How best to help a discouraged missionary?

[carlimac]

My son has been out 20 months. He experienced a lot of success in the first part of his mission. Lots of discussions, many baptisms, etc. He's normally a very motivated and energetic kid. Not especially outspoken and takes himself and the work very seriously. But previously he felt enough success to keep him going. Now he's been in the same area for 6-7 months. And it's all dried up. He says he'll probably end up staying in this same area for the rest of his mission. I personally think he desperately needs a transfer. But he's a zone leader and says they don't transfer ZLs around very often. He's taking lots of heat from the local stake leaders about what the other missionaries are doing and about the lack of success in the area. He's taking it personally. Right now he should be at the top of his game. He is still doing everything he can think of to keep his zone going, to keep working and to be personally obedient. But they are in probably the hardest part of the mission- a very well-to-do area where folks don't think they need the Gospel or any other religious upgrade. He says out of 28 missionaries in the zone there are only 2 potential baptisms coming up.

So what do I do as a parent? I'm praying like crazy, I'm trying to be encouraging and upbeat in my emails to him, I'm planning a day of fasting and temple work. What else? Do I write to the mission pres. asking him if he knows what's going on with our son? I don't think he's depressed or anything, just very discouraged. I hate the thought that he might end his mission not having had much success for the last 8-10 months of it. Experiences like that can have a lasting effect. My brother went to Denmark and didn't have any baptisms. It really soured him for awhile. And it took a huge toll on his self esteem, even though he was perfectly obedient and did everything he was supposed to. (By the way, my son reminds me so much of my brother! How coincidental that they are having similar experiences.) I know this kind of thing happens, and it can be a real character builder, but from what I've heard, other areas of the mission are more productive, humbler and more prone to having people who are looking for truth. It seems a wise mission president would mix things up a little more- spread the potential for success around among the missionaries. Apparently the mission president in on his last 4 months also after a very successful 2 3/4 years. He has apparently turned the mission around. But I hope at this point that he isn't losing focus himself on what is going on under his nose.

Any suggestions?

Edited February 14, 2011 by carlimac

[slamjet]

I served under a Mission President who's mission ended when mine did. I feel safe to assure you that they do not get short-timers disease. They develop a bond with the missionaries and the area. As for your son, Areas are fickle, cyclical beasts. But he needs to humble himself and talk to his Mission President. Sometimes there are things beyond his control and he needs the guidance and advice of his President to break through. That's what they're there for. He need not carry this all by himself. I dare say that there is no such thing as an area that has "dried up." Only an area where the Elders have given up.

But there is no harm in you contacting the Mission President. My parents contacted my Mission President, but that was so he can call and order me to start writing home.

[carlimac]

I dare say that there is no such thing as an area that has "dried up." Only an area where the Elders have given up.

This is what I'm worried about. I don't think my son has personally given up, but he's not this bigger than life charismatic people motivator type. He's more of a cerebral, intellectual type than a people person. I think he actually does better one on one that leading a whole zone. He was a fabulous trainer for new elders and went through about 6 of them in a row. He's more likely to turn inward to scripture and prayer than to get out there and light a fire under the missionaries in his zone.

I don't know what his companion is like for sure. My son said today he has a good companion but I get the impression the guy is bit overbearing- maybe blunt and insensitive. I think maybe the chemistry between them is just not working all that well. That's not a good thing for a zone. He never says anything really negative about his companion but one time mentioned something his mission president said when he first put them together. The mp said he didn't know why he felt impressed to form this companionship because they were so opposite. I hope if it was for these two elders to learn something from each other, they learn it quickly and then get separated soon so that my son has the chance to end on a more positive note. He's been in the zone a lot longer than his companion so logically he would be the one to get transferred, if at all.

[Wingnut]

I dare say that there is no such thing as an area that has "dried up." Only an area where the Elders have given up.

I agree, generally. I think that if an area has "dried up," it's because local leadership has given up, local members are apathetic, or the missionaries have given up. My most successful (number-wise) area in my mission was also one of the least effective. The branch president didn't care about retention. He told us once, point-blank, that retention was pointless "because everyone goes inactive after they're baptized -- I did, and look at me now!"

But there are never not opportunities.

[Dravin]

But there are never not opportunities.

There are always opportunities but success as a missionary is not numbers but reaching out to people and God.

You can know you have been a successful missionary when you:

• Feel the Spirit testify to people through you.

• Love people and desire their salvation.

• Obey with exactness.

• Live so that you can receive and know how to follow the Spirit, who will show you

where to go, what to do, and what to say.

• Develop Christlike attributes.

• Work effectively every day, do your very best to bring souls to Christ, and seek

earnestly to learn and improve.

• Help build up the Church (the ward) wherever you are assigned to work.

