, smile, serve now to let Spirit to be with you. May be someone in your branch feel the same and all what he or she needs is your smile and hug.

After all my trials I can see easily when people are depressed and I have a courage to talk with them .

A lot of my friends help me because the had the same problems. Jesus know all our problems too. Don't think that you are alone. It is an illusion.

Edited December 12, 2010 by panda