Can Love Heal?

[LollyPop]

I've been very hesitant about posting on here for a number of reasons. Especially where in terms of other posts, I have held back my true feelings and emotions in order to "save face" or even protect the feelings and emotions of other people...

However I'm not afraid now. Which is amazing for me.

There is a person in my life, who has just re-emerged from out of the wood work. He's someone I do love, and I have loved for a number of years (even when he wasn't physically present in my life).

Now rather than attempt to cram in all the details, to give you such an indepth view of the situation, I want to pose a question to you all - Can loving someone "heal" them?

When I speak of healing, I speak through faith and love in the name of the Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Sunday just gone (and for a number of months) I have been continually praying for strength...and understanding (I'm a convert to the Gospel and so is my immediate family - which is difficult in a situation like this as they have a very limited knowledge of the Gospel)

whilst at Fast and Testimony meeting, a man spoke of being healed from affliction due to his faith, and he quoted Isaiah 10...and I believe is it Matthew (?) where it says, if you ask, believing that you will receive, I shall give it unto you? That's me paraphrasing, but it hit home so hard and intently...

And so I asked..and prayed...for the desires of my heart.

You see the person I love has a Mental illness - something that is extremely severe in terms of emotional welfare. He doesn't hold a faith in a higher being...although at one point he was searching for one...he wants to be well...though every therapy they've tried hasn't worked. I therefore ask here...through love and faith (that I have) could he be healed, could his heart be opened, and could the light physically shine through?

It all sounds a bit dramatic, but honestly, it needs to be something paramount to really "touch" him to make him better....

I ask because I require advice - honest and loving advice. It's a sensitive topic, so I ask you all to be kind to my feelings and emotions.

Thanks, in advance :)

[JudoMinja]

Yes, faith and love can heal. But HE has to be the one to have faith. YOUR faith and love will not heal him, BUT it can help if that is the Will of the Father.

For instance, when Alma the Younger strayed from the teachings of his father and was persecuting the saints, he was visited by an angel that the Lord sent to him because of the prayers of his father and the members of the church. Their faith sent the angel, but it was Alma's own faith that brought him back to the gospel.

I would not put your weight on your love "healing" him. However, you can put weight on the Lord- that He will answer your prayers for this man and help him in accordance with His Will. That may mean healing, and it may not. You have to be careful about an expectation that your love can heal someone, because it is attitudes like that which create dangerous and unhealthy situations. HE has to be the one to soften HIS heart, and it has to be the Lord's will for him to be healed. It is possible that your faith and love may help that along, but it is all dependant on HIM.

[ruthiechan]

It's a HUGE thing that HE wants to be well.

I remember being severely depressed many many years ago. My boyfriend, now husband, was instrumental for pulling me out of it. I wanted to be well, but I did not know how. I did not know how to be happy. It was unfamiliar and scary, but I didn't want to feel awful anymore either. He was my bridge to happiness. I crossed that bridge and I've been better for it. I still occasionally have issues with depression but it's so much better than before. If it were not for my husband I don't know if I would believe that, "This too shall pass" and something better can happen.

Fast and pray for him, to know what to do for him. I don't know what his mental illness is, but healing is possible.

[LollyPop]

Thank you to you both. Seriously, it's something that has crossed my mind - in terms of him needing to have faith (many people have mentioned to me about the story about Alma the Younger - and it's an amazing story in itself). It is! He's leaving University and moving home, and hopefully will be living at home and Studying...he stopped drinking for over a week as well. This are all MAJOR things. I know they sound so minimal - but the fact he stopped because of someone else...is amazing.

It is a Huge thing and I'm excited, because it proves to me that my prayers are working...that he's placing himself within the comforts of his own home - where there is security and hopefully means, he won't be able to get up to anything...

That's a wonderful life experience Ruthiechan. It's just unfortunate..that I seem to be..being pushed away. It hurts only a little bit - but it's because he's said that he didn't want to hurt me..

He has a number of mental health problems, ranging from depression, anxiety, psychosis...depersonalisation...anti social personality disorder. It's a whole heap of things. They're all so bad, that it was put to him to have Electro cognitive Therapy (where they force your brain to have a seizure through putting electrical pulses through your body) he declined that...but he is moving home predominantly because the support he can get surpasses anywhere else.

I guess, when I said can love heal - it was an open thought as in - through loving someone, you gain and have a lot more determination to see something through to the end - especially when perhaps through no fault of their own, they cannot return your feelings.

I remember him, and how he was before all of this happened....so it's almost as if, with those memories and thoughts - and the care that was in him - that's my focus and support - I love him, so honestly and truly, that to say I didn't would be a lie.

I just hope with all my heart, that he can see the good in me..and understand what I want for him.

He celebrates his birthday very soon, and so I'm in the midst of getting a few things for him...including that of a CTR ring...I just hope and pray...and I will fast Ruthiechan...thank you both so much!

:)

[Gwen]

Does he just worry he would hurt you (emotionally) or is there really a risk of you being seriously hurt (can he be violent)? If he is safe, before entering a relationship, you would need to be confident you could live with, deal with, and adjust to his issues just as he is (assume he will never be healed). If you can't take that risk then you have no business being with him. Also try to get to know/understand what he was like at his worst. You have to assume there will be times when things will cycle and you need to be prepared to handle that.

