Love And Good From "unsaved" Loved Ones

[prisonchaplain]

I was reading Traveler's post about his dad, and then saw Ray's showing admiration. I started thinking about my own childhood and the interplay of humanity, parenting and faith.

My home was "unchurched" until I turned 10. Then, my brother and I accepted an invitation to join our neighborhood friend at church. Free candbars were involved! My older brother said he didn't want to go anymore, but Dad and Mom decided that since they'd grown up in church, it would be good for us to get some religious learning too. We had to keep going until we were 15. Of course, parents only came for Christmas and Easter programs, or if one of us was in a skit, etc. Come my brother's 15th, he was out!

There is much I could complain about, in hindsight, about how I was raised. Suffice to say, my folks were human, and had their weaknesses. But, what I remember is how my dad would take me--just me--to breakfast every Saturday morning. For about two hours we would talk about whatever I wanted to. Dad would ask me questions, play "devil's advocate"--really get me to think through my opinions. This practice lasted about 3 years. I share this anecdote to say that my dad loved me, and showed it to me in his own, unique, and powerful way. He showed me that I was important, and that thinking clearly and thoroughly was vitally important. I credit him for that.

Flash forward 25 years. No one else in my family is a believer. There has been dysfunction, personal failures, and the normal share of difficulties. But, we love each other, and there are no fueds, and we're all comfortable around each other.

Yes, it's sad that no one is "saved." But, I do thank God for a family that God has used to form me into what I am today.

Flash forward to today (some 30 years later). My brother, through a faith-based drug rehabilitation program, is now an active, tithe-paying Christian, who works more than full-time, and loves to tithe. My mother became a Christian two years ago, joined my church, and now helps by being a "grandma" for our girls program (most students are from families that do not come to the church). She's so happy for her son, and for the peace and purpose she's found with God.

Dad? Well, I'll say this. He recently told me he prays twice a day, and he asked me to send him a large print KJV Bible (since that is what he grew up with). He still has his battles, but he loves us, we love him, and I believe he's reaching towards the heavenly Father.

This to say: Parents are a gift from God. Even those fathers/mothers who did some harm, have something of God in them. Our patient love, prayers, and gratitude for the good--these things can lead to redemption "for you and your household." Honor your mother and father... amen?

[Traveler]

PC: Thank you for your thoughts. I know that we struggle to find the joys of our differing faiths. As you know I hold much more to what a person does with their faith than what the say. I have added that emulation is the highest form of worship and I believe the highest form or emulation of G-d the Father is to be a loving father or mother. Though you speak of your father as "un-saved" it does sound to me that your father is honest in his expression of G-d and loving as a parent. I know of no greater acceptance of or service to G-d.

A prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS as a point of revelation said, "There is no success on earth that can compensate for failure in the home." I believe that speaks of success at one's chosen church as well. Thanks again

The Traveler

[prisonchaplain]

PC: Thank you for your thoughts. I know that we struggle to find the joys of our differing faiths. As you know I hold much more to what a person does with their faith than what the say. I have added that emulation is the highest form of worship and I believe the highest form or emulation of G-d the Father is to be a loving father or mother. Though you speak of your father as "un-saved" it does sound to me that your father is honest in his expression of G-d and loving as a parent. I know of no greater acceptance of or service to G-d.

A prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS as a point of revelation said, "There is no success on earth that can compensate for failure in the home." I believe that speaks of success at one's chosen church as well. Thanks again

The Traveler

Mark this down in the annals of history, and mark it well: I agree with 100% of what Traveler had to say here. Thank you, hermano.

[Ray]

Amen, Tommy. I do honor all of my parents, but my honor isn’t fully acknowledged. But I still have some hope that someday they’ll all see the honor I’m giving to all of them… by doing what I know and believe to be right as I try to become like my heavenly Father(s).

And yes, my Dad does have a lot of good qualities, even right now, although he doesn’t accept all of the truths he has heard, so I would still like to see both my Dad and me become like our heavenly Father(s).

