What to do if I'm questioning my place in the Church?

[grownfromaseed]

I need your guys' help.

Lately I have felt like I am questioning where I stand within the church. I was recently baptized on September 25th and I am the only member in my family. This has led me to a lot of problems recently particularly because a lot of relationships are breaking my family because they tell me I'm just not the same anymore.

I am a twin and me and my sister are really close. She is completely opposite of me in all means, especially in church teachings. She drinks and wears strappy dresses and shorts, things that I used to do in moderation before I found the church.

Now though, I don't seem to find the same happiness that I had first coming into the church. All my friends that I made seemed to be there only because I was getting baptized and now they have moved on with their lives and seem to find better things and only call or text me when they need something, like a ride or to borrow some money.

The way that I was brought up was very liberal and so my knowledge and beliefs about evolution and gay marriage (I have several gay relatives) are at complete conflict with one another. I am not sure what to do. I see my family members and they are so happy living the lives that they want and I am feeling so restricted right now. I can't even go to the beach and wear a regular bathing suit because of fear I will be judged by other members.

I just don't know what to do and where I belong. I still know that the Church is true and that I have a testimony of that, but I am not sure that I want that right now. I feel unworthy to go to Church and to take Sacrament when I have all these thoughts inside my mind.

My one thing is that all my standards match with those of the Church. Here I don't have to worry about drinking, drugs, sex, or adultery for those who are honest members. But at the same sense, people seem so judgmental and clique-y. I attended my home ward for the first time since I have been baptized as I am away at college and have been going to Church there and it felt so different. People didn't reach out to me other than acknowledge that I was new. I felt like I was just another member, just another person in the huge culture that was them. There was no inviting like I had received when I was so eagerly sought after when investigating the Church.

I may sound a little bitter because I have been going through many trials lately. I had a best friend who was the one who introduced me to the Church and we dated for 2 months before he decided to end it and now isn't talking to me. He was my anchor and the one who was helping me keep me afloat in the struggles I face daily with my family. I have an eating disorder and was fighting it for years and then I came to Church and it left me for months. Now it is back, when he is gone and my friends are gone. And I just feel like perhaps this is not where I am supposed to be. Maybe this Church isn't where God really wants me.

I don't know. As you can see I am very conflicted. Just so much has happened recently that the depression that I had before is creeping back. But I know that so many people will say that it is Satan, but in the same sense I honestly don't know if I am happy living this life where I don't feel like I belong.

I have talked to my Bishop and he said I should talk to a counselor, but that was 2 weeks ago and I have not heard from him or from the people who say they're my friends. I feel like this has happened far too often. I find myself some place that makes me happy, but it is temporary until I find out that people take advantage of me because I am too trusting, too nice and reliable. I am unshakably loyal and somehow people seem to see that no matter if they are members or not.

I haven't broken any standards and I don't think I will because that has never been in my mindset before joining the Church, but I feel lost. I am not sure what to do. Everything seems to be caving in at once and it makes me wonder if perhaps right now isn't the time for me to be in the Church. Maybe I wasn't ready yet and I need to find myself first because somehow I lost her along the way. Some may call it rebellion, but I'm not breaking rules, just rethinking my life and my place in this world as a whole.

Have any of you been in this situation before or have advice for me? I am fighting this so hard, but those closest to me, my family, seem to be telling me that I would happier if I was just myself and stopped pretending and shaping myself to fit the "mold" particularly that brought on by Mormonism. I agree, but how is it possible to still find peace if there is guilt about not molding myself to that perfection that God has said?

Any experiences or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. And no bashing, please. I am afraid that I am spiritually dying and I don't know quite what to do or where to go. Please help me.

[slamjet]

My experience:

1) People will always fail always. Don't let your testimony be dependent on whether they come through for you or not. Give them the benefit of the doubt and concentrate on you. If you need to chase after the Bishop for help, by all means do it.

2) Most folks in this forum will know what I'm going to say next: read the scriptures every day, pray twice daily, attend church regularly. This is so important for you, especially right now. This will help keep the lines open between you and your Father in Heaven. This way, you will feel the impressions and promptings he want's you to have to guide you and speak peace to your soul.

