Jamie123

Members
  • Content Count

    1897
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Jamie123

  • Rank
    Kicker of chairs and knocker-overer of table-lamps
  • Birthday 10/03/1964

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    UK
  • Interests
    Sleeping. Stuffing food and drink down my gob-hole. Being annoying. Listening to unpleasant people arguing.
  • Religion
    Christian

Recent Profile Visitors

3216 profile views
  1. Jamie123

    No, with a knife!

    I just went downstairs to tell that to my wife and daughter. Neither of them thought it was funny. My wife said "that's so disrespectful!" Oh well... P.S. I knew it reminded me of something - this episode of BBT: Except of course I had no Kwipke to back me up!
  2. Jamie123

    Nostalgia (and other stir-crazy ramblings)

    Yer man Trump wouldn't agree! Mine is a lovely yellow and it has special bits that go over my ears to keep it on. I'm doing the family shopping in an hour. I have face mask, gloves, hand sanitizer and ready to kick some COVID 19 butt! Wish me luck!
  3. The best part is being woken up out of a sound sleep at 2 a.m. to catch spiders, and when you're balancing precariously on a wobbly swivel chair, trying to reach the ceiling with an empty Pringles can (in which to receive Mr. Incey-Wincey Spider) your assembled family demand to know why you don't just kill it. Well...as James Henry Trotter once said: ‘I must NEVER kill a spider I must only help and guide her And invite her in the nursery to play.’ On a related topic...
  4. Jamie123

    Nostalgia (and other stir-crazy ramblings)

    First things first - here's a picture of Honor Blackman playing Goddess Hera... ...and here she is as Pussy Galore... ...with Sean Connery also in the picture. Two total legends! Anyway, now I have that off my chest, we have one child at home too (a daughter). Until last week she had to do school work online, but this week it's the Easter vacation so right now she's cooking supper (butternut soup). Luckily we all have our own laptops so no arguments - thoug last week mine broke and I had to make a trip into work to borrow one. (Hence the "green" webcam - perhaps a student was sick on it once - who knows?) It's like a ghost town there too - only security and IT techs on campus, and not very many of them. My wife has knitted me a face mask, so no coronavirus for me when I go shopping tomorrow!
  5. I hope you guys are all well and coping with "all this"! Does anyone remember these issues from long ago? They all seem to belong to a bygone age: Brexit Trump (impeachment of) Prince Andrew (potential naughtiness of) Epstein Anne Sacoolas Harvey Weinstein Harry and Meghan Covid19 seems to have been going on forever now, with no end in sight. Even Johnson has gone down with it. You should hear the suggestions people have been making on TV, like having a "cabinet" of ex-Prime Ministers to run the country until Boris better. Can you imagine John Major, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Theresa May all in a room together trying to agree "what to do now"? I think the Queen should call a virtual meeting of all the actual cabinet, and based on their advice appoint one of them as a temporary Prime Minister with full powers. She's the only person with the authority to do this, and if she doesn't use it in a circumstance like this, what's the good of her? Well OK - I guess she makes good speeches like she did on Sunday, but... Eddlie Large died of coronavirus. This morning they told us Honor Blackman has died. (They didn't say whether it was coronavirus - but she was 94.) I liked Honor Blackman. I found her incredibly sexy, even as an old woman. She was Steed's first companion in The Avengers (the proper Avengers - not the Marvel thing) and the goddess Hera in Jason and the Argonauts. And she was Pussy Galore in Goldfinger - playing opposite Sean Connery (the best Bond ever in my opinion - though my wife likes Brosnan better but she's wrong - no one beats Connery.) Is anyone else sick of having work meetings in Zoom? My webcam makes me look green, and I'm getting a bit sick of being told I look like the Hulk. (I prefer to think I look like that guy in the Wilfred Owen poem - the one who gets gassed: "As through a green sea I saw him drowning" - best line in the whole poem I reckon.) Anyway, God Bless...
  6. Jamie123

    Riddle

    All well and good, but: Who's on first.
  7. Jamie123

    Lame Jokes, the Sequel

    What's the definition of "baroque"? When you have no Monet.
  8. Jamie123

    Best Looney Tunes

    That Foghorn Leghorn episode had me in stitches for weeks when I first saw it. It's often made me wonder - was it just pure wackyness, or did the writers have some idea of quantum tunneling?
  9. Jamie123

    "Daisy, Daisy...

