My wife wants us to become Nonconformists :(

[Jamie123]

For some time now we've had connections with our local Evangelical Free Church. Our daughter went to playgroup and nursery there, and noiw goes to a mid-week youth group. My wife goes to a ladies' mid-week Bible class there. I'm fine with that - I like it.

The trouble is, my wife now says she wants to start going to that church on Sundays instead of to the Church of England. She says she's never really liked the repetitiveness of the Anglican liturgy, that she doesn't like going to the altar to receive communion (mainly because she was originally a Baptist, and it's not what she was brought up with) and she particularly doesn't like the High Church practices that the new vicar is bringing in. (She seemed to like him too - till he started scattering holy water around and singing the Eucharistic Prayer.)

Now having an Anglo-Catholic background, I do like all that stuff. But I'm ready to compromise: I've suggested that we join a more charismatic/evangelical-type parish instead (there's a particular one we've been to a few times) but she's not up for that either. She says it's still got the Anglican liturgy, and she doesn't understand why that is so important to me.

I've always maintained there was no difference - that it's what you believe that matters, not what specific denomination you are - but this is tearing me apart. Though I suppose I will eventually go along with it.... It's going to be a hard wrench though.

[FunkyTown]

I think you need to figure out what is important to you religiously and why. Right now, you want to claim that ritual isn't important when it clearly is. Once you figure out why it's important, you can decide what you should do.

Because as it is, you can tell you begrudge giving up what you have. You can either fight it bitterly, or give in bitterly, based on what you're writing.

Instead of that, take some time for some reflection to decide what is or isn't important.

[Jamie123]

I think you need to figure out what is important to you religiously and why. Right now, you want to claim that ritual isn't important when it clearly is. Once you figure out why it's important, you can decide what you should do.

Because as it is, you can tell you begrudge giving up what you have. You can either fight it bitterly, or give in bitterly, based on what you're writing.

Instead of that, take some time for some reflection to decide what is or isn't important.

Thanks Funky. It really depends what you mean by "important" and "unimportant". There are levels of importance, and just because something is "important" doesn't mean you couldn't live without it. There were periods - specially back in my student days - when I worshipped as a Nonconformist (though I've always considered myself basically Anglican). I daresay it won't harm me to do it again.

But you're right though - if it's going to happen, it's better to do it cheerfully than bitterly. But if we're going to make this change it's going to take me time to adjust.

[rameumptom]

Jamie, I suggest you attend with your wife, and then go by yourself to the Anglican service afterward (or before). That way, you can enjoy a service with your wife, but still enjoy the high service's rituals.

[KrazyKay]

Ram reminded me of a couple I heard about when I was a youth during a lesson about marriage compromises. The husband was a member of the LDS church, his wife was a non-denomination Christian. Both would attend the LDS church Sunday mornings, then attend a local Christian service Sunday evenings. The wife refused to join the LDS church and the husband refused to leave the LDS church... so they had made that compromise and support each other in their own way or worship while still being able to worship the way each individual felt. I was not told if she eventually joined the LDS church or if he eventually left the LDS church.

[prisonchaplain]

This one is a real concern. I am not one to thump women with "the man is the head of the household" line. On the other hand, in this case, I am not hearing that this change is due to deeply doctrinal concerns--or even that the liturgical practice is wrong. The undertones almost sound consumerist in nature...this is what I like!

I would not suggest going to war over this. On the other hand, it is deeply important. Resentment and bitterness could come out of the situation, unless it is talked through, and both sides end up feeling respected, loved, and heard.

My thought is to not just compromise or go along. Even if you eventually do make the change, make sure it is done in a way you can both end up feeling peace about.

[Jamie123]

The undertones almost sound consumerist in nature...this is what I like!

That's very true, and I think "consumerist" type considerations are behind a lot of people's choice of church. The LDS missionary idea that "there are so many churches because there are so many different ideas about God" (which of course they attribute to the loss of the original priesthood) has an element of truth, but I also think a lot of the diversity in worship is really to do with differences in taste. This is certainly true in our case anyway.