3) Keep your chin up. It's not easy right now because the advesary is literally ticked that you joined up and wants to pull you away in anyway he can. He will begin to throw everything at you including family members and church members. He will be whispering to you that you can't do it. I promise you, you can. Believe me, it will be hard. But you will not get hit with anything that you cannot handle. We've been promised that and I truly know it to be true.

Hang in there and remember that we were not made for the church, but the church was made for us. Stay close to the Church and the Lord and you will find the peace that you are looking for.

[jayanna]

Wow, grownfromaseed, I really feel like I want to reach out and give you a hug

I first want to let you know how very precious you are to your Heavenly Father. He has not forgotten you, and looks with great anticipation at the decisions you will make here on the Earth. I would like to encourage you to read your patriarchal blessing...if you have not gotten it yet, perhaps now would be the time. In it you will find out a lot about yourself and words from your Father in Heaven, including some advice and comfort for now and for the future.

It seems like a lot about how you feel is influenced by friends around you, and at the moment you don't have anyone close to you, someone to confide in and vise-versa. Maybe this is an opportunity. This could be an opportunity for you to prove that you will stick to who you are, and the covenants you have made, in good times and bad. There are a lot of people in the church who wonder, 'would I be a member if it weren't for my relationship with my _________ ?' And you have this chance to find this out.

You said that you appreciate not having to worry about sex, or adultry, and I think you need to realize that the reason you wear a one piece swimsuit is that men are very effected by the site of a young woman that is scantily clad. It can make them uncomfortable, so wear that one piece, not for approval, but to let them be themselves around you and let them pay attention to your personality, rather than be overwhelmed by your appearance.

I know you feel you are not good enough for His church, I have felt that too. I wrote about that in my conversion story in another thread about converts. It's a terrible thing to carry around in your head. Most of us have felt that way at some point, if you have kept your covenants, have done your best, you should take the sacrament! THIS Sunday. There is an adversary, and the does not want you to feel loved, he doesn't want you to take that Sacrament. He wants to separate you from Christ and from your Heavenly Father.

Take the Sacrament, thinking about Christ's sacrifice for you to be with Him, where He is preparing a place for you, and know that He loves you enough to do that for you.

Do your scripture study, look for examples of others that have been through hard times in the scriptures and how they dealt with it.

Get a patriarchal blessing, if you haven't yet, ask your bishop or home teacher about setting up an appointment for an interview and schedule the blessing.

Maybe go on a trip to the temple to do baptisms. You will find peace there, and have time to think about where you are going. I think you have been doing a lot of sacrificing in your life changes and not seeing the blessing part of it...the temple is a great big dose of blessing time.

You are loved, and wanted.

[UrbanFool]

Don't forget service. Are you active in the Relief Society? Maybe helping to plan events, or going to some events will help you fit in. We're having a Heritage Faire this weekend that I'm avoiding like the plague.

We were talking to one of the members yesterday and he was saying that our ward wasn't always as welcoming as it is now. They used to be really cliquey and unpleasant. I can just say that thank goodness it isn't like that now or I would probably not be a member.

[prophetofdoom]

Now that you have come through the straight gate, (Baptism) the adversary is trying to take you down. This is the time to really get on your knees and pray to your Father in Heaven for help.

Another thing, it sounds like you may want to make some more friends at church. This takes effort. I am a person that usually doesn't like going out of my way to make friends... but, I have found that at church... you kind of have to throw yourself out there and make yourself known.

The world is very alluring sometimes... it looks like everyone it just having a blast and having unrestricted fun. Trust me, that is all smoke and mirrors by the adversary. People may appear to be "happy" but that is not joy. Joy is eternal happiness... the peace that comes to your soul because you are following Jesus Christ. Wickedness was never happiness. If people look like they are having some fun, living in sin, it is very fleeting and leaves a feeling of emptiness in their lives.

Stay strong. With time, you will make more friends and your testimony will grow.

[rameumptom]

We all go through difficult times like this. I've been in several units that did not reach out to the individual.

