Top 10 ways NOT to Visit Teach

[pam]

10. Have NO contact at all -- don't call even once, that way the sisters on your route won't even know who their visiting teachers are and won't know that you are the ones that don't care about them.

9. Bring sure to bring all of your children -- the more the merrier -- or is it the more annoying? Whatever, don't even worry about the children. They will be quite happy running wild through the house while you visit. Jumping on the furniture is especially fun! The sister you visit won't mind since she is talking with you and isn't noticing what they are into. Even if she does notice, don't worry most sisters are too polite to tell you how much it bothers them. If something valuable is broken, leave quickly! Be sure to bring all your children back next month.

8. When you do visit a sister, be sure to keep one eye on the clock and when ten minutes are up LEAVE IMMEDIATELY -- DO NOT care what topics were being discussed and DO NOT ask if there is anything you can do to help. You have now achieved your goal of being able to count this sister as visited so RUN!

7. Instead of asking "is there anything we can do to help you?" Say, "If you need anything be sure to call your home teachers; we're sure they would be glad to help you!"

6. Decide that you will be better than anyone else by finishing your visiting teaching the first week of every month. Brag about this fact in public as often as possible. To accomplish this you must not ask any sister when is a good time to visit. Instead you tell each sister the exact day and time you will be visiting each month. If she cannot make it, don't worry about it -- her loss! Leave a little card to let her know that you were thinking of her, call and report your visiting teaching as 100% in the first week!

5. When asked by the Relief Society President to take in a meal to a sister you visit teach who has just had surgery and cannot get out of bed, call and say, "I don't want to offend you by bringing a meal because I know how independent you are." If they tell you that you would not be offensive and please bring a meal, INSIST on helping them stay independent and INSIST on not bringing a meal.

4. Be sure to say, "If there is anything that we can do to help, give us a call." However, DO NOT mean it! If the person you visit teach does call and ask for help, say okay so you sound nice, but then just don't do it.

3. Do not become friends with the person you teach! This means you need to go out of your way to avoid them at church!

2. As often as possible, go visiting teaching without calling ahead and only go when you KNOW the sister will NOT be home. Leave a card or a note so the sister will "know" that she has been visit taught that month.

1. No matter what the topic of conversation, be sure to always either find a way to talk only about YOUR personal problems or find a way to put down the sister you are visiting. Don't forget to put down your companion too!

Don't forget to GOSSIP while you visit.

[Wingnut]

I take exception to #9. You go visit when your schedule and your companion's teachees' schedules work best. If that means you have to bring your kids because maybe you can't afford a babysitter, then you do it. It's better than not going at all. But I agree with the comments about mayhem.

[Dravin]

7. Instead of asking "is there anything we can do to help you?" Say, "If you need anything be sure to call your home teachers; we're sure they would be glad to help you!"

You know, that almost makes me want to ask my future Home Teachers if they can bring a meal by and have my future wife ask her Visiting Teachers if they can help remove a stump from the back yard.

[Gwen]

i had vt call one time 10 min before wanting to come over. i explained i was way behind on folding laundry and they could come if they wanted to help me. they said "sure, no problem". they came. folded all of 3 towels and left again, because they "didn't want to be in my way".

[Guest]

I'm just happy if I get visited. I really don't care if they bring their entire vanload of rumbunctious kids, call 2 minutes prior to ringing my doorbell, leave the VT message then rush out the door in 10 minutes flat...

I try to make it as easy for them as possible. Because, I've been known to hound my VTs if they haven't said hi to me in a while...

[pam]

I take exception to #9. You go visit when your schedule and your companion's teachees' schedules work best. If that means you have to bring your kids because maybe you can't afford a babysitter, then you do it. It's better than not going at all. But I agree with the comments about mayhem.

Well I'm one that has asked that a VT not bring her kids. I had one once that brought all 3 of her kids under the age of 5. She let them run everywhere. After one of her kids broke one of my expensive LLadro figurines I had had enough.

[dahlia]

I take exception to #9. You go visit when your schedule and your companion's teachees' schedules work best. If that means you have to bring your kids because maybe you can't afford a babysitter, then you do it. It's better than not going at all. But I agree with the comments about mayhem.