• Warn people of the consequences of sin. Invite them to make and keep commitments.

• Teach and serve other missionaries.

• Go about doing good and serving people at every opportunity, whether or not they

accept your message.

There is also a kind of pernicious implication that often accompanies missionaries and their work, and that is it that it all depends on their obedience and faith. While a crucial part of it the agency of other people is involved (as Wingnut mentions other members for one).

[carlimac]

There are always opportunities but success as a missionary is not numbers but reaching out to people and God.

I know he's done this. We have gotten many letters and phone calls from people in his every one of his areas telling us how grateful they are for our son.

[skippy740]

My brother had a rotten mission. He'd tell you that too.

It seemed that his mission was about helping the missionary force instead of finding, teaching and baptizing. This was for nearly his entire mission. He obeyed, but dispised his mission president.

I would suggest that, as your son's parent, you should call your son's Mission President and share your concerns. While letters to the Mission President are required, that doesn't mean that he writes the same letters home. The Mission President may need additional insight to help your son to have a successful and more enjoyable mission.

I would contact him.

[Guest mormonmusic]

First of all, I wouldn't write to the mission president without your son's permission. It's HIS mission. Respect it and his own desires. You might encourage him to share the information you want to share with the MP directly and see what he says, but I wouldn't go behind his back.

A big factor in baptizing is the unity between companions -- are they getting along OK? My best area was where myself and my assistant zone leader companion were totally tight and unified. For some reason, that changes things. If he's not getting along with his companion, then he might work on that.

He sounds a bit like me. I'm laid back when it comes to leadership, and I'm the intellectual type. It sounds like his companion is much different. I was in a similar situation with an outgoing, leadership, Jean Luc Picard meets Steven Segal type companion -- with myself being more like Yoda. It was hard on both of us at first.

One thing I did to resolve the conflict I had with Elder Jean Luc Picard was I totally gave up all leadership in my Ward and delegated it to him. I retained all zone leadership responsibilities. This worked fine and restored unity. If they are not unified, and control is an issue, then you might suggest this to him.

Also, although it's all talk about how there are no dull subjects, just dull teachers, or no dead areas, just dead missionaries -- face it -- certain personalities bond with certain areas better. Also, when I served in wealthy areas it was a drag. We rarely baptized because the wealthy people are confident, set in their ways, and when they see the white shirt and ties they react to THAT immediately and mostly negatively. We mostly just taught the employees and housekeeping/lawn maintenance staff of these wealthy members in California where I served.

Then, they put me in a humble area and we baptized up a storm. Tracting doesn't work in those wealthy and well-established areas, and the humility factor seems to be more widely missing in those areas. I also had a similar area where I worked hard for 7 months and only 3 baptisms in my last month. In areas like these, where the people have lived there for a long time, they get set in their ways. They have also approached most of their neighbours and are not helpful. No one baptized there.

Last of all, suggest he concentrates his efforts in the areas that bear the most fruit. For me, if a family wasn't missionary minded, I learned to leave them alone. Work only with the people who have a natural affection for missionary work. The local priesthood leaders will know who they are -- ask them who is missionary minded in their Ward and work with them. Members who are in sales are sometimes good candidates for referrals.

Also, focus on over-aged youth and particularly, new move-ins. New move-ins are often open minded because they are experiencing change. Often they have homes that are crawling with non-members too, and there is a natural connection to the Church with the member already in the family. Also, suggest he tries hitting homes that have sold recently -- watch for homes with Sold on them and follow up when someone moves in. Often there are new people there and a welcome to the neighbourhood and directions to a Church is often well received. Hitting the warm spots may help him be less discouraged.

It's really important for missionaries to baptize in my view. Our mission president was always concerned if missionaries weren't having baptisms because it DID affect their motivation. I would routinely pull them out of their struggling Wards and let them teach our investigators, and also be there when we scheduled baptisms. I would also try to get them to the baptisms and involve them in the ordinances where possible to help motivate them. Your son might consider doing the same for those missionaries who need a morale boost.

Good luck, I feel for him, because I've been there myself!!!

[rameumptom]

Have him change his focus. If he is focusing upon baptisms to be his success, then he's already off the mark.

Missionaries are to be a voice of warning. We have no control over who will convert or when they will convert. We do have power over what we can say and do.

Second, missionaries are to serve. If he is not having much success in tracting, then have him go around offering to serve in various organizations, and at people's homes. This goes a long way toward developing good relations for the Church.

On my mission, I served and helped a lot more people than I baptized. That is a much bigger part of my success, because I can hope that my work today will bless them so much that someday they will want to join.

[prophetofdoom]

He needs to be recharged with the power of God. Your doing everything you need to do as a parent. I wouldn't get too involved with the mission politics.

[tubaloth]

Called to Serve - Neal A. Maxwell