Review your priorities. You attend Church, because it is true and you have a testimony of it. If you make one or two friends, consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, make friends and seek opportunities where you can. We do not have to get all our needs fulfilled within the walls of the chapel. Make friends in school, and hang out in positive activities with them. Invite others, including church members, out to lunch or other activities with you.

Learn to stop and smell the roses that are around you. While there is plenty to discourage us, there is equally wonderful things we can focus on that can bring us joy. I personally do not have many close friends. No one invites me to activities. They do call me to help out on things. That's okay for me, I take what I can get. And then I focus on the things I can do. I've made friends here, for example. I exercise, do nature photography, and study many things. My life is not perfect, but I try and make it as worthwhile as I can. And I focus on counting my blessings, rather than the things I do not have.

Go back to the basics: prayer, scripture study, and attending Church for the main purpose of worshiping God.

[Backroads]

Indeed, these are the times to focus on the basics.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Try this strategy -- try to reach out to other people who are sitting alone, who appear uncomfortable standing in the foyer, or who seem unhappy. Make it your mission to talk to several of these people each Sunday and do it repeatedly. If you like connecting with people on a deeper level, go back to these same people in future weeks and continue the conversation and see which relationships develop.

People will disappoint in the Church -- and in life in general. Don't let that stand in the way of you reaching out.

[flutterbee]

You need to realize too that some of what you're experiencing is normal. When you convert the Spirit is especially strong. You're very in tune with the Holy Ghost and kind of on a spiritual high. This state can't last forever. Reality slips in and the hum-drum everyday life comes back.

Now is where you really have to decide if what you felt when you were baptized is real. Did you join because you felt the Book of Mormon was true or did you join for the socializing?

I'm not a convert but I've had a similar experience. When I first left home I went to work for my uncle in another country. They had a very small ward with a small singles' group within the ward. My aunt and uncle told them almost two months in advance that I was coming. They were soooo excited and I was getting little notes and comments relayed through my aunt "When are you coming? We can hardly wait!" I got a warm welcome and was immediately included in all sorts of activities.

When I got home though, I was in a Singles Ward that was very large. It was very clique-y too. I tried and tried and tried to "break in" to various groups and try to make friendships. No go. I was given various excuses including "Well, we have people come and go all the time and people don't want to waste their time making friends with someone who's just going to leave soon." Ummm, I was there for four years. That excuse doesn't fly after the first year, I say.

It's hard to go from a welcoming experience to a "just existing" experience but that's when you have to go back to the basics--reading scriptures, praying, paying attention to the lessons--and find out where you truly stand with Heavenly Father and Jesus. It's Their church after all.

[eternalpromise516]

grownfromaseed,

i've gone through the same exact things as you are right now. i am also a convert to the church. i was baptized on June 20, 2009 and confirmed the next day during Sacrament.

i had a difficult getting acclimated to being a member after first joining. while i was investigating and for the first week afterwards, i felt like everyone actually cared about me and were concerned, among other things. but after that, it was like i had been forgotten. i was blessed with a wonderful pair of elders who understood the situation i was going through, and really helped me with keeping involved and focused on why i had joined in the first place - because i believed in the true, restored gospel of Jesus Christ and that the Book of Mormon was true. they gave me a copy of the talk by President Hinckley that talks about how every new member needs a calling, a friend, and to be nourished by the good word of god.

the church is perfect, but the people are not. which to me, is a sort of blessing in disguise. there is only One who is perfect, and because He loves us SO much, we can put every care and distress in His hands and He will lift us up. you are a beloved Daughter of our Heavenly Father who knows you personally and cares and is concerned for you. He is elated that you have found your way to the straight and narrow path and is eager to see your progress to return home. follow the advice given by slamjet and others here, especially the one someone gave you about approaching those who seem to be struggling, are sitting alone, etc. and also the daily scripture study and prayer.

feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk, have questions, or just want to vent about something. i'm particularly close to new converts, perhaps since i was and am still one myself. we love you!

[Mute]

I need your guys' help.

Lately I have felt like I am questioning where I stand within the church.

