Do you think I still have hope?

[Artyom]

Well where can I start. I was born and raised in the church. To be honest I never liked going. I would see everyone else happy to be there and eager to attend all the activities but I just felt like I didn't belong there and that I wanted to leave and never come back. My parents were really into it and they always forced me to attend all the activities (mutual, seminary, young men's activities) I of course never actually wanted to go, but didn't have much of a choice. Well anyways when I was 18 the whole mission thing started to come about. My mom started getting excited and even went as far as to tell everyone she met on the street about it. I one day snapped at here at yelled that I didn't want to go on a mission or ever have anything to do with church ever again. Well to make a long story short, my parents kicked me out of the house and said that I was a huge disappointed to the, and that they never wanted to see me again. This really messed me up. I started drinking and smoking and hanging out with weird people, never did anything illegal or any drugs, but I didn't ever do anything good either. Thankfully I never left school and I have a job thanks to that, but recently I have been feeling like I really miss the church. Like it's something I don't have anymore and I really need. It's a really funny feeling coming from someone who never wanted to be there in the first place. Problem is I feel like it will be very hard to return. I have done lots of things, and before I left home I had other things like problems with masturbation, and watching porn every once in a while, and now with all the new stuff, I feel really ashamed to return. Amongst some of the things I have also gotten a couple of tattoos... So yeah, I am seeking advice... So please, just share your thoughts with me and tell me what you think I should do... Thanks

[Kurt]

You have PLENTY of hope! Glad you're back with the church, dude. :). Don't be ashamed. It is part of life to learn such things and you have nothing to worry about if you truly get your life back in order. I'd just tell your parents you have come to a new understanding and want to get back into the church. I'm certain they will understand.

I struggled finding the desire to go to church for a period of my life too. Just like you, I had to mature a bit to figure out just how much Mormonism meant to my wellbeing. I fell away for a while and I was deeply entrenched in all manner of sins. I was very miserable. It took that misery to learn just how much happier I was when I stuck with the faith. Long story short, I became active again, repented for my "crazy streak", and I have never been happier in my entire life.

Don't sweat it bro. I know what you've been through. I'm glad you're coming back to the faith. Your parents will probably feel the same way. Just sit down and talk to them about everything you just told me and the remose you have over it. Everything should work out ok for you if you do.

~Kurt

Edited December 22, 2010 by Kurt

[MarginOfError]

There is nothing you could ever do that would cause you to lose God's love and acceptance. And there is nothing you ever need to do to earn his love and acceptance. The Lord is always willing and anxious to welcome you back to his fold.

I know that may be a small comfort, but it's the best and most valuable advice I've got.

[ryanh]

It isn't a "funny feeling" from my perspective, but evidence of the whisperings of the Spirit prompting you to leave the natural man behind (Mosiah 3:19).

What specifically makes you think it will be "very hard to return"? Is it the behaviors you outlined that need to change and/or be repented of? Or is it more about social fitting in (such as the comment about tattoo’s might suggest)? It might be helpful to talk of specific feelings for advice to be of the most help.

Whatever the specific concerns are about returning, just know that Satan won't want you to make that return. He most definitely will try to persuade you from doing so. Realize that a lot of your concerns may simply be promptings from him to try to make a return seem insurmountable - an inflating of reality to make it seem like it will be harder than it really will be.

Remember: The wonderful news is that "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18

Remember: The Gospel is about Love. Most members I have ever met are truly trying to love their fellow brothers and sisters. Don't expect the same attitudes from members of your ward that your parents showed to you. Kicking someone out of the house for not attending church would seem quite contrary to the Gospel. You can expect to be shown much greater love and acceptance from members as a whole than your post indicates you were shown by your parents. (besides, members in general are not so emotionally fused to unrelated members of a ward as to be unable to separate their own personal value from the choices of another person - so, there is little motivation for ward members to act as your parents did)

What I think you should do is go to LDS.org, go to: Tools -> Maps, input your address to look up your local ward and the Bishop's phone number. Call the Bishop (likely need to leave a message) and let him know you are thinking about attending. He will let you know what to expect, and I feel confident will be very welcoming, loving, and supportive.