And btw, as of right now, he won't even talk to me, unless I talk to him first, and even then our relationship feels very uncomfortable and strained knowing he considers me to be "anathema"... based on his interpretation of some scriptures... as long as I accept Joseph Smith and the Church... because he thinks he knows the truth and I should accept him and his understanding of things just like I should follow my heavenly Father(s)... and he is a preacher who I think should know better than that... while treating his own son that way.

But I have hope that someday we'll be together, while feeling the true love God that feels for all of us, even when some of us choose or have chosen to reject Him... knowing His hand is stretched out all the day long hoping we will come back to Him.

Btw, as you can see, some scriptures can be interpreted either for and against us, depending on how they are interpreted.

[prisonchaplain]

Thanks for sharing some personal experience/testimony, Ray. Maybe because of my own place in life and my own calling, I sense so much of that struggle in your posts. The Heavenly Father has also endowed each follower with varying levels of tolerance for the unknown. IMHO those with high levels make great missionaries, and yes, chaplains. Those with greater need for clarity and understanding probably do well as apologists and advocates. Just some meandering thoughts of mine, during a brief midweek break. :-)

[Ray]

Patience and tolerance can be cultivated, Tommy, and I am still developing ALL of my traits.

And maybe someday I'll be as good as you think you are.

Oh, and did I tell you my Dad is respected by his church?

[prisonchaplain]

And maybe someday I'll be as good as you think you are.

I don't know if I'm THAT great, but the first skill we were taught at Introduction to Corrections was a defensive manuever known as "Let the force pass." It's a tremendous means of avoiding much unnecessary frustration.

Oh, and did I tell you my Dad is respected by his church?

I'm sure. From their view, he's a spiritual leader with a spiritually prodigal son. Of course, you see you're father is being spiritually stymied. Heartbreaking situation all the way around.

[Lindy]

...... But, what I remember is how my dad would take me--just me--to breakfast every Saturday morning. For about two hours we would talk about whatever I wanted to. Dad would ask me questions, play "devil's advocate"--really get me to think through my opinions. This practice lasted about 3 years. I share this anecdote to say that my dad loved me, and showed it to me in his own, unique, and powerful way. He showed me that I was important, and that thinking clearly and thoroughly was vitally important. I credit him for that.

Flash forward 25 years. No one else in my family is a believer. There has been dysfunction, personal failures, and the normal share of difficulties. But, we love each other, and there are no fueds, and we're all comfortable around each other.

Yes, it's sad that no one is "saved." But, I do thank God for a family that God has used to form me into what I am today.....

It is hard to come from a family of non believers.... but I think that helps us become the stronger in our faith. It was nice to read about the time your dad spent with you PC... and your outlook on that time spent together is wonderful! Dysfunctional, failures and difficulties..... seems like you were being prepared to take on some of the people who couldn't cope as well in life as you did..... and ended up on the other side of life as you know it now. I'm sure that living thru what you did, really did help you to better understand the inmates who couldn't deal with the dysfunctional, failure of a life they had. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it's a hard path to keep on without veering off to avoid getting lost in life....

We have a saying in the LDS church.... Hold to the Iron Rod.... the strong, straight rod of what is right that will help you stay on the path....even thru the fog so thick you can't see anything in front of you. Keep ahold of the Iron Rod.... and it will guide you thru the worst. See when things were bad.... I would remember that... and reach out to make sure I can still clutch my hands around it, that I haven't moved so far off the path to be lost in the muck and mire.

[Ray]

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Oh, and did I tell you my Dad is respected by his church?

I'm sure. From their view, he's a spiritual leader with a spiritually prodigal son. Of course, you see you're father is being spiritually stymied. Heartbreaking situation all the way around.

Yes, and very frustrating too (at times).

Have you ever really known you could help someone and then seen them refuse your help?

And to know that this even happens to God lets me know I can do nothing to help him... or you... to see all of what God has to offer us.

And btw, this is my last post. 99 more than 3600. :)