As for the illnesses you need to know more about them. What is the root cause of them? If it stems from an emotional event then with a lot of love and understanding and counseling he could be healed. I know a woman that had multiple personalities (can't recall off the top of my head what they call that now) due to childhood abuse. She was able to be rejoined and is doing well. If the cause is physical/chemical in the brain then the chances of "healing" are much less. He may be able to get some meds that work well for him and allow for a normal life but meds can always have issues and need adjustments. You need to be prepared to handle that and accept it.

[Just_A_Guy]

If by "loving" you mean fasting, praying, and being his friend, then I agree with what has already been posted.

But lots of LDS girls think "loving" means "compromising my standards and entering into a romantic relationship with/marrying a guy whom I know deep down to be spiritually/emotionally/physically incompatible with myself at this moment in time". And if that's your question (which I suspect it may be, given that you've posted it in the Marriage and Relationship forum), then my answer would be:

HECK NO.

You will not change him by dating him.

You will not change him by sleeping with him.

You will not change him by marrying him.

You pick spouses by what they are, not by what you think you can turn them into.

Edited July 7, 2011 by Just_A_Guy

[LollyPop]

Gwen - it's the emotional hurt. We broke up a number of years ago, and I was left quite substantially hurt (largely to do with the fact that I didn't understand the reasons for the break up - while I had been uneasy for quite a while with him, I knew that there was something going on, but he wouldn't speak to me, or tell me at all about it.) He's never ever been violent towards me or anyone at all.

That's the thing, I am perfectly confident that I could deal with it all, I would support him no end and be for him always - that's the honest truth. I think it's more..showing him that.

I was there for him recently when he had a psychotic episode - and I supported him over the phone and even drove to collect him one night, when he was stuck somewhere and totally uncomfortable.

I've done a lot of reading on the various illnesses, and largely they are emotionally related - stemmed deeply in a traumatic event, that the person cannot even recall...it takes a lot of therapy to tap into it, but there has never truly been...a "cure" for his...illnesses, normally, if they tap successfully into the anxiety or depression, it lessens the effects of depersonalisation and anti social personality disorder. But the worst thing is, he can't feel emotionally anything for people if that makes any sense. Still, it doesn't put me off..it spurs me on..I want to be there for him.

He's on a lot of Meds as it is, which is positive, but he's on a high dosage. But it's down to him..and his drinking habits as well....Trust me I am. Sincerely said :)

Just_A_Guy - Thank you. And trust me, I'm not trying to change him by dating, sleeping (HECK NO) or marrying him. Exactly. I totally agree. I love him for who he exactly is. I'm not trying to change him, because he is the person I love, warts and all lol.

Either way, a relationship between myself and him isn't likely to happen right now, he said that he wanted to be "well" before that ever happened (with anyone).

Either way, Thank you. Honestly, I appreciate it all.

x

[JudoMinja]

Be careful about those "memory recovery" techniques. There have been many, many cases where memories were supposedly "recovered" when in actuality they were only fabricated. It is much easier for the brain to fabricate a false memory than many people think- and then that false memory becomes engrained in the person's brain so vividly that it is as if it were real. This has resulted in a number of court cases where people were accused of sexual assault, and only after these people were imprisoned were they found innocent. There have been a great number of studies done proving the ease of creating false memories, so be very, very careful. If a therapist manages to "recover" a memory of a past trauma that triggered his issues, it may not be a real memory.

[ruthiechan]

If your sources of information are telling you that the problem is some unrecovered memory, I would question those sources. I would not encourage him to go through memory "recovery" because the problems false memories cause can do more damage to him.

Alcohol and other drugs make his condition worse. Here is a page that demonstrates this very well. I hope you go through it, especially since some of his issues are directly discussed. He's an interesting case, however, it is possible he's been misdiagnosed.

The Amen Clinics

[LollyPop]

Well..I must add that it's through personal opinion and understanding that I've been lead to believe this. I remember everything he told me when we were together, his family weren't particularly loving towards him - if anything he is quite alienated from them, though they do love him...but I think the emotional abuse, through comments and attitudes towards him resulted in this amongst other things. I'm not a doctor, so these are all cultured guesses - though they believe people with his condition, do have and can feel emotion but they don't recognise them, due to the individual repressing them so much. It's saddening. I will read the link - Thank you Ruthiechan!

JudoMinja - it's true..though in his case he's had a lot of mixed types of therapy. Only problem is, the general feeling towards people with his condition is that they are good at hiding the truth...though in his case he seems to be very open and honest with people - he doesn't tend to lie - he says what he feels - and how he's living his life, even if people are judgemental.

I'm just grateful and blessed for the upbringing I've had. It may not have been the best, but I've always been loved and physically and emotionally shown that love..

Thanks again to you all.

[shaunkik]

Hello Everyone..

Yes, love can heal any problem that we face in our life.... It is the natural ointment that can give relief from any pain and failure too... It gives the power to forget the past and helps in moving towards the future...

Shaun Kik.

[slamjet]

Hello Everyone..

Yes, love can heal any problem that we face in our life.... It is the natural ointment that can give relief from any pain and failure too... It gives the power to forget the past and helps in moving towards the future...

Shaun Kik.

Definitely didn't read the OP or through the thread.

[Guest sushilsilicon]

Really Your love is true love.............

I Pray to God Your love never ever ends from your life.

Nice feelings shared by you..............

Thanks For Sharing such a real love feelings..............

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[Guest sushilsilicon]

Really the statement "Love is the part of life not the heart of life." True...

Love is love but not the love is life.........

Love have feelings and emotions......

I know but not being much more problems in real life.

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Edited July 28, 2011 by sushilsilicon