[ryanh]

And further, in response to you post title of whether or not you still have hope . . . .

There have been a number of talks in recent general conferences addressing that very subject. See: Point of Safe Return as an example of one.

[GeneC]

Even if you don't have hope, WE DO, we love you as God loves you. We all want you back, tattoos and all. But yes there is Hope and Joy awaiting you.

[HiJolly]

You have hope. You know your parents were just (erroneously) thinking that you fit into their view of the Church and all it entails; I'm pretty sure they didn't mean to screw up your perception of the Church itself. But it's clear they did.

I hope you can completely disconnect your understanding of your parents from your understanding of the Church. They are different, I'm pretty sure. Take the Church on its own terms, and best wishes to you!

HiJolly

[Mute]

Well where can I start. I was born and raised in the church. To be honest I never liked going. I would see everyone else happy to be there and eager to attend all the activities but I just felt like I didn't belong there and that I wanted to leave and never come back. My parents were really into it and they always forced me to attend all the activities (mutual, seminary, young men's activities) I of course never actually wanted to go, but didn't have much of a choice. Well anyways when I was 18 the whole mission thing started to come about. My mom started getting excited and even went as far as to tell everyone she met on the street about it. I one day snapped at here at yelled that I didn't want to go on a mission or ever have anything to do with church ever again. Well to make a long story short, my parents kicked me out of the house and said that I was a huge disappointed to the, and that they never wanted to see me again. This really messed me up. I started drinking and smoking and hanging out with weird people, never did anything illegal or any drugs, but I didn't ever do anything good either. Thankfully I never left school and I have a job thanks to that, but recently I have been feeling like I really miss the church. Like it's something I don't have anymore and I really need. It's a really funny feeling coming from someone who never wanted to be there in the first place. Problem is I feel like it will be very hard to return. I have done lots of things, and before I left home I had other things like problems with masturbation, and watching porn every once in a while, and now with all the new stuff, I feel really ashamed to return. Amongst some of the things I have also gotten a couple of tattoos... So yeah, I am seeking advice... So please, just share your thoughts with me and tell me what you think I should do... Thanks

I think you should do what you feel is right. It's a very hard thing to feel cast off by your family. I can relate to you in being forced to attend church. Not everyone is forced though. Unlike you, my family didn't end up kicking me out because I chose not to serve a mission. If that had of happened, I'd probably have felt very unloved by them and possibly become very bitter towards the church.

I really feel it's better to let individuals decide what is best for them. I'm very big on letting someone think for themselves. I'm not going to tell you what the right course is because I'm not really sure. However, the fact that you said you didn't enjoy going to church, never felt like you fit in and only wanted to leave, leads me to wonder if returning to church is the solution to why you're feeling this way. Are you sure the church is what you're missing and not perhaps your family or maybe a desire to go back to be accepted by your parents?

I don't know all of the circumstances in your life. I don't know if you believe in the church. I don't know your reasons for wanting to go back. You would know that better than anyone. I'd suggest finding that reason or the reasons out and going from there. I think if you go back, you should go back for you and not because you feel expected to. What ever your reason for going back, just make sure it's your reason.

If it turns out you're still feeling like you're missing something, then maybe there is something else you need. From your post, I got the impression that you weren't terribly happy in your life right now. If I'm right about that, then maybe the best thing for you would be a friend or someone close to you that you can talk to about your feelings with. Someone in person is going to be a lot more help to you than someone online.

I'm not saying going back to church isn't going to help you feel better. It might. I just didn't get the impression that not attending church is the reason you are feeling the way you are. I think it's something deeper than that based upon what you said. Then again, only you would know.

I wouldn't feel ashamed to return to church though. It's no ones place to judge you. If someone judges you, it's probably because they are unhappy in their own life and don't have any friends. No one wants to be around someone always judging others. At least I don't. Either way, you're going to find people you like and people you don't like in anything you do in life.

[Backroads]

Here's my question that I don't think you ever really addressed in your OP: Where are you spiritually? What do you believe spiritually? I am kind of in agreement with others that this could be the Spirit whispering for you to come back, or at least consider it and see what that choice will make in your life. However, I believe spirituality is so much more important that religiousness, and I guess I see no point in forcing yourself against your will to come back to something you have no spiritual inclination towards. That's not to say I am not thrilled at the idea of you returing to church, because I think that would rock! But I guess I"m saying I would want it to be real for you; there are so many other secular things in the world that are helpful to the soul and bring good feelings.