    ...give me your ansa-doo!" I always associate that song with two things: A very rude version of the chorus which some kids used to sing when I was at school. (I don't know...some people!) The scene in 2001 A Space Odyssey where, after the spaceship's computer HAL-9000 goes on a killing spree, the one surviving astronaut disconnects its circuits one by one, causing it to lose gradually its cognitive capacity. At the end, all it can remember is this song, taught to it by its first programmer. (Which incidentally was the first song sung by a computer using speech synthesis.) Did you know that that song has verses to it as well as the chorus? Check it out: I only found that out today!
  10. Jamie123

    Cicadas and Cicada Killers

    That's a good book - I read it quite a few years ago. There was a lot in it about the biological sciences I hadn't previously known - like about non-coding DNA, and about the differences between eukaryotic life (basically everything I had previously considered "life" and some) and other sorts of life (which I'd had no idea existed). Totally fascinating stuff - especially about slime molds. And he must have made some attempt at accuracy, otherwise the Royal Society would hardly have made him an Honorary Fellow. This one I'm reading now is The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, which I think is intentionally based on the "knowledge" he had when he was about 9 or 10. (Which I think is actually quite a clever idea - juvenile mindset framed in adult language.) I had it on my shelf for about 5 years, after having been given it by a friend; I'd somehow got the notion it was all going to be about baseball, which is why I put off reading it until now. Brilliant - though I warn you its quite disgusting in parts! (If you think of the gross stuff that fascinates kids, you'll get an idea of the sort of thing I'm referring to!)
  11. Jamie123

    Rated R movies

    I'm not totally sure what an R movie is (we have a different classification system in the UK) - I guess it's similar to our 18 rating. But there are a lot of things milder than those, which some people will consider beyond the pale. Many, many years ago, when I was young, I was browsing in my local poster shop, when a man came storming in. He was one of those tall, smart, serious, ultra-respectable-looking men who I've always found a little unnerving; I rather fancy he had a mustache. Anyway, he stormed up to the counter holding a poster, which he presented to the woman serving for her inspection. It was a picture of Pamela Anderson - quite a well known one in fact - wearing tight denim shorts and a stetson hat, leading forward so that you can see quite a lot of...well, I think we all know what you can see quite a lot of whenever Pamela Anderson leans forward. (Steamy stuff I grant you, though nothing worse than you'd see on page 3 of The Sun - even in these ultra-feminist days!) I know it's bad to eavesdrop, but there are some things you can't help hearing, and the conversation went something like this: Man: My son bought this here, and I'm not allowing him to have it. He's twelve years old and he's very keen on Pamela Anderson but I'm...but, well, I'm not allowing him to have it! Woman: (takes poster) Well...OK I'll give you a refund. [Short pause while woman fumbles about with the till. Man is [I suspect] a little taken aback that she has agreed so readily, and feels cheated out of a good argument. He's going to make one though, if it's the last thing he ever does!] Man: (with faux casualness) I'm interested...do you normally sell pornography to 12-year-old boys? Woman: (looks at poster) Well it's not exactly pornography, now is it? Man: I consider that to be pornography! Woman: That is not pornography! Man: Well I... Woman: Look, if you want a refund, for the sake of goodwill I'll give you one, but that is not pornography! Exchanges continue between man and woman, each determined to have the last word on the matter, until eventually the man storms out deeply dissatisfied.
  12. I was reading Bill Bryson last night, and he was talking about his experiences with cicada killers as a kid growing up in Des Moines, Iowa. I was intrigued enough to look them up online: According to Bill Bryson: Cicada killers are not cicadas Cicada killers are about the size of humming birds Cicada killers are armed with stings "front and aft" Cicada killers appear only every 17 years. When they do come, they swarm out of their underground nests and attack anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby. Their favourite mode of attack is to fly right up your trouser legs and attack your genitals, for which the only cure is castration. According to every other source I have consulted (which admittedly isn't many): Cicada killers are not cicadas. (Bryson is at least right about this.) They are in fact a species of wasp, while cicadas are more like locusts. Cicada killers catch cicadas to feed to their young, which eat them alive, in a venom-induced coma, saving the vital organs till last to keep the cicadas alive (and fresh) as long as possible. [Delightful I know. Charles Darwin had something interesting to say about these kinds of insects, and whether the God who supposedly created them has a sick mind.] Adult cicada killers themselves only eat nectar. Cicada killers are large by wasp-standards, but nothing like the size of hummingbirds. They are actually smaller than cicadas, and sometimes have difficulty dragging captured cicadas back to their nests. Cicada killers are armed with regular stings, same as any other wasp. Cicada killers come every year. It is cicadas that only emerge every 17 years, but they don't all emerge at on once, so every year there is a supply of emerging cicadas for the wasps. Cicada killers do not attack humans unless severely provoked. I love to read Bill Bryson, but I wouldn't recommend him as a source of accurate information. For example he said that there were only 20 episodes of Sky King, which the networks repeated ad nausium, whereas a bit of Googling will tell you there were actually over 70. Here's a picture of a chicada killer and a captured cicada.
  13. Jamie123