I hear you, but I have to say that I certainly don't want my VT's kids all over my place. I don't have little children, the living areas are not child-proof, nor do I want to have to keep watching little fingers, dote on someone's kid, or whatever, when I'm supposed to be having a lesson. If I want to go someplace where there are kids that I have no control over, I can go to church.

And yes, I am officially the worst female on the planet. Shoot me.

[Wingnut]

Pam and Dahlia, I guess I can understand it if I look at it from your point of view and your stage of life. In my ward, there aren't many people over the age of forty, so everyone has young kids. Visiting teaching becomes -- by extension -- a playdate.

That said, last year, I was assigned a sister with whom I'm friendly but not friends. She has three (okay, now four, but three at the time) kids who are the most undisciplined, unruly, dirty, loud, mean, spiteful bullies I've ever seen two-, four-, and five-year-old kids to be. My companion also has three (now four) kids (around the same age), who are better behaved but also very wild. I have one daughter. She's two, an only child, mostly quiet, doesn't understand sharing yet, and doesn't do well in groups. The first time we visited this sister, I ended up having to cut the visit short because my daughter pretty much lost it after the 10th time a toy was taken from her (after it was handed to her by the same offender). We went home, and she was stressed out and cranky the rest of the day. I was, too. Each month when I went back, the stress on my daughter lasted a little longer each time. Finally, after six months, I had to ask the RS president to reassign me because visiting this sister was not good for my family, and when I was resentful and cranky about going, then I was not able to serve her to the best of my abilities. The change was made right away.

Not all kids are like hers (and most mothers I know discipline their kids more effectively than it seems she does), but if your visiting teachers' kids are like hers are, then I completely understand.

[Honor]

I agree with this for the most part, but there is always room for a bit of charity on the part of all involved. I am a single mom with no family in the area and very few people that I feel comfortable asking favors of. The people I am able to have watch my son, I always compensate and already use for other commitments on a regular basis. My VT companion is a widowed single mother with a 2 year old. We try to arrange for someone to watch both our boys so we can make it work, but there are some cases in which it's just impossible. What then? Especially when schedules don't allow for all our visits to be done in one block of time, it seems near impossible to find someone that's available and willing. Planning around 3 schedules is hard enough. 4 is rough. It's one of those situations where I'm sure people will offer solutions that sound easy, but it's not. It IS our responsibility to make sure that if our children HAVE to come, that they behave properly. But if a sister would prefer no kids, I only have so many options.

The same goes for the reverse situation. While visits without kids will always be more meaningful, I GET the realities of life. I appreciate the effort of my visiting teachers to visit even if it's not the ideal scenario all the time. We're all trying. We should all be improving bit by bit, but we should also be willing to cut each other the slack we hope others would with us.

[Guest]

VT at the McDonald's play place can be very uplifting. Truly. And if you don't want to add the cost of a happy meal, the local park with a playground is also a great place to be. I like suggesting those places when I can't get anybody to watch my kids. But, I always offer to pick up the sister I'm visiting. A lot of times, they are open and willing to leave their homes to get some fresh air. Sometimes, not so much - having responsibilities at home and such. But, when it works out, it's another great alternative.

[roundandround]

oh i loved it when my VTs had kids and brought them with to play with mine. meant i could actually talk to other adults for a bit without my own kids needing to know what was going on. it was nice. but, i can understand why it's not for everyone. completely understand!

i've had some wonderful VTs, and some not so great. i like that list, made me smile :-) and made me feel grateful that my current VTs are nothing like that! one has become such an amazing friend. i am extremely blessed to have her in my life. if she had she not been assigned as my VT we probably never would've become such close friends!!

i have a friend in another ward, and she started organizing monthly playdates with the sisters that VT her, and the sisters she VTs. i thought that was a good idea too. that way, she gets hers done and her teachers get theirs done, so forth and so on. i think it's about 4-5 moms and their kids. it sounded like a lot of fun to me.

Edited April 2, 2011 by roundandround