If a person judges you, that person is not worth having as a friend. You may be a friend to them but they are not someone I would consider a friend. If they judge you, tell them it's not their place to do so and pay them not attention or walk away from them. Letting people judge you will make you more open with yourself because you may learn to stop caring about what others think of you. The only person's opinion about you that really matters is your own and your spouse. The best thing you can do is be the example and don't concern your thoughts with what others may be thinking of you unless they are good thoughts of you. There is a chance they're not even thinking of you at all but are more concerned with their own lives than to worry about what others are doing.

It is always nice to have others reach out and be the friend to you first. Sadly, that is often not how people are but it's what everyone wants. Instead, you could try being the one that reaches out to them. This will most likely help people to be more comfortable in talking with you because they will know if you are friendly. You will have more friends from this and it shows you have confidence to go and talk to a lot of people. If you have a fear of being so out going, the best way to cure that is simply in doing it. You'll have a lot of friends if you seek to talk to them first because people always want to be around nice and uplifting people.

As for any spiritual troubles, I would suggest praying, reading scriptures and perhaps talking to a close friend about it. Other than that, I wish I knew. If you are having doubts about anything or conflicting beliefs, just think on them. Try to sort them out in your mind and talk to those close to you. It helps to be able to say our thoughts out loud and often this can help us to come to a better conclusion on what we feel we should do.

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

I need your guys' help.

Lately I have felt like I am questioning where I stand within the church. I was recently baptized on September 25th and I am the only member in my family. This has led me to a lot of problems recently particularly because a lot of relationships are breaking my family because they tell me I'm just not the same anymore.

I am a twin and me and my sister are really close. She is completely opposite of me in all means, especially in church teachings. She drinks and wears strappy dresses and shorts, things that I used to do in moderation before I found the church.

Now though, I don't seem to find the same happiness that I had first coming into the church. All my friends that I made seemed to be there only because I was getting baptized and now they have moved on with their lives and seem to find better things and only call or text me when they need something, like a ride or to borrow some money.

The way that I was brought up was very liberal and so my knowledge and beliefs about evolution and gay marriage (I have several gay relatives) are at complete conflict with one another. I am not sure what to do. I see my family members and they are so happy living the lives that they want and I am feeling so restricted right now. I can't even go to the beach and wear a regular bathing suit because of fear I will be judged by other members.

I just don't know what to do and where I belong. I still know that the Church is true and that I have a testimony of that, but I am not sure that I want that right now. I feel unworthy to go to Church and to take Sacrament when I have all these thoughts inside my mind.

My one thing is that all my standards match with those of the Church. Here I don't have to worry about drinking, drugs, sex, or adultery for those who are honest members. But at the same sense, people seem so judgmental and clique-y. I attended my home ward for the first time since I have been baptized as I am away at college and have been going to Church there and it felt so different. People didn't reach out to me other than acknowledge that I was new. I felt like I was just another member, just another person in the huge culture that was them. There was no inviting like I had received when I was so eagerly sought after when investigating the Church.

I may sound a little bitter because I have been going through many trials lately. I had a best friend who was the one who introduced me to the Church and we dated for 2 months before he decided to end it and now isn't talking to me. He was my anchor and the one who was helping me keep me afloat in the struggles I face daily with my family. I have an eating disorder and was fighting it for years and then I came to Church and it left me for months. Now it is back, when he is gone and my friends are gone. And I just feel like perhaps this is not where I am supposed to be. Maybe this Church isn't where God really wants me.

I don't know. As you can see I am very conflicted. Just so much has happened recently that the depression that I had before is creeping back. But I know that so many people will say that it is Satan, but in the same sense I honestly don't know if I am happy living this life where I don't feel like I belong.

I have talked to my Bishop and he said I should talk to a counselor, but that was 2 weeks ago and I have not heard from him or from the people who say they're my friends. I feel like this has happened far too often. I find myself some place that makes me happy, but it is temporary until I find out that people take advantage of me because I am too trusting, too nice and reliable. I am unshakably loyal and somehow people seem to see that no matter if they are members or not.