Some other thoughts on this: It's quite possible you just had no interest in the church as a youth, and that's not unheard of. It didn't sound like you ever had a testimony. I've never liked the idea of parents forcing their kids to be any religion growing up. Encouraging, yes, but I think around the time of the mission and age 18 it should be up to you. Frankly, I am shocked and horrified that your parents kicked you out and I do believe karma will come their way. Just because the church didn't mean much to you then doesn't mean it can't now. Views change, people change, that's how the world works.

If you feel an inclination to return to church, what harm can it do? Follow your gut. YOu might return to church. You might not, but you might be on the path to something else.

[lizzy16]

Art,

Satan tries to make each of us feel like there is no hope. That we can't repent. But because Jesus Christ died for each of us there will always be hope. Seize that hope and call up your bishop. He'd love to here from you.

-Elisabeth Ann

[Artyom]

Thanks to all of you for you kind words. I did in fact feel like I was past the point where I could be forgiven, but after reading all your replies and that talk I feel a bit more comfortable. Now, I certainly don't know why it is that I actually want to go back. Yes in fact I never had a testimony and I still don't to be honest. I have never actually read the scriptures completely either. I know some of you will suggest to do so, but we'll see what happens. Like some suggested, I don't really know what the feelings inside of me are... Might be just stress from work building up... who knows

Another thing, if it's relevant at all, is that for the past 4 (almost 5) years I have had no contact whatsoever with my family. They have actually tried to contact me in the past (phone calls, letters, emails, card, visits, etc.) but I never answered them or replied to them. The only actual contact I've have was about 2 weeks ago when my brother came to the fire station I work at in a tour with his class from high school. Other than that I've haven't seen them ever since. And I don't see myself forgiving them, even though we are taught to do so, but I just don't see myself doing so after they almost ruined my life completely.

Yes life has been very hard for me. After leaving my parent's house I struggled to get along. Every day was like a new test. There was points where I even thought I had had enough and just wanted to die, but something wouldn't let me... And I am thankful for that...

Anyways, back to the main subject... If I ever do come visit church ever again, I'd probably do it to a ward where no one knows who I am. I just feel ashamed to return to mine and for everyone to see what has become of me.

[Backroads]

Thanks to all of you for you kind words. I did in fact feel like I was past the point where I could be forgiven, but after reading all your replies and that talk I feel a bit more comfortable. Now, I certainly don't know why it is that I actually want to go back. Yes in fact I never had a testimony and I still don't to be honest. I have never actually read the scriptures completely either. I know some of you will suggest to do so, but we'll see what happens. Like some suggested, I don't really know what the feelings inside of me are... Might be just stress from work building up... who knows

Another thing, if it's relevant at all, is that for the past 4 (almost 5) years I have had no contact whatsoever with my family. They have actually tried to contact me in the past (phone calls, letters, emails, card, visits, etc.) but I never answered them or replied to them. The only actual contact I've have was about 2 weeks ago when my brother came to the fire station I work at in a tour with his class from high school. Other than that I've haven't seen them ever since. And I don't see myself forgiving them, even though we are taught to do so, but I just don't see myself doing so after they almost ruined my life completely.

Yes life has been very hard for me. After leaving my parent's house I struggled to get along. Every day was like a new test. There was points where I even thought I had had enough and just wanted to die, but something wouldn't let me... And I am thankful for that...

Anyways, back to the main subject... If I ever do come visit church ever again, I'd probably do it to a ward where no one knows who I am. I just feel ashamed to return to mine and for everyone to see what has become of me.

I would recommend another ward entirely, if that's what you feel you need. Don't go more than you need.

As for your parents, it will be very hard to forgive them and I don't blame you. Heck, I do not say go out and try to repair the relationship right away. However, forgiveness is not about the other person, but about you moving on yourself and coming to terms with what has happened to you.

Best wishes to you in whatever happens. You have my support.