    My Jane Austin Simulator

    I've done it! It's my greatest invention! It's as if the great Jane Austin herself were raised from the dead, and had gone straight back to writing books! It works using "trigrams" - It parses the text (in this case Pride and Prejudice) and works out how likely each third word is given the preceding two, and then, and selects it with that probability. (Text prediction algorithms work similarly, but I believe deterministically by maximizing the likelihood - mine works stochastically by selecting words at random but in agreement with how likely each particular word is.) Anyway - here it is - Chapter 1 of the long-awaited Pride and Prejudice II... BUT OF ALL THE PECUNIARY TRANSACTIONS IN WHICH HE PARTICULARLY ATTENDED TO THE GIRLS THOUGH I HAVE VERY GOOD TIME THAT MR BINGLEY AND JANE WERE ASSEMBLED IN THE HOUSE AS HER CHILDREN EXPECTED CONSIDERING WHAT HER SISTER ALLOWED IT TO BE DECENT LOOKING ROOMS WALKED ON IN THE CERTAIN SIGNAL OF A DISPOSITION TO SEEK ANOTHER BRANCH OF THE KIND ATTENTIONS SHE HAD CAUGHT A VIOLENT HURRY AND CONFUSION OF THE GENTLEMEN JOINED THEM AT LEAST WHICH WAS ALL IN AN AMIABLE COMPANION FOR MYSELF AND PAY ME THE COMPLIMENT AND AN ALLUSION TO IT WAS IN IT HE HAS THE TRUE ONE. LYDIA DECLARED HERSELF NOT TIRED AND THEY WALKED IS NOT LADY CATHERINE DE BOURGH COMES IN. OBSTINATE HEADSTRONG GIRL. MR DARCY'S STEWARD. BY ELIZABETH'S INSTRUCTIONS SHE BEGAN NOW TO BE DESCRIBED. YOUR COMING TO ASK FOR COMPASSION. MR WICKHAM WAS PERFECTLY FRIENDLY ON HIS OWN AND SHE SAT DOWN AGAIN TO DO IT ONLY FOR THE ADVANTAGE OF BOTH OF WHOM DOES JANE EVER THINK ILL OF A LITTLE LONGER ON YOUR SIDE AND NOT RUN ON IN THIS INTERFERENCE. HER LOOK HANDSOMER THAN MR BENNET EXCEEDINGLY. HE REPLIED THEY WERE THEN WITH A GOOD DEAL IS TO BECOME OF US. THE TUMULT OF JOY AND KINDNESS. AND IF THEY HAD BEEN LISTENED TO HER HOUSEKEEPING HER PARISH AND HER ACCEPTANCE OF THE NETHERFIELD PARTY. HER LADYSHIP SAID THANKING HER. HOW IS HALF AS DELIGHTFUL AS PEMBERLEY. CHAPTER ELIZABETH HAD NOW BUT LITTLE HAD SHE CONSULTED ONLY HER OWN BREAST HAD HARBOURED AND FANCIED LIBERAL. MR COLLINS FIRST CAME INTO HERTFORDSHIRE ANXIOUSLY RENEWING THEM AT AND IT WAS A SOLIDITY IN HIS ABSENCE BEFORE SHE COULD BE NO OCCASION TO ASK NOTHING ABOUT IF SHE AND HER LADYSHIP SAID THANKING HER. THE EFFECT WAS MOST PRESSINGLY CIVIL IN HER MEMORY. I HAVE ALWAYS SO. COULD COLONEL FORSTER REPEAT THE PARTICULARS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING OF WICKHAM'S RESIGNING ALL PRETENSIONS TO THE SENSE OF YOUR BEING OTHERWISE. IS THIS THOUGHT ELIZABETH. WITH THIS MR DARCY MIGHT LEAVE THE TROUBLE. I FANCY LIZZY THAT OBSTINACY IS THE MOST FLATTERING KIND. Gripping stuff, don't you think?
  14. Jamie123

    Songs that Don't Make Sense

    I've thought of another one: 5. James Blunt: "She smiled at me on the subway / She was with another man / But I won't lose no sleep on that / 'Cause I've got a plan". In the very next verse he says: "And I don't know what to do / 'Cause I'll never be with you." He doesn't know what to do?? He just told us he had a plan!!