I haven't broken any standards and I don't think I will because that has never been in my mindset before joining the Church, but I feel lost. I am not sure what to do. Everything seems to be caving in at once and it makes me wonder if perhaps right now isn't the time for me to be in the Church. Maybe I wasn't ready yet and I need to find myself first because somehow I lost her along the way. Some may call it rebellion, but I'm not breaking rules, just rethinking my life and my place in this world as a whole.

Have any of you been in this situation before or have advice for me? I am fighting this so hard, but those closest to me, my family, seem to be telling me that I would happier if I was just myself and stopped pretending and shaping myself to fit the "mold" particularly that brought on by Mormonism. I agree, but how is it possible to still find peace if there is guilt about not molding myself to that perfection that God has said?

Any experiences or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. And no bashing, please. I am afraid that I am spiritually dying and I don't know quite what to do or where to go. Please help me.

There is one experience that I would like you to spend some time prayerfully reading, contemplate, and pray.

The Book of Mormon does not just tell us wonderful stories of faith, but they tell us stories about real people, with real problems, in real situations.

This is the one about Nephi, his challenges he faced when standing for truth and righteousness. Even sometimes from his parents.

His brothers bound him, constantly ridiculed him - despite having seen an angel. They even beat him.

While on the ship, Nephi was bound, ridiculed for his faith by his family (and some of them even believed).

When we place our faith in what other people think about us, or how they help us out or not, we are building up a false sense of security. Many people make this mistake to their own peril. The Church is perfect, but the people are not. We are to magnify our calling in the Church. We are to study, pray, and seek after Christ, and come unto him in our daily lives.

We develop a daily habit of praying, of reading our scriptures, and coming to our Heavenly Father who knows our hearts, and we serve him according to our talents and abilities.

Do not bank your testimony on what other people do or don't do. Base your testimony on the reality of what our Heavenly Father reveals to you as his precious daughter.

Sometimes, you will find yourself alone - but are you really alone when you have a Father in Heaven that loves and cherishes you? He will give you the strength to stand and bear your testimony to your family.

You will never know how our Heavenly Father will use you to bring your family into the truth of the Restored Gospel. We are to put our faith and trust in God, and we are to walk in obedience.

Nephi says it very plainly and simple - I will go and do the things that the Lord commands, for I know that the Lord gives no commandment that he is not able to allow us to fulfill and obey (see 1 Nephi 3:7) We may look at the challenge as being difficult, but with God on our side, he will help us find a way through it.

In fact, coming home from the store one day, a local Methodist church has this on their reader board, and it has caused me to think about why it impressed me so much - love how the Holy Spirit works - and it said: "If he is able to bring you to it, he is able to bring you through it".

Here are some articles for you to read and ponder as well:

Should I stay or Should I go - a story of a young man who is the only member of His family to have joined the Church. Both parents are hospitalized, and he has to face the difficult decision of either staying to care for them, or go on his mission.

The Path of the Chosen

I hope that your faith and testimony increases and grow as you begin to seek out the Holy Spirit and the love our Heavenly Father has for you.

[grownfromaseed]

You guys have been a tremendous help. I really appreciate all the advice and comfort you have lent me. It is very difficult being the only member in my family and I KNOW what I believe, it's simply those in the Church that make me question if that is where I belong.

My family is not religious and so seeing them ask me constantly why I do the things I do- dress modestly, not drink, watch rated-R movies, etc- is really hard. I have come to the realization that some of you have mentioned that I cannot rely on others to make me happy. Perhaps this was my problem. With my eating disorder it was easy to get caught up in the world because I was trying to achieve control and perfection when I had lost both long ago.

I did receive my Patriarchal Blessing and I read it yesterday. It caught me that one of the things on there in paraphrase told me to ignore those things of the world that try to lure us in. The Church has all my values and I don't plan on leaving, it's just trying to figure out where I stand among everyone. I guess I need to face reality and really start living, not for others, but for myself and God.

And thanks you SeattleTruthSeeker, I will read those articles.

Thanks everyone for the support. You have no idea what you have done to help me. :)