Something I have been thinking about...

[rogerramjet47]

This has been on my mind a bit lately. I am an addiction counselor and also recovering from my own addiction. I meet a lot of resistance from LDS addicts when I suggest going to the church recovery meetings, but, "People might find out that I have a problem." I have decided that part of my purpose needs to be to reduce the stigma of addiction among us by openly admitting that I have struggled. I ask others who have so struggled to also take their own stand in appropriate ways, so that others seeing us might find their own courage to seek healing. I am going to go one step further and ask others to refrain from judging and pointing fingers. Non-addicts can do a great deal to create an environment for healing by practicing Christ-like love and tolerance.

What do you think?

[skippy740]

These meetings need to have a Vegas-like motto:

"Whatever happens here, said here, who's here... stays here." (They do, it just needs to be emphasized.)

Yes, you sacrifice some anonymity by attending these meetings.

Here's something to think about: Do you know who is already going to those meetings in your own ward? Probably not. It isn't advertised or 'paraded around'. Yes, you'll find that a couple of people you know in your ward are attending. Now they know that they're not alone in the ward too.

The problem ISN'T the 'stigma of addiction'. The problem is LDS culture how we never talk openly about our sins because of our shame. We don't talk at our pulpits about our past lives, sins and how down and out we were. We keep them hidden. We don't share them at church. As such, it's EASY to think that everyone else around us is doing much better than we are.

These recordings (free) I've found helpful in explaining addictions as well as how the LDS culture doesn't really help much in addiction recovery... and what we can do about it.

A Better Mormon - Become Part of the Solution of Pornography Addiction

[selek]

What do you think?

While I laud your efforts and intent, and while I cheerfully admit that not all Saints are equally charitable, I cannot help but wonder why you feel the need to ask the membership at large to "refrain from judging and pointing fingers"?

I've never met an LDS member who pretended to be anything other than a sinner- and those few who carped on the sins of others (most often to build themselves up in their own minds) quickly proved themselves unworthy of being listened to.

Don't you think that the majority of members already work hard to welcome the sinner without judgement or condemnation?

Isn't there a special irony in that your very request to abstain from judging others and pointing fingers does precisly that?

I've attended and served in over a dozen LDS wards, branches, and stakes- and I've met good people and bad in each. I cannot help but think you are overstating the incidence of the evil you are (rightly) decrying.

In many respects, this thread seems to me a rehash of MysticMoroni's "I Was Told To Stay Away From You" thread, in that it attempts to find fault with the Church without factual evidence of wrong-doing.

Edited September 12, 2011 by selek

[ConvinceTheWorld]

Indeed the Gospel is for Sinners and the sick, for the whole and healthy need no physician!

Indeed, it seems there are instances when members will be hestitant to join church ran recovery programs for they fear their sins will be "shouted at the rooftops, and their secret acts revealed!"

Unlike substance abuse, most other sins cannot be known just by simply laying your eyes on a person. yes, it is true that some drugs and chemicals will actually damage or have physical effects on the body.

One good example that comes to mind was - a person to whom we were teaching was struggling with tobacco addiction and was fearful to come to church that other members might smell the smoke*

Our reply was: "If all sin had a smell, nobody would be able to bear sitting in a room with one another"***

Surely these are the sorts of people we would want to see attending church the most***

[RipplecutBuddha]

Part of the repentance process is feeling true shame for our sins. As much as we seek to escape that, it is a necessary element. I'm not saying that we must parade our sins before men (that could not only wreak havoc upon already soft testimonies, but pervert the entire repentance process into a 'who's sins are worse' contest).

At the same time, we need to acknowledge that our sinful acts were wrong and that sorrow and shame for them must be felt, else we don't truly understand how wrong they were in the first place. In my own experience, repentance means that doing, feeling, and suffering whatever must happen in order to recieve forgiveness is a must-happen scenario. I would rather not be judged of my sins by my fellow man, but I'm the one that made the bone-headded move in the first place. I brought it upon myself.

Still, the shame we feel for our sins is but the most minute fraction of what Christ felt in the Garden. Christ is not asking much of us to obtain forgiveness.

I'm not saying they should 'suck it up and deal with it' (even though that's pretty much what I tell myself), but I am saying that guilt and shame for sins is part of the repentance process, and praying for strength to endure what must be done to obtain forgiveness is the best course. Christ prayed for strength to endure the Atonement, surely we have the same right to call upon God in our extremity as well.

