Looking but not finding

[eternallytrue]

Hi.

I'll be frank, I am looking for a true eternal companion. The last one was ex'ed from the church (just leave it at that). In the mean time, I am looking for some friends to chat with.

I am sealed to my 4 children who live with me full time. So, I don't have a lot of time to go to singles functions...and honestly, the same people week after week, month after month...people who are still emotionally in high school. Can we just all grow up!

I deal with teenagers every day, I don't want to deal with them at activities of SINGLE ADULTS.

Yet, this has given me a great perspective...that many problems in our wards can be solved by being adults and conducting ourselves like adults and not like teenagers in adult bodies. They make comedies about things like that, but in real life it's not funny and so many people get hurt.

I like Shakespeare, theatre, music, singing, dancing, concerts, gardening, camping (with tents in a camp ground), hiking, biking...that's just the start.

So, if you're an adult or trying hard to be one, lets chat.

[FunkyTown]

Have you considered that, maybe, the reason you aren't making a connection with them is because you don't respect them? I've read your post and there's enough negativity in it that it might have something to do with you not finding that eternal companion.

Don't get me wrong - I like the idea of an eternal companion, too, and it would be difficult dating with four kids.

But don't let emotional baggage hold you back. Respect everyone - Even those who might not be acting as much like an adult as you would have them.

[jennvan]

I definitely understand your experiences eternallytrue. I have had some experiences like that as well. Part of what is difficult about singles in particular is that people are touchy about the types of people they want to spent time with and date. Therefore, a lot of the people who stay active in the singles activities are people who may not be as "selective" or have some delay in progression/development. Just a few outspoken people like that will make a large section of singles run for the hills and never go back to a singles event. What might be helpful is for you to get involved and start bringing people back to the events or helping to mentor others who are struggling with high school ideas about relationships. My experience is that we have not been taught very well how to date and have relationships that lead to good marriages, especially in our society at large. So those who have managed to do better in it need to be able to show others how to do it well. We get to model for others how to have adult conversations and relationships. But it takes a certain amount of humility and courage to do so because you will need to be strong in boundaries and also not just walk away from people. You will need to tell people to their face that things they say or do are not ok, but in a loving and kind way. I know it feels yucky to have to do it at first but in the long run things will change and you'll be able to have the kinds of relationships you want to have. I'd be happy to give you any thoughts or suggestions from my experiences.

[eternallytrue]

Have you considered that, maybe, the reason you aren't making a connection with them is because you don't respect them? I've read your post and there's enough negativity in it that it might have something to do with you not finding that eternal companion.

Don't get me wrong - I like the idea of an eternal companion, too, and it would be difficult dating with four kids.

But don't let emotional baggage hold you back. Respect everyone - Even those who might not be acting as much like an adult as you would have them.

Funky Town, I am not a negative person and I respect all people...including gay. I was venting my frustrations.

What really scares me about your post is the quote "I am a socialist". Are you serious or are you joking?

Socialism has the source of more human rights abuses, which are well documented, and have openly prosecuted religion and God.

Socialism and Religion are in dynamic opposition to each other. How do you reconcile that?

[FunkyTown]

Funky Town, I am not a negative person and I respect all people...including gay. I was venting my frustrations.

What really scares me about your post is the quote "I am a socialist". Are you serious or are you joking?

Socialism has the source of more human rights abuses, which are well documented, and have openly prosecuted religion and God.

Socialism and Religion are in dynamic opposition to each other. How do you reconcile that?

I can reconcile it by the fact that I didn't say it. I'm quoting someone else on here. Not me.

Also, I think you're thinking of Communist Marxism. The modern political term 'Socialist' is so broad a brush as to be irrelevant as a political term. Technically, a police force is socialist as it is paid for by public funds. I'm a fan of police forces. Also, roadworks? Socialist. Public libraries? Socialist. ARPAnet? Socialist. Standing military? Socialist. When people use the term 'Socialist' in a modern political setting, they often use it as a bludgeon when they can't think of an effective counterargument. It's a silly and irrelevant term in the modern day.

Also, I would want to know what you mean by 'Socialism has the source of more Human Rights abuses'. More than what?

Also, I'm wondering about what you mean by 'You respect all persons, including gay'. Why even bring that in to it? Nobody mentioned anyone who was gay. It makes what you say suspect. It would be like if someone said 'I don't know... You sound kind of like you disrespect the people at your church.' 'I respect everyone, including black people.' 'Wait... What? Nobody said anything about black people.'

[Guest]

I have cousins...

[FunkyTown]

I have cousins...

You always have cousins.

ಠ_ಠ

[NeuroTypical]

Welcome to the forum eternallytrue! Everyone in the thread so far is a mature adult (or at least occasionally acts like one) - enjoy your chat.

[nanna1958]

I also am recently widowed,over a year and am the Singles ward rep.I am lonely and would love to have a male friend that would not drink or want to hang out at the bar.That being said there is not single men in our ward or any of the wards around in about fifty miles that are active , or we have a current number for,or is interested in any activities.I have had activities planned and announced it in sacrament,but the same ladies come that always come...it is hard to find a good LDS man when apaparently there is a shortage of them,but I feel as though it is important to have friends that have the same beliefs as you do so I am not really having a social life unless I go to church and work.Has anyone dated someone who was not of the church and what was their experience? Thanks for your imput

[Guest Jgirl]

I have an really great sister , who is temple marriage divorced, unfortunately we are not in the same country:-( she is just such a wonderful person who needs another wonderful person.. I hope you do find someone and if your ever travel send us a message!! :-P

[Guest shiva007]

i undestand your feelings just play love games.

[NightSG]

Yet, this has given me a great perspective...that many problems in our wards can be solved by being adults and conducting ourselves like adults and not like teenagers in adult bodies. They make comedies about things like that, but in real life it's not funny and so many people get hurt.

You think it's bad inside the Church, sit around a cafe and look at the rest of the world. The other night I was reading an article about the decline of personal honor in society that made a similar point to yours while sitting in a restaurant, and there were three tables that pretty effectively illustrated the point; one of ~16-18 year olds, one of college seniors, and one of about my age. (mid 30s)

After a bit, it became pretty obvious that there was no real maturity difference among them. The younger ones were actually the best behaved, since they presumably were still living at home with their parents' rules, not able to drink legally, and not having a whole lot of sexual experiences to discuss loudly enough for the entire place to hear. The other two tables basically acted like teenagers without such balancing limitations.

IMO, there seem to be a lot of people who just never "put away childish things" and start living as adults.