[slamjet]

This has been on my mind a bit lately. I am an addiction counselor and also recovering from my own addiction. I meet a lot of resistance from LDS addicts when I suggest going to the church recovery meetings, but, "People might find out that I have a problem." I have decided that part of my purpose needs to be to reduce the stigma of addiction among us by openly admitting that I have struggled. I ask others who have so struggled to also take their own stand in appropriate ways, so that others seeing us might find their own courage to seek healing. I am going to go one step further and ask others to refrain from judging and pointing fingers. Non-addicts can do a great deal to create an environment for healing by practicing Christ-like love and tolerance.

What do you think?

As an addict who goes to these meetings, I have two comments and a question.

1) An addict who feel they do not want to go to a meeting for fear of being found out is using the "found out" part as an excuse to not go. It may be the addict feels no need to go to one more meeting, but it sure sound as though the addict is still in denial that the addiction is that bad. Dealing with others judgements is a step that all addict HAVE to learn to deal with. It is unavoidable and a skill that must be learned. They need to accept their addiction, their individual commitment to overcome the addiction and accept that not everyone understands it. And it is that lack of understanding and denial on the part of others that creates fear and misunderstandings. It is an unavoidable fact of live that needs to be dealt with, not run away from. Otherwise, sobriety is close to impossible.

2) The thing to stress is that while AA, SA, SSA, NA, OEA, RA, any A's, etc, have the 12 steps, they have stepped a little away from God and almost wholly away from Christ. Instead they use the "God as you understand him" line. This has watered down the 12 steps and looks to have resulted in less success (opinion based on experience only). The ARP or PASG groups stress God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. There have been non-members who come to our meetings because they like the commitment and centrality of the teaching of God and Christ in the 12 steps. It is Gospel centered and very, very appropriate for any member of the Church dealing with any addictions.

Question: Have you attended any of these meetings? Because it seems that if you have, you would find the acceptance and anonymity that you have been speaking of. You would also see the difference between these meetings and other, more secular AA type meetings. I also think that it is not helpful to lump all members as unsympathetic. While I know there are many things I would never tell another person because it would be too much, I also accept and feel that others accept that we are all sinners.

I have heard of some who do not like to talk about addictions. These are the ones who need to be spoken to by their Bishops because avoidance is one sign of a larger issue.

But, as a counselor, it seems you need to be less condemning, more upbeat and while it is not a bad thing to speak of your struggles, it may come off as prideful and placing an unnecessary burden on the other person. For various reasons, not everyone want's to hear of others struggles nor want to get that personal with addicts. It is unfair to openly place it in front of them without their permission. Remember while they do not know your struggles, you don't know theirs either.

[JudoMinja]

I do share information about my sins with others when I deem it approriate to do so. The problem with just publicly declaring all you've done wrong so that everyone knows has much more to do with keeping things in the proper spirit than worrying about whether others are going to judge you. Church is supposed to be a place where we learn and grow in the Spirit. If I feel prompted to share my experiences and failings, I will do so as it may prove beneficial to someone, but otherwise I keep it to myself. It has nothing to do with fear of judgment or people "finding out" about my sins. I am quite comfortable letting people know about my past and have no fear of what others think, because I know I have been forgiven by my Savior and that is what matters.

Those who are still working through their repentance process may be so overcome with feelings of shame and fear that they feel as the person in your example expressed. The best way to help them overcome that feeling is to encourage them to continue through their repentance process. When they reach the point where they feel truly forgiven, it will not matter to them if others know about their past. The reason they currently fear the judgment of others, I think, is largely because they feel they are being sorely judged by their Father in Heaven. Everything feels exposed and dirty. When they can see past the judgment and understand the blessing of mercy and forgiveness that is being extended to them, that fear of exposure will pass.

[NeuroTypical]

I meet a lot of resistance from LDS addicts when I suggest going to the church recovery meetings, but, "People might find out that I have a problem." I have decided that part of my purpose needs to be to reduce the stigma of addiction among us by openly admitting that I have struggled. I ask others who have so struggled to also take their own stand in appropriate ways, so that others seeing us might find their own courage to seek healing. I am going to go one step further and ask others to refrain from judging and pointing fingers.

Good deal roger. To the folks who don't want to get "found out":

"Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Protestants don't recognize the Pope's authority. Mormons don't recognize each other at the recovery meeting."

No really - there is a bond amongst people who are similarly suffering, and respect for that bond